Why Am I So Unhappy? 15 Explanations From a Therapist

Why Am I So Unhappy?

There are many reasons why a person might feel unhappy with life from personal mental health stressors to things that are beyond their control.

Here are 15 reasons why you may be so unhappy:

1. You Are Struggling With Your Mental Health

Many people are struggling with depression but they do not realize it. If you find that your unhappiness has come on suddenly and intensely, or if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, seek the support of a mental health professional or visit the emergency room.

2. You Haven’t Worked Through Your Trauma

Many people have feelings of unhappiness due to not having the ability to work through their trauma history. While this does not mean that all unhappiness is due to having a trauma history, there are definite links between things that someone has not worked through and their present mood.

Some people haven’t even taken the step of admitting or recognizing that they experienced trauma. For example, if a person was verbally bullied at school or was treated unfairly at work, it can cause depression, even if it isn’t what may be associated as true trauma. Additionally, the self blame that you should be able to “just get over it” can prevent a person from working through it.

3. You Compare Yourself to Others

Many people compare themselves to their peers, and then when they feel they come up short, this affects their mood. If your best friend is married with children, and you assumed that you would be too by this age, it can make you feel like you haven’t accomplished what you wanted to. It is important to remember that everyone has their own journey, and comparing yourself to others will always make you feel unhappy.

4. There Is Pressure From Family or Social Circle

If your family pressures you to succeed on their terms, this can make you feel like you just do not measure up to their expectations. It can be difficult to manage family expectations with your own mental health, but it is important to remember that you should only strive to live up to your own expectations.

5. You Might Be Bored With Life

Feeling bored with life or like you do not have anything to look forward to can drastically affect your mood. If you feel unfulfilled in your job and relationships, or just feel overall “stuck”, this can make you feel unhappy.

6.You Have Unhealthy Relationships

Struggling with unhealthy or toxic relationships can be stressful. No matter if the relationships are romantic, platonic, familial, or even colleagues, it can affect your health.. Those who spend time with people who are negative or mean often find that there are negative consequences to their mental health.¹

7.There Are Underlying Physical Health Concerns

There are numerous physical health conditions that affect the likelihood that someone will experience unhappiness or mood changes. Sleep apnea or insomnia can leave you feeling unhappy or irritable during the day. Conditions such as Parkinson’s disease affect mood and can even cause depression.²

Living with uncertainty about your health and coping with symptoms can be exhausting, and it can take away your optimism.

8.You Are a Highly Sensitive Person

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) does not automatically make someone more sad. But because a HSP has an increased level of sensitivity to sensory or emotional experiences, particularly people, places, and situations, this can affect their mood.

9.You Are Dealing With Chronic Pain

Struggling with pain throughout the day would make anyone feel unhappy. Furthermore, studies show that being unhappy can decrease the ability to cope with pain. “Previous findings have shown that people who are relatively unhappy have lower pain thresholds, and thus tend to avoid painful experiences to a greater extent.”³

10.You do Not Have Adequate Social Supports

Not having a good support system can affect your mood and make you feel more unhappy. Having social support does more than improve mood, having adequate social support has been shown to improve endocrine, cardiovascular,  and immune systems health.⁴ Seek out emotionally healthy and stable friends who don’t drag you down.

11.You Have Had A Lot of Losses Recently

In a 2016 study, researchers found that people were more able to cope with one large loss over several smaller losses of the same impact.³
Therefore, having several “smaller” losses can impact your overall mood and mental health more than having one larger loss.

12.Financial Stressors

Dealing with financial stress would make anyone feel unhappy. Losing a job, being behind on bills, or feeling like you just can’t catch up can greatly affect mood. FInancial stress has been linked to sadness and feelings of depression.⁵

13.You Are Burned Out

Being burned out is more than just feeling overworked with your job, but it can also contribute to mental health concerns and mood changes. “It can manifest in physical symptoms such as feeling fatigued or exhausted, crying easily, having trouble sleeping and becoming emotional over things that wouldn’t normally affect you.”⁶

14.You Are Worried About Family or Loved Ones

If you have children who are struggling emotionally or in school, this can obviously affect your mood. SImilarly, if you have a loved one who is struggling with their mental health or with a personal crisis, this can affect your own level of happiness.

15. Diet Changes

Some people are more sensitive to what they consume than others. If you are feeling more unhappy in the days after going out drinking, the alcohol might be the culprit. Likewise, if you are feeling unhappy after consuming large amounts of sugar or caffeine, take a look at how those things affect your body, as many of these things can affect mood and contribute to mental health symptoms.⁷

How to Cope With Feeling Unhappy

There are some ways to cope with feeling unhappy, even if you feel sad for no reason that you understand. Developing healthy coping mechanisms is an important part of maintaining mental health. There are many coping tools you can use when feeling unhappy to improve your mood.

Here are some ways to cope with feeling unhappy:

• Reframing negative thoughts: Reframing negative thoughts looks like changing “I hate waiting in line” to “I am excited that after a short wait I will get this delicious hot tea”
• Maintain self care: Taking time for self care can greatly improve your mood
• Put on some music or a podcast: Put on something that makes you happy, makes you think, or takes you away for a while
• Take a drive or a walk: Getting out of the house or the office, even just for a 10 minute walk, can improve your mood
• Include more Omega 3 and Vitamin D in your diet: both Omega 3 and Vitamin D have been linked to improving mood and mental health⁸
• Surround yourself with things that make you happy: If you do not like your living environment, or your office makes you feel uncomfortable, this will affect your mood

Strategies to Increase Happiness in Your Life

There are things you can do to increase happiness for the long-term. By making certain changes and adopting new habits, you can significantly boost your happiness level in your daily life.

Below are some strategies to increase happiness in your life include:

• Connect with others: Having people who support you has a positive effect on mental health¹
• Monitor your health: Keeping up with health concerns can keep them from getting worse, which could affect your mental health
• Do what makes you happy: Pressure to do things that make others happy can leave many frustrated when these things do not work for them. If yoga makes you uncomfortable, it is not a good activity for you. Likewise, going to bars to drink with friends might not be your idea of fun.
• Take a look at what you have been consuming: Drinking too much, consuming too much caffeine, or eating too much sugar can make some feel sluggish or sad the next day. Be mindful about how media consumption also affects mood.
• Acknowledge your feelings: Repressing feelings by trying to ignore or push away unhappy feelings will only make them worse
• Work through any unresolved stress or trauma: Taking time to look at your history will help you work through any unresolved feelings that are contributing to your current mood

When to Seek Professional Support

Feeling occasionally unhappy is usually no cause for concern, as it is part of the human experience. However, if you are feeling that you are unable to live a fulfilling life due to your overwhelming feelings of unhappiness, it might be time to seek therapy. You can find many therapists on an online therapist directory or online therapy platform.

In My Experience

In my experience, many people who have repressed traumas, or history that they have not worked through, experience frequent unhappiness that they can not otherwise explain. Those who validate their feelings instead of trying to ignore or push them away often find that this simple act of validation can help improve mood.