Do you know you want to make a change, but don’t know where to start? By taking the time to break down your goals in measurable, healthy ways, you’re setting yourself up for success and giving yourself the tools you need to accomplish your goals. Here’s how to set up healthy, realistic goals that you can actually achieve.
Why Is It Important to Set Realistic Goals?
If you’re having a hard time accomplishing your goals, it may be because you’re focusing too much on the goal itself and not how you’re going to get there. “Learning to set more realistic goals is really about defining tangible steps to get you where you are trying to go,” says Dr. Jacob Santhouse, LCPC of Olive Counseling. “Setting realistic goals is not about getting rid of the bigger goals of ‘experiencing less anxiety’ or ‘feeling great about myself,’ it is about defining what steps it will take to get there – and how you will know when you do.”
Here are 15 tips for setting healthy goals:
1. Stop Waiting Until New Year’s to Set Goals & Resolutions
There is absolutely no reason to wait till January 1st to start a new goal or resolution. If anything, it can set you up for barriers you don’t need. “Change is hard, cumbersome, and full of resistance already, so the worst thing we can do is add artificial barriers, says Eric Patterson, LPC. “Without fail around the fall, I start hearing people say, “starting the new year, I’m going to …” and I really discourage the practice of putting off something that’s important today for tomorrow. It is never too early (or too late) to make changes that benefit you and those you care for. Resolutions can come at any time.”
2. Stop Calling Them Resolutions
Even the word “resolution” can add unnecessary significance and pressure, making it that much more difficult when we struggle with them, Eric Patterson, LPC says. “Instead, focus on setting reasonable goals that start small and build towards something significant in the long-term. Small goals build encouragement and motivation. Resolutions are too big and scary to even attempt.”
3. Stick to One or Two Goals
It can be easy to want to change everything: “I’m going to eat healthily and workout and lose weight” is a lot for any one person to accomplish. This just sets people up for failure because all of the goals are seen as a packaged deal and not as individual ones. So if a person managed to work out regularly but not eat as healthily as they wanted, they may feel like they still didn’t accomplish anything, Matt Glowiak, Ph.D., LCPC, says. “What happens, then, is we resort back to old thinking and behavioral patterns, perhaps to an even more detrimental degree.”
4. Immediately Reward the New Behavior
Rewards are an integral part of accomplishing goals – after all, every step in the right direction is worth celebrating! Plus, rewarding good behavior makes us more likely to continue working towards our goals in the long run. Dianne Grande, Ph.D., says rewarding yourself for exercising every day might look like:
- Have a piece of dark chocolate
- Take a warm bath
- Tell yourself that you’re taking good care of your health
- Read your favorite author/ website after the exercise
- Anything that is healthy and enjoyable for you
5. Don’t Give Up If You Miss a Day or Goal
According to author James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, 2018, it can take up to 66 days for an action to become a habit. Be kind to yourself if you fall off track. “Get back on track the next day or as soon as possible if you miss a day or overindulge one day,” Dianne Grande, Ph.D. recommends.
6. Keep It S.M.A.R.T.
Kate Truitt, Ph.D., M.B.A., says setting goals that are smart, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely are how you ensure you can reach your goals. She describes them in more detail:
- “Specific—When setting a goal, use clear, descriptive words. Words such as “good” or “successful” are not specific. The more descriptive you are with your goal the clearer it will be to you that you are accomplishing your goal.
- Measurable—A goal is measurable when you can tell that you have met it. Ask yourself, how will I know when I have completed this goal?
- Achievable—Are you capable of reaching this goal, even though it may be difficult? Check to make sure that this goal is not dependent on anyone else.
- Realistic—Is this goal reasonable for you at this time? Are your expectations possibly too high? Is your goal challenging enough for you?
- Timely—Do you have a deadline for when you will have reached this goal? A timeframe will be helpful in reminding you to work on your goal.”
7. Clarify Roadblocks You May Face (And Figure Out Plans to Overcome Them)
It’s important to consider what might get in the way of your goals just as much as how you’re going to accomplish them. “I recommend spending time examining the “A” and the “R” in the SMART acronym—Achievable and Reasonable—because in these times there may be fundamental roadblocks that may impede our baby steps, some of which are out of your control,” Dr. Truitt says. “For example, some of my clients previously had goals for building a new healthy community around themselves. In the face of the pandemic, accommodations must be made with that goal, because many of the places where people normally go to build community have changed. This also applies to dating or gaining new skills that involve working with a teacher like learning to play an instrument or working closely with a personal trainer.”
