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The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" Paperback – June 22, 2021

by Susan Piver (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 522 ratings
See all formats and editions
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A revised and expanded edition of the classic relationship book that has helped thousands of couples shape a shared vision for their lives together.

With this simple-yet-profound relationship tool, Susan Piver shows couples at any stage of their relationships--whether they are considering engagement, have been married for decades, or just want to deepen their connection--how they can forge and strengthen lasting, intimate bonds. Focusing on key areas such as home, money, work, community, and family, The Hard Questions contains 100 thought-provoking questions for couples to ask each other,
including:

   • What will our home look like?
   • What are our professional goals?
   • How do you feel about sharing our life on social media?
   • Will we try to have children, and if so, when?

The Hard Questions provides couples with guidance and support for having the kind of conversations that will lead them to a deeper understanding of each other and a happy, healthy, and prosperous future together.
Previous page
  1. Print length
    128 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    TarcherPerigee
  4. Publication date
    June 22, 2021
  5. Dimensions
    5.07 x 0.35 x 7 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0593418875
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0593418871
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A nice antidote to insta-match TV-reality shows like The Bachelorette. —Time

"This book of hard questions and exercises for couples is innovative and exciting." —Andrew Weil, M.D.

"Susan Piver is a deeply intuitive and innovative thinker. I could not recommend her more highly." —Julia Cameron

About the Author

Susan Piver is the New York Times-bestselling author of nine books, including The Hard Questions, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, and The Four Noble Truths of Love. Piver teaches workshops and speaks on mindfulness, innovation, communication, relationships, and creativity. She has been a student of Buddhism since 1995, graduated from a Buddhist seminary in 2004, and was authorized to teach meditation in 2005. In 2012, she founded the popular online meditation center The Open Heart Project.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ TarcherPerigee (June 22, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 128 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0593418875
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593418871
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.07 x 0.35 x 7 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 522 ratings

About the author

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Susan Piver

Susan Piver

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Susan Piver is the New York Times bestselling author of many books, including the award-winning "How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life", "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart", "Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation", and "The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships".

Piver has been a practicing Buddhist since 1993 and graduated from a Buddhist seminary in 2004. She is an internationally acclaimed meditation teacher, known for her ability to translate ancient practices into modern life. Her work has been featured on the Oprah show, TODAY, CNN, and in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and others.

In 2013, she launched the Open Heart Project, the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world with 20,000 members.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
522 global ratings
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I just received this book and it is damaged. The whole book he been bent which has caused a crease on the cover and the pages to the point it does not lay flat. The cover also looks like it has been heavily scratched. It may have gotten hung up in a material handling device.
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Top reviews from the United States

DShopper
5.0 out of 5 stars Put All Your Issues on the Table
Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2017
Verified Purchase
My husband and I read this book when we were dating. We've been married for seven years. Now we gift it to anyone thinking about getting married. It poses trivial questions about daily life that you probably would not think of on your own. Sometimes the same questions are worded differently. This can be annoying or get you to approach the same subject from a different prospective. For some of my friends, this book allows one partner to discuss a sensitive area (spending habits, family) without the other person feeling attacked.

We went through the questions during road trips as a way to pass time. Not only did we get to know each other better, it was a confrontational way to discuss issues for which we had strong feelings. Plus, when the eldest of four marries an only child, holiday spending and family priorities are important topics. Eventually we would have gotten to most of these topics on our own, but it helped create a stronger foundation for our marriage.

