Midlife Crisis in Men: What It Looks Like & How to Cope

What Is a Midlife Crisis?

A midlife crisis is a period of time during which an individual feels new or worsening tension and emotional discomfort in life due to their passing youth. The concept emerged in the 1960s along with the notion that people reached their peaks by age 35. Therefore, everything that came after was a period of decline. One could see their performance and overall life becoming less desirable, so would subsequently fall into a midlife crisis. This could last a few weeks, months, or in more extreme cases, years.

Studies explain that one’s “midlife” is a time correlated with low happiness and levels of life satisfaction.² Mental health professionals have further identified a “U shaped” progression of happiness during a person’s life. Happiness is highest during childhood, early adulthood, and later adulthood. Many commonly experience a happiness dip during midlife, but this is not the case for everyone.

Midlife crises are certainly a men’s mental health issue that deserve attention and consideration from individuals, families, and medical and mental health professionals. By acknowledging and accepting the influence of the midlife crisis, people are better able to respond and remedy the situations more readily.

What Ages Do Men Go Through Midlife Crisis?

Experts believe that midlife crises in men occur between  the ages of 40 and 60. ²

The timing of one’s midlife crisis has much less to do with their age and more to do with their situation–a 38-year-old person who is faced with great challenges is just as likely to enter a midlife crisis as  someone who is 63. Also, just because a person has already experienced one midlife crisis, it does not mean that they will not experience another. It’s possible to endure multiple crises during midlife.

Are Midlife Crises Real?

Midlife crises are very real, but their impact and frequency may be greatly exaggerated in popular culture. As the concept became accepted, it was popularized in the media. Buying sports cars, wearing toupees, and seeking romantic relationships with younger women are all actions that became associated with midlife crises.²

n reality, only about 10-20% of people report having what’s considered a midlife crisis.² The rest move through middle adulthood with relative satisfaction. Although they experience the U-shaped curve of happiness, it never reaches crisis levels.

8 Signs of a Midlife Crisis in Men

A midlife crisis could involve a sudden, dramatic change in mood, routine, and lifestyle. Or, it could be a gradual transition from the previously established norm. It all depends on the man and situation.

Here are eight signs that a man is experiencing a midlife crisis:^1,2,3

1. Drop in Life Satisfaction

It can be challenging to notice a change in someone else’s life satisfaction, but some men may display obvious signs, such as complaining more often or spending more time focused on  regrets. In some situations, a man could start making negative generalizations, like “life sucks.”

This feeling of dissatisfaction can lead to men blaming themselves or others for missed opportunities in life. On the other hand, If they take full responsibility, this can contribute to feelings of guilt, sadness, and disappointment.

2. Increased Sadness

A midlife crisis is likely to affect the mood of the man experiencing it. Some will move towards sadness, disappointment, and self-pity. As they experience a lack of motivation and life satisfaction, they could sleep more, eat more, and give up on their goals.

3. Increased Mood Changes

Other men experiencing a midlife crisis note rapid and unexpected mood changes. One day they could be completely withdrawn and unhappy, and the next be planning a party to celebrate with their friends and family.

4. Spontaneous Decision-Making

Impulsivity and poor judgment are common behaviors in men during midlife crises. As they desperately try to correct their problems, they explore a number of negative coping skills. They could begin drinking alcohol, using drugs, spending money, gambling, or booking expensive trips without consulting their loved ones.

5. A Focus on Change

A person experiencing a midlife crisis is focused on present unhappiness, so will desire and seek change.

Some examples of changes associated with a midlife crisis are:

• New clothes or cars
• New relationships
• New activities
• Career changes
• Moving or traveling

6. Ending Plans or Giving Up

When experiencing a midlife crisis, men may feel like their ability to accomplish new goals in life has ended. They may stop working towards established goals because they are perceived to be too difficult or not worth the effort.

7. Frustration & Irritability with Work, Family, or Self

Frustration, irritability, and anger are common in a midlife crisis, especially for men, as they tend to express their sadness as anger more often than women. They might target their work, family, themselves, or a combination of the three.

8. Becoming Withdrawn

A man in crisis may turn towards isolation and withdraw from relationships. They could feel too embarrassed by their current state, or disappointed in themselves for the choices that led to their dissatisfaction. Since they might blame other people for their missed opportunities and current lack of satisfaction, men may also isolate the people they have surrounded themselves with as a way of expressing their frustration, sadness, and disappointment.

Stages in Male Midlife Crises

While male midlife crises do not necessarily unfold in strict stages like other conditions, a pattern may still be visible.

The five stages of a midlife crisis in men can include:

1. The starting point: During this stage, the man is at his normal baseline before the crisis.
2. The slide into the crisis: The descent into the crisis may be sudden, sharp or slow and progressive.
3. The bottom: The bottom of the crisis is a period of heightened symptoms, low mood, and ultimate discomfort
4. The climb: After some time, the man will begin to climb out of crisis, either by their own action or the passing of time.
5. The new normal: With the crisis passed, the man will restabilize at his new normal.

