How to Ask for Help With Depression: Advice From a Therapist

How to Know When to Seek Help for Depression

When your depression starts to affect your quality of life, it could be time to ask for help. Common symptoms of depression include feelings of hopelessness and sadness, changes in sleep or appetite, and loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed. Depression can be hard to identify, and mindful acceptance of your symptoms is an important part of getting appropriate support.

Depression symptoms can range in intensity from mild to severe and can impact many areas of your life. The frequency of experiencing symptoms can also change depending on the person, ranging from infrequently (e.g., every couple of weeks) to what feels like constant, daily suffering. Remaining nonjudgmental about your experience of depression will help reduce feelings of fear and concern about asking for help.

Overcoming the Fear of Asking For Help When Depressed

Despite the great advances that have been made in acceptance of mental health and its treatment, there are still many common fears and stigmas associated with mental health that prevent people from asking for help. Some people see “needing help” for depression as weak and want to keep people from worrying about or judging them. Others may feel like a burden to their support system, convincing themselves they need to figure it out on their own.

In reality, identifying your need for help and expressing yourself in a vulnerable way is a sign of strength, not weakness. People will generally be eager to listen and help reduce any struggle or suffering in someone they care about. The benefits of asking for help far outweigh the cons of suffering in silence, including overcoming the fear of judgment and stigma.

Who to Ask for Help With Depression

Choosing who to ask for help could be a difficult decision, and it depends on your personal needs and support system. There are many options to choose from, ranging from people you already know to a trained professional you’ve yet to meet. You may feel uncomfortable regardless of who you choose to ask for help, as this is the first step in changing your life.

Here are some different types of support that can help you with depression:

Friends & Family

Turning to friends and family is often the first choice for people seeking help with depression. Finding someone you trust and can feel vulnerable with often leads us to individuals in our close circle of relationships. Choose a person you feel safe to share with who has maybe helped you in past times of distress. Knowing that this person cares for you unconditionally should help reduce fear or concern of a poor reaction or judgment.

Primary Care Doctor

For many primary care offices, screening for common mental health concerns like depression is standard at each visit. You may have already filled out a document called the PHQ-9, which is a nine-item questionnaire assessing your depression symptoms and their severity.² A good primary doctor is just as concerned about your mental health as they are about your physical health, as each impacts the other.

Your primary doctor can provide many different approaches to helping you improve your depression. They could offer you medication options or refer you to a psychiatric prescriber. They could also provide referrals to other mental health providers, including therapists, counselors, or community mental health/support groups. Utilizing the relationship you have already established with your doctor can make asking for help with depression feel easier.

Therapist or Counselor

Seeking help from a professional therapist or counselor is a reliable way to jump-start your process of improving your mental health. They are trained to provide clinically proven treatment methods for depression and can make your experience individualized to your needs. Therapists and counselors can provide much-needed guidance to their clients because they are well-versed in research-based therapeutic interventions, new psychological research, and local resources.

While finding a therapist may seem intimidating, the process has been made user-friendly through various online avenues. Consider using an online therapist directory or an online therapy for depression platform to find a therapist who fits your needs. You can also go through your insurance carrier to get referrals for a therapist, which generally reduces the cost of treatment.

Therapy options for depression include:

• Psychodynamic therapy: For those wanting an insightful and relational approach to treating their depression, psychodynamic therapy could be an ideal choice. By focusing on family history, current relationship dynamics, and the different levels of consciousness, you will gain self-awareness and improve your ability to manage depressive symptoms.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT):  CBT for depression focuses on the relationships between your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and physical sensations. You will likely have worksheets for homework that help to identify these connections and teach you how to break them, if necessary.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Interpersonal skills, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and emotional regulation techniques are the primary components of DBT for depression. By improving your skills in these areas, DBT posits that depressive symptoms will decrease.
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT for depression focuses on increasing psychological flexibility and helps clients see more of the “gray” areas in life rather than focusing on black-or-white thinking patterns. ACT also utilizes mindfulness strategies to help clients stay centered and present, leading to greater perspective-taking skills.
• Mindfulness-based therapy (MBT): Mindfulness for depression and other mood disorders is a fairly new strategy but has shown great promise in decreasing depression symptoms. Depressive thoughts can feel “loud” and overpowering, so returning to the present moment and grounding is an invaluable tool for managing depression. With interventions like breathing exercises, guided or solo meditation for depression, and body-focused self-awareness, your ability to stay present and grounded improves and reduces depression-related distress.