One commenter wrote that this book doesn't ask philosophical questions. That's true. Hopefully, those types of things are discussed while you're enjoying a meal. This book will ask if it is okay to lend money to family or where to spend holidays. Topics that are better discussed before marriage than argued after the nuptials.
17 people found this helpful
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Goat's Head Girl
5.0 out of 5 stars 100 Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do
Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2011
Verified Purchase
I love this book! I have given it to at least 6 couples before their marriages (and they all still got married)... None of these questions were even thought about before I married, and the answers can be so important to the peace and happy-ness of couples and their future together. So many of the questions might be answered by 'hmmm...I never thought about that'. Why not ask them before the wedding, instead of being caught by surprise after...when one might be assuming the outcome, or thinking it would be like their parents' choices? I might not have married my husband had I read this book and discussed it with him before the wedding :-) But then, I would've missed out on 4 wonderful kids, who are now adults! Yes, I love this book...everything we know is something we know. Why leave something so life-changing as a lifelong partnership to chance? Makes for lots of thinking, sharing, and getting to know one another and one's own self better! How could that not be a good thing? Thanks for asking :-) Peace to you~Jaynie Allee
2 people found this helpful
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Heather
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Conversation Starters
Reviewed in the United States on December 14, 2023
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My now husband and I completed this book while engaged. He tends to be a peacemaker and won’t dive into “hard” conversations to avoid possible conflict. These questions prompted us to have open dialogue without it coming from the other person but an outside source. It really encouraged us to dive deep especially before the wedding. I would recommend this to any couple needing to navigate deeper conversations
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Brooks Goodman
4.0 out of 5 stars Good questions
Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2023
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This book does have some good questions. My personal concern is the author is not a professional counselor.
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Ed Magruder
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for the feint of heart. Use only if you want to STAY married
Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2023
Verified Purchase
I wish I had found this book when I was much younger. I wasn't really capable of being honest with myself long with not being old enough and mature enough to know what I wanted. This book brings up as it says, the "HARD" questions. Things you may incorrectly assume about what will happen in your marriage. I would also recommend waiting until you both are past the "lovestruck" phase before reading it together. That is, if you aren't aware, the phase where your partner does something that usually would annoy you but you find "cute". The cuteness doesn't always last and can be replaced by a resentment. I like to give a copy to all the folks I care about that are getting married and want to stay married. So read this book and listen to your mom if you are lucky enough to have one. She's literally known you 9 months longer than anyone and can see things we are blind about.
One person found this helpful
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Zachary D.
5.0 out of 5 stars My boyfriend and I broke-up after reading this book!
Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2019
Verified Purchase
My best friend's wife is a non-religious couples therapist, and she has her clients go through this book together. I got this a Valentine's gift for my boyfriend and I to work through, as we were getting pretty serious and started thinking about getting married. This was the best thing that every happened to me, relationship-wise. As we started to read through the book, we both realized how much we didn't know about each other and how much we vastly differed on our responses to the questions presented in this book. Ultimately, we couldn't get through the chapter on money, and our lack of compromise led to our break-up. I don't think this book is meant to make you end your relationship with someone, but it does make you think. It helped me get a frame of reference about building these thoughts in a the start of relationship and working through them slowly. I would say I'm in a much healthier relationship now and this book helped me create a better foundation at how I should be approaching a relationship and communicating with my partner.
48 people found this helpful
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Mikyla M
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2023
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I purchased this for a class but overall I like the book it helps me have a clear idea of important questions to ask prior to moving together & getting married.
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H. Wolfe
3.0 out of 5 stars Good discussion starters, but very secular
Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2010
Verified Purchase
This book was interesting, and the questions were a great way to start discussion. Although often we had already talked about the topics, it was still good to cover some of these specifics in preparation for marriage.

HOWEVER - I would caution other Christian readers out there that this book is written by an extrememly liberal & secular author. The introduction and chapter intro's tell a very selfish story, about 2 people dating who are looking out for #1, and basically how to set expectations to get what YOU want out of a marriage (Rather than building a partnership as one mind). Also the chapter on sexuality assumes you are already sleeping together and is not appropriate for a couple waiting until marriage.
9 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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neshemah
5.0 out of 5 stars The way I like it.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 23, 2019
Verified Purchase
Thank you for great quality, price and delivery.
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Jenn
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone should read this not just before marriage but in ...
Reviewed in Canada on December 8, 2015
Verified Purchase
Everyone should read this not just before marriage but in a relationship and every before you start a relationship so you know what to look for!
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Shikira
4.0 out of 5 stars Hilfsvoll
Reviewed in Germany on May 16, 2016
Verified Purchase
War hilfsvoll, hat interessante, genaue und wichtige Fragen. Wir haben die im Urlaub verarbeitet, vieles besprochenen, vieles geklärt. Alles, was man braucht.
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Sandra Burlock
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on March 15, 2018
Verified Purchase
Very interesting.
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Buyer- Ontario, Canada
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth it for anyone looking to get serious about relationships.
Reviewed in Canada on July 5, 2014
Verified Purchase
Good at forcing critical conversations.
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