Transference occurs when clients experience strong feelings toward their therapist. These feelings are similar to what they experienced toward a significant person in their life (e.g., a parent or a sibling). Understanding your transference reactions and talking about them with your therapist can help you better understand yourself and improve your relationships.
What Is Transference?
Transference is a psychological term for when a person projects their feelings about one person onto someone else.1 In therapy, this can happen when a client projects onto their therapist. These positive or negative feelings often come from how they felt toward a significant person from childhood. Transference is typically unconscious, but bringing it into consciousness can be helpful for treatment.
The concept of transference was developed by Sigmund Freud in the late 1800’s.2 Since then it has been expanded upon and studied by others and is well-regarded as a common experience in therapy. Therapists view transference positively, since it gives them a glimpse into how a client felt toward a significant person in their life. Some forms of therapy, like psychodynamic therapy, work to help clients explore and express these feelings. Once they are conscious, or clients are aware of them, they can be worked through. This process is meant to help improve their flexibility in relationships and get their interpersonal needs met in a healthier way.3
Even if a therapist does not practice psychodynamic therapy, they may still be open to talking about and working through transference reactions.
According to Karen Hartfield, MA, LMHC, LMT, “The client and therapist act upon each other within the therapeutic setting, in both conscious and unconscious ways. We tend to divide this relational interaction into transference (how the client brings old material in relating to the therapist) and counter-transference (the old material that the therapist brings to the room), but the two cannot be so succinctly separated. Kay Bradbury, a Jungian analyst and a co-founder of the Sandplay Therapists of America, coined the phrase “co-transference,” which refers to the ongoing, multi-level (conscious and unconscious, positive and negative) relationship that exists between client and therapist. This holds the sense of a more immediate, fluid and ever-changing relationship dynamic which the attuned therapist can respond to appropriately.”
Positive Transference
Positive transference is when a client transfers positive feelings about someone (e.g., love, idealization, attraction) onto their therapist.4 For example, someone who grew up with a warm and loving mother may experience their female therapist in a similar way. If that therapist does something to upset them, like cancelling an appointment, the client may hold onto positive feelings and push away negative ones.
It can be helpful for the therapist to explore this with the client, since pushing away negative feelings rather than acknowledging and expressing them may be harmful for the client.
Negative Transference
Negative transference is when a client transfers negative feelings about someone (e.g., anger, jealousy, fear, resentment) onto their therapist.5 For example, someone raised by a hostile, angry father may experience their male therapist in a similar way. The client may respond negatively even if the therapist is trying to convey warmth and acceptance.
By addressing and talking about these feelings in therapy, the client can begin to understand how they may respond similarly to other people in their life. Once they’re aware of their patterns, they can make changes to improve relationships.
Hartfield mentions, “Positive transference can seem to be more effective in moving therapy forward (e.g., a client’s comfort with a therapist who reminds them of a trusted person in their past). However, negative transference (e.g., an internal resistance for similar reasons), while challenging, can provide information regarding issues that may need to be addressed. This requires careful, respectful, and honest navigation by the therapist, and can potentially be very powerful in the client’s improved self-understanding and healing.”
Transference vs. Countertransference
Therapists can also have reactions to their clients based on their own experiences and past relationships. Countertransference is when a therapist transfers their own feelings from past experiences and relationships onto their client.6 For example, a therapist who was raised by an angry parent and developed a passive approach may find themselves feeling overwhelmed when a client expresses anger or dissatisfaction.
Transference and countertransference can both be conscious or unconscious. Therapists can benefit from acknowledging and understanding their countertransference, so that it doesn’t negatively impact their work. Many therapists work with a clinical supervisor or seek consultation to help them in this area. By being aware of their countertransference reactions, therapists can remain objective and more effectively help their clients.
Talking About Transference With Your Therapist
Talking with your therapist about your transference reactions can be uncomfortable, especially if these feelings are negative; however, it can be an important step in your treatment. Some people may want to find a new therapist but it is still important to try to work through these feelings with the current one first.
First, ask yourself what reactions you’re having toward your therapist. You may want to write them down or even journal a bit to get a better idea. Ask yourself if any of these feelings remind you of how you felt toward anyone else in your life like a parent, grandparent, partner, or sibling.
Once you better understand these reactions, try explaining them. A good therapist will listen nonjudgmentally and provide an opportunity to talk about what’s happening. The discussion will likely focus on the present and what is occurring between you and your therapist in-session.7 You may also talk about how these reactions relate to early childhood and past experiences.
In some cases, transference reactions may interfere with your treatment. This could lead you and your therapist to decide to stop working together. If this happens, your therapist will help you transition to another provider.
Hartfield states, “It is imperative to realize, when thinking of transference and counter-transference, that it will happen, it IS happening on some level. If we think it is not, we are simply blind to how it is occurring unconsciously. As we navigate the therapeutic relationship with this given, we’re able to pay attention, and in so doing remove ourselves from the situation just enough to more honestly evaluate what may be transpiring. Transference and counter-transference, when recognized and respected, can offer vital information about what is happening with the client, with the therapist, and in the therapy session. New doors to healing can open.”
3 Examples of Transference In Psychotherapy
Transference in therapy can show up in positive and negative ways. It’s unique to each person, so the way you experience it will depend on your own life experiences and how you connect with your therapist.
Here are three transference examples:
1. The Client Idealizes the Therapist
Idealization is a type of positive transference that can happen in therapy. When a client idealizes a therapist, they view them as “all good” and cannot imagine them having any flaws or negative qualities.8 It can be described as “putting the therapist on a pedestal.”
This kind of reaction may be similar to how you felt toward someone significant in your life. For example, maybe you believed your mother was “all good” and your father was “all bad.” You may often view people in all-or-nothing terms and struggle to see that everyone’s imperfect.In some cases, this may lead you to stay in unhealthy relationships.
Talking about your idealization with your therapist and understanding how it affects other relationships can help you work toward developing a more balanced view of others.
2. The Client Feels Angry With the Therapist
As a client, you may feel angry or upset about something your therapist said or did. Depending on your past and how you respond to conflict, you may find yourself verbalizing your anger or taking a passive stance. The way you react could be based on how anger was handled in your family.
For example, if your parents were unpredictable when angry, you might have felt like you had to “walk on eggshells.” Now, you respond similarly with your therapist, feeling afraid to express anger and holding it in instead. If this pattern continues, it can lead to problems in relationships.
Anger can be uncomfortable to express, but talking about it with your therapist may lead to valuable change that can improve your relationships outside of therapy.
3. The Client Feels Attracted to the Therapist
Erotic transference refers to when a client feels attracted to a therapist.9 Though these feelings can be uncomfortable, they’re nothing to be ashamed of. A therapeutic relationship involves empathy and vulnerability, so it isn’t uncommon for clients to develop love or attraction toward their therapists.
Therapists can act as a stand-in for parental figures and may provide you with the warmth and acceptance you didn’t receive elsewhere in your life. Experiencing this with your therapist may lead you to develop loving feelings, either in a romantic or platonic way.
Just like other types of transference, erotic transference can be discussed and worked through in therapy. Rest assured that a good therapist will absolutely never cross any ethical lines and act on attraction.10 Because of these boundaries, therapy provides a safe space to share positive feelings, explore their meaning, and work toward developing positive and fulfilling relationships outside of therapy.
Final Thoughts on Transference
Transference is a common experience in therapy. While it can feel uncomfortable, it is not bad and should not be avoided. Being aware of your transference reactions and sharing them with your therapist can provide a good opportunity to work through your feelings and help you meet your therapeutic goals.
