Closet Alcoholic: Meaning & Signs to Look For

12 Signs of a Closet Alcoholic

Recognizing a loved one’s hidden struggle with alcohol can be challenging, but there are several signs to be vigilant about. A closet alcoholic conceals their drinking through secretive behaviors like hiding alcohol, sneaking drinks alone, and downplaying their consumption. They may miss responsibilities, become defensive when asked about their habits, and experience mood swings or health issues related to their drinking.

Here are twelve signs that someone might be a closet drinker:

1. They Find Frequent Excuses to Drink

A closet alcoholic often finds reasons to justify drinking, even in situations where it might not typically make sense. This could look like insisting they need a drink to unwind after work, celebrating even minor achievements with alcohol, or making drinking a central part of social events. Over time, these excuses may start to feel constant, as if alcohol has become their default coping mechanism. They might downplay how often they drink, making it seem casual when it’s actually habitual.

2. They Engage In Heavy Drinking

A closet alcoholic may appear fine in social situations, but they often consume alcohol excessively in secret. Heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming more than four drinks on any day or more than 14 drinks per week for men, and more than three drinks on any day or more than seven drinks per week for women. For example, someone might secretly down several drinks alone after everyone’s left a party or continue drinking at home after a night out.

Over time, they may develop a tolerance, meaning they can consume large amounts of alcohol without showing obvious signs of intoxication. This tolerance can mask the extent of their drinking, but it doesn’t protect against serious risks. Heavy drinking over time increases the chances of blackouts, liver damage, heart disease, and other health problems, even if the person seems functional on the surface.

3. They Have Unexplained Absences

Unexplained absences are a common red flag. A closet alcoholic might miss work, cancel plans, or suddenly disappear for periods of time without a clear explanation. They could call in sick often, leave social gatherings early, or isolate themselves unexpectedly. These absences may be tied to drinking binges or recovery from them, and the secrecy around their time away can leave loved ones feeling confused or suspicious about what’s really going on.

4. They Hide Their Alcohol

A closet alcoholic often goes to great lengths to conceal their alcohol consumption, driven by the fear of others discovering the severity of their addiction. They may hide bottles, cans, or other containers in various places—closets, cabinets, or even at work—choosing locations that are unlikely to be noticed by others. This secretive behavior is a strong indication of their struggle, as they are not only hiding their drinking but also the depth of their reliance on alcohol. By concealing their supply, they attempt to maintain a facade of normalcy, making it difficult for others to recognize the extent of their problem.

5. They Have Seemingly Unexplainable Changes in Their Behavior

Closet alcoholics may display noticeable shifts in their behavior that don’t seem to have a clear cause. For example, they might become irritable, defensive, or emotionally distant, especially if their drinking is questioned. Others might notice mood swings, forgetfulness, or an increase in secrecy. These changes often reflect the strain of hiding their drinking and the emotional toll that alcohol dependency can take, even when it’s kept behind closed doors.

6. They Neglect Their Responsibilities

When someone is struggling with hidden alcohol use, responsibilities often fall by the wayside. They might miss deadlines at work, forget important family obligations, or let basic tasks like paying the bills or maintaining their home slip through the cracks. The effort to keep their drinking a secret while managing its effects, like hangovers or poor focus, can leave little energy for everyday commitments, leading to a growing sense of chaos or disorganization in their life.

7. They Have Sudden Financial Problems

Drinking can be expensive, especially when it’s frequent or hidden. Closet alcoholics might suddenly experience financial difficulties, like falling behind on bills, borrowing money without clear reasons, or seeming stressed about their finances. They may spend more on alcohol than they admit, and the need to hide their drinking, such as buying alcohol in secret or frequenting multiple stores, can make these expenses add up quickly, leaving their finances strained.

