Alcohol might seem like a great way to cope with grief, but it’s not going to help you feel the improvement you are looking for. Alcohol is a band-aid fix, which means it doesn’t necessarily help you heal or make you feel better. In fact, coping with alcohol can actually make you feel worse.
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What Is Grief?
Grief is a response to loss. This could be the death of someone close to you, the loss of a pet, the end of a relationship, moving or changing jobs. The American Psychological Association states “Grief may also take the form of regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself.”1
Grief is a complex emotional experience that takes many people off guard. Especially since we aren’t always provided the tools we need to cope. Also, despite how common it is, grief isn’t heavily talked about. Anyone can experience grief, and there’s no perfect timeline, but there are ways of coping that can be helpful and unhelpful.
The Relationship Between Alcohol & Grief
Most social events include alcohol. For example, at many funerals, there is a toast given to the deceased as a way to show respect. While there’s nothing wrong with this or even having a drink, it’s important to recognize that what may seem harmless can quickly turn harmful.
What starts as a way to “take the edge off” or to cope with a difficult situation can quickly become a habit or the only way you know how to cope; however, the use of alcohol for long periods can have significant consequences. While the grief may feel managed, it’s not, and alcohol use will likely cause other problems to arise.
Using Alcohol To Cope
Most people don’t intend for alcohol to be their only form of coping. For example, having a nightcap after a rough day starts off as a reward. Others may use alcohol as a way to forget or avoid how they are feeling. It offers an escape from reality and a way to forget grief for a moment.
Using alcohol to cope isn’t always internal. Some people start to cope with alcohol to perform better socially, to feel more upbeat, or to appear less sad. Going out for drinks can feel like a great way to connect socially when you are trying to avoid being alone with your thoughts and emotions.
Can Grief Lead To Alcohol Abuse?
Once you open the door to start coping with alcohol, it can easily become a habit. For example, you start with one nightcap after an emotional day, but this slowly turns to two or three. After a while, you can’t sleep without one, feel irritable, need more alcohol for the desired effect, and your nights are focused on obtaining alcohol.
Grief, in particular, comes with a lot of intense emotions, and the truth is, alcohol is great at decreasing these, but that doesn’t mean it’s the most effective or healthy way to cope. In fact, coping long-term with alcohol is dangerous and can have severe emotional and physical consequences. Over time, your drinking may worsen and become alcoholism or alcohol abuse.
The Connection Of Unresolved Grief & Alcohol
Alcohol use is an avoidance technique. By avoiding the emotions you are feeling, you aren’t truly working through them and what they mean to you. Instead, you are just shoving them aside. Over time, the emotions you have become unresolved and can, in turn, make your avoidance of them even worse.
The more you drink, the more you have to drink. It’s also likely the more you drink, the worse you feel. Or you just never feel better. By not caring for your body and mind, the grief goes unresolved and can start to impact other areas of your life negatively. It then can become a vicious and unproductive cycle.
Alcohol Can Perpetuate Grief
Drinking to cope with grief is like shoving items under your bed instead of cleaning. While everything appears out of sight, it’s all just building up until, eventually, it won’t fit anymore. Alcohol perpetuates grief in the same way. Alcohol is just a hiding place for the grief, but when you don’t process or work through it, it only builds and builds.
Also, alcohol isn’t a performance enhancer, so while you may think you are doing the work when you are tipsy or drunk, you aren’t. Alcohol doesn’t give you the tools you need to resolve your emotions and instead just requires you to use more and more to feel what you want.
Alcohol Can Keep You From Processing Grief
Alcohol is short-term relief, but as mentioned above does not give you any tools or ways to process the grief or emotions you are experiencing. After a night of drinking, the grief is still there in the morning and probably feels worse because, on top of feeling grief, you are now hungover or groggy.
Alcohol also keeps you from processing grief on a biological level. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows down the central nervous system and the brain. It also impacts areas of the brain in charge of judgment and problem-solving. This means when you are drinking, you may feel one way, but this may or may not be accurate.2
Help for Alcohol Use
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Want to drink less? Sunnyside helps you ease into mindful drinking at your own pace. Think lifestyle change, not a fad diet. Develop new daily routines, so you maintain your new habits for life. Take a 3 Minute Quiz
Alcohol Can Worsen Depression
Grief mimics depression in many ways, and you can experience both simultaneously; however, the key difference is that grief normally resolves over time on its own, whereas depression is more persistent and chronic in nature. But, no matter what, when you pair alcohol’s naturally depressant nature with symptoms of depression that are already present, you get more depression.
