Dreaming about an ex can leave you feeling unsettled, especially if the relationship did not end on good terms. However, dreams about exes are common and healthy, often a statement and description about the self.1 The self is described in dreams as a particular emotional or development context.2 You can be dreaming of your ex due to unresolved issues, feeling you do not have closure or dealing with past trauma from that relationship.
First, You’re Not Alone If You Dream About an Ex
Dreaming about an ex (or dreaming about someone else)is a normal event and it can happen for a variety of reasons. The subjects of dreams are broad ranging and complex, incorporating self-image, fears, insecurities, strengths, grandiose ideas, sexual orientation, desire, jealousy and love.3
Here are 23 reasons why you’re dreaming about an ex:
1. You’re Not Over Your Ex
Are you holding on to the past due to fear of moving forward? Being honest with yourself is the first step. This will help you to let go of the feelings you are still holding on to and work through them.
Dreaming about an ex can mean that you are not over them and that you are still thinking about them. You may still want them to be a part of your life and you feel incomplete at this moment. Dreaming about them may make you feel more connected to them.
2. You’re Worried About Success in New Relationships
You may feel anxiety entering a new relationship if you were left heartbroken. Entering a new relationship may leave you feeling scared to be vulnerable again. You may have dreams of your ex due to comparing this relationship to your most recent.
You may worry that something might go wrong or even self-sabotage. The dream about your ex can imply that you want to move on but are nervous that the same patterns will be repeated. You may feel like this is too good to be true and you are second guessing yourself and your ex may represent those negative self-thoughts.
3. You Had a Fight with Your Current Partner & Anger Is Fueling the Dream
You are furious at your current partner so it makes sense to view your ex in a comforting role to make you feel better. It is always easier to make someone that may not be “the one” look a lot better in a dream. You are projecting those feelings onto your ex and in your dreams.
This can happen due to avoiding confrontation with your current partner. You are running from actually expressing your current feelings with your partner and dreaming about your ex instead. This can mean that you are observing similar patterns of conflict with your current partner. Your ex may represent that you need to confront these issues with your current partner as to work on resolving conflict in a healthier way and not repeating the same behavior patterns.
4. You Recognize Appealing Qualities in Your Ex
You may start to recognize similar qualities between your current partner and your ex-partner. Seeing those qualities that were so appealing can leave you to dream about your ex. Depending on what that quality means to you is now being projected through your ex as something that you feel they did not provide for you and now you are seeking to receive it.
This may be happening as you are thinking about qualities that you see or don’t see in your partner and acknowledge that you want this to play a role in your relationship. Your ex represents a quality that you desire in your life, perhaps to add more spice or adventure.
5. You’re Unhappy With Qualities in Yourself
You start to observe qualities within yourself that make you unhappy. Dreaming about your ex represents the qualities that you want to change. If you are not ready to take accountability for your actions and changes to be made you may be projecting this onto your ex.
6. You Are Struggling With Past Trauma
You have just experienced a traumatic breakup or experienced traumatic events in your recent relationship and are struggling to overcome those intense feelings. Memories from your past may be coming up for you and you are now replaying these past traumas in your dreams.
Your ex represents those traumatic experiences. If your ex cheated on you, they may represent those fears you now have of someone repeating those patterns. You may worry that you will not trust again moving forward.
7. You Have Been Triggered
Dealing with an emotional breakup is hard and it is even harder to deal with reminders and being triggered. If you find yourself being triggered by past events with your ex and your last relationship, you may be dreaming about your ex. Your ex may represent those painful memories and triggers that you have not been able to work through yet.
After a breakup, we all want to move on and feel like we are not stuck in the past. Emotional self-care, healing and personal growth are important for a positive future. If you are working on forgiving your ex and healing, then dreams may start to develop as you are manifesting this new self-awareness. Dreaming about an ex can mean you are forgiving them and are healing yourself. Your ex can represent that inner peace you are yearning for and they symbolize that acceptance.
