Ignoring Someone With Histrionic Personality Disorder

What Is Histrionic Personality Disorder?

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is distinguished by behaviors such as inappropriate seduction, a constant craving for attention, and emotional instability. Individuals struggling with HPD often battle with a distorted self-image, leading them to seek validation from others through extravagant and attention-seeking actions. People with HPD are frequently described as “dramatic” or “excessive,” and this can pose difficulties in maintaining stable and healthy relationships.

HPD is quite rare, with about a 2% prevalence in the general population.¹ Males and females are both equally affected by HPD, despite previous research suggesting that it was more prevalent in females.¹ There is no known cause for HPD, but it typically develops through a combination of genetics, trauma, environment, and parenting.

Misconceptions About Histrionic Personality Disorder

Someone who has some of the traits of HPD is not the same as actually being diagnosed with HPD. HPD is a mental health condition that impacts relationships and functioning, and must be diagnosed by a professional- it’s more than just being “dramatic”. HPD used to be discussed as just seen in females, but males can be diagnosed with HPD too, although HPD can be difficult to discern.

Common misconceptions about HPD include:

• HPD is just about being dramatic; People with HPD can be highly sensitive people who have difficulty handling rejection.
• HPD only affects females; males are just as commonly diagnosed with HPD.
• HPD is not real; HPD is a true clinical diagnosis in the DSM.
• HPD is “bad”; Having a personality disorder often has a stigma associated with it, but that doesn’t mean someone with HPD cannot be successful.
• People with HPD are manipulative on purpose; Typically, they are using this as a coping mechanism and not trying to intentionally hurt you.

Characteristics of Histrionic Personality Disorder

HIstrionic personality disorder is distinguished by a pattern of exaggerated emotions and attention-seeking behaviors.² People with HPD are often described as flirtatious, charming, or manipulative and may feel disregarded when they are not the center of attention.³ Women with HPD may seem more self-indulgent and dependent on others, while men with HPD usually present with a lack of impulse control or identity diffusion.

Signs and symptoms of HPD include:

• An excessive desire to be noticed or the center of attention
• Seductive or provocative behavior
• Poor impulse control
• Dramatic emotions
• Easily influenced by others
• Self-centered
• Manipulative behaviors

What Happens When You Ignore Someone With Histrionic Personality Disorder?

Ignoring someone with HPD can cause them to become frustrated and distressed, as they feed off of being validated and the center of attention. Any form of criticism or rejection can cause someone with HPD to become emotionally dysregulated. However, it’s important to set and maintain boundaries to form a healthy relationship with this person, and by giving in to these behaviors, you’re reinforcing them.

People with HPD use these attention-seeking behaviors to increase their self-esteem and feel valued, but you also need to protect yourself and your own well-being by not being caught up in their emotions or drama.⁴ This could also help them begin to understand the impact their behaviors have on their relationships.

Risk of Ignoring Someone With Histrionic Personality Disorder

When you ignore someone with HPD, they may become triggered. This can manifest in different ways, including having angry outbursts, becoming anxious, withdrawing, or beginning to self-harm. These behaviors can be serious and escalate, but it doesn’t mean you should keep enabling them.

You might find it difficult or want to “give in” to avoid some of these potential behaviors, however, it could be a risk to your well-being and mental health to keep someone like this in your life.

Alternatives to Ignoring Someone Who Has Histrionic Personality Disorder

Ignoring someone with HPD may not be the best option or an option at all. You may have someone in your life who you can’t “cut off” or don’t want to – like a family member or coworker. Alternatively, ignoring them could be risky if they are unstable enough to retaliate. Remember, there are other options to manage your relationship with someone with HPD.

Here are a few alternatives to ignoring someone with HPD:

