Parentification: Definition, Signs, Effects, & Prevention

What Is Parentification?

Parentification occurs when a child becomes a parental figure in the home, whether by completing adult tasks, caring for siblings, or meeting the emotional needs of other members. Sometimes, caregivers directly ask children to handle these tasks. In other cases, a child might take on additional responsibilities to feel closer to the parent.

What Causes Parentification?

Learning emotional skills, self-efficacy, and responsibility in childhood is essential. However, the difference with parentification is that children engage in activities beyond their developmental levels, and parents benefit from these tasks.

Most caregivers do not intentionally or maliciously parentify their children. For example, some children must adapt to life transitions by taking on new responsibilities, as seen with divorce or separation. In other situations, parentification can result from direct abuse or neglect.

Causes of parentification may include:

• Divorce: While parents readjust to life without a partner, children may help them deal with new responsibilities, such as household chores. Children may also provide emotional support to a parent struggling to process the separation.
• Parental neglect: Children must try to meet or dismiss their needs if their caregivers cannot provide safety, emotional support, or basic necessities. They may learn to feed themselves, care for siblings, or clean the home to minimize parental rejection.
• Financial stress: Sometimes, financial stress can prevent parents from providing for their children. Parents may express their money anxiety, thus prompting a child to contribute financially or use as little resources as possible to decrease pressure.
• Parental drug or alcohol abuse: Parents are likely to attend to the emotional and physical needs of their child when struggling with substance use. In turn, children must fend for themselves and mature earlier.
• Parental physical or mental illness: Children may feel responsible for a parent with a mental or physical condition. They may take a caregiver role to siblings, maintain the household, or tend to parental needs.
• Navigating life as immigrants: Parents typically instruct children on societal rules and expectations. However, these roles often reverse with first-generation immigrant children. Children may help translate for their parents, handle finances, or bear the burden of transitioning to a new environment.

Types of Parentification

Parentification can be emotional or instrumental. Instrumental parentification focuses on tangible or physical tasks, while emotional parentification centers on managing the emotional equilibrium of the household. Both cases can be complex for children to manage as they abandon typical childhood activities, relationships, and development.

The two types of parentification include:

Emotional Parentification

Emotional parentification includes handling the emotional needs of family members, often without reciprocation. For example, parents may vent about adult issues, ask for reassurance, or request help diffusing household arguments.

While listening to and validating others are essential skills, avoiding or suppressing personal needs in favor of others is detrimental to child development. Research shows children who experience emotional parentification are more likely to ignore their emotions or struggle with setting healthy boundaries.¹

Instrumental Parentification

Instrumental parentification occurs when children take on adult-level responsibilities to help the parent maintain household functionality. Examples include meeting basic physical needs for food, shelter, protection, and daily structure. A child may help pay the bills, cook meals, prepare siblings for school, or assist in household chores.

The difference between whether or not these actions are healthy ultimately comes down to who profits from them. Is the parent teaching the child self-sufficiency and independence by providing age-appropriate responsibilities? If not, they are likely inadvertently or intentionally parentifying the child.

The types of instrumental parentification include:

• Parent-focused parentification: Parent-focused parentification includes tasks that directly benefit the parent. These actions can be instrumental or emotional but generally focus on reducing stress for a parent.
• Sibling-focused parentification: In these cases, children must care for a sibling instead of a parent (although the parent still benefits).

Signs of a Parentified Child

Signs of parentification can appear differently in each family. However, research shows that parentified children often exhibit higher levels of depression, anxiety, and poor academic performance. They may also act out against authority or siblings to release pent-up frustration, as many struggle with emotional regulation.