8. They Display Physical Signs of Drinking

Physical signs of drinking can become harder to hide over time. These might include smelling like alcohol, bloodshot eyes, flushed skin, or shakiness. A closet alcoholic might also appear tired, unkempt, or frequently hungover. While they might try to cover up these signs with gum, cologne, or excuses about being tired or sick, the physical toll of alcohol use often becomes noticeable to those around them, especially in close relationships.

9. They Isolate Themselves From Loved Ones

A closet alcoholic often isolates themselves from friends and family to protect their hidden dependence on alcohol. They may withdraw from social interactions, repeatedly make excuses to avoid gatherings, or spend more time alone to drink in secret. This pattern of isolation can lead to an increasing sense of loneliness and disconnection, as they choose alcohol over meaningful relationships.

10. They Have a Growing Tolerance for Alcohol & Rarely Suffer From Hangovers

A closet alcoholic often develops a high tolerance for alcohol, allowing them to drink heavily without experiencing the typical physical consequences like hangovers. This growing tolerance means their body has adapted to regular, excessive alcohol consumption, making it possible for them to consume large amounts while appearing unaffected. This lack of hangovers can create the illusion that their drinking isn’t a problem, which can make it harder for others to recognize the severity of their addiction.

11. They Drink to Cope

A closet alcoholic often turns to alcohol as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming life circumstances. They may rely on drinking to manage feelings of anxiety, depression, or to escape from unresolved trauma. Alcohol becomes a temporary refuge, numbing their emotions and providing relief from distress, but this creates a dangerous cycle of dependence. Over time, they may start to use alcohol as a form of self-medication, masking their deeper struggles rather than addressing them directly. This reliance on alcohol makes it difficult for others to recognize their hidden addiction, as the drinking appears to be linked to external stressors rather than an ongoing problem.

12. They Deny the Existence of a Problem

A closet alcoholic consistently denies that they have an issue with alcohol. This denial can take many forms—downplaying the frequency or amount they drink, making excuses for their behavior, or attributing their drinking to stress, social events, or tough circumstances. They insist that they’re in control, even when their actions suggest otherwise.

This persistent denial creates a significant barrier to seeking help, as it prevents them from recognizing the severity of their problem. The longer this continues, the deeper they may fall into their addiction, making it harder to break free.

Impacts of Being a Closet Drinker

Closet drinking can have serious consequences on both physical and mental health. Prolonged, hidden alcohol use often leads to health issues such as liver damage, heart problems, and a weakened immune system. Mentally, it can intensify anxiety, depression, and cognitive decline, making emotional struggles worse over time.

The social impact is also significant. Relationships can suffer due to secrecy and emotional distance, while trust erodes as the drinking remains concealed. At work, performance may decline, affecting job security and career progress. Over time, the pressure of hiding the problem only deepens the cycle of addiction, making it harder to seek help. Recognizing the issue early and addressing it through support and treatment can prevent further damage and lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships and life.

What Should You Do if You Suspect Your Loved One Is a Closet Alcoholic?

If you suspect your loved one is a closet alcoholic, it’s important to approach the situation with care, compassion, and thoughtfulness.

Here are some steps you can take if you think your loved one is a closet drinker:

