What Is Communal Narcissism?

What Is Communal Narcissism?

All types of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) interconnect with prevailing themes of grandiosity and a distorted sense of self-image. Communal narcissism, however, focuses on themes of altruism, generosity, and helping society. Communal narcissists want to be validated for how much they help others, and they seek approval for their charitable efforts. They also tend to think they are better than others based on their morals and actions.

Signs of Communal Narcissism

Signs of communal narcissism may manifest as an extreme dedication to specific causes or charities, often causing them to neglect other important tasks or overstep boundaries. They may come across as martyrs, mocking or degrading those who do not share their intense dedication or interests, such as lashing out at meat-eaters if they are vegan or criticizing wealthy individuals who do not donate extensively.

Signs of communal narcissism may include:²

• Extreme dedication to specific charities or causes: Their devotion may cause them to neglect other important tasks or step on the toes of others.
• Often talking about having a mission or a calling: They consider serving the community to be of utmost importance, and they may deem any other interests as petty or selfish.
• Stirring excess drama or conflict at charitable or work-related events: Rather than focus on achieving a communal goal, they may be more focused on hierarchies or self-inflicted politics.
• Coming across as a martyr: They will mock or degrade people who do not also share the same martyr-like interests (i.e. if they are a vegan, they might lash out at people who eat meat. Or, they might “hate” wealthy people who do not donate most of their wealth).
• Believing they are the best at something: They may have no evidence to substantiate this claim (and others might vehemently disagree with it).
• Only seeming to show concern for societal needs in public: In private, they do not exhibit the same motivations. For example, they might donate lavish amounts of money at an important event, but they wouldn’t ever consider becoming an anonymous donor. Or, they might post about needing to save the planet on social media without actually making a personal effort to do so.

Examples of Communal Narcissism

Communal narcissism can manifest in various forms, often under the guise of altruism and helpfulness. Individuals with communal narcissism exhibit behaviors that seem supportive and community-oriented but are ultimately self-serving. It’s important to recognize these patterns as they can significantly impact interpersonal dynamics in different settings.

Below are examples of communal narcissism in various environments:

Communal Narcissism At Work

In the workplace, a communal narcissist might try and do your tasks for you because they assume they’re being “helpful.” They may believe that the company would simply deteriorate without them—it’s as if they are the single force keeping the business together. Moreover, they will often look down on colleagues who take time off work or seem uninterested in their job.

Communal  Narcissists Volunteering for a Cause

As volunteers, communal narcissists might try to overstep their boundaries and take on responsibilities, even without adequate training. They may stir drama during charity events and hyperfocus on insignificant details, rather than prioritize the actual volunteering mission. They will often pay attention to how much time or money other people spend devoted to the cause (and judge them accordingly).

Communal Narcissists at Sports Games

While playing a sport, they’re trying to teach others how to improve their skills instead of focusing on developing their own. They present as overly eager to help, presumably for the sake of the team, while not responding well to direction or advice themselves.

Communal Narcissists in Support Groups

In a support group like a new moms group, a communal narcissist will be dishing out unsolicited advice to everyone in the group, with the idea that they’re being “helpful.”

Things People With Communal Narcissism Might Say

People with communal narcissism often make grandiose statements that highlight their perceived selflessness and moral superiority. These declarations may appear benevolent on the surface, but they often mask a deeper need for validation and admiration.

Here are some common phrases that individuals with communal narcissism might say:

• I am the most helpful person I know
• I am going to bring peace and justice to the world
• I am the best friend someone can have
• I will be well known for the good deeds I will have done
• I am (going to be) the best parent on this planet
• I am the most caring person in my social surrounding
• In the future I will be well known for solving the world’s problems
• I greatly enrich others’ lives
• I will bring freedom to the people
• I am an amazing listener
• I will be able to solve world poverty
• I have a very positive influence on others
• I am generally the most understanding person
• I’ll make the world a much more beautiful place
• I am extraordinarily trustworthy
• I will be famous for increasing people’s well-being

5 Ways to Deal With a Communal Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be undoubtedly frustrating. It’s important to educate yourself on the condition, common signs and symptoms, and treatment options. Having this awareness can help you feel more informed in how you interact. As a general guideline, aim to remember that you are never obligated to tolerate any abuse or disrespect.

Here are five ways to handle a communal narcissist:

1. Don’t Try to Confront Conflicting Behavior

While you may feel tempted to challenge someone’s hypocrisy, this move almost always backfires. People with narcissism tend to become defensive and angry when given feedback (even if it’s constructive).

Instead, it’s better to avoid saying anything at all. They may engage in various narcissistic gaslighting techniques to compensate for their narcissistic rage. For example, they might continue lying and insisting their truth is objective. Or, they might try to convince you that you’re mistaken or otherwise causing problems.

2. Stay True to Your Own Values

Try to avoid letting people tell you how you should think or feel. You can care about your community without feeling pressured to do so. Someone with communal narcissism may belittle or shame you for “not doing enough” or “not feeling passionate enough.” Remember that you are your own person, and you have every right to pursue the values and needs that are significant to you.

3. Limit Triggering Interactions

At a minimum, it might be helpful to reduce the amount of time you spend together, limiting your potential to become their narcissistic supply. For instance, if you know you’re going to attend events where their behavior will upset you, set limits for yourself. Agree to commit to only a specific obligation or consider viable alternatives.

4. Implement Boundaries

You can and should set boundaries and parameters for your relationship. In doing so, remember that you do not have to accept disrespectful language or criticism from others.

Boundaries vary, but you can consider the following sample scripts:

• I am not talking about this matter any further
• That is not something I am willing to do
• If you ask me again, I will need you to leave my home
• This matter is not up for discussion

5. Practice Ongoing Self-Care

It’s easy to become overwhelmed, angry, or reactive when you encounter narcissistic behavior. However, it’s essential to focus on how you can preserve your well-being regardless of someone else’s actions.

Self-care can consist of engaging in more mindfulness, finding positive support, and affirming yourself often. It also includes honoring your physical and emotional well-being by getting enough sleep, eating a well-rounded diet, and staying physically active.

Professional Help When Dealing With a Communal Narcissist

Therapy can provide a safe space for someone who is dealing with a communal narcissist. A therapist can help you determine and keep your boundaries, and figure out when and how to end a relationship or break up with a narcissist. An online therapy platform is a great way to get started and find the support you need from a qualified therapist. There are many options to choose from, including BetterHelp and Brightside Health, to name just a couple.

Can Communal Narcissism Be Treated?

Currently, there are no FDA-approved treatment options for narcissistic personality disorder.³ That said, therapy can be a helpful, proactive option for understanding and coping with narcissism.

People with communal narcissism may not readily seek treatment for their symptoms. They think highly of themselves so it’s challenging for them to understand how their behaviors or thoughts may be harmful to others, and therefore don’t usually seek therapy for narcissism. Some may enter therapy for support with other problems however, like depression, anxiety, substance use, or relationship difficulties.
If you exhibit behavior consistent with communal narcissism and want to get help with your symptoms, talk therapy can provide a safe place to strengthen insight and learn new coping skills. In beginning your search, you should find a therapist with experience treating narcissistic personality disorder.