Midlife Crisis vs. Depression

Depression in men is often marked by low mood, anger, and frustration. Because many men may become increasingly emotional, experience low motivation, and exercise poor judgment during a midlife crisis, these crises frequently present as depression.⁵

A midlife crisis does not signal that a man is depressed, but a midlife crisis could certainly trigger a depressive episode or worsen an established depressive disorder. Plus, rates of mental health disorders including depression and anxiety are highest during midlife.²

What Causes a Midlife Crisis in Men?

The causes of a midlife crisis in men depend on the man, their situation, their supports, and their stressors. If the wrong situation occurs at the wrong time, a crisis could occur.

Nine potential causes of a male midlife crisis include:^1,2,3,4

1. Aging: As men decline physically, they can struggle to accept who they are becoming when compared to who they once were.
2. Divorce: Divorce can inspire a midlife crisis, as it is a major change that forces the man to rethink his life and future; depression after divorce is very common.
3. Existential concerns: Who are you, where are you going, and where have you been? These questions can spark a midlife crisis or an existential crisis. 
4. Kids getting older: As kids head off to college or out of the home, life will stop revolving around them, their activities, and their schedules. This newfound freedom can be quite uncomfortable and full of uncertainty, sometimes known as empty nest syndrome.
5. Job change or plateau: People tend to enter the workforce imagining the promotions and accomplishments they will achieve. However, many jobs don’t work out that way or may reach a plateau at certain points in someone’s career. A person whose career has stagnated or is dealing with depression after retirement or a job loss, may be more likely to experience a midlife crisis.
6. Parents getting older: Aging parents need extra attention and care, which could result in new challenges and routines.
7. Health scares: A man who was previously healthy could experience a life-changing health scare as they enter midlife, forcing them to reprioritize their goals.
8. Loved one’s death: When deaths become more frequent or more significant, occurrences can prompt men to consider their own demise. Death is also associated with feelings of grief and loss, as well as depression, both of which can go hand-in-hand with a midlife crisis.
9. Others’ successes: Since men can be competitive, hearing about another man’s accomplishments and successes could make one reflect on their perceived shortcomings and spiral into a crisis.

How to Cope with a Midlife Crisis

While it is not necessary for a man to take action to experience relief from the unwanted symptoms of midlife crises, some men will take action to effectively cope and reduce their negative consequences. These can be simple, such as recognizing and sharing their feelings with a support team and finding healthier habits, but may also include finding professional help.

The following are 10 tips for coping with a midlife crisis as a man: ^1,2,3,4

1. Recognize Your Feelings

Make sure you give your feelings a thorough inspection. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and avoid ignoring or denying their relevance.

2. Share Your Feelings

Once you have a grasp on your feelings, share them with others. Let your loved ones know how you’re feeling, why you’re feeling this way, and what they can do to assist. You may even benefit from group therapy.

3. Normalize Your Feelings

It’s okay to have a midlife crisis. If you reject your situation, you reject yourself. Realize that midlife crises are not ideal, but perfectly normal.

4. Gather a Team

You could take on your crisis alone, but combating your challenges will be more successful with a team. Recruit a support network of friends, family members, coworkers, and even your partner.

5. Reconsider Aging

Aging is what you make it. By shifting your expectations, you can begin to reevaluate your perception of aging and what your future holds

6. Avoid the Temptations

The temptation to make bold choices and impulsive decisions during a crisis will be strong. Slow down and spend plenty of time making choices for the future based on their long-term outcomes, not instant gratification.

7. Re-Establish Your Purpose

So much of the negativity associated with a crisis comes from uncertainty about the future and one’s changing roles. Spend time with your support team considering your purpose and any other life goals you may have. Will you continue down the same road or make a change?

8. Keep Up With Your Physical Health

A midlife crisis will take a toll on your mental health, but you must continue working on your physical health, too. Prioritize getting restful sleep, plenty of exercise, and good nutrition. It is hard to face any crisis when tired, sluggish, and hungry.

9. Appreciate the Change

Change is constant in life, but it is also of specific concern during a midlife crisis. Rather than fear or worry about the change, learn to embrace and appreciate the new challenges ahead of you.

10. Accept the Journey

Perhaps the best way to manage a midlife crisis is by accepting the journey. Your experience throughout midlife will be uniquely yours. Accept the journey you’re taking to minimize unhealthy compulsions.

When to Get Professional Help

A man in crisis should not wait long before reaching out. A therapist could be a great resource to help identify underlying problems and offer simple, effective strategies to move forward in healthier directions.

Choosing a therapist can seem challenging, but using an online therapist directory can help you determine the best therapy options to fit your lifestyle.

Final Thoughts

A midlife crisis can be an uncomfortable period of transition, but it does not have to be permanent or  life-altering. Identifying the problem and using healthy coping skills can help ensure a smoother process.