Skip to content
  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
    • ADHD
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Depression
    • Grief
    • Narcissism
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
    • Best Online Couples Counseling Services
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Providers
    • Online Therapy Reviews & Guides
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • My Mental Health
    • Men
    • Women
    • BIPOC
    • LGBTQIA+
    • Parents
    • Teens
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Find a Local Therapist
    • Join Our Free Directory

Join our Newsletter

Get helpful tips and the latest information

Choosing Therapy on Facebook
Choosing Therapy on Instagram
Choosing Therapy on Twitter
Choosing Therapy on Linkedin
Choosing Therapy on Pinterest
Choosing Therapy on Tiktok
Choosing Therapy on Youtube
ChoosingTherapy.com Logo

Newsletter

Search Icon
  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
    • ADHD
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Depression
    • Grief
    • Narcissism
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
    • Best Online Couples Counseling Services
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Providers
    • Online Therapy Reviews & Guides
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • My Mental Health
    • Men
    • Women
    • BIPOC
    • LGBTQIA+
    • Parents
    • Teens
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Find a Local Therapist
    • Join Our Free Directory
  • DefinitionDefinition
  • ReasonsReasons
  • Ways to CopeWays to Cope
  • Get HelpGet Help
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources
  • InfographicsInfographics
Depression Articles Depression Depression Treatments Types of Depression Online Therapy for Depression

Birthday Blues: Coping With Birthday Sadness

Headshot of Iris Waichler, LCSW

Author: Iris Waichler, LCSW

Headshot of Iris Waichler, LCSW

Iris Waichler MSW, LCSW

Iris, a social worker with 40+ years of experience, focuses on coping with terminal illnesses, infertility, caregiving, and grief. She offers workshops and counseling to empower individuals.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD

Medical Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD Licensed medical reviewer

Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD

Benjamin Troy MD

Dr. Benjamin Troy is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with more than 10 years. Dr. Troy has significant experience in treating depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, and ASD.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Published: May 4, 2022
  • DefinitionDefinition
  • ReasonsReasons
  • Ways to CopeWays to Cope
  • Get HelpGet Help
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources
  • InfographicsInfographics

Birthdays are a time for people to reflect on achievements and failures regarding life goals they connect to a specific age. For many people, birthdays are a time of sadness or depression because of past negative experiences, family dramas, a fear of getting old, or somehow not accomplishing the goals they wanted to achieve. Fortunately, there are ways to alleviate the birthday blues.

Depression Workbook

Depression Workbook

Our workbook can help you understand your depression, develop effective coping skills, and manage challenging moments.

Download for Free

ADVERTISEMENT

Depression Is Treatable with Therapy

Would you like to feel more happiness and joy? BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Take a free online assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Free Assessment

What Are the Birthday Blues?

Culturally, and in large part due to social media, birthdays are seen as a time when everyone should celebrate. For some people, however, these images and ideals only intensify sadness and feelings of isolation. They may experience a cluster of symptoms including depression, apathy, or anxiety. As we age, feeling depressed about an approaching birthday is common; however, having the birthday blues is different from depression and its accompanying symptoms.1

There may be birthday related sadness shortly before the birthday or shortly after, but it is important to distinguish depression versus sadness. Many people feel sad on their birthdays but are not considered depressed. Depression is a damaging mental health condition, while sadness is a natural part of life just like joy or happiness.

Symptoms of birthday blues might include:

  • Being tired and unenthusiastic in the days approaching your birthday
  • Sadness you can’t seem to shake off
  • Anxiety that things won’t go as you hoped
  • Mild paranoia or anxiety beforehand and on the day
  • Mild paranoia or anxiety beforehand and on the day
  • Low self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Desire to be isolated
  • Ruminating about past decisions
  • Heightened and fragile emotions around and on the day
  • Frequent crying related to feelings about the day
  • Some people may have suicidal ideation
  • Disappointment because things didn’t go as expected
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Difficulty focusing or concentrating
  • Fear about aging and mortality

ADVERTISEMENT

Help For Depression

BetterHelp – Get help from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp offers convenient and affordable online therapy starting at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Free Assessment

Talkspace – Online Therapy With Or Without Insurance. Talkspace accepts many insurance plans including Optum, Cigna, and Aetna. Talkspace also accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Get started

Why Am I Sad On my Birthday?

Significant life events can trigger emotions like stress, anxiety, or sadness. Birthdays also cause people to reflect on self expectations. Our culture sends messages saying birthdays are a time to celebrate, so it’s not surprising that people question the reasons they’re not having these feelings.