• Educate yourself about alcoholism: Learning about alcohol use disorder can help you approach your loved one with more empathy and knowledge. Learn about the signs, causes, and effects of alcohol dependency, as well as the challenges of recovery. Being informed can help you avoid common misconceptions and provide thoughtful support instead of unintentional judgment.
• Look for consistent patterns: Before addressing your concerns, observe if your loved one’s behavior includes consistent signs of alcohol dependency. Occasional lapses don’t necessarily indicate a deeper issue, but repeated patterns, like unexcused absences, mood swings, or financial issues, might.
• Choose the right time and setting: Timing matters when bringing up sensitive topics. Choose a time when both of you are calm, and avoid addressing the issue when your loved one is intoxicated or emotional. Seek a safe environment for an honest and compassionate conversation.
• Express your concerns with empathy, not judgment: Focus on sharing how you feel and what you’ve observed, rather than blaming or accusing. Use “I” statements like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawing lately, and I’m worried about you.” Showing empathy helps your loved one feel supported rather than attacked, which can make them more open to listening.
• Listen without interrupting: Once you’ve expressed your concerns, give your loved one space to respond. They may feel defensive or emotional, but listening without interrupting can help them feel heard. Even if their response is not what you hoped for, staying calm and open shows that you’re there for them.
• Don’t try to “fix” them yourself: It’s natural to want to help, but remember that you can’t solve your loved one’s problem on your own. Alcoholism is a complex issue that often requires professional intervention. Focus on being a source of encouragement and accountability rather than trying to control or “fix” their behavior.
• Avoid enabling behaviors: It’s tempting to shield your loved one from the consequences of their actions, but enabling, like making excuses for them or covering up their drinking, can reinforce the behavior. Instead, set boundaries and let them face the outcomes of their drinking. This can encourage accountability.
• Encourage professional help: Let your loved one know help is available and recovery is possible. Suggest resources like therapy, support groups, or addiction specialists. Offer to help them research options or accompany them to their first appointment if they’re nervous.
• Be prepared for resistance: It’s common for people struggling with alcohol dependency to deny or minimize their behavior. They might react defensively or shut down the conversation altogether. This doesn’t mean your concerns are invalid; it’s part of the process.
• Seek support for yourself: Supporting a loved one with alcoholism can be emotionally draining. Reach out to a therapist, a support group like Al-Anon, or lean on trusted friends and family. Taking care of your own mental health ensures you have the energy and perspective to continue supporting your loved one.
• Be consistent in your support: Recover is often a long and challenging journey, and your loved one may face setbacks. Let them know you’re there for them, but stay firm in boundaries. Consistency in your support and willingness to celebrate their progress can make a significant difference in their recovery process.

How to Find Professional Support

Whether you’re worried about a loved one who is a closet drinker or seeking help for yourself as someone affected by their behavior, finding the right professional support is crucial. Begin by exploring an online therapist directory to find a professional who specializes in alcohol use disorders or in helping loved ones navigate the challenges of supporting someone with an addiction. Online therapy platforms can also be an excellent option, offering access to licensed professionals in a more private, convenient setting that may feel less overwhelming and easier to approach.

For the closet drinker, support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) offer a community of individuals who are dealing with similar struggles, providing guidance and shared experiences. There are also many different addiction recovery apps that offer additional support. For more severe cases, explore inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation programs that offer structured treatment.

As someone with a loved one struggling with alcohol, groups like Al-Anon provide a safe space for family members and friends of alcoholics to share their experiences and receive emotional support.

Treatment for Closet Alcoholics

For individuals struggling with closet drinking, several treatment options are available that address both the physical and psychological aspects of alcohol addiction. Treatment typically begins with a comprehensive assessment to create a personalized plan tailored to the unique challenges of hidden drinking. A combination of therapies and ongoing support is key to addressing both the secrecy and dependency associated with closet drinking.

Some treatment options for a closet drinker include:

Outpatient Therapy

Outpatient therapy addresses the psychological aspects of closet drinking by developing coping mechanisms and building healthier habits over time. It’s ideal for those who need support but prefer not to disrupt their home or work life.

Inpatient Treatment

Inpatient treatment provides a more immersive and structured environment, removing individuals from triggering situations and offering 24/7 support. In this setting, individuals have access to a therapeutic community and a comprehensive focus on recovery, which can be especially helpful for those who need a higher level of care and accountability.

Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT)

MAT involves the use of prescribed medications to help manage cravings and withdrawal symptoms, providing vital support during the early stages of recovery. This approach, combined with therapy, can significantly increase the chances of long-term success by reducing the risk of relapse.

Support Groups

Support groups offer a sense of community and understanding. By sharing experiences with others who have faced similar challenges, individuals can find the support and encouragement needed to maintain sobriety.

