Teen Sexting: Why It Happens & What to Do About It

What Is Teen Sexting?

The word sexting comes from a combination of the words sex and texting. Teen sexting is when teenagers engage in sexual talk through texting, sometimes combined with sending videos or pictures.

Teen sexting may involve sending or receiving:

• Nude or semi-nude photos
• Explicit videos (dances, masturbation, etc)
• Sexually suggestive texts with sexual words and phrases
• Use of social media apps to send or receive sexual content (Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, etc)
• Engaging in role play of sexual acts through text
• Sending voice clips of sexual talk or acts
• Discussion of sexual topics and fantasies through text

Why Do Teens Sext?

While some adults may engage in sexting every day, teenage sexting is often a cause for concern for many parents. While it is understandable to be concerned, it is important to understand that this behavior is a normal part of their development, often stemming from curiosity.

Studies on teen behavior have found that teen sexting is on the rise, with more adolescents admitting to engaging in the behavior than in previous years. A study done in 2017 found that between 30-40% of teens had received naked pictures of peers in the past year.¹ This means that the behavior is widespread and it is difficult to shelter your teen from it.

Common reasons for teen sexting include:

Curiosity

Curiosity around sex and sexual exploration can lead to sexting. Many teenagers begin to feel curious about their sexual identity, and how their bodies work, and want to explore and learn more. Teen sexting is often a way for the child to explore their sexuality, including what turns them on and what they like.

Entertainment

Many teens find sexting fun. Some think it’s safe to experiment in this way, and some find it slightly dangerous due to the risks involved, which is a thrill.

Easy Access

For teens who want to engage in a higher frequency of sexual activity, this could be a good way to meet that need, as it is sometimes more difficult for teens to find places for sexual activity.

It’s a Safer Way to Explore

Many LGBTQ people report that they feel safer engaging in sexting before having actual sex with another person, due to the stigmas and self shame that can accompany being attracted to another queer or LGBTQ person. This depends on the teen’s family of origin of course. “Sexting has become part of the repertoire of adolescents’ sexual behaviors, especially among those who identify as gender and sexually diverse.”²

It’s Less Intimidating

For young people who are learning about their bodies and others’ bodies, it is a less intimidating way to learn how to engage sexually with another person. There is still some degree of anonymity when sexting with a person, so many find this to be less intimidating than having actual sex.

Consequences of Teens Sexting

Despite the prevalence and ease of teen sexting, there are still possible consequences to this behavior. These consequences range from minor, such as getting caught by a parent, to severe, such as breaking the law and having the police involved.

Some of the dangers of teen sexting include:

Losing Control of the Content

Once the messages, videos, and pictures are sent, they can end up anywhere. It is important for teens to understand that the content can be seen by others – not just to the person they sent it to. This can lead to bullying, reputation destruction, embarrassment, and can lead to cyberbullying.

Psychological Distress

Even though it is on the phone, sexting still involves vulnerability and personal details of a person’s intimate life. Therefore, exposure to sexting may trigger discomfort or embarrassment, and can even lead to teen anxiety and teen depression. In some circumstances, sexting can lead to the teen avoiding social situations due to embarrassment if their information is shared with peers.

Blackmail

Unfortunately, we all know the concept of revenge porn, which is when intimate pictures or videos of a person are shared with others as a form of blackmail- or revenge. This can easily happen with teens, whose brains are not formed enough to consider the consequences of their actions. Personal and intimate information and pictures can be quickly shared with others when the teens become upset with each other or break up, which can cause humiliation and ruin someone’s reputation.

Legal Concerns

When anyone sends sexually explicit material through their phone, they risk legal consequences. When the sender and/or recipient are minors, this increases the chance of legal consequences due to minor consent laws. “The rate of non consensual sexting among younger youth is concerning and, with respect to legislation on sexting, should continue to be a primary concern for policymakers.”⁴ Is Teen Sexting Legal?

Most of the states in the USA have laws against sending and receiving explicit sexual content, which can range from pictures to videos or messages. Many of these laws explicitly prohibit the content from being sent to, or from, minors.

What Parents Should Do About Teen Sexting

It can be understandably upsetting for parents to find out their teen has been sexting. There is a feeling of lack of trust, and sometimes even embarrassment and concern about potential consequences.

Some things parents should do about their teens sexting include:

Don’t Ignore the Situation

Adults often think that ignoring a situation and hoping it does not happen will make it go away. But we know that teenagers will look for information and opportunities, especially if they do not have accurate information. This can lead to them engaging in behaviors anyway due to not having the correct information.

Discuss the Consequences of Teen Sexting

With the increasing normalization of teen sexting, it can be easy to forget that there can easily be legal outcomes. It is important for parents to make sure their teens understand the consequences and risks of sexting, such as how it can affect them in school, impact their future career, impact their life, and affect them legally.

Be Open to Discussing

If your teen worries that they will be in trouble for sexting, they might be less likely to admit to it when you ask them. Even if you are upset, try to be open to having discussions. You have more control over your teen’s safety when they are less likely to hide things from you.

Limit Phone Usage

Some parents choose to limit phone and tablet usage, such as only permitting phone use during certain times, or only allowing certain apps. Some parents do this by installing a parenting or phone monitoring app on their teens’ phones and tablets.

Have Healthy and Open Discussions Around Sex & Sexuality

We can not ignore the fact that adolescents are wanting to explore sexually. Even if adults disagree with the behavior, this does not change its prevalence and ease of access. Assuming that teens will not engage in behavior when told not to is unrealistic.

Talking to your kids about sex and sex education are the only way to empower teens and keep them safe. “Sexting is becoming a more common practice among youth; therefore, age-specific information on sexting and its potential consequences should regularly be provided as a component of sex education.”⁴

Establish Safe Sexting Practices

When done in a healthy and safe way, sexting can be a safer alternative to exploration than having actual sex. Some parents establish rules such as: texting only, no videos or pictures, no discussion of things below the belt, etc. While we can not control a teenager’s decisions, we can help them make informed and safer decisions.

Give Them Information

Many teenagers do not know that they could get in trouble for sexting until it is too late. After getting caught by school administrators or even the police, they often wish they had known receiving pictures or videos was illegal. While it is unknown whether this will actually change their behavior, empowering teens with knowledge of the law and the ramifications of their behavior will help them make decisions.

When to Seek Professional Help for Teen Sexting

Most teen sexting is a normal part of their exploration and development, and not usually a cause for concern. However, this depends greatly on the nature of the messages sent and the age of the teenager. What is acceptable for a 17 or 18 year old might not be okay for a 13 year old.

Many parents wonder when teen sexting may be a sign the teenager needs therapy. It’s recommended that parents have open and judgment free conversations with their teens to learn more. If they find that the sexting is getting out of control, such as getting inappropriate or even dangerous, it may be time to seek therapy for your teen. Thankfully, therapy is easier than ever with online therapy for teens and places that will help you find a teen therapist such as an online therapist directory.