Emptiness describes a range of emotions, including feelings of loneliness, sadness, or feeling numb or disconnected. These feelings can be normal when they occur in direct response to a loss, trauma, or other difficult life event. When these feelings outlast the stressful circumstances, or when they become chronic and impact your ability to function, an underlying mental health condition is often the cause.
Causes of Feelings of Emptiness: Why Do I Feel This Way?
When feelings of emptiness are regular and long-lasting, they often indicate a deeper psychological issue. Feelings of emptiness are often related to a trauma or loss, possibly even one that happened a long time ago. Research has shown that people who have experienced childhood abuse, especially emotional abuse, are more likely to report chronic feelings of emptiness.4,7
Feelings of emptiness are also commonly reported by people who lose someone or something they love.2 This might have been related to the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, a breakup or even the loss of a job. While grief is a natural response to loss and includes feelings of emptiness, these feelings should eventually begin to lessen and subside over time.
Often, people who have been through something painful or traumatic like abuse or the loss of a loved one have developed ways of coping that are not always healthy. For example, people may repress or numb their emotions with drugs, alcohol, sex, or even by throwing themselves into work or a new relationship, instead of actually working through them. People normally can’t selectively repress difficult emotions without affecting their positive emotions, explaining why these unhealthy forms of coping can lead to feelings of emptiness.
Sometimes, feelings of emptiness reflect something that is wrong or missing within a person’s life, including staying in a job, relationship, or place they no longer feel connected to. Other times, the feelings of emptiness reflect an internal psychological issue, like a mood disorder or a personality disorder. Because emptiness is used to describe a number of different emotions and subjective experiences, there are many different internal and external causes that could be at the root of the issue.
Mental Health Diagnoses Related to Feelings of Emptiness
There is not one definition of emptiness that experts have agreed upon, meaning that emptiness is sometimes used as a catch-all term describing a range of different internal experiences.
Other feelings that may explain prolonged feelings of emptiness include:3,5,6
- Anhedonia: Anhedonia describes feeling a loss of interest and pleasure in activities previously enjoyed. People with anhedonia might still do these activities but feel bored or unfulfilled by them.
- Loneliness: Loneliness describes emptiness and sadness that comes from a lack of social connection. Loneliness can even occur when people are surrounded by other people but feel like those people don’t really see, understand, or care about them.
- Hopelessness: Hopelessness is a kind of emptiness that people begin thinking will never end or go away. Feeling hopeless can occur when a person gives up on the possibility of things getting better in the future, causing people to give up or feel like life is pointless.
- Worthlessness: Worthlessness is a feeling of shame, or not being “enough” in one or more ways. People who feel worthless often describe feeling small and insignificant, and the emptiness comes from a sense that they are inherently lacking good qualities, talents, or strengths.
- Despair: Despair is an intense form of emotional pain that is overwhelming and can even feel bottomless. People who have feelings of despair don’t feel emotionally numb, but rather feel empty of any happiness or hope.
- Disconnection: Feeling disconnected can mean a number of things. Some people feel disconnected from other people while others feel emotionally or physically disconnected from themselves. Others might feel detached or disconnected from life, like they are just going through the motions.
- Numbness: Feeling numb or unable to experience any emotions whatsoever is often a defense mechanism that people develop to cope with emotional pain. This can develop in response to trauma, abuse, or loss, or as a result of “checking out” with drugs, alcohol, or just distracting themselves from their emotions.
- Longing: Longing often comes from feeling like there is something missing in life. Sometimes people can easily identify what’s missing and other times it isn’t obvious to them, but is a pervasive sense of being dissatisfied or unfulfilled and wanting something but not knowing what.
Many of the feelings above are actually symptoms of a mental health disorder, including:1
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
People with BPD often have experienced intense trauma and have developed maladaptive ways of coping with their emotional pain. People with BPD often experience intense abandonment fears, chaotic relationships, and have difficulty regulating their emotions and avoiding impulsive and destructive reactions.
