Nonbinary: Meaning, Identities, & More

What Is Nonbinary?

The term non-binary is an umbrella term and is most commonly used for people who feel the categories of “man”, “woman”, “female”, or “male” are not the most authentic or accurate description. Instead, non-binary people may feel their gender blends masculine or feminine characteristics, expands outside just male or female, or does not fit any gender.

Because gender is a spectrum, or large constellation of options, there is no right or wrong way to be non-binary and not all non-binary people will feel the same. It’s important to distinguish that non-binary refers to gender and is not the same as sexual orientation. Non-binary people can be gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc. But, not all gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. people will be non-binary.

Nonbinary Vs. Transgender

Transgender has historically been used to refer to anyone whose sex and gender are not the same. For a long time non-binary people were also included under this umbrella. But, many transgender people tend to identify as male or female whereas non-binary individuals may not necessarily ever identify as male or female.

While non-binary people can be both non-binary and transgender, the terms are not the same. This means not all transgender people will be non-binary and not all non-binary people will be transgender.

Nonbinary Vs. Intersex

Non-binary and intersex people are often grouped together. While intersex people can be non-binary, not all non-binary people are intersex. Intersex people are born with sexual or reproductive anatomy that falls outside the boxes of “male” and “female”, but this does not have anything to do with their gender. Remember, non-binary refers to someone’s gender, not their biological sex characteristics.

What Is the Gender Binary?

The gender binary refers to the thought gender only has two distinct categories, male or female. Whereas gender refers to the social construct of man and woman. It can be difficult to fully describe or define gender. Definitions and meanings can be different depending on where you live, what experiences you have, resources you have access to, and beliefs you hold. It can also change over time.

For example: before the 1950’s blue was considered a “girl” color and “pink” was seen as a “boy” color; however, now people assume and expect the opposite.

For non-binary people they are freeing themselves from this binary and the expectations it holds, hence the term non-binary. Every non-binary person has their own way of expressing and experiencing their gender, so it’s important to never assume. It’s also important to never assume non-binary people owe anyone androgyny. For example: just because someone is non-binary does not mean they have to wear both men and womens clothes. Expecting androgyny is still holding onto the ideas and expectations of the gender binary. Remember, sex and gender are not the same.

Gender Identity Vs. Gender Expression

Gender identity refers to how someone experiences their gender internally. Gender expression refers to how someone expresses this. For example: someone may identify as female, but present more masculine. Another person may feel neither male or female, but enjoy presenting in a more feminine way. It’s a unique experience for each individual. Remember not to assume anyone’s gender based on their gender expression and vice versa.

Nonbinary Gender Identities

As mentioned above, non-binary can be seen as an umbrella term. This means there are other identities that may fall under non-binary, but are still related to transcending the gender binary.

Nonbinary gender identities include, but are not limited to:

• Agender: Agender people who do not see themselves as any gender. They may also say they are genderfree or genderless.
• Androgynous: Historically, androgynous referred to people who had both feminine and masculine characteristics. Less commonly used now, but can refer to people who do not feel their gender is female or male.
• Bigender: Those who experience two genders are called bigender. This could be simultaneously or varying between the two. This is often male or female, but could also include other non-binary identities.
• Boi: A slang term used across the LGBTQ community, boi is sometimes used to refer to trans men, others more masculine lesbian or bisexual women. It can also be used to refer to a gay or bisexual male who is submissive to their partner/s. Non-binary people could also use this term as an alternative and more affirming spelling to boy.
• Ceterosexual: A controversial term used to describe an individual who is attracted to transgender or non-binary individuals. Ceterosexual does not refer to the fetish, sexualization, and objectification of trans people by cisgender individuals.
• Demigender: Demigender is a term used by some non-binary people who still feel connected to a certain gender, but maybe no specific one.
• Demiboy: Demiboy is a term for those who feel more connected to being male or masculine in nature, but still don’t feel as if boy, man, etc. fits best.
• Demigirl: Demigirl is a term for those who feel more connected to being female or feminine in nature, but still don’t feel as if girl, woman, etc. fits best.
• Enby: Another term used to refer to non-binary people, said “en-bee”, like the letters NB.
• Gender fluid: Someone who experiences their gender as changing over time may be called gender fluid. This can include periods where it feels fixed, but does not have to.
• Gender neutral: People who experience their gender as neither masculine nor feminine. It can also mean “not referring to either sex but only to people in general” in language, politics, social institutions etc.¹
• Genderqueer: Genderqueer is a term used for people whose gender does not fall within the traditional categories of male or female. Instead, these people may feel their gender is a blend of both or neither.
• Multigender: A person who experiences more than one gender may identify as multigender. This could be male, female, both, neither, or a feeling of transcending gender all together.
• Neutrois: Neutrois describes someone who is “Noting or relating to a person who has a neutral gender identity or who lacks a specific gender identity.”²
• Pangender: Pan = “all”. Those who identify with all or multiple genders.

Nonbinary Pronouns

Pronouns are frequently used to describe someone or when speaking about someone. Most often, these pronouns have gender implied. For example: “she” and “he” are the most well known pronouns, but they assume someone is either male or female. Many non-binary people use gender-neutral pronouns instead.

Below are common gender-neutral pronouns:

• they/them/theirs
• ze/hir/hirs
• ze/zir/zirs

How to Use Gender-Neutral Language & Avoid Misgendering

When we assume someone’s pronouns it may seem harmless, but can be harmful. Assuming someone’s pronouns send a message they must act or look a certain way, or we aren’t respecting their gender identity. The best way to avoid this is to ask someone what pronouns they use.³

Gender-Neutral Terms

How to Support Nonbinary Folks

You can be supportive of nonbinary folks by using gender-neutral language and adjusting thinking from believing there are only two genders. Another great way to show your support is by sharing your own. By normalizing sharing pronouns it creates a space where gender diverse folks have an opportunity to share openly and feel less judgment. It’s important to always use someone’s pronouns whether they are present or not and to encourage others to do the same.

Below are examples of how to support nonbinary folks:

• Learn about gender identities:  Don’t rely on the non-binary people in your life to do all the educating. Take time to learn more about gender identities on your own.
• Believe it when someone tells you they are nonbinary: Many people assume non-binary people are confused and encourage them to “pick one [gender]”. Avoid questioning someone about the validity of their identity and experience.
• Don’t tell others if someone is nonbinary: Not all non-binary people are out to all those in their lives and someone else’s gender is not yours to share.
• Use the person’s chosen pronouns: Mirroring the language someone uses for themselves sends the message you are supporting and affirming who they are. It’s likely you would feel uncomfortable and irritated if someone used the wrong pronouns for you. Non-binary people feel the same.
• If you make a mistake: Correct the error, apologize, and continue the conversation.
• Stop assuming your experience is the only experience: Many people may not know what it’s like to feel or be non-binary, and that’s okay! But, it doesn’t excuse you from being respectful.

Can Therapy Help?

Therapy can be a great space to speak more about your thoughts and emotions surrounding your gender. Gender-affirming therapy is life saving care and can offer validation, support, and guidance no matter where you are in your journey. It can also be a great way to explore how to come out to those in your life (if you want to). You can find an LGTBGQ+ therapist and there are LGTBQ+ online therapy options.

In My Experience

In my experience working and connecting with non-binary people I have learned that being non-binary is more than just not identifying as male or female. It’s about transcending the gender binary and the rules or expectations it creates. Many non-binary people experience a significant improvement in mood, health, and wellness when their pronouns and gender are both considered and respected. I encourage everyone, whether non-binary or not, to explore their gender and to think about how their life would be different if they were not held by the constraints of gender binary.