Parents can help teens make friends by teaching them effective communication and helping them sharpen their social skills. Encouraging your teen to socialize in ways that they feel comfortable can also help a teen make friends. Teaching them concepts like how to break the ice and resolve conflict in a healthy way increases self-confidence.
Would your teenager benefit from therapy? Therapy can help teenagers develop self-esteem and feel less overwhelmed by their emotions. Teen Counseling specializes in serving teens, and parents of teenagers. The services start at $65. Complete a brief questionnaire and a therapist will be suggested based on your answers.
Why Can It Be Hard for Teens to Make Friends?
As children age and become less dependent, your role becomes more closely aligned to a trusted coach. As your child’s coach, you help prepare for friendship challenges by minimizing barriers to friendship in tandem with your teen. Friendship challenges can be due to several factors. It may be more difficult for a teenager to make friends today than in prior periods.
Social interactions changed after Covid isolation, which might be hard for a teen to adjust to. Learning to be comfortable with in-person social interactions after going through social distancing might be a hurdle. Additionally, social media has added a new layer to making friends by making it feel like you are close friends, even if you are not physically near each other. There are different social skills that are needed in persons versus online. While the question appears straightforward and potentially frivolous on the surface, the wise parent will lean into creative solutions to help your teenager make friends…and their friends make friends!1
Here are some reasons why it may be hard for a teen to make friends:
They Struggle With Social Anxiety
Today’s teens are experiencing more anxiety and depression than previous generations. Social anxiety is the second most common form of anxiety today, and some of the reasons include social media and an increased sense of performance pressure.2 Social anxiety in teens can make it difficult to make friends. Some teens use avoidance behavior as a coping mechanism in response to social anxiety. The fear of being in a group without structure can cause teens to avoid being in groups with peers during their free time.
A typical response to social anxiety is to avoid and minimize exposure. Naturally, aligning with this model of “treatment” would decrease outings and gatherings. What can you do if you suspect your teen may be struggling with social anxiety? Resist the urge to alleviate and comfort them through escape. Patiently, proactively, and confidently walk them through their can-do’s and perhaps a checklist of action items. A qualified Family Therapist is well-equipped to support your teen and you in this endeavor.
Social Media
Social media reduces the nonverbal cues and proximity necessary for closeness. Many experts advise against smartphones for children for this reason. Families may benefit from providing children with basic phones that do not support apps or internet usage. Social media can add unnecessary pressure to a teen trying to make friends due to unrealistic ideas and expectations.
Social Skills
Making friends for a teenager with social skills deficits can be difficult. It is helpful if you can support your teen to recognize the value of and practice the following: greeting others by name, looking others in the eyes, standing up to greet older adults, finding ways to make polite small talk, and giving appropriate compliments.
Over Scheduling
Today’s children and teens are frequently overscheduled with activities.3 While hobbies and interests are important, extracurricular activities may not allow for the free time where teens are able to agree to spontaneous outings. Often this can produce a negative feedback loop. When a teen is unable to agree to outings, they may experience fewer invitations for outings. Simplified approaches to scheduling extracurricular activities may include limits for each teen to participate in one non-academic extracurricular per school year or season.
Transportation
It can be difficult for older children to secure modes of transportation. Does your teen have their own car? Do they have the freedom to ride with another teen? Establishing family norms may help your teen to communicate limitations and needs for outings and events.
Sports
Sports are often a great way for teens to meet new people and make friends. Sports are generally a good thing because it allows your teen to be around people with similar interests. However, being involved in a sport can backfire. When a teen is committed to a sport, this can reduce their ability to connect with friends outside of the sport. Competitive sports generally require several hours, weeknights, and weekends. If sports are important to your teen, help them assess long-term goals and how this investment can help (or not) in accomplishing them.
Silent Suffering With Mental Health
Teenagers make friends readily when they are interested. Mental health issues like depression and anxiety can induce isolation and antisocial patterns. Ensure your teenager has the support they need with their mental health by finding a local, qualified professional whom your teen connects with.
Popular Options For Teen Mental Health
Talkspace – Online Therapy For Teens. A space for your teen to talk about what’s going on, develop coping skills, and start feeling better. Covered by most major insurance plans. Talkspace also accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Get Started
Charlie Health – Therapy Once Per Week Isn’t Always Enough. Charlie Health’s virtual mental health program includes curated peer groups, individual therapy, and family therapy for teens and young adults with serious mental health issues. Insurance accepted. Learn More
Equip – Eating Disorder Treatment That Works – Delivered At Home. Are you worried that your child has an eating disorder? With the right treatment, lasting recovery is 100% possible. Equip offers virtual evidence-based care, so you can help your loved one recover at home. We take insurance! Get a Consultation
How to Help Your Teen Make Friends
Parents have power! It’s important to remember that your teens want and need your support. While that does not always translate into a teen openly accepting verbal input, there are creative scenarios and actions for parents with a desire and questions about how to make friends for teenagers.