Here are potential causes for birthday depression:

  • Fear of getting old. This is especially true for milestone birthdays like 50, 60, and 70 when people begin to think about their mortality. As people age, they may experience new medical or cognitive changes that impact their ability to function. They may also notice changes in vision or hearing. This can create feelings of anxiety, fear, or sadness.
  • There may be a history of drama or negative events that occurred during your childhood birthdays. Birthdays evoke memories about how past birthdays were celebrated. Reliving these childhood traumas and memories can cause sadness, anger, depression, or anxiety.
  • Not meeting pressures of culturally imposed milestones. Examples of these milestones include getting married, having children, or having a “successful” career. If you do not meet these milestones, it can cause self-criticism.
  • Fear of experiencing ageism as you get older. Ageism includes when younger generations see older people as different from themselves, subtly ceasing to identify with them at all.(2) Fears of dependence/independence issues may begin to arise. Also questions about how you will age become more relevant.
  • Fear of change. Even though we can’t stop getting older, we sometimes have a fear of change. We’re naturally prone to worry about things that represent uncertainty, push us out of our comfort zone, and/or are beyond our scope of control.
  • Mid-life crisis. In addition to potentially causing the birthday blues, a mid-life crisis can make you question your identity and priorities. Though many people think of this as primarily as male issue, a woman’s midlife crisis is just as real, albeit less discussed.
  • Isolation. Not having any friends or family to share your birthday with can feel devastating. Isolation and loneliness evokes feelings of sadness and grief. Low self-esteem can become an issue in these instances.
  • Unrealistic or unmet expectations. As birthdays approach, especially milestone birthdays, you may have specific expectations. If these expectations are not met, there can be feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment.

ADVERTISEMENT

Depression Is Treatable with Therapy

Would you like to feel more happiness and joy? BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Take a free online assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Free Assessment

8 Ways to Cope With Birthday Blues

Managing birthday sadness begins with self-awareness. If you can recognize when there is a sense of unease about an upcoming birthday, you can take self-care actions to make your birthday experience better.

Here are eight strategies you can incorporate to help alleviate birthday blues:

1. Give yourself permission to experience any emotions that come up in relation to your birthday.

You need to do this without any self-judgment or criticism. There are a lot of feelings, memories, and expectations connected to birthdays; tell yourself you are not wrong to feel them. This approach can help alleviate stress and inhibit self-recrimination.

2. Identify what is causing you to be anxious/sad/depressed about your birthday.

Is it not having family there? Is it not knowing where to go or how to manage the details? Once you have a good understanding of this, develop an action plan. If family can’t attend in-person, plan a facetime or Zoom call. If you know someone who is a good planner, ask them to help with the details or recommend a place to go. Understanding the source of feelings can help to modulate their intensity.

3. Reframe your thinking.

Rather than ruminating about things that didn’t go as planned, ask yourself different questions. What challenges did I meet and successfully overcome? What life lesson did you learn this past year? Did you meet new people or build on existing relationships? What new things did you learn about yourself that made you feel good? The answers may reveal achievements you had taken for granted.

4. Incorporate positive thinking about aging.

Embrace positive aging by looking at how getting older can be a rewarding time. Acknowledge that aging is normal. Embrace change. Care for the physical, emotional, cognitive, spiritual, and social needs as you age.

5. Celebrate your birthday in a way that makes you comfortable.

If you don’t like being the center of attention, don’t have a big birthday celebration. Who are the people you are most comfortable with? Surround yourself with those people. If you want to be at home, then order take-out. If you love movies, take yourself to a movie. Spend the day pampering yourself with self-care activities. If you take control of your birthday in a way that makes you feel good, it will elevate your mood and reduce stress.

6. Plan ahead.

Don’t wait until your birthday to decide what to do, especially if you want to invite people to share it with. Give them an invitation with plenty of notice. If you don’t know where to go, pick a favorite restaurant and make a reservation. If you don’t know what to do, watch the local news or newspapers about upcoming events like concerts and get tickets. Allow yourself time to plan ahead so on the day of your birthday you know what you will be doing and who you’ll be with.

7. Make your birthday a fun and special time for yourself.

Ask yourself what brings you joy. Treat yourself to something special that you know will make you feel good. The act of creating a day of activities that have special meaning will help you feel good about yourself and promote feelings of self-worth and self-compassion.

8. Practice self-compassion.

Show yourself compassion and understanding regardless of how you feel or how your day goes. Do not engage in self-criticism. If you find your thoughts moving that way, practice redirection and reframe your thinking on qualities that will make you feel good about who you are.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you find that the symptoms of birthday depression (irritability, low energy, sadness, hopelessness,  inability to concentrate, self-harm ideation) remain for more than two weeks, or you’re experiencing smiling depression, seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist can help you discover the underlying reasons for your depression. They can treat your depression, help you explore the source, and identify triggers.