Signs of parentification in a child or teenager may include:

• Avoiding age-appropriate activities: A parentified child may have little interest in typical childhood activities. They may act older than their age and struggle to joke around or be silly.
• Inability to identify their emotions: Parentified children often struggle to recognize their emotions due to their need to care for others.
• Depression: A parentified child may develop childhood depression because their parents fail to provide emotional validation or they feel responsible for their negative feelings.
• Anxiety: Parentified children may also show symptoms associated with childhood anxiety. Children who believe their actions maintain physical and emotional equilibrium in the household may blame themselves for discord.² They may become hyperalert to any signs of conflict, disapproval, or dysfunction.
• Disruptive behavior: Children may externalize (act out) to express frustration if parents cannot provide them with adequate support. For instance, a child may verbally or physically abuse a sibling.³
• Guilt: Parentified children often feel guilty if they cannot fulfill adult-level responsibilities. They may withdraw from others or make self-deprecating remarks.
• Physical symptoms: Suppressed emotions can manifest as somatic symptoms, such as stomach or headaches.⁴
• Poor academic performance: School often falls second to caring for parents or siblings. In turn, parentified children may have poor grades and high levels of absenteeism.⁵
• Substance use: Children may self-soothe and repress their emotions through substance use.⁶

Long-Term Effects of Parentification

Parentification can continue to impact children into adulthood. Unfortunately, many parents do not recognize or change this pattern, as many engage in parentification unconsciously. Children struggle to develop a healthy understanding of relationships and attachment, contributing to interpersonal difficulties later. Some may seek control through unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance use or disordered eating.

Substance Use Disorder

Parentified children may be at risk of developing substance use disorders because they never learned to self-soothe in healthy ways. Additionally, children raised by parents who misuse alcohol or drugs are more likely to adopt similar behavior.

Relationship Difficulties

The child-parent relationship is the first example children receive. A one-sided dynamic teaches the child to seek similar behavior in other relationships or engage in “people-pleasing” behavior. Conversely, severe parentification can contribute to disorganized or avoidant attachment styles, as children prefer to meet their own needs rather than seek support from others.

Eating Disorders

Eating disorders can be a way for children to self-soothe or gain a sense of control. Because many lack opportunities to make their own choices, disordered eating offers them the ability to have power over something.

Emotional Regulation Issues

Dismissing or invalidating emotions can become a pattern in adulthood. Emotional regulation can feel impossible when individuals cannot identify or make space for their feelings. Poor self-awareness can contribute to unhealthy relationship dynamics, anger issues, depression, and anxiety.

How to Prevent Parentification

The first step in preventing or changing parentification patterns is recognizing your behaviors and their impact. However, remember to be gentle and patient with yourself throughout this process. These dynamics can stem from intergenerational trauma that started long before you. Regardless, always keep your child at the forefront of your efforts.

A parent can prevent parentification by:

• Ensure responsibilities are age-appropriate: Providing your child with age-appropriate tasks builds their confidence and self-efficacy. Examples could include making their bed before school, clearing dishes after dinner, or picking up their toys.
• Keep parental duties off the table: Avoid delegating “big picture” tasks, such as grocery shopping or paying bills. No child should have to engage in these activities without your presence before adulthood. Keep these off the table.
• Set and maintain boundaries: Do not expect your child to be an emotional support person. These boundaries are crucial for ensuring their overall well-being.
• Regularly check in on their functioning: While some chores can promote responsibility, they should never overwhelm your child. Check in with your child to ensure they can realistically handle these tasks alongside their need for play, downtime, and school work.
• Do your own work: Addressing intergenerational trauma requires work. You are the adult, and setting boundaries is your responsibility as a parent. Focus on healing the root cause of your patterns to enact positive change in your household.

When to Seek Professional Support

You may benefit from professional support if you notice signs of parentification in yourself or your child. Therapy can help you understand how behaviors and beliefs shape relationships, sense of self, and boundary-setting skills. You can also learn to reimagine your relationship with your parent(s) or children to be more equitable and healthy. Consider choosing a therapist experienced in relational dynamics, intergenerational trauma, and family issues. You can use an online therapist directory to find the right therapist.