Here are 7 ways to help your teen make friends:
1. Encourage & Support Their Hobbies
Whether competitive sports or a sewing course, personal hobbies provide healthy opportunities for teens. You can also promote deep friendships by enrolling your teen in organized hobbies. Hosting events centered around a hobby may yield environments that foster connection, conversation, and community. These relationships may be safer than other friendships that are not centered around a healthy activity or interest.
2. Notice their friends
It is important to connect with your teens’ friends in some way. Everyone wants to be noticed. One tip may be to learn the names of your teens’ friends. When you invest in your teens’ friends, they may similarly be more connected or invested in your teen. It also is a natural opportunity to assess whether your teen should be shielded or steeped in certain relationships.
3. Provide Space for Teens
When children are younger, parents and family routinely rearrange furniture and purchase special items for comfort and safety. Everything from scaled furniture to eating utensils fill the homes of young children. Teens, too, have specialized needs, including autonomy and increased privacy. Ensuring your teen has a space to connect with friends makes it easy for relationships to be fostered. Whether in a garage or a converted playroom, teens need a designated area where they are allowed to put their feet on the furniture and generally feel comfortable. Provide space for teens and their company.
4. Consider Co-Family Vacations
Teens may enjoy family vacations if they have the opportunity to bring a friend or if their friend’s family is also vacationing. Consider ways you can include your teen’s closest friend on family outings and allow them to join their teen’s family similarly. Remember to stay attuned to any changes in attitude, appearance, or overall wellbeing.
5. Allow Teens to Express Themselves
Teens are notorious for opposing traditional values. This can include dress and hairstyle. Instead of forcing your teen to conform to your ideal standard of public appearance, allow your teen to express themselves through their clothing, accessories, make-up, and hairstyle. One way you can positively influence this is through routinely connecting with your teen by shopping. Allow your teen to pick out their own store for their next pair of shoes. Ask your teen where they want to purchase their next special occasion outfit. If they need a starting point, offer several different ideas such as at a trendy thrift store, an alternative and mainstream clothing store, or look online together. This freedom can yield increased self-confidence, communication, and assertiveness in your teen. You and your teen both win!
6. Self-Expression
Teenage years are traditionally about defining and discovering oneself. Allow for self-expression in art, decor, music, and body. Instead of opposing these changes, offer support and even rites of passage opportunities for new items. Invite your teen to pick out new bedding, a new bedroom rug, a fresh coat of paint, or furniture as a way to demonstrate your support for their preferences. While bolstering self-worth and increasing parent-child connection, you are also fostering a healthy springboard for friendships. A teen who is confident in their preferences can withstand unhealthy peer pressure.
7. Build Positive Relationships
Building positive relationships yourself in one way to influence your teen to have quality friendships in their own lives. When you demonstrate the value and method of investing in a relationship, this builds opportunity and foundation for the same to be replicated by your teen. Bonus friendships include parent friends and children friends.
Would your teenager benefit from therapy? Therapy can help teenagers develop self-esteem and feel less overwhelmed by their emotions. Teen Counseling specializes in serving teens, and parents of teenagers. The services start at $65. Complete a brief questionnaire and a therapist will be suggested based on your answers.
What Not to Do When Helping Your Teen Make Friends
When it comes to discerning how to help your teenager make friends, there are several actions that can complicate your teen’s goals. Here are some things you should not do when helping your teen make friends:
Make Them Feel Incompetent
As a coach and advocate, your goal is to empower your teen to make decisions, make mistakes, and grow. Learning is a process. Learning and growth will look different through developmental stages. Promote responsibility, honesty, and confidence without a demand for perfection. Mistakes, accidents, and “failures” are essential components of learning. Expectation without practice, where mistakes are a normalized part of the process, may lead to feelings of incompetence. Minimize this by modeling acceptance and honesty during practice and verbalizing ideas about what to change and trying again.
Forbid Certain Friends
In support of your teen making friends; allow them to choose who they prefer to befriend. Every parent has rubbed against the desire to limit interactions. When you ask how to help teenagers make friends, your role is to support them without controlling who they wish to be around. If your teen is in physical danger, this would be the exception to forbidding certain friendships. To avoid inadvertently creating a chasm in your own relationship with your teen, find creative solutions to minimize one-on-one interactions with those friends who may be explosive or otherwise dangerous.
Allow Total Autonomy
Remember, your teen (and their friends) are practicing for their move into adulthood. While you want to give more space than at any other time in their development, this is not the time to take a world cruise or extended trip in another country. Your teen is not yet an adult and while autonomy is supported with short periods of minimal, or even no supervision, the ongoing connection to a safe and trustworthy adult is key to balance and maintaining safety when help or support is needed/desired. A teen can come to you at these important moments if consistent touchpoints have maintained the connection between you. This requires your presence.