Chronic feelings of emptiness are often also experienced by people with BPD, and these can even lead to destructive behaviors like self-harming or causing relationship storms to “feel something” and counteract the numbness they feel.1,5,6
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Some people with PTSD experience emotional numbness or feelings of emptiness after a traumatic event, which is often an unconscious attempt to protect themselves from emotional pain related to the traumatic memory. People with PTSD often also experience nightmares, flashbacks, or memories where they feel they are re-experiencing the trauma and may numb themselves or “dissociate” to cope.1,6
Complex Trauma
Complex trauma is not a formal diagnosis, but is increasingly being recognized as an experience unique from the symptoms of PTSD, which often show up as traits and behaviors associated with BPD.4 Complex trauma survivors often have maladaptive methods of coping, struggle in interpersonal relationships, and have an inability to regulate their emotions. They also commonly report feelings of emptiness, numbness, or feeling disconnected from their identity.4,5,7
Complicated Grief
Renamed as persistent complex bereavement disorder, this disorder occurs when a person’s grief over the loss of a loved one extends for a prolonged period of time, causing feelings of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness, and a deep longing for the loved one. The disorder is not diagnosed when the loss has occurred within the last 6 months, as these symptoms may be a normal indicator of the grieving process.1
Major Depressive Disorder
People with Major Depressive Disorder often experience prolonged periods of sadness, loneliness, or anhedonia which they may describe as feelings of emptiness.1 These feelings can intensify to feelings of despair and hopelessness when depression worsens, which is often a risk factor for suicide.3,5
Anxiety Disorders
While it is less common, some people with anxiety disorders may also describe feelings of emptiness. This may be especially true with anxiety disorders which cause people to socially isolate themselves, including agoraphobia and social anxiety disorder. People with these disorders often want social connection with others but avoid them because of their fears, and the prolonged isolation can lead to feelings of emptiness, sadness, and even despair.
Substance Use Disorders
People with substance use disorders have developed a problematic habit of using drugs or alcohol even after these have caused significant problems in their lives.1 Feeling emotionally empty or numb can be related to the direct effects of a substance, which can make them feel emotionally numb.
Emptiness can also be experienced as addiction worsens and people feel more disconnected from themselves and their old lives. Addiction also often leads people to feeling despair, worthlessness, and hopelessness as they feel less and less able to make changes and break the addiction.
When to Get Help for Feelings of Emptiness
No matter what the root cause is, feelings of emptiness can usually be addressed in counseling. Therapy is recommended for you if feelings of emptiness last for more than a week or two, or if they begin to impact your ability to function. Research shows that emptiness is the symptom of BPD most closely linked to poor functioning in relationships, work, and higher rates of self-harm, suggesting it is not just a symptom, but also a risk factor.6
If you have been struggling with feelings of emptiness, you should pay attention to your behavior and routine, looking out for any changes that seem abnormal for you. For instance, if you normally go to the gym every day but haven’t been in two weeks, or if you have been declining calls from friends and family members you speak to daily, these are causes for concern. Even sleeping more, eating less, or skipping showers can be an indication of depression or another untreated mental health issue.
Another reason why feelings of emptiness are so concerning is that they are closely linked to suicide and self-harm.3,6,7 If you have thoughts of suicide or of urges to hurt yourself, you should seek immediate help. This is true even if you do not plan to act on these thoughts, or if the thoughts are more general like, “I just wish it would all end.” Getting help before these thoughts escalate and before the emptiness worsens can stop the progression of whatever is causing these symptoms and begin the process of reversing them.
Who Should I Consult for Feelings of Emptiness?
For many, the best first step to getting help is to set up an appointment with a licensed counselor or therapist. If you know what the specific root problem is, look for a therapist who specializes in this issue. Online directories can be used to find a therapist near you who accepts your insurance, specializes in the issue you have, and is available at times convenient for you.
Try to narrow down at least a few options and reach out to request a consultation, which many therapists will offer free of charge. Ask questions about their experience with your issue and how they could help you work through it. Book an appointment with the person you felt the most comfortable with.
Certain types of therapy have more research to prove their effectiveness than others. Some of the most evidence-based practices for mental health issues include cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy. Often, support groups are a helpful addition to therapy.
Coping with Emptiness: 10 Ways to Fill the Void
In addition to seeking counseling, there may also be some things you can do on your own to begin addressing your feelings of emptiness. Making some changes to the way you respond and cope with your emotions and the way you spend your time are usually important components of feeling better.6
Some of the changes you can consider making include:
1. Start a Meditation or Mindfulness Routine
Meditation and mindfulness describe the practice of being more aware and present in your moment to moment experiences, helping people feel more connected to themselves and their experiences. Mindfulness and meditation also involve being able to pull back and get distance from difficult thoughts, stories, and feelings, which you may have been unconsciously numbing or avoiding.