8. Write Out Three Baby Steps For Your Goal
Dr. Truitt recommends figuring out small, actionable steps you can take towards your goals. If exercising before work every morning is one of your goals, taking smaller steps like packing your gym bag the night before, setting your alarm, and getting dressed to work out on time, will help you get all the more closer to actually getting to the gym every morning.
9. Don’t Go “All or Nothing” On Your Goals
Going with an “all or nothing” approach does nothing for your goals or your motivation. Louis Laves-Webb, LCSW, LPC-S, says setting goals is always a process, not just a destination. “When making a big change, it’s normal to ‘slip up,’ especially at first. These setbacks are normal and shouldn’t be viewed as a failure at achieving your goals. Instead view these inevitable challenges as learning opportunities and pivot points. Do your best to avoid throwing in the towel. Some people may think, ‘Well, I’ve already messed up. I might as well just give up since I obviously can’t do this.’” When that happens, he says, try again tomorrow.
10. Get Support From Others
Those who enlist the help of others with their goals are more likely to accomplish them, Laves-Webb says. “This helps give you a sense of accountability as well as build a community of supportive people around you. By giving your friends and family updates, you’ll feel a sense of pride and motivation to continue delivering good news,” he says. “Above all, remember to practice patience and compassion with yourself during this process. If you keep putting in the time and effort, you’ll get there—even if it’s not as quickly as you hoped.”
11. Remember Your Worth (Goals or No Goals)
Laves-Webb says it’s important to be aware of the motivations behind why you want to accomplish a certain goal. “If you’re choosing a goal to help express your strengths, self-esteem, and sense of efficacy, goals can be extremely rewarding and allow for a sense of overall betterment,” he says. “However, if goal setting instead takes the place of a positive sense of self or stems from a place of shame or ‘lack,’ the process can actually perpetuate feelings of low self-worth or shame, creating a vicious shame-inducing failure and ineffectiveness.”
If your goal is to lose weight because you think you have no worth at your current weight, then your goal isn’t really sustaining you in a healthy way. In short: whatever you do, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and take the time to cultivate compassion for yourself in all of your goals.
12. Make It Reasonable
Big, lofty goals with no action plan and no smaller, actionable steps are asking for the same thing: failure. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set big goals, Laves-Webb says, but you should consider where you are and what’s a reasonable expectation in the future. “For instance, if you don’t currently exercise and your goal is to exercise more in the new year, don’t resolve to go to the gym for two hours every day of the week. You’ll likely get burnt out after the first week and quit. Instead, a more realistic goal would be to find a physical activity you enjoy and try to do it at least twice a week, like enrolling in a yoga class or taking up biking,” he suggests.
13. Don’t Be too Hard on Yourself
We’ve talked about not giving up and knowing your worth, but that all really boils down to the same thing: be kind to yourself during this process. Dr. Brian Wind, a clinical psychologist, and chief clinical officer at JourneyPure, says not achieving your goals the way you wanted can bring about feelings of disappointment or frustration, but turning those thoughts inward won’t help. “Ask yourself if you’ve done everything you could. If you have, give yourself a pat on the back for the progress you’ve made. If you haven’t, reflect on what went wrong and what could have gone better, and give yourself a pat on the back for the lessons you’ve learned,” he says.
14. Focus on 3-6 Month Increments, Instead of the Whole Year
It’s easy to be intimidated by the thought of the entire year ahead of you, Dr. Wind says, or to procrastinate on your goals because you have the entire year to do it. That’s why he recommends breaking up your goals into smaller time increments, like three or six-month plans. “It’s also easier to plan when you want to achieve your goals in the short term when you have more certainty about the events ahead and your priorities. It gives you more structure, and by achieving your short-term goals you gain momentum building up to your bigger goals.”
15. Consider Seeing a Therapist to Help You Achieve Your Goals
“If you have specific goals that you find difficult to achieve alone, a therapist can help you break down your goals into realistic goals that you can achieve. A therapist may ask you what you feel is holding you back from achieving your goals, your expectations, and what you hope to achieve through your goals so that you can effectively prioritize your goals,” Dr. Wind says.
“Working with a therapist enables you to break down the specific pieces of your life. Therapy enables you to more easily define and achieve the bigger goals that you have for yourself. Not only that, but it makes it so that you do not have to do it alone. You have the support of your therapist,” Dr. Santhouse says.
Therapists are great for goal-setting: they can help you identify reasonable goals, provide accountability and support, and give guidance when things go awry. If you struggle with setting goals, feel overwhelmed by the process, or are discouraged by the failure of past resolutions, a therapist can help. If you don’t know where to start, here’s our guide to finding a therapist that’s right for you
Additional Resources
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