8. You Have Unresolved Feelings
If you have been telling yourself “everything is fine” and don’t want to talk about it, you may have unresolved feelings. You may be manifesting these feelings in your dream and the dream is telling you to confront them. When you break up with someone, you may be left feeling unhappy with the way things ended. Your ex can represent those unresolved feelings of wanting to get closure.
9. Your Ex May Symbolize Something Else
You can be filling a void with memories of your past relationship. Either good or bad, this may be symbolic of what you do want in your future relationships. Your ex may symbolize those expectations that you know you deserve though you did not feel worthy of them.
You may now feel ready to move forward and use your voice to express what you want in your relationship. Your ex can represent that person that you were and your dream is happening to show you who you want to be with another partner.
10. You Are Still Learning From That Relationship
You may still be thinking about the lessons learned from your past relationship. Depending on the situations that occurred in your past relationship, you are learning what you are and are not willing to tolerate in future relationships. Your ex may represent those lessons, for example, if your ex was deceitful, you are now identifying that you will no longer tolerate lying. You may be manifesting new learning experiences with your current partner.
11. You Saw Them Recently
If you recently saw your ex whether in real life or on social media this may prompt you to dream about them. Your ex represents those recent encounters of current feelings that have been triggered. Whether good or bad feelings you have when you see an ex, it is normal to then dream about them.
Seeing them may leave you to question why the relationship ended. You may also start to be curious about their life now that you have seen them. The dream may happen because now that you saw them, you miss them. On the other hand, the encounter may bring up negative feelings and the dream may happen because you are emotional about it and feel uneasy.
12. You Are Seeking Change
When a relationship ends you may seek changes in your daily routine. Dreaming about an ex may represent old patterns and your desire for new healthy habits. You may be yearning for a new adventure if you feel like you are in a rut. Your dreams may be happening because you need more mental and emotional connections with others. This may mean you need to step out of your comfort zone and learn about the person you are now.
13. You Are in a Similar Situation With Your Current Partner
Are you finding that your current relationship is similar to your past relationship? Did they lie, or are you both fighting over small topics that seem to get blown out of proportion? Your dreams of your ex can represent feeling like you are in the same relationship as before and you are manifesting those similar patterns and situations. The dreams of your ex can represent the current partner and what you fear may happen if you do not change the behaviors.
14. You Struggle With Boundaries
If you have been struggling to create new rules and limitations for yourself, you can find yourself dreaming of your ex. Your ex can represent a need for healthy interaction. You may be manifesting the communication you want to have with others yet you are struggling to find your voice.
You may feel that your rights were violated in the past and your dreams are playing out your role of people pleaser. You may have felt guilt for allowing people to take advantage of you and now your dreams may represent your avoidance to set limitations.
15. Your Ex Recently Contacted You
If you recently received a call, text or direct message from an ex, you are probably left thinking about them. You may wonder why they reached out. This can spark a feeling of excitement if this is something that you desire or, on the other hand, may create a negative feeling.
Depending on those memories and how you ended that relationship can now manifest in your dreams. Your ex can represent old feelings that have been stirred up. Your dreams about your ex may happen due to the issues that are now going on in your life and whether you want your ex to be a part of them.
16. You Are Emotionally Dissatisfied
If you are feeling unhappy you may be emotionally dissatisfied. Your ex may represent that feeling of being unfulfilled in your last relationship or in your current relationship. This is happening as a result of wanting to change your partner to meet your emotional needs. You may feel your ex or current partner are not emotionally available leaving you to feel alone and dismissed. Your dreams may be projecting those feelings and your need to feel emotionally connected to someone.
17. You Are Projecting Onto Someone Else
Perhaps you had a negative encounter with someone that day or week and then you manifest those feelings in your dream. Depending on the situation, your ex can represent those feelings you are now projecting onto the person who committed the wrongdoing.
