Biphobia: What It Is, Effects, & How to Seek Support

What Is Biphobia or Monosexism?

Biphobia/monosexism happens when people behave in ways that question the legitimacy of bisexual relationships or even deny their existence. Our society often has a false notion that we can only be attracted to one gender or another.

Sometimes people believe that it’s not possible to have romantic attraction or sexual attraction towards more than one gender. This is called monosexism, as it is based on the belief that we can only be attracted to one sex at a time.

There are many sexual orientations, including bisexuality, which is when someone is attracted to two different genders– their own and one additional type. A bisexual person can experience sexual attraction to any gender, including trans, non-binary, or cisgender individuals. For example, one can be in a seemingly cis-hetero (straight) relationship and still identify as bisexual. This is because our sexuality is not always determined by who we are dating in one specific moment.

Examples of Biphobia

By perpetuating the notion that one can only either be gay or straight, we are engaging in bisexual biphobia and bisexual erasure.

Some examples of biphobia include:

• Saying that they have to “pick one”: Saying everyone is either same-sex attracted or opposite-sex attracted but never both is a form of biphobia
• Saying bisexual people are more prone to cheating: This is a stereotype that has been around for a while and is very harmful to the bi community.
• Saying bisexual people are greedy: Just because they are attracted to more than one gender does not mean they want all genders for themselves!
• Saying they are doing it for attention: Claiming that a person is pretending to be attracted to another just for attention minimizes their sexuality and their experience. “Skeptics contend that people adopt bisexual identities for strategic motivations, such as avoiding the stigma associated with identifying as gay, or for attention-seeking purposes.”¹
• Making people prove their sexuality: Asking “well have you ever been with a woman sexually?” Or, “but how do you know you’re attracted to men if you are married to a woman?”
• Not believing them: Asking a bisexual person to redefine their relationship depending on who they are dating.
• Saying bisexual people can’t make up their mind: This feeds into the stereotype that people can not be attracted to more than one gender at a time.

What Is Internalized Biphobia?

Because bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, they are stereotyped as being promiscuous and not being able to make up their mind about who they are attracted to, among other negative messages. Due to hearing so many negative messages, a bisexual person can start to internalize negative comments/ideas about their sexual identity.

Some examples of internalized biphobia include:

• Believing their sexual orientation is a phase: Sometimes people will minimize their sexuality or attraction to others by brushing it off as just a phase, or “just something I did to experiment”.
• Believing their sexual orientation makes them incapable of monogamous relationships: There is a lot of negative messaging about bisexuals as being incapable of monogamy, and many bisexual people internalize this message.
• Believing that their relationship with a same gender partner isn’t as serious as the ones they have had with a opposite gender partner: Many people who have had relationships with the same gender will brush it off and refer to it as just a phase, which perpetuates the negative message that their relationship wasn’t valid.
• Believing that their bisexuality makes them more promiscuous: It is common to internalize the negative message that being bisexual makes you more sexually promiscuous.
• Feeling like they have to “prove” their bisexuality to others: Many people, especially those whose current partner is of the opposite gender, feel like they have to somehow prove their sexuality to others.
• Believing that it isn’t cheating if it’s with the same gender: This feeds into the idea that sex with the same gender is not real.

What Is Bisexual Erasure or Bisexual Invisibility?

Bisexual people are attracted to two different genders. They can experience sexual attraction to any gender, including transgender, non-binary, or cisgender individuals. The current partner has little relevance to the sexuality of the individual, as one can be in a seemingly cis-hetero (straight) relationship and still identify as bisexual.

The concept of bisexual erasure/bisexual invisibility is that society often treats bisexual people as if their sexual identity is just a phase, rather than their sexuality. This discrimination is a form of minority stress that affects bisexual people.

Healthcare Discrimination Against Bisexual People

Just as in society, there is discrimination in healthcare due to biphobia and bisexual erasure. In turn, this affects people’s physical, mental, and sexual health.

