How Do I Tell My Parents I Need Therapy?

Wanting Help Is Brave

Being a teenager is hard, and acknowledging you need someone to talk to is courageous. The reality is that many people try to suppress or avoid how they’re feeling. They feel ashamed of their struggles and may not know how to discuss them. Our society often reinforces this, which can also be reinforced in certain families.

Even thinking about going to therapy shows a solid initiative to better yourself. You’ve identified that something in your life isn’t working, and you want relief. No matter what you’re experiencing, your desires for therapy are valid and important.

8 Tips for Telling Your Parents You Need Therapy

You might hesitate to open up to your parents about your mental health concerns. You might feel embarrassed about what’s going on, or you don’t even know exactly where to begin. There’s no guarantee of a supportive outcome, but keeping the following considerations in mind can help you prepare for this conversation.

Eight tips for telling your parents you need therapy are:

1. Write Down Your Concerns

Many people find it beneficial to write down their feelings or needs first. This method can help you organize your thoughts. You may even choose to read your writing aloud to your parents or give it to them to read on their own. Regardless of what you do with this writing, having this creative outlet may offer an essential perspective into your next steps.

2. Decide How You Want to Tell Them

You have options when it comes to talking to your parents about therapy. You might, for example, schedule a formal, sit-down conversation. Or you might talk about it while driving, so it feels more casual and easygoing. Some people write a letter to give their parents to read while they’re away at school.

There’s no “best” way to tell your parents. However, it is important to be as direct as possible. Try not to wait until things “get worse.” Most mental health experts state that it’s much better to seek help before the situation escalates.¹ If you struggle with emotional well-being, you should receive support.

3. Talk About What’s Going On

While you don’t have to disclose everything, remember that loving parents want the best for their children. However, they can’t necessarily read your mind. Even if you feel scared, it’s essential to try to be honest with your parents about what’s going on. Talk about the symptoms you’re experiencing, when they feel most prominent, and why they are causing you distress.

4. Emphasize That You Want Therapy

Some parents might hear that their children are struggling, and they jump into problem-solving mode. This can be frustrating for a teenager who might feel invalidated or misunderstood. Mention that you appreciate their support but are having a hard time and want to talk to a professional who can help you cope with your feelings.

5. Do Your Research

Some parents know little about mental health treatment, whereas others are more informed. It may be helpful to do some of your own research about what you want ahead of time. What would you like in a therapist? What are you hoping to work on? Is it worth having a conversation with a school counselor or therapist first? Have you already talked to your doctor about what’s going on?

6. Prepare for Resistance

Some parents will get angry or upset about their children wanting therapy. These reactions, while discouraging, are normal, and they aren’t your fault. It’s important to brace yourself for rejection, especially if that’s how your parents generally react to sensitive topics. Even if pushback arises, there are still steps you can take toward getting help.

7. Avoid Blaming

Even if you don’t have the best relationship with your parents, now isn’t the time to assign blame. Instead, this is about you and your needs. Telling your parents it’s their fault will only heighten defensiveness and increase the risk of more conflict. If they start blaming themselves, you should remind them that you’re focused on working on yourself.

8. Talk to Someone Else First

If you have a supportive relationship with another trusted adult, you might want to have a conversation about therapy with them first. They may have insight into how you can best approach your parents. Or, even if you know how to talk to your parents, they can support you during this vulnerable time.

Responses to Expect From Telling Your Parents You Need Therapy

Parents react in all different ways when their child comes to them asking for therapy. In the best outcome, they will be supportive and collaborative in helping you find the needed help. In other cases, they might present as angry, confused, defensive, or even in denial about the situation altogether. You should anticipate these responses and prepare yourself for them.

Responses to expect from telling your parents you need therapy include:

Questions

After learning their teen wants therapy, some parents ask lots of questions. These questions often come from a place of fear and misunderstanding. They want to know more about what’s going on, and they might be feeling helpless about how they can best support you.

Questions a parent may have after you tell them you need therapy are:

• How long have you felt this way?
• Did something happen that we need to know about?
• Why didn’t you say anything sooner?
• Why don’t you try (spending more time with friends/ spending less time on social media/ sleeping more)?
• Did we do something to cause this?
• How do you think therapy will help you?

Confusion

Some parents react confused to their child’s desire for therapy. Confusion may be more common among communities where mental health isn’t typically discussed. While people are generally becoming more open-minded about mental health treatment, it’s still stigmatized.²

You can prepare yourself for potential confusion by coming into your conversation with facts. This means identifying what therapy is, why you think it’s important, and the goals you want to have in your treatment.

“Can’t You Just Talk to Me?”

Some parents respond to the request for therapy with this infamous question. And while it may make you feel guilty, it’s important to remember that the role of a therapist is very different from that of a parent. Your therapist provides an outsider perspective into your life and can give specific suggestions to help you feel better. Therapists are also trained in problem-solving and techniques to manage your emotions and improve your overall well-being.

Concerns About Cost

Therapy can be cost-prohibitive for many families, but there are numerous options for paying for treatment. Some therapists in private practice offer a sliding scale, pro bono, or “pay-what-you-can” rates.³ Your health insurance may subsidize some or all of your therapy costs if you meet with an in-network provider. Finally, college campuses, community mental health clinics, and nonprofit agencies often offer low-cost therapy.

“Are You Going to Talk About Me?”

Some parents will react to you talking about therapy by asking if you will spend the session discussing them. Emphasize that you want support for yourself and you aren’t looking to bash anyone. Of course, if you do have issues with your parents, you may choose to talk about that in your treatment. Your therapist will work with you to ensure you understand your confidentiality rights.

What If Your Parents Aren’t Supportive About Therapy?

Unfortunately, parents don’t always react well to their children wanting therapy. Some will flat-out refuse to support treatment or prohibit therapy. Others will tell the teen they’re on their own to figure it out. Some parents do come around at a later date, and that may be the case if your parents are initially shocked or confused by your request for help. That said, even if your parents aren’t supportive, you can still get help.

Mental Health Resources for Teens

There are many local and national resources available for teens seeking mental health support. If you are in a crisis or feel suicidal, helplines like the Crisis Text Line or 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offer 24/7 confidential guidance.⁴ You might also consider contacting your school counselor or a trusted teacher to connect with local community health clinics.

How to Get Started With Therapy

If your parents support you in seeking therapy, the next step is consulting with potential providers. Most therapists offer complimentary consultations to discuss your treatment options and determine if you’re a good fit. When finding the right teen therapist, it’s essential to work with someone who specializes in youth and adolescents. You should also consider whether you have specific gender, religious, or demographic preferences. Therapists provide services in-person, online therapy options for teens or as a hybrid approach.

Parents should expect to be somewhat involved when getting their teenager therapy. A child or teen therapist may ask how things are going at home and explore relationship satisfaction in the family. They might also provide parents with suggestions for better supporting their child. But for the most part, they will primarily focus on listening to the teenager’s problems and helping them feel better.⁵

In My Experience

Motivated teenagers can benefit tremendously from seeking therapy to improve their mental health. This difficult time is full of transitions, relational issues, and identity concerns. Having support as you navigate these unchartered waters can help you feel more empowered.