2. Spend More Time Connecting With Others
Humans are social beings and depend on connection and interactions with others. Social connection is central to your physical and mental health and can address feelings of emptiness that originate from feeling lonely, disconnected, or depressed.
3. Be More Intentional in How You Spend Your Free Time
Instead of binge-watching TV on weekends, make your time off count. Plan things on weekends and evenings that are normally fun, interesting, and fulfilling to you, and push through the initial resistance you might encounter because you “don’t feel like” doing them. Often, you will experience that getting started is the hardest part, and that you feel better afterwards—about both yourself and about making good use of your time.
4. Set and Work Towards Goals
Setting goals can combat emptiness caused by hopelessness, worthlessness, and longing, helping you direct your efforts towards improving your life and circumstances in measurable ways. Setting goals also provides purpose and meaning to your daily life, encouraging you to keep a hopeful view of the future.
5. Find a Creative Outlet
Being creative is good for you in many ways, helping to challenge your brain to think in new ways, giving you an outlet for thoughts and feelings, and providing the satisfaction of bringing your ideas to life. Many creative pursuits are also “flow” activities, or activities that are mentally stimulating and engaging, good for your psychological well being, and providing a sense of calm confidence.
6. Feel Your Feelings
Emotions are part of what make life full and meaningful, and connect you to yourself, others, and your experiences. People who suppress their emotions may experience a sense of emptiness. Learn to sit with your feelings without getting lost or caught up in them or the thoughts that feed them, and you will often find they come and go fairly easily.
7. Heal Old Wounds
Feelings of emptiness stemming from past traumas or losses require people to do the hard work of revisiting and healing these old wounds. This is best done in therapy with a licensed and experienced counselor, but there may be some ways you can work outside of sessions by reading self-help books, joining a support group, or working on developing more self-compassion.
8. Learn More About Yourself
Many people who describe feeling empty inside feel disconnected from themselves and can benefit from doing some introspective work. Consider taking a personality test like the Myers Briggs or Big Five to learn more about your personality and the way it impacts how you think, feel, and behave. You could also work on identifying your core values, which represent the things in life that matter most to you and can provide you with a sense of direction.
9. Be More Active
Exercise and physical activity are good for all aspects of your physical and mental health. Being more active helps you balance brain chemicals that regulate your mood, reduce stress, and provide energy. Making time to be active also helps you get more attuned to your body, which is especially good for people who experience emptiness as feeling disconnected from their bodies.
10. Find a Way to Contribute or Give Back
The act of helping others is one of the most rewarding and psychologically beneficial ways to spend your time and energy. Finding ways to contribute also helps with feelings of emptiness that originate from a lack of connection, purpose, or self-worth. Contributions can come in many forms like volunteering your time, offering to help a friend or coworker, donating to a charity, or even small random acts of kindness.
How to Support a Loved One Struggling with Feelings of Emptiness
Seeing someone you love suffer is difficult, especially when you don’t know how to help. Sometimes, what’s most helpful isn’t doing or saying anything at all, it’s just about showing up, listening, and offering your empathy. Avoid acting on urges to loop the conversation back to yourself or your experiences and stop yourself from giving unsolicited advice.
If you are really worried about their mental health, share these concerns with them and encourage or help them find a counselor. Keep in mind that you cannot play the role of a counselor with them, and also remember that as much as you care, you cannot try to make their happiness your responsibility.
You might need to set boundaries and pull back if you find yourself becoming too emotionally involved or overextending yourself in ways that negatively impact you, keeping you from your responsibilities. This is also important because continuously overextending yourself can build up resentments that can damage and wear on the relationship.
Resources for People Dealing with Feelings of Emptiness
- Complex PTSD Foundation: A resource guide for those struggling with complex trauma that offers online support groups, weekly calls, a trauma healing book club, meditation workshops, and a range of articles and resources for survivors.
- Anxiety and Depression Association: An online site dedicated to those struggling with different forms of anxiety or depression, which offers online articles, an online support group, and to help connect with a treatment provider near you.
