What Is a Doorknob Confession & Why You Do It

What Is a Doorknob Confession?

Doorknob confessions happen at the end of therapy. Sometimes known as truth bombs or bombshells, these disclosures tend to feel emotionally-sensitive and heavy. They generally require further exploration, but the last-minute revealing of them makes it challenging for both clients and therapists alike. Most doorknob confessions contain information that is dramatically different from other material discussed in the session.

Examples of doorknob confessions include:

• “I’ve been drinking a lot more lately”
• “I cheated on my husband a few days ago”
• “I cut myself”
• “I’m feeling suicidal”
• “I’m texting my ex again”
• “I’m actually really struggling with my eating disorder”
• “I haven’t told you yet, but I was sexually assaulted a few years ago”
• “I’m not sure if I really need therapy anymore”

Why Do Doorknob Confessions Happen?

Although there isn’t much research on the topic, doorknob confessions are relatively common in therapy. Almost every therapist can relate to experiencing this with their clients. Doorknob confessions often speak to the mixture of anxiety and shame that emerge in a session. They also represent how clients try to push themselves to be more vulnerable with their therapists.

Common reasons for doorknob confessions include:

Therapy Is New

Trust isn’t automatic, and it can take time to build rapport in therapy. Doorknob confessions act as a way to build emotional intimacy in a less-threatening way. Clients may subconsciously reveal important information at the end of session to see how their therapist responds and proceed with their treatment.

Avoidance

Doorknob confessions may also represent an avoidance behavior. A client might want their therapist to know something critical, but they aren’t ready to actually process that information during that time. The confession gets the therapist’s attention, which may act as a starting point for the following session.

Fear of Therapist’s Reaction

A client may worry about potential therapist rejection or criticism, causing them to turn to the doorknob confession approach. If they’ve had prior negative experiences with mental health providers, this fear of rejection may be more amplified. They might also have transferred negative feelings onto the therapist, making them assume the therapist will respond adversely.¹

Fear/Discomfort of Ending Session

Therapy offers a safe holding environment that feels nurturing and supportive. Transitioning out of that safety can feel uncomfortable. Some clients offer doorknob confessions as a way to maintain closeness with their therapist. If a therapist responds by continuously extending the session time, this can blur professional boundaries and create a problematic dynamic.

Shame About the Topic

Some clients really want to talk about a specific issue, but their shame makes it difficult to open up. In many ways, shame has encouraged them to isolate themselves from others and withhold their truth.² The doorknob confession may be a symbolic representation of them trying to work through that shame, even if it took the duration of the therapy session.

Desire for Accountability

Certain doorknob confessions require immediate therapist attention. For example, suicidal ideation or the disclosure of certain types of abuse often require more assessment and may entail breaching confidentiality.³ Clients who share doorknob confessions revealing crisis information may be “telling on themselves,” especially if they know their therapist will need to intervene appropriately.

Felt Compelled Due to Session Material

Sometimes talking about certain issues in therapy or an experience of closeness with a therapist may trigger a doorknob confession. From this framework, the doorknob confession represents a reaction to the here and now. The client may not have intended to share such information, but discussing another topic encouraged them to do so.

Are Doorknob Confessions a Bad Thing?

Reactions and patterns in therapy aren’t good or bad; they are all part of the process of building a relationship and working on yourself. In addition, therapists are trained to understand how to approach doorknob confessions. It may be helpful to explore your motives for revealing an important truth in the last few minutes, and it might also be productive to talk about how and why this may have happened with your therapist.

How Do Therapists Feel About Doorknob Confessions?

Every therapist is different, and doorknob confessions can evoke a variety of reactions. Some therapists may note the desire to extend the session or explore the issue deeper. Others may feel anxious or frustrated by a doorknob confession- it can trigger a helplessness that they can’t do more, especially if there’s another client they’re scheduled to see in a moment.

That said, you are not responsible for managing your therapist’s emotions. You are entitled to your process in therapy, and that may or may not include doorknob confessions. If you ever feel judged or unsupported by your therapist, it’s important to reevaluate the treatment or break up with your therapist.

What Comes After a Doorknob Confession?

Therapists will generally validate the vulnerability behind a doorknob confession. If the issue requires immediate support, your therapist will engage in the proper assessment. In some cases, this means reporting an incident or breaching confidentiality to keep you safe. Crisis issues aside, some therapists will briefly extend the session, offer an extra session, or let the client know they can start with that topic the following week.

7 Ways to Avoid Making Doorknob Confessions

Doorknob confessions can feel uncomfortable and unsettling. There’s an ‘unfinished business’ aspect to them, and waiting another week or two to really unpack the issue is challenging. There’s nothing inherently wrong with making doorknob confessions, but most clients find it far more satisfying to process a situation with proper time and attention.

Here are 7 ways to avoid making doorknob confessions:

1. Make a Plan

If you know you really want to address a particular issue, try to commit to talking about it right away. This gives you and your therapist ample opportunity to explore the situation. Even if you feel nervous, you will likely find that it’s relieving to get everything out in the open.

2. Write It Out

Some clients feel incredibly uncomfortable blurting out a vulnerable truth. If that’s the case, you might consider writing down the situation and either reading it aloud or having your therapist read it aloud. This strategy removes some of the pressure while giving you space to open up about something important.

3. Rehearse Ahead of Time

You may find it helpful to rehearse telling your therapist the truth about something. Even if you don’t verbally say it out loud, you could play the scene in your mind. Rehearsal may create a desensitization effect, and this can reduce the anxiety you would ordinarily experience in session.⁴

4. Consider Your Pattern

If doorknob confessions have become a pattern for you, it can be helpful to explore your motives. What are you hoping to achieve by revealing something so important at the very end of your time together? Does this trend emerge in other parts of your life? How are you hoping your therapist might respond? This insight can give you more introspection about your needs, which may be worth exploring within therapy.

5. Let Your Therapist Know Ahead of Time

If your therapist allows you to contact them between sessions, it may be helpful to send a message outlining the confession. This way, you’re holding yourself accountable to talk about what feels important. Furthermore, if you don’t bring it up, your therapist likely will.

6. Consider Changing How You Meet With Your Therapist

Some clients find that they’re more honest with their therapist when meeting together in-person. Others find it easier to open up via telehealth, when they’re in the comfort of their own home. You may not know which option is more suitable for you, but, based on your location or schedule, it may be worth switching it up by seeing if your therapist offers in-person or online therapy options.

7. Determine if You’re Seeing the Right Therapist

Research shows that the therapeutic relationship strongly predicts successful treatment outcomes.⁵ If you keep finding yourself withholding your truth or engaging in doorknob confessions, it may be a sign of a poor therapist match. Although it’s normal to feel nervous in therapy, you should generally have a sense that you’re cared for and attuned to. If that’s not the case, you may need to find a new therapist.

In My Experience

Doorknob confessions are typical, and they do not indicate that you are doing anything wrong or problematic. You don’t owe your therapist a specific timeline or reason for sharing information. That said, whatever is revealed at the very last minute often represents some of the more valuable and tender material in treatment. If you’re struggling with telling your therapist something, try to figure out what might be blocking you. Even talking about that blockage can open invaluable discussion within your therapeutic relationship.