Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, guilted, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way.1 Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you or a romantic partner. Sexual coercion is never okay and help is available for victims.
What Is Sexual Coercion?
Sexual coercion comes in many forms. Sometimes, it may be difficult to identify because it may not be as obvious as other forms of sexual assault. Although there may not be physical aggression, those being coerced are giving in to sexual contact against their will, and therefore unable to give their consent. This lack of consent is where the violation occurs, and it may be against the law.
Sexual coercion can be used by anyone but is most likely to occur with someone you have some type of relationship with.1 This person may make frequent and persistent attempts at sexual contact, they may use alcohol or drugs to loosen your inhibitions, or they may make you feel as if it is too late to say “no.” In some cases, they may even threaten your job, home, family, or reputation.
Consensual vs Coercive Sex
To understand the difference between consensual and coercive sex, let us first understand what consensual sex involves. Consent is freely and voluntarily given and can be withdrawn at any time. Consent can only be given when a person is able to understand the fact, nature, and extent of the sexual act.3 If a person is mentally or physically incapacitated or impaired, such as under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the person may not understand and therefore is unable to consent.
It is also important to note that giving consent to some form of sexual activity does not automatically mean that consent for other forms of sexual activities are given. Further, consent for past sexual activities does not imply continued consent for future activities. You never have to have sexual contact when you do not want to. Sexual contact without your consent is assault.
Examples of Sexual Coercion
The following are some examples of sexual coercion. Sexual coercion may occur in many ways other than those mentioned below. In these examples, consent may be given, but not freely, because of pressure, guilt, or threat. It is not truly consent if you are afraid or unable to say “no.”2
It Is Your Duty
In this scenario, sexual coercion results from being made to feel obligated to engage in a sexual act. It may be because your date has just paid for the meal, activities, etc. and expects you to repay them sexually. Maybe your partner or spouse feels that this is your duty in the relationship, and that you are not allowed to refuse.
Although freely engaging in sexual acts in either situation is no reason for concern, no one should feel required to do so. A healthy relationship is built from trust and mutual respect. Making sexual demands not only violates this, but it shows little respect for your personal boundaries.
Guilt Trip
Sexual coercion through guilt occurs when you are given the option to refuse, but are made to feel bad for doing so, and you give in to the advances. Your partner may express that they “have needs” and threaten to cheat or end the relationship to get those needs met. Or maybe they say things like “But you’ve already got me all worked up,” suggesting you are somehow at fault, or “If you really loved me, you’d do it” to pressure you to prove your love for them.
As mentioned above, in order for the act to be consensual, consent has to be given freely. In addition, anyone has the right to revoke consent at any time, for any reason. If your partner loves and respects you, they should respect your right to choose and say “no”, even if that is not what they want.
At Work or School
Sexual coercion at work or school is typically used in exchange of some incentive. A boss or supervisor may promise a promotion or raise or a professor my promise a passing grade in exchange for you engaging in sexual acts. A co-worker or classmate may suggest a sexual favor in exchange for their help on a project or assignment you are having difficulty completing. Sexual coercion also occurs when someone attempts to wear you down by repeatedly making sexual advances towards you.
This form of sexual coercion also falls under the category of sexual harassment, which is against the law. Academic and professional advancement should be based on your qualifications and performance, not sexual favors. Further, these acts can create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment, which violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act.4 and Title IX of the Education Amendments.3
Housing
Sexual coercion in housing includes demands for sex or sexual acts in order to buy, rent, or continue renting a home. Coercion can come from the landlord, property manager, maintenance worker, or a member of the housing authority. Sexual coercion occurs, for example, when a tenant is pressured or tricked into performing sexual favors in order to gain housing, in place of rent, to avoid eviction, or in order to have their home properly serviced.
Sexual coercion in housing, a form of sexual harassment, is illegal and is a violation of the Fair Housing Act. Tenants who have experienced this are encouraged to contact the Department of Justice through the Sexual Harassment in Housing Initiative to report the act, no matter how long ago it occurred.
Peer Pressure
Many students, especially those who are coming of age and are navigating the world through a new lens, may be more susceptible to sexual coercion. Often, they consent to sex without thinking they have a choice, often due to inexperience or lack of preventative education.7
Coercion may include teasing, frequent requests, the use of drugs or alcohol, or even anger as means to convince a partner or peer to consent to sexual behavior. The coerced individual often consents to the activity because they do not feel that their decision not to engage will be respected, or they may be belittled if they say “no.”