Make Mountains Out of Molehills
It’s developmentally appropriate for teens to experience internal pressures and outward expressions or responses that appear out of proportion to reality. Your role is to help reframe exacerbated self-talk and curb catastrophizing. Moderate your own outward expressions of escalated emotion as one step towards healthy emotional regulation. When you make a mistake, model re-correcting. This may look and sound like the following. “I really acted rash. I’m sorry for raging on the road, family. Next time, I’ll leave earlier so I don’t feel so much pressure to get there on time.” The hope is that they, too, can extend grace, both for themselves and others, in those unavoidable molehill moments.
Embarrass Your Teen
Everyone enjoys the feeling of acceptance. Ensure you have appropriate connections for your own relational needs to be fulfilled, outside of your teen’s peer relationships. Avoid power-imbalanced dynamics where you may get “cheap laughs” or other positive reinforcements that meet your needs of acceptance and significance. For the sake of your teenager, remember the focus is on building a community for your teen. This doesn’t mean you need to be a recluse, but remember your role is one of mentor and coach.
Make Accusations
Discipline and correction are different once your child becomes a teen. Instead of accusing your teen of doing something wrong, make gentle, direct observations, ask questions, and invite or allow space for acknowledgment of mistakes. For example, if you notice something was taken without permission, a comment like this may allow your teen to admit a mistake and correct their error:
“I left a case of sodas on the counter Saturday. They were bought for my office with a company card. I’m responsible for restocking the refrigerator and if I don’t have those sodas, I’ll need to buy more. It’s inconvenient for me to have to go to the specialty store again. Do you know what happened to them?”
Remove Privileges
When parents correct children, one common mistake involves removing privileges. To remove a positive, healthy, and meaningful outlet is counterproductive to the end goals of parenting and teen maturation. For example, removing extracurricular activities such as football or dance decreases a teen’s motivation to maintain healthy habits such as exercise, academic progress, and meaningful relationships. This would isolate a teen from a likely healthy peer group that incorporates mentors or overseers. Avoid this by initiating a conversation about expectations and consequences using if/then agreements.
When to Seek Professional Support
When a teen is displaying ongoing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or suicidal ideation, it may be time to seek professional support. Some parents have a strong intuition when something is not “right.” Don’t hesitate to get professional support for an initial period of time. Therapy does not have to go on forever. Determine one symptom that you want to work on or a single goal to achieve and commit to a short-term period. This is assuming that you or your teen are concerned about not liking or benefiting from counseling. If you need support to find the right therapy for a teen, consider an online therapist directory or online therapy platform as a good choice. You want an individual who resonates with your teen. This can be promoted by choosing several therapists who meet your criteria (location, use of insurance or sliding scale, etc.) and then allowing your teen to select from those you have prescreened. A buy-in from your teen is significant for the therapeutic experience to be beneficial.
In My Experience
In my experience, parents can work to mitigate the turbulence of the teen years. Many parents mistakenly believe that growing independence translates to a decreased need for parental support. The truth is that teens need the support of their parents in new ways. While teens are growing and changing, the work of a sound parent is to do likewise. Support benefits parents and teens alike and there are many qualified professionals who are passionate and capable of assisting families through this stage of life.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
Neurological Testing
Neuropsychological Testing For Children (including evaluations for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Learning Disorders) Get answers in weeks, not months. Bend Health provides a complete report with in-depth findings, review with your schools, and a clinical diagnosis (if applicable). Learn more
Online Therapy & Coaching (ages 1 -17)
Bend Health is a virtual mental healthcare provider caring for kids, teens, and their families. Many insurance plans are accepted. Learn More
Online Therapy
TeenCounseling (ages 13 -19) – Help your child thrive with professional counseling. Get matched with a licensed therapist who specializes in teens. Discuss your child’s issues and situation. When you approve, the therapist is connected with your child. The therapist interacts with your child over text, phone, and video. Starting for as little as $65 per week. Get Started
DBT-Focused Therapy For Teens
Charlie Health’s virtual mental health program includes curated peer groups, individual therapy, and family therapy for teens and young adults with serious mental health issues. Insurance accepted. Learn More
Eating Disorders and Teenagers
Equip – Worried your child might have an eating disorder? It can be overwhelming when your child is showing eating disorder red flags, but you can help. In fact, your help may be critical to getting them the right treatment. Learn more about the signs of eating disorders and what to do if you’re concerned. Explore Equip’s free guide.
For Further Reading
Best Options for Online Therapy for Teens
With so many truly amazing online therapy options for teens, choosing one can be difficult. Some of the most important factors to consider before selecting a company are your budget, who takes your insurance, which ones can answer your questions, and most importantly, who your teen likes the best. Supporting and listening to your teen is crucial for a successful therapy experience.
Best Online Therapy Services
There are a number of factors to consider when trying to determine which online therapy platform is going to be the best fit for you. It’s important to be mindful of what each platform costs, the services they provide you with, their providers’ training and level of expertise, and several other important criteria.
How to Help Your Teen Make Friends Infographics
