Midlife Crisis in Men: What It Looks Like & How to Cope

8 Signs of a Midlife Crisis in Men

A midlife crisis could involve a sudden, dramatic change in mood, routine, and lifestyle. Or, it could be a gradual transition from the previously established norm. It all depends on the man and situation.

Here are eight signs that a man is experiencing a midlife crisis:^1,2,3

1. Drop in Life Satisfaction

It can be challenging to notice a change in someone else’s life satisfaction, but some men may display obvious signs, such as complaining more often or spending more time focused on regrets. In some situations, a man could start making negative generalizations, like “life sucks.”

This feeling of dissatisfaction can lead to men blaming themselves or others for missed opportunities in life. On the other hand, If they take full responsibility, this can contribute to feelings of guilt, sadness, and disappointment.

2. Increased Sadness

A midlife crisis is likely to affect the mood of the man experiencing it. Some will move towards sadness, disappointment, and self-pity. As they experience a lack of motivation and life satisfaction, they could sleep more, eat more, and give up on their goals.

3. Increased Mood Changes

Other men experiencing a midlife crisis note rapid and unexpected mood changes. One day they could be completely withdrawn and unhappy, and the next be planning a party to celebrate with their friends and family.

4. Spontaneous Decision-Making

Impulsivity and poor judgment are common behaviors in men during midlife crises. As they desperately try to correct their problems, they explore a number of negative coping skills. They could begin drinking alcohol, using drugs, spending money, gambling, or booking expensive trips without consulting their loved ones.

5. A Focus on Change

A person experiencing a midlife crisis is focused on present unhappiness, so will desire and seek change.

Some examples of changes associated with a midlife crisis are:

• New clothes or cars
• New relationships
• New activities
• Career changes
• Moving or traveling

6. Ending Plans or Giving Up

When experiencing a midlife crisis, men may feel like their ability to accomplish new goals in life has ended. They may stop working towards established goals because they are perceived to be too difficult or not worth the effort.

7. Frustration & Irritability with Work, Family, or Self

Frustration, irritability, and anger are common in a midlife crisis, especially for men, as they tend to express their sadness as anger more often than women. They might target their work, family, themselves, or a combination of the three.

8. Becoming Withdrawn

A man in crisis may turn towards self-isolation and withdraw from relationships. They could feel too embarrassed by their current state, or disappointed in themselves for the choices that led to their dissatisfaction. Since they might blame other people for their missed opportunities and current lack of satisfaction, men may also isolate the people they have surrounded themselves with as a way of expressing their frustration, sadness, and disappointment.

Stages in Male Midlife Crises

While male midlife crises do not necessarily unfold in strict stages like other conditions, a pattern may still be visible.

The five stages of a midlife crisis in men can include:

• The starting point: During this stage, the man is at his normal baseline before the crisis.
• The slide into the crisis: The descent into the crisis may be sudden, sharp or slow and progressive.
• The bottom: The bottom of the crisis is a period of heightened symptoms, low mood, and ultimate discomfort
• The climb: After some time, the man will begin to climb out of crisis, either by their own action or the passing of time.
• The new normal: With the crisis passed, the man will restabilize at his new normal.

How to Cope with a Midlife Crisis

While it is not necessary for a man to take action to experience relief from the unwanted symptoms of midlife crises, some men will take action to effectively cope and reduce their negative consequences. These can be simple, such as recognizing and sharing their feelings with a support team and finding healthier habits, but may also include finding professional help.

The following are tips for coping with a midlife crisis as a man:^1,2,3,4

Recognize Your Feelings

Pay attention to your feelings if you’re having a midlife crisis. They speak to important needs, and familiarizing yourself with them can help you better understand patterns in your life. Remember that feelings do not have to inherently dictate your behavior. However, although it may sound paradoxical, trying to deny them often exacerbates their intensity.

Share Your Feelings

Once you have a grasp on your feelings, share them with others. Let your loved ones know how you’re feeling, why you’re feeling this way, and what they can do to assist. You may even benefit from group therapy.

Normalize Your Feelings

It’s okay to have a midlife crisis. If you reject your situation, you reject yourself. Realize that midlife crises are not ideal, but perfectly normal.

Gather a Team

You could take on your crisis alone, but combating your challenges will be more successful with a team. Recruit a support network of friends, family members, coworkers, and even your partner.

Reconsider Aging

We all have various beliefs about what aging is- and what it isn’t. People experiencing midlife crises may have negative thoughts about aging, and that can drive their internal distress. Instead, try to embrace a more positive approach to aging. Look for role models older than you that inspire you.  Ultimately, your age is what you make it.

Avoid the Temptations

The temptation to make bold choices and impulsive decisions during a crisis will be strong. Slow down and spend plenty of time making choices for the future based on their long-term outcomes, not instant gratification.

Re-Establish Your Purpose

So much of the negativity associated with a crisis comes from uncertainty about the future and one’s changing roles. Spend time with your support team considering your purpose and any other life goals you may have. Will you continue down the same road or make a change?

Keep Up With Your Physical Health

A midlife crisis will take a toll on your mental health, but you must continue working on your physical health, too. Prioritize getting restful sleep, plenty of exercise, and good nutrition. It is hard to face any crisis when tired, sluggish, and hungry.

Appreciate the Change

Change is constant in life, but it is also of specific concern during a midlife crisis. Rather than fear or worry about the change, learn to embrace and appreciate the new challenges ahead of you.

Accept the Journey

Perhaps the best way to manage a midlife crisis is by accepting the journey. Your experience throughout midlife will be uniquely yours. Accept the journey you’re taking to minimize unhealthy compulsions.

What Causes a Midlife Crisis in Men?

The causes of a midlife crisis in men depend on the man, their situation, their supports, and their stressors. If the wrong situation occurs at the wrong time, a crisis could occur.

Common potential causes of a male midlife crisis include:^1,2,3,4

• Aging: As men decline physically, they can struggle to accept who they are becoming when compared to who they once were.
• Divorce: Divorce can inspire a midlife crisis, as it is a major change that forces the man to rethink his life and future; depression after divorce is very common.
• Existential concerns: Who are you, where are you going, and where have you been? These questions can spark a midlife crisis or an existential crisis.
• Kids getting older: As kids head off to college or out of the home, life will stop revolving around them, their activities, and their schedules. This newfound freedom can be quite uncomfortable and full of uncertainty, sometimes known as empty nest syndrome.
• Job change or plateau: People tend to enter the workforce imagining the promotions and accomplishments they will achieve. However, many jobs don’t work out that way or may reach a plateau at certain points in someone’s career. A person whose career has stagnated or is dealing with depression after retirement or a job loss, may be more likely to experience a midlife crisis.
• Parents getting older: Aging parents need extra attention and care, which could result in new challenges and routines.
• Health scares: A man who was previously healthy could experience a life-changing health scare as they enter midlife, forcing them to reprioritize their goals.
• Loved one’s death: When deaths become more frequent or more significant, occurrences can prompt men to consider their own demise. Death is also associated with feelings of grief and loss, as well as depression, both of which can go hand-in-hand with a midlife crisis.
• Others’ successes: Since men can be competitive, hearing about another man’s accomplishments and successes could make one reflect on their perceived shortcomings and spiral into a crisis.

When to Get Professional Help

A man in crisis should not wait long before reaching out. A therapist could be a great resource to help identify underlying problems and offer simple, effective strategies to move forward in healthier directions.

Choosing a therapist can seem challenging, but using an online therapist directory can help you determine the best therapy options to fit your lifestyle. There are many online therapy platforms if you prefer to talk with a therapist from home.