If you are not dealing with your feelings at the moment, then this can be a way to get those feelings out. Dreaming about your ex is a way to process your emotions from certain interactions and your ex is being connected with those thoughts.
18. You Are Moving On
If you have entered the phase of acceptance then you know you are ready to move on. Your ex may represent a new beginning or a new partner. You may be manifesting what you want in your next partner. This may happen due to being ready to move forward and not feel stuck in fear or worry. You have built confidence in yourself and can see a new future.
19. You Are Seeking Emotional Safety
If you feel that you lack security and stability in your last relationship, you may be dreaming of your ex due to the desire to feel safe. Your ex can represent that feeling of not being valued in your past relationship. You may be manifesting your feelings of being able to be vulnerable with someone and to feel unconditionally loved.
20. You Are Happy
Finding your happy place after a past relationship is such a wonderful feeling. You have healed and worked through a challenging time. You now feel complete in your life and know there was a reason for this new beginning.
Your ex can represent this feeling of contentment. These dreams may be happening as you are letting go of any repressed feelings from the past and moving forward. This may be a way you are saying goodbye to your ex and you are now embracing new interactions.
21. You Are Feeling a Need for a Specific Connection
You may be dreaming about an ex due to a need for a connection that you may have felt with the ex, or a connection that is different than you have right now. It’s common to associate needs with people or seasons in your life and dream about them. If you are looking for a connection, it could also mean that you are emotionally available for a new relationship.
22. There Is Something Lacking in Your Life or Your Current Relationship
Dreaming about an ex could also mean that you are missing something in your life. It may be that you are ready for a relationship again, ready for something new in your current relationship, or ready for a new relationship altogether. It could mean that having a life partner that is fulfilling is something important to you and you are recalling a time where you had that type of commitment.
When Is Dreaming About an Ex a Problem?
This really depends on your circumstances and situation with a current partner. It’s important to ensure that you are not idealizing an ex and operating from a place of fantasy. If you are finding yourself daydreaming about your ex or emotionally checking out from your current relationship, it is a red flag that you may be emotionally neglecting your current partner.
Should You Tell Your Current Partner?
Having dreams about an ex should not be an indication that your current relationship is in trouble. You should always be honest with your partner and talk to them about things that may impact your emotional state. Doing so can help them understand certain behaviors and provide them with greater insight.
Sharing a dream with your current partner can help you to be more mindful of your own feelings. Sometimes, our dreams are about the things we are lacking in life and wish we had; at other times, they are about the things we wish we never experienced.4 Having an open dialogue with your current partner may help to gain more awareness of your thoughts and help you to sort out any unresolved feelings in an honest way.
How to Bring It Up With Your Partner
Bringing this up with your partner may be challenging, however there are some things to consider. Make sure that you explain that these are dreams you are having, not conscious thoughts, and that they do not represent what it may seem like–that you have feelings for an ex. If it does mean that, it’s important to be honest if you are not over your ex. We all deserve to have emotionally available partners and honesty is the best way to handle these situations.
You may also want to explain that, if you do not want to have these thoughts, that your partner knows you are feeling uncomfortable by your own dreams because it’s not how you truly feel. It can be hard to acknowledge this, but sharing and being vulnerable can actually bring you and your partner closer together.
Getting Help for the Underlying Problems
If your dreams are impacting your normal routine then it may be time to seek help. Feeling anxious, having difficulty sleeping, having mood changes or if any other symptoms occur, your next step would be to seek professional help such as a mental health therapist. Finding a therapist can be challenging, but a therapist directory is a great place to start.
Final Thoughts on Dreaming About Your Ex
There are a number of reasons you may be dreaming about an ex, but oftentimes it’s representative of other situations taking place in your life. It typically isn’t something to worry about, but talking to a therapist or reaching out to a trusted friend or family member can make a big difference in how you feel if it’s bothering you. The next time you wake up from a dream about an ex, you can now understand why this might be happening and how to cope with your emotions.
Dreaming About an Ex Infographics