• Practice active listening: Active listening means you are present and not interrupting what the person is saying – you give them your full attention. Someone with HPD could become activated if it feels like you aren’t giving them your full attention. This can help build trust with the person you’re communicating with, letting the person with HPD know you’re connected to them, allowing them space to communicate, and demonstrating you care about what they have to say.
• Set clear boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial to protect your energy and be clear about your expectations. People with HPD can struggle with overstepping or not understanding when to back down. By setting clear boundaries, you will let the other party know what you are and are not willing to do and prevent conflict.
• Manage emotions: Having someone in your life with HPD can trigger your own emotional responses. Managing your own emotions will help mirror this for the other person and also protect you from getting upset.
• Communicate assertively: The person you’re communicating with may not even know how they’re acting is problematic or how you feel about it. Oftentimes, people with HPD are unaware of their behaviors and how they impact others. By using assertive communication, you can help them understand this, and it may show that you aren’t trying to criticize them.
• Take breaks: If you start to feel angry, or if the other person does, walking away to take a break will help avoid a heated argument. Someone with HPD may even feed off of “drama,” and no one can make rational decisions when they’re upset.
• Keep calm: Someone with HPD may try to pull you into their drama or agitated emotional state. By keeping calm, you’ll be demonstrating they won’t get the attention they are seeking.
• Avoid assumptions: It’s easy to assume the other person knows how we feel, but that isn’t always true. Someone with HPD is likely preoccupied with their own thoughts and emotions. Communicate how you’re feeling clearly and concisely to ensure you’re getting your point across.

How to Help Someone With Histrionic Personality Disorder

If there’s someone in your life who has histrionic personality disorder, you can still support them without ignoring them. Constructing a safe and non-judgmental environment will indicate that they are supported. By allowing them to feel heard, you might be able to reduce emotional explosions. However, you do not want to feed into the drama and can encourage them to seek professional help to make changes.

Here are some ways to help someone with histrionic personality disorder:

• Educate yourself: Learning more about HPD can help you be more empathetic and understand HPD’s causes and symptoms on a deeper level. This article is a good starting place! You can check out the resources listed below or learn more about HPD from reputable sources, such as NAMI or American Psychological Association.
• Encourage professional help: Counseling can provide a person with HPD with tools to manage their emotions and behaviors. The person may not understand how their behaviors are impacting others in their life, and if they hear from someone important that their actions are hurtful, that can help them take the next step to seek help.
• Be consistent: Stick to your boundaries and your behaviors. If you’re inconsistent, it can be confusing. You are also modeling for the other person how important boundaries are and how consistency manages expectations.If you can only spend a certain amount of time with this person, then communicate that.

How to Protect Yourself When Dealing With Someone With Histrionic Personality Disorder

Ignoring someone with HPD may seem like a simple solution. Still, you may have someone in your life that you cannot just “cut off”, whether it be a family member or co-worker, or even a friend with who you value and want to maintain a relationship with. Protecting yourself is essential for your own well-being and stress management.

Here are a few ways to protect yourself from someone who has HPD:

• Speak to a therapist: Finding a therapist can assist you with setting boundaries, understanding triggers and red flags, and processing ways to manage the relationship healthily.
• Recognize manipulation techniques: Begin to notice tactics by paying attention to times when you feel the person with HPD may be manipulating you, like guilt-tripping. The sooner you begin to notice these tactics, the sooner you can set up boundaries to protect yourself.
• Set boundaries: Know your boundaries and communicate them so it’s clear what you won’t accept in this relationship. This could look like being clear about topics you will or will not discuss or how much time you have to talk to them today. Maintaining these boundaries is even more important so the messaging doesn’t become confusing.
• Maintain perspective: Try to remember the other person’s behavior is not a reflection of you, but instead their own struggles and way of coping. This reframe can help you feel less frustrated or discouraged if you find interactions with someone with HPD challenging.
• Consider distance: If possible, reduce the amount of interactions you have with this person to protect your own mental health. If the behavior is consistently harmful and toxic, you may need to sever ties with this person.
• Focus on self-care: Having a good self-care routine is essential to stress management, whether that be hobbies, meditating, or saying “no” when you need to! A strong self-care routine keeps you grounded and in a headspace to make better decisions and deal with stress or difficulties when it comes to a person with HPD.

When to Seek Professional Support

If someone in your life has HPD, it can be a challenging relationship to maintain. If you find that this relationship is impacting your everyday life or taking up a lot of mental space, it could be time to get professional support to get help. You can find a therapist who specializes in interpersonal relationships or personality disorders using an online therapist directory. An online therapy platform makes accessing therapy easy and affordable.

In My Experience

There is a lot of stigma surrounding personality disorders, and it’s important to remember that the person who has HPD is not intentionally trying to harm. Their symptoms are a manifestation of ways that they know how to get their needs met. However, it does not mean that you need to sacrifice your own well-being to have someone like that in your life. Boundaries and self-care are essential to maintaining these relationships.