The relationship between alcohol and depression is complex, but research has shown it’s bidirectional. This means “Both disorders can exist together, each disorder increases the risk for the other disorder, and each disorder can worsen the other.”3 It should also be noted you can also experience alcohol-induced depression, which is depression caused by alcohol use.4, 5
Effects Of Abusing Alcohol
Lead in sentence: Risks of alcohol abuse include:
- Lowered inhibitions and poor judgment
- Injuries from falls, burns, and other accidents
- Violence (sexual assault, suicide, aggression)
- Increased irritability and anger
- Alcohol-induced depression
- Withdrawal symptoms (headaches, nausea, shaking)
- Dehydration
- Financial strain
- Risky behaviors
- Miscarriage, stillbirth, or fetal alcohol spectrum disorders6
- High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems
- Increased risk of cancer
- Weakened immune system
- Memory problems
- Social problems (unemployment, loss of relationships)
Healthier Ways To Cope With Grief
It is possible to cope with grief in both a healthy and effective way.
Lead in sentence: Some healthy ways to cope with grief include:
- Journaling: journaling is a great way to get all your thoughts and emotions down or out of your head. You can even try out some grief journaling prompts to help you get started
- Grief counseling: grief counseling is a protected space for you to process your thoughts and emotions with someone who is trained to help you
- Prioritize self-care: grief can make you feel lost and not like yourself, which is why it’s important to continue to care for yourself. Shower, brush your teeth, hydrate, and keep up with at least one activity you usually enjoy
- Ask for help: share with those in your life you are struggling and ask for help. Even if it’s just having someone come over to sit and watch a movie with you.
- Remind yourself grief is normal: how you feel is 100% normal and you aren’t alone. Lots of people struggle to cope with grief and there is nothing wrong with taking time to heal
- Avoid deadlines: don’t give yourself a deadline to get over your grief. Take your time and go at your own pace
- Give back: sometimes, the best way to cope is to give back and help others who are also struggling. It can feel nice to do something good for someone else and also not be alone
- Avoid avoiding: try not to shut yourself down or avoid your feelings. Feelings are helpful information, and taking time to think about how you feel can help you figure out what steps to take next
- Keep a routine: even if you feel unmotivated, try to have at least one thing planned each day.
- Preserve memories: if you’ve lost someone, find ways to keep their memory and who they were alive and with you
When to Seek Professional Help for Alcohol Misuse
If you feel like it’s hard to cut down on your drinking, you’ve been drinking for longer than planned, you’ve started to have more hangover days than non-hangover days, or your alcohol use has started to impact your life, it may be time to seek help. Try checking out an online therapist directory or online therapy platform to find a therapist who specializes in alcohol use. You could also reach out to a psychiatrist using online psychiatrist options. Both of these can be particularly helpful if you are struggling with other mental health symptoms like anxiety or depression.
How to Support Someone Grieving & Misusing Alcohol
It can be hard to watch someone you care about grieve, but it can be even harder when they start to misuse alcohol. Try to avoid drinking with them or offering them financial support for their alcohol use. It’s also important to set boundaries with the person if you start to feel uncomfortable or your own mental health is impacted.
You can also offer the person a sober space to talk when they are ready. Be supportive and understanding, but avoid enabling or encouraging. If you are worried about the person’s health or well-being, encourage them to reach out for professional help and know your own limits with how much support you can provide.
In My Experience
Additional Resources
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Alcohol Treatment – Cut Back or Quit Entirely
Ria Health – Quickly change your relationship to alcohol with our at-home program. On average, members reduce their BAC levels by 50% in 3 months in the program. Services are covered by many major health plans. Visit Ria Health
Drinking Moderation
Sunnyside – Want to drink less? Sunnyside helps you ease into mindful drinking at your own pace. Think lifestyle change, not a fad diet. Develop new daily routines, so you maintain your new habits for life. Take a 3 Minute Quiz
Detox or Rehab Center Covered by Insurance
Recovery.com – Find the best local detox or rehab center covered by your insurance. Search our unbiased and thorough list of the best mental health and addiction treatment centers. Read reviews. Start Your Search
Treatment for Mental Health Conditions That Coexist With SUD
Talkiatry – Get help from a doctor who can treat the mental health conditions that commonly lead to or coexist with substance use disorders. Take our online assessment and have your first appointment in days. Take Assessment
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Online medication-assisted treatment programs are fairly new to the telehealth industry, but existing companies are expanding quickly with new programs emerging every day. It’s important to explore your options and understand the level of virtual care available so you can choose the best addiction treatment program for you.
Best Mindful Drinking Apps
If you’re thinking about joining the sober curious movement and you’d like to cut back on drinking, mindful drinking apps are a great place to start. Practicing mindful drinking can take some time, attention, and patience, but with the help of the right app, you can completely transform your relationship with alcohol.
Understanding Alcohol & Grief Infographics