Family Therapy

Family therapy addresses the impact of closet drinking on relationships, encouraging open communication and understanding among family members. Involving loved ones in the recovery process strengthens the support network and promotes healing for both the individual and their family.

What Causes Someone to Become a Closet Drinker?

Closet alcoholism develops as a way to avoid shame, judgment, or confrontation. The person knows their drinking is problematic, but instead of seeking help, they hide it, fearing the stigma of addiction. This hidden struggle can go unnoticed for a long time, as the person works hard to conceal their behavior, which only deepens their dependence on alcohol.

Often, people turn to alcohol as a way to cope with difficult emotions, stress, or trauma. They might feel overwhelmed by their feelings and seek comfort in alcohol’s ability to numb their pain.  Over time, this can develop into a secretive relationship with drinking, where alcohol becomes a private escape from their struggles. Genetics can also play a role. Some people may be more genetically predisposed to developing an alcohol use disorder, which means they might be at a higher risk for addiction if they begin drinking regularly. For these individuals, alcohol’s effects can be more potent, making it harder to stop once they start. Social factors are another significant piece of the puzzle.

How to Cope With Closet Drinking

Recovering from closet alcoholism requires addressing both the emotional and psychological aspects of addiction. Seeking professional help, building a strong support system, and developing healthy coping mechanisms are all essential parts of the process. Recognizing the problem and taking the first step toward recovery can open the door to positive change.

Additional strategies and resources include:

• Acknowledge the problem: Self-awareness is the first crucial step. Recognizing how alcohol is affecting not only physical health but also relationships, career, and overall well-being is vital. This acknowledgment helps establish a clear starting point for recovery and breaks the cycle of denial.
• Tell someone you trust: Sharing the struggle with a close friend or family member can ease the burden of secrecy. Talking about the issue openly often relieves some of the shame associated with hiding the behavior. A trusted confidant can also provide accountability, which is essential for progress.
• Seek professional help: Seeking therapy from a licensed counselor or psychologist offers a confidential space to explore the root causes of closet drinking and develop coping mechanisms. Additionally, they can guide you through the different outpatient or inpatient treatment program options if necessary.
• Support groups: Joining groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) provides access to a community of individuals who understand the unique challenges of alcohol addiction. This sense of belonging can be a powerful motivator in staying committed to recovery.
• Monitor your drinking habits: Keep track of when and why you feel the urge to drink in secret. This can help you identify patterns and triggers that contribute to your behavior. Consider keeping a journal to track your emotional state and your drinking. There are many different journaling apps that make tracking your triggers easy.
• Mindfulness and meditation: Practices like mindfulness and meditation offer more than just relaxation—they promote awareness of thoughts, feelings, and cravings. These techniques teach you how to manage stress and emotional triggers without turning to alcohol.
• Regular health check-ups: Alcohol can have serious long-term effects on the body, and regular medical check-ups ensure that any health concerns are caught early. These visits provide an opportunity to monitor physical recovery, such as liver function or cardiovascular health. Additionally, doctors can offer advice on managing alcohol withdrawal.
• Establishing healthy habits: Adopting a healthier lifestyle with regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep supports both physical and mental recovery. Exercise, for example, boosts endorphins, improving mood and reducing cravings. Healthy habits not only help the body heal but also replace the destructive routine of alcohol use with more positive, life-affirming activities.
• Building a sober network: Surrounding oneself with individuals who prioritize sobriety can reinforce a commitment to recovery. Social connections with like-minded people help reduce the risk of relapse by providing encouragement and support during challenging moments.
• Focus on self-compassion: Shame and guilt often keep people trapped in the cycle of closet drinking. Practicing self-compassion and avoiding beating yourself up can help break this cycle. Recognize that overcoming secret drinking is a process, and relapses are a part of recovery. Be kind to yourself as you work toward healthier habits.