You can find the right therapist through your doctor, a local mental health center, or in an online therapist directory. Make sure you understand what your insurance covers in terms of therapist credentials.

Final Thoughts

Birthday blues aren’t unusual, but people feel confused when it happens because they associate birthdays with celebration and happiness. To ensure that your birthday is a positive experience, adjust your expectations, identify exactly what you want, and plan ahead. If symptoms of sadness and birthday depression continue beyond your birthday, help is available from a mental health professional.

Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, ChoosingTherapy.com has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. ChoosingTherapy.com is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.

Online Therapy

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Take a free online assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you. Free Assessment

Therapy for Depression & Medication Management

Brightside Health – If you’re struggling with depression, finding the right medication can make a difference. Brightside Health treatment plans start at $95 per month. Following a free online evaluation and receiving a prescription, you can get FDA approved medications delivered to your door. Free Assessment

Depression Newsletter

A free newsletter from the experts at ChoosingTherapy.com for those impacted by depression. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up

ChoosingTherapy.com Directory 

Find local therapists that offer online and in-person therapy. Search for therapists by specialty, experience, insurance, and location. Find a therapist near you.

For Further Reading

  • Books on Depression: Helpful Resources for When You Feel Depressed
  • Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

SPONSORED
Online Depression Test

Online Depression Test

A few questions from Talkiatry can help you understand your symptoms and give you a recommendation for what to do next.

Take Test
Best Online Therapy for Depression

Best Online Therapy for Depression

Depression is a very common mental health concern. To find the best online therapy for depression, we spent hundreds of hours personally using and researching over 50 platforms. Our resulting list offers options with easy access to appointments, affordable pricing, coverage for major insurance plans, and some of the best therapist availability in the industry. Read on to see our top picks for the best online therapy for depression.

Read more
Best Online Psychiatry Services

Best Online Psychiatry Services

Online psychiatry, sometimes called telepsychiatry, platforms offer medication management by phone, video, or secure messaging for a variety of mental health conditions. In some cases, online psychiatry may be more affordable than seeing an in-person provider. Mental health treatment has expanded to include many online psychiatry and therapy services. With so many choices, it can feel overwhelming to find the one that is right for you.

Read more

Birthday Blues Infographics

What Are the Birthday Blues? Why Am I Sad on My Birthday? Ways to Cope with Birthday Blues

Find a therapist in your state

Get the help you need from a therapist near you

City or zip Search

California
Connecticut
Colorado
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Indiana
Kentucky
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
New Jersey
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Pennsylvania
Texas
Virginia

Are you a Therapist? Get Listed Today

Depression Newsletter

A free newsletter for those impacted by depression. Get helpful tips and the latest information.

Sources Update History

ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Engelen, K. C. (2005). BIS birthday blues. The International Economy, 19<(4), 46-51. Retrieved from https://univerzitetpim.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/STED-2015-Zbornik-radova-iz-psihologije.pdf

  • Elias S. Cohen, JD, MPA. (2001) The Complex Nature of Ageism: What Is It? Who Does It? Who Perceives It? The Gerontologist 41, 5, October 2001, pages 576-577. doi.org/10.1093/geront/41.5.576. Retrieved from https://academic.oup.com/gerontologist/article/41/5/576/596571

Show more Click here to open the article sources container.

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

May 7, 2025
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Added Depression Workbook with nine worksheets.
Show more Click here to open the article update history container.

Your Voice Matters

Can't find what you're looking for?

Request an article! Tell ChoosingTherapy.com’s editorial team what questions you have about mental health, emotional wellness, relationships, and parenting. Our licensed therapists are just waiting to cover new topics you care about!

Request an Article

Leave your feedback for our editors.

Share your feedback on this article with our editors. If there’s something we missed or something we could improve on, we’d love to hear it.

Our writers and editors love compliments, too. :)

Leave Feedback
ChoosingTherapy.com Logo White
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us
  • Careers
  • Editorial Policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Service

FOR IMMEDIATE HELP CALL:

Medical Emergency: 911

Suicide Hotline: 988

View More Crisis Hotlines
Choosing Therapy on Facebook
Choosing Therapy on Instagram
Choosing Therapy on X
Choosing Therapy on Linkedin
Choosing Therapy on Pinterest
Choosing Therapy on Tiktok
Choosing Therapy on Youtube

© 2025 Choosing Therapy, Inc. All rights reserved.

X