“As bisexual individuals in the United States (U.S.) face significant health disparities, researchers have posited that these differences may be fueled, at least in part, by negative attitudes, prejudice, stigma, and discrimination toward bisexual individuals from heterosexual and gay/lesbian individuals.”²

Healthcare discrimination makes the bisexual community more susceptible to:

• Avoidance of healthcare
• Sexually transmitted infections
• Cervical cancer
• Unwanted screens for pregnancy
• Obesity
• Substance use
• Sex without protection
• Bullying

Biphobia’s Effect on Health

Repeated exposure to biphobia can affect someone’s mental and physical health.This is often due to discrimination and shame within the community and culture, but also due to the exhaustion that comes with having to educate others- including healthcare workers-  on one’s sexuality.

This can cause many bisexual people to avoid healthcare procedures in order to avoid the stress of having to explain and out themselves, and deal with the resulting stigmas and pressures.

Biphobia & Mental Health

Experiencing biphobia can affect someone’s mental health. Compared with monosexual people, bisexual people are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles, and are also more likely to consider suicide than their monosexual peers.^{3, 4}

Biphobia & Physical Health

The experiences of biphobia and monosexism can also contribute to physical health problems. Bisexual people are more likely to experience struggles with substance use, as well as with sexual and physical health due to stigmas and negative experiences.

Ways that biphobia can impact physical health include:

• Substance Use Disorders: Due to the stress and stigma associated with this experience, sometimes biphobia can lead to substance use disorders.
• Sexual Health: Due to biphobia, many people might put off healthcare due to the stressor of having to explain their sexuality. For example, a woman in a relationship with another woman might avoid conversations with medical personnel that “out” her as having had sexual relationships with men.
• Increased risk for STIs:   Bisexual people have been found to be at an increased risk for STIs compared to their monosexual peers.⁵
• Increased risk for intimate partner abuse: Due to stereotypes around bisexual people, they are at a higher risk for intimate partner violence. “In many cases, stigmas and stereotypes around bisexuality help fuel or excuse abuse.”⁶

How to Deal With Someone Who is Biphobic

Dealing with someone who is biphobic can be exhausting, and it continually forces the bisexual person to be in a position of having to validate their identity. Here are some tips for what a bisexual person can do if they have to “deal” with someone who is biphobic at work, school, or in their social circle.

Strategies for dealing with biphobic people include:

• Promote a welcoming environment: Being mindful of inclusiveness of all sexualities will help decrease biphobia
• Speak out against biphobia: When you notice someone behaving or speaking in a way that is biphobia, speak out against the behavior.
• Challenge them: When a biphobic person makes an offensive statement, challenge them.
• Educate them: When a biphobic person makes an uneducated or biased statement, educate them so that the bisexual person does not have to do the work of educating.
• Provide outward support: Focus on providing support to people of all sexualities, so others will learn from example.
• Watch what you say: Be mindful of wording or statements that may provoke biphobia
• Practice being inclusive: The more aware we are of gendered and binary language, the more we promote inclusivity among all people.

How to Support Someone Who is Bisexual

There are many ways that someone can support members of the LGBTQ+ community and be an ally. While it is normal to have questions about someone’s sexuality if you do not understand it, there are ways to gain more understanding while showing that your intent is to learn and not to minimize someone’s experience.

Tips for being an ally to someone who is bisexual:

• Correctly referring to the person as bisexual instead of straight, gay, or lesbian
• Understanding bisexuality is not a phase
• Showing respect to their partner, no matter the gender
• Referring to someone as bisexual no matter their current partner’s gender
• Understanding that someone can be bisexual even if they have never dated the same gender
• Doing your own research before asking questions that could possibly be offensive
• Be open to learning more
• Be open minded to make it more likely for someone to come out to you

When to Seek Professional Help

If you are feeling confused about your identity or have concerns about your sexuality and how you are treated, it can be helpful to seek professional help. Studies show that sexual minority groups struggle more with mental health concerns due to the impact of minority stress.⁷

If you need support, consider finding an LGBTQ+ therapist, as they can provide empathetic and supportive care. If you would prefer to engage in at-home sessions, there are many LGBTQ+ online therapy options available, too. You can start your search for a mental health provider by using an online therapist directory.

In My Experience

All LGBTQ people understand that coming out is a constant process, and never a one time thing. For people who are bisexual, myself included, this can mean being on the receiving end of judgemental questions or even well meaning, but still somewhat offensive, statements. Remember that your coming out process may be ongoing, as your orientation may change and develop as you become more in touch with your sexuality. Exploring sexuality can seem daunting, but seeking resources that provide guidance and support can help you along the way.