How To Tell Your Parents You’re Depressed: 7 Tips

How to Tell Your Parents You’re Depressed

A lot of teens may notice big and uncomfortable emotions, such as depression, but may not feel that they can talk to their parents about it. Teens with depression may experience symptoms like being less interested in things they enjoy, feeling sad, crying more, having trouble with sleep, struggling in school, and spending less time with family and friends.¹ Some teens may experience thoughts about death or self-harm. Talking to your parents about what you are feeling can help them support you in the ways that you need to begin to feel better.

Here are seven tips for how to tell your parents you’re depressed:

1. Practice What You’ll Say

There are different communication tools you can use to have this talk with your parents. To communicate your own feelings and experiences in a way that doesn’t attack or blame others, you can use an “I” statement.² An example would be to say, “I have been feeling depressed this year, and I would like to get help from a therapist.” Or, “I started to feel sad and hopeless this year at school. I notice that I have a hard time focusing in class, and I don’t want to spend time with my friends. I want to talk to a therapist about this.”

2. Anticipate Their Questions

Your parents may have a lot of questions to better understand what you are feeling and thinking. They may experience disbelief or fear when you first speak to them. Your parents may ask new questions as they think about what you said, and other follow-up conversations may happen later so they can continue to get a feel for your situation and what might help.

Here are some questions your parents may ask:

• Did something happen that made you feel like this?
• How long have you been feeling this way?
• Have you tried to hurt yourself?
• Have you been thinking about hurting or killing yourself?
• How can we help you feel better?

3. Choose a Good Time When Everyone Is Calm

It’s ideal to talk to both parents at home and when they are not preoccupied with another task, such as cooking or taking care of a sibling. The goal is for everyone to be able to sit down together without distraction to have an important talk together.

4. Let Them Know the Stakes

Let your parents know how feelings of depression have affected you, and let them know what is at stake if these feelings persist. Some areas of life that may be affected by depression can be grades in school, teenage substance use, the ability to make and keep friends, and physical safety if you are experiencing thoughts of hurting yourself or if you practice physical or digital self-harm.

5. Be Specific & Intentional About What You Need From Them

Some teens don’t feel comfortable or safe sharing every detail of their experience with their parents, so make sure to focus on specifically what is needed from them or how they can be supportive. You can let your parents know that you need therapy or ask them to advocate for you at school. Naming this feeling and sharing research on the subject can help parents better understand the message.

6. Write a Letter

Talking about depression and mental health is hard, and that’s okay. When talking about these things, some teens may cry, or their parents may cry. It may be preferred to get the message across clearly and without interruption in an indirect way, like writing a note or sending a text. If you choose to go this route, use a serious tone so that parents know it’s a real issue.

7. Don’t Wait

The sooner that you ask for help for your depression, the sooner you can start to get better. Delaying the conversation due to challenging feelings like shame or nervousness will allow the problem to continue to grow. Talking to others about painful emotions and challenging experiences can prevent feeling isolated and hopeless. Once you ask for help, you can start the process of healing.

How Can Talking to Your Parents Help?

There are a lot of ways parents can help their teens with depression, including helping to find someone to talk to and fund professional care, helping to advocate in school, and developing a self-care routine for your depression. Letting your parents know what you are thinking or feeling can make a big difference in starting to feel better.

Here are some ways your parents can help with your feelings of depression:

• Set up appointments with mental health professionals, including finding a therapist who specializes in teens and finding a psychiatrist who specializes in adolescent depression.
• Advocate for you at school to ensure you are given the proper accommodations and support.
• Set time aside every day for a meaningful check-in, such as by having dinner together or having a phone call.
• Learn about other resources in the community to educate themselves on mental health and depression in teens.
• Enroll in family therapy together so the family unit can learn to improve communication and connection at home.
• Schedule an appointment with the family doctor for ongoing health checks to talk about any new symptoms that come up and make sure that all of your needs are met.
• Develop a safety plan with you so that they can begin to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and can help you practice skills from your safety plan to begin to feel better.⁴

What to Remember When Telling Your Parents You’re Depressed

Talking to your parents and asking for help is important, but it may not go as expected, or the outcome may not be what you were looking for. Because it is hard to predict how the conversation will go, it is helpful to be prepared before starting. Remember, just as you may feel nervous about having this conversation with your parents, they may feel nervous about having this conversation with you, too.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when telling your parents you’re depressed:

• It may not go well initially: Your parents may not get it right away, or they may tell you what you’re feeling is ‘teenage moodiness.’ Don’t be afraid to challenge them so they know what you are feeling is serious.
• They may not give you the attention that you need: If they brush you off when you try to talk with them, try again another time by asking them specifically to set aside time to talk with you.
• Clarify your priorities: You want to have an idea of what your objective for the talk is, whether it be just to express your feelings or ask for additional support from a professional therapist.
• Stay mindful and focused on your goal: Your parents may redirect the conversation away from what you are asking for help with, which can feel very invalidating, even if that is not what they mean to do. Bring the conversation back to helping you feel less depressed with the communication skills discussed earlier in the article.
• It may be emotionally exhausting (for you and your parents): If you begin to feel the conversation is no longer helpful due to emotional burnout, ask for a time out. That lets everyone take time to use the bathroom, have a glass of water or a meal, or take some time to rest. You and your parents could agree on a length for the time out and when to come back to the conversation, whether it be ten minutes or coming back to the conversation the next day.
• They may not understand you: Despite how well you communicate how you feel, your parents may still not hear your message. If you can’t get through to your parents, talk to another adult you trust, such as an aunt or uncle or a teacher at school.

How Family Therapy Can Help

The goal of family therapy is to change how you and your family communicate and connect to each other. It focuses on educating your family members about depression and possibly changing the patterns in the family that continue to make your depression worse, such as fighting. Family therapy also helps parents be less critical and helps you to develop skills to communicate effectively.⁵

Alternative People to Talk to About Feeling Depressed

For some, despite what you say to your parents and how you say it, they may still be unable to offer you the help you’re asking for. For others, it may not be safe to talk to their parents, and in those cases, it is okay to set boundaries with your parents. However, it is important to find an alternative adult to ask for help.

Alternative people you can talk to about feeling depressed include:

• A teacher, school counselor, or administrator
• An aunt, uncle, grandparent, or other close relative
• A healthcare worker, such as a family doctor or school nurse
• A sports coach or another staff person from an extracurricular activity
• Personal safety hotlines, such as calling the suicide crisis hotline at 9-8-8

How to Seek Professional Support

When looking for professional support, sit down with your trusted adult (be it a parent, guardian, school counselor, etc.) and use an online therapist directory to search for a therapist in your area who specializes in teenage depression. You can also speak to your family doctor or ask friends and family members for a referral. Some schools may have group and individual counseling options as well.

If you are having trouble locating a local therapist or have severe time constraints because of school and extracurricular activities, there are also online therapy services specifically for teens that can make therapy a lot more convenient.

If you need immediate support, call your local crisis helpline or a national mental health organization—they can offer instant help and referrals to professionals in your area.