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Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself Paperback – January 5, 2001
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"Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided women with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!"-Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
"This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Don't wait until your hair is on fire to read it."-Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help
"A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys."-Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man
Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover's needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair?
Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men-and offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherWiley
- Publication dateJanuary 5, 2001
- Dimensions6 x 1.1 x 9.2 inches
- ISBN-100471409790
- ISBN-13978-0471409793
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From the Inside Flap
Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided women with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!-Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Don't wait until your hair is on fire to read it.-Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help
A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys.-Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man
Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover's needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair?
Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men-and offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.
From the Back Cover
"Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided women with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!" Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If I m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
"This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Don t wait until your hair is on fire to read it." Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help
"A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys." Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man
Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover s needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair?
Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men and offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Wiley (January 5, 2001)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0471409790
- ISBN-13 : 978-0471409793
- Item Weight : 13.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 1.1 x 9.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,029,508 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #886 in Codependency (Books)
- #3,457 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #4,787 in Love & Romance (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Beverly Engel is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of 23 self-help books, including 4 best selling books on emotional abuse: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, The Emotionally Abused Woman, and Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman, and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her latest book on emotional abuse is entitled Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing from the Shame You Don't Deserve (Dec 2020, Kensington). Currently her most popular book is entitled, It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion which came out in Jan. of 2015. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has been practicing psychotherapy for 35 years.
Beverly’s books have often been honored for various awards, including being a finalist in the Books for a Better Life award. Many of her books have been chosen for various book clubs, including One Spirit Book Club, Psychology Today Book Club and Behavioral Sciences Book Club. Her books have been translated into many languages, including Japanese, Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Turkish and Lithuanian.
In addition to her professional work, Beverly frequently lends her expertise to national television talk shows. She has appeared on Oprah, CNN, and Starting Over, and many other TV programs. She has a blog on the Psychology Today website as well as regularly contributing to the Psychology Today magazine, and has been featured in a number of newspapers and magazines, including: Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Marie Claire, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, The Cleveland Plain Dealer, and The Denver Post.
She regularly conducts training workshops throughout the United States and the United Kingdom, for both professional and lay audiences. Recently she has been conducting trainings on emotional abuse for the United States Army, in both Texas and Georgia as part of their domestic violence training for staff.
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Top reviews from the United States
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I've read a bunch of other self-help books before, but many were too academic or too cute-sy. This was the one that I held close as a guidebook in my journey of self-understanding and change.
Beverly Engel gives you a concrete way of assessing how much of a "disappearing" woman you are with questions that will make you stop and REALLY think. Then, she leads you to commitments to care for yourself more as a woman (and this is not fruity, cheesy advice) AND your man. Other self-help books sometimes paint men as the villains in a woman's quest to find and love herself. But, Beverly Engel shows you that by respecting your own boundaries, you're loving him, too. (Read it to find out why because she explains it so well.)
Before you think this book is just for the emotionally abused, it's not. I've never been in an abusive relationship, and no one would ever describe me as a weak woman, but this book has helped me say good-bye to so-so relationships and to giving more than I felt comfortable or than was right. It helped ready me for an equal and truly loving relationship. I consistently recommend it to all my girl friends, whether they are single, married, or exclusively dating.
Top reviews from other countries
Reading this book was like wiping the dust off of a mirror and really seeing myself clearly for the first time in my adult life. It helped me to understand the things that I do and why. It also made me realise (and I'm ashamed to say that I needed informing) what's out of line from a partner. What not to put up with. What wasn't okay. I can't say that I NEVER slip back into bad habits, but when I do, I realise it an awful lot quicker, and tend to nip things in the bud before they become a major issue.
For the people who haven't found it helpful, all I can say is that the content wasn't applicable to you (you lucky things). If it was, you couldn't not give it five stars.
My only MINOR criticism was that it is SLIGHTLY American - a little sappy/peppy for a British pallet. Their self help culture is a little overkill for us at times, but it's not hard to get over.
Just buy it.
its easy to wonder why your not happy or why you feel your partner isn't making you happy but once you read this book you will begin to understand so much and then it helps you discover yourself.