Sexual Coercion: Examples, How to Respond, & Getting Help

Sexual Coercion Definition

Sexual coercion comes in many forms. Sometimes, it may be difficult to identify because it may not be as obvious as other forms of sexual trauma and assault. Although there may not be physical aggression, those being coerced are giving in to sexual contact against their will, and therefore unable to give their consent. This lack of consent is where the violation occurs, and in many cases is against the law.

Is Coercion Sexual Assault?

Yes, sexual coercion is sexual assault. Coercion does not include consent, therefore assault is the appropriate term for any sexual coercion. If there is any penetration involved with the coerced sexual contact, that would fall into the category of rape, which is also a crime.

Who Commits Sexual Coercion?

Sexual coercion can be committed by anyone, but is most likely to occur with someone you already have some type of relationship with.¹ It can feel like pressure from another person to engage in some kind of physical or sexual contact. Many people feel like it’s easier to go along with it even if they don’t want to because the other person isn’t giving in. This can also happen between friends, friends-of-friends, relatives, and colleagues.

Common Coercion Tactics

Sexual coercion tactics might include:

• Making frequent and persistent attempts at sexual contact
• Using alcohol or drugs like GHB to loosen your inhibitions
• Making you feel as if it is too late to say “no”
• Threatening your job, home, family, or reputation
• Using emotional abuse methods like guilt tripping and name calling
• Frequent touching of shoulders, back, arms, etc.

Coercion vs. Consent

To understand the difference between consensual and coercive sex, let us first understand what consensual sex involves. Consent is freely and voluntarily given and can be withdrawn at any time. Consent can only be given when a person is able to understand the fact, nature, and extent of the sexual act.²

Under the Influence of Alcohol

If a person is mentally or physically incapacitated or impaired, such as under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the person may not understand and therefore is unable to consent.

In Relationships

Giving consent to some form of sexual activity does not automatically mean that consent for other forms of sexual activities are given. Further, consent for past sexual activities does not imply continued consent for future activities. You never have to have sexual contact when you do not want to. Sexual contact without your consent is assault.

Sexual Coercion Examples

Sexual coercion may occur in many ways other than those mentioned below. In these examples, consent may be given, but not freely, because of pressure, guilt, or threat. It is not truly consent if you are afraid or unable to say “no.”³

Here are some examples of sexual coercion:

Badgering

In this scenario, sexual coercion results from repetitive asking and questioning until you are so worn down that you give in. This can happen any time, from a first date to those in long term relationships and marriages. The person is persistent and it can feel easier to just go with it than continue defending your answer.

Taking Away Agency

Someone may take away your chances to say no and use the gray area to pursue and act on sexual advances. Even if you didn’t audibly say “no,” there is no “yes,” so therefore it is still coercion. In some instances, saying no can be dangerous so it feels safer to say nothing instead, which is interpreted as a yes. In any relationship, the absence of “no” does not automatically mean “yes.”

Emotional Manipulation

Someone may tell you that you’re feeling a certain way in order to convince you to engage in sexual behaviors even if you don’t want to. They may also say they are okay without the physical contact, but their actions and behaviors say otherwise. All of these tactics are emotionally manipulative. It becomes emotionally abusive if they begin to withhold any kind of communication, contact, or safety in the relationship until they get what they want.

Saying It Is Your Duty

In this scenario, sexual coercion results from being made to feel obligated to engage in a sexual act. It may be because your date has just paid for the meal, activities, etc. and expects you to repay them sexually. Maybe your partner or spouse feels that this is your duty in the relationship, and that you are not allowed to refuse.

Although freely engaging in sexual acts in either situation is no reason for concern, no one should feel required to do so. A healthy relationship is built from trust and mutual respect. Making sexual demands not only violates this, but it shows little respect for your personal boundaries.

Guilt Tripping

Sexual coercion through guilt occurs when you are given the option to refuse, but are made to feel bad for doing so, and you give in to the advances. Your partner may express that they “have needs” and threaten to cheat or end the relationship to get those needs met. Or maybe they say things like “But you’ve already got me all worked up,” suggesting you are somehow at fault, or “If you really loved me, you’d do it” to pressure you to prove your love for them.

Anyone has the right to revoke consent at any time, for any reason. If your partner loves and respects you, they should respect your right to choose and say “no” even if that is not what they want.

Peer Pressure

Many students, especially those who are coming of age and are navigating the world through a new lens, may be more susceptible to sexual coercion because of peer pressure. Often, they consent to sex without thinking they have a choice, often due to inexperience or lack of preventative education.⁴

Coercion may include teasing, frequent requests, the use of drugs or alcohol, or even anger as means to convince a partner or peer to consent to sexual behavior. The coerced individual often consents to the activity because they do not feel that their decision not to engage will be respected, or they may be belittled if they say “no.”

At Work or School

Sexual coercion at work or school is typically used in exchange of some incentive. An abusive boss or supervisor may promise a promotion or raise or a professor my promise a passing grade in exchange for you engaging in sexual acts. A co-worker or classmate may suggest a sexual favor in exchange for their help on a project or assignment you are having difficulty completing. Sexual coercion also occurs when someone attempts to wear you down by repeatedly making sexual advances towards you.

This form of sexual coercion also falls under the category of sexual harassment, which is against the law. Academic and professional advancement should be based on your qualifications and performance, not sexual favors. Further, these acts can create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment, which violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act and Title IX of the Education Amendments.^2,5

For Housing

Sexual coercion in housing includes demands for sex or sexual acts in order to buy, rent, or continue renting a home. Coercion can come from the landlord, property manager, maintenance worker, or a member of the housing authority. Sexual coercion occurs, for example, when a tenant is pressured or tricked into performing sexual favors in order to gain housing, in place of rent, to avoid eviction, or in order to have their home properly serviced.

Sexual coercion in housing, a form of sexual harassment, is illegal and is a violation of the Fair Housing Act. Tenants who have experienced this are encouraged to contact the Department of Justice through the Sexual Harassment in Housing Initiative to report the act, no matter how long ago it occurred.