Support Groups

Support groups, offered in-person or online, can provide a different approach to easing depressive symptoms. Meeting with other people who are experiencing similar symptoms can reduce feelings of isolation that are common in depression. Developing a sense of community through shared experiences and widening your support system can be an invaluable resource for improving depression symptoms. Look for local and/or online support groups being run by mental health organizations, community centers, or even your primary doctor’s office.

Depression & Crisis Hotlines

Depression and crisis hotlines offer immediate support at any time of day, any day of the year. These hotlines are staffed by trained professionals and volunteers who can provide a variety of support and resources. Studies show decreases in symptom expression and overall satisfaction from individuals who reached out to a hotline for their depression.³ There are national and local hotlines that can be easily found with an online search or by asking professionals in your support system.

How to Ask for Help With Depression

Depression can make reaching out to others feel extremely difficult or pointless. Once you have made the brave decision to share your struggles, figuring out how to ask for help with depression is the next step in easing your symptoms. While it can feel overwhelming, sharing your experience ultimately increases your support system and improves your coping skills for depression.

Here are six tips for how to ask for help with depression:

1. Identify Who to Talk To

Choosing someone to ask for help with depression can feel like an intimidating process. You want to make sure that the person you share with will be nonjudgmental, understanding, and supportive of your decision to seek help. You may have known this person for a long time, or maybe you’re looking for a professional who feels safe.

Here are some ways to identify who to talk to:

• It is someone you trust and feel safe with
• It is someone who does not judge you or others
• It is someone you have been vulnerable with in the past
• It is someone who has professional training in helping with depression
• It is someone you feel connected to, either by their personality, energy, or online bio
• It is someone you have witnessed helping others in the past

2. Create a List of Areas Where You Need Support

Consider taking some intentional time to identify and reflect on how depression has impacted any/all areas of your life. It may be helpful to ask yourself, “In what situations do I notice my depression feeling the worst?” Tracking your depression triggers and symptoms in this way will help you and those whom you ask for help understand exactly what kind of support you may need and where to find it.

3. Practice What You Are Going to Say

Letting others know you are struggling with depression can be a very difficult conversation to have. Practicing what you are going to say beforehand can help relieve any anxiety or tension. It is important to communicate as clearly as possible when expressing your feelings and need for support. Consider journaling before the conversation to feel clearer about your thoughts and improve your ability to communicate them.

4. Choose the Right Time & Place

Try to find an ideal time to have this conversation with your chosen support person. This will likely be a time when neither party is in a hurry or is already stressed, so try to plan accordingly. It would be best if you feel comfortable in the physical space you choose, somewhere you are unlikely to be distracted or disturbed and it provides a level of privacy.

5. Express Yourself Clearly & Honestly

Now is the time to be as honest as you can with your chosen support person. Sharing your true experience is the only way to get the help you need; withholding information will only prolong your struggle. Being open and direct will minimize the possibility of miscommunication and increase your chances of receiving the right support.

6. Prepare for Different Reactions

When hearing your support system’s response to your request for help, it’s important to be flexible and understanding regardless of their reaction. They may be supportive and feel comfortable continuing the conversation, and they may respond in a less supportive way than you were expecting. It is important not to be discouraged if they don’t feel capable of helping you; try not to take it personally and consider another support you could reach out to instead.

How to Handle Rejection or Unavailability

Unfortunately, there is a possibility that when you ask for help, you may be met with uncertainty, unavailability, or even rejection. Try not to let this discourage you from seeking help again. Some people may not feel able or prepared to give the support you need for depression, and that does not mean they can’t or won’t support you in other ways later.

Importance of Self-Help for Depression

Even after reaching out for help from others with depression, taking care of yourself is an extremely important part of feeling better. Developing self-care strategies for depression is a process that will evolve over time. It is important to be patient and flexible when suggestions or ideas don’t seem to work for you.

Consider creating a mindfulness routine or starting a journal for depression to track your internal experience. Try out new activities that challenge your view of yourself and the world, like joining a community group for a hobby you have always wanted to try. Sharing your feelings with trusted people in your life can help you feel less alone and more engaged in your treatment for depression.