This form of coercion may include elements of the previous examples but may be more difficult to navigate due to the person’s lack of experience and social supports. Peer pressure, of any kind, can be very difficult to navigate. Preventative education could further support students in effectively addressing this, as well as providing additional insight regarding the facts associated to sexual acts.
How to Respond to Sexual Coercion
Responding to Sexual Coercion can be uncomfortable or even intimidating. The type of scenario will determine how someone can or will react. It is important to be clear and direct in your response.
Here are some possible examples of responses:
- “I like you. I’d like to continue developing a relationship. I don’t have sex with someone until I know if we want to take the relationship further.”
- “I don’t want to have sex with you.”
- “If I gave you the impression I wanted to have sex, I apologize. If so, tell me what I need to do to not give a false impression.”
- “Thank you for respecting my choice to not have sex. If we continue developing a relationship, we can decide together when we will have sex.”
In all cases, if the person is not listening to you, the best choice to manage a coercive environment is to leave the situation. Once you are safely away from the coercive acts, you will be able to seek the needed support in addressing your concerns.
How to Get Help After Being Sexually Coerced
As mentioned previously, many forms of sexual coercion are considered illegal. If this occurs in the workplace, it is also sexual harassment that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and should be reported. Reporting coercive behaviors can not only stop the harassment but may also help prevent repeated harassment of others. If you are experiencing this form of coercion, refer to your company’s handbook for the sexual harassment policy for the procedure to follow.5 If you believe you have a Title VII claim, you have the right to file a complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunities Commission (EEOC).
Sexual harassment and coercion at school are forms of sex discrimination prohibited under Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972.3 Students would follow similar steps as the workplace to address these concerns. Their student handbook should have a sexual harassment policy that can be followed to report sexual coercion, even if it occurred outside of school grounds. Reaching out to a parent or trusted staff member for support will help to navigate through this and decide the best course of action, especially if the student is under the age of 18. Reports may also be made to a deputy Title IX coordinator, police, and the school’s security personnel.
The Clery Act is a federal law that imposes basic requirements for handling incidents of sexual assault, domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking. If a student feels the school did not provide a proper investigation, a complaint may be filed with the U.S. Department of Education (ED) or the U.S. Department of Justice asking the agency to investigate the school for violations.3
In addition, hotlines such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline or Love Is Respect, have trained professionals available to provide support in navigating your situation and locating help for you. Both hotlines provide 24/7 access via phone and online. Depending on the circumstances, they can also aid in reporting this person to the proper authorities.
How to Get Help for Someone Who Has Been Sexually Coerced
If you know someone who has been sexually coerced, you may be unsure what to do or say to them to support them. First, make sure you are on the same page in terms of identifying the acts as sexual coercion. In addition to this article, the National Sexual Assault Hotline as well as Love Is Respect have resources available to help distinguish between sexual coercion or other forms of sexual misconduct.
Additionally, your loved one may need moral support around confronting the coercive behaviors, both directly and indirectly. In doing so, be mindful not to apply pressure or guilt to encourage them to respond; that would create an additional coercive environment for them instead of a safe one. Instead, help them weigh their options to determine who should be contacted. If you are under the age of 18, identify an adult that they trust to talk to about the sexual coercion.
How Therapy Can Help After Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion can result in feelings of guilt, regret, or traumatization. In some cases, people seek support from a therapist to address this as well as to address any triggers that have developed as a result. Sexual coercion is never your fault and therapy can help gain that understanding
Therapy can create a safe space to process the experience, including challenging the negative and unhelpful thoughts that have developed around guilt and regret. Therapy can also provide you with helpful tools and skills that can be used to empower against similar situations in the future, including any emotional triggers that may exist.
Sexual Coercion Statistics
Currently, the prevalence of sexual coercion is unknown. This is likely due to the under-reporting of these acts buy individuals who are unaware their situations are considered coercive, as well as those individuals who feel shame for engaging in the acts.
Despite this, here are some statistics that are known about sexual coercion:
- 34% of women have been sexually harassed by a colleague5
- Approximately 1 in 6 women and approximately 1 in 10 men experienced sexual coercion at some point in their lifetime6
- 1 in 10 adolescents reports perpetrating sexual violence, including coercive sex7
Additional Resources for Those Dealing With Sexual Coercion
The following are helpful additional resources for anyone impacted by sexual coercion:
- U.S. Equal Employment Opportunities Commission
- National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673)
- Love Is Respect – Call or Text: LOVEIS to 866-331-9474
- Sexual Harassment in Housing Initiative Line 844-380-6178
