Why Do I Isolate Myself From Everyone? Explanations From a Therapist

What Is Self-Isolation?

Self-isolation is the act of making a conscious effort to stay away from other people. It is when someone steps back from spending time with other people, avoids social interaction, and stays more to themself purposefully as a means of avoidance coping.

If someone self-isolates, this can often result from low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, or social anxiety. Self-isolation sometimes happens due to a problematic situation, such as a relationship betrayal that causes someone to feel they need a break from social interaction.

10 Reasons You May Isolate Yourself From Everyone

There are many reasons you may be isolating from social interactions. Grief and avoidance of things that remind you of your trauma history are common. Also, if you have a mental health condition, like depression, social anxiety, or burnout, self-isolation is a common maladaptive coping mechanism.

Here are ten reasons you may isolate yourself from everyone:

1. You Are Depressed

Often, mental health symptoms such as depression can cause someone to isolate themselves. When dealing with consistent negative thought patterns and low energy, it is common for people to use self-isolation to cope in response to depression.¹

2. You Are Grieving

Going through experiences of grief can cause someone to isolate themselves. Because grief can feel very isolating, it is normal to feel uncomfortable around other people who do not understand.

Because many people do not know how to engage with someone grieving, they often act in ways that can make your grief worse, such as asking difficult questions or avoiding talking about the person you recently lost. It is common to want to avoid other people during a grieving period.

3. You Were Hurt

If you recently went through a breakup with a romantic partner or even a friendship breakup, it can feel normal to want to avoid people for a while. Sometimes, this is done for a period of time to make space for healing. Other times, it can be a form of avoidance due to the residual hurt from the relationship’s ending.

4. You Have a Family Trauma History

Having a history of childhood trauma, particularly dysfunctional social interactions and communication patterns, can leave survivors struggling with developing healthy social support. When we grow up with poor examples of communication and engagement, it can be normal to struggle to develop these things in adulthood.

Many who grew up in environments filled with chaotic interactions develop fears of repeating this in their adult years. Until they do the work of healing to develop new ways of interacting and solving conflict, it can feel easier to simply avoid social interaction by isolating.

5. You Have Social Anxiety

For those with social anxiety, social engagement can feel extremely stressful. The unknown elements of social situations, such as not knowing who will be there, fears of being put on the spot, and not knowing what to talk about, are some things social anxiety sufferers dread about social situations. Sometimes, it can feel easier to isolate from other people rather than navigate this discomfort.

6. You Do Not Enjoy Social Interaction

Some people do not want or need social connections, which is okay. Trying to force social connection when it is not wanted can create different stress.

Just because you are around others does not mean the interactions benefit you. For example, you can feel loneliness even when around others.¹ This is especially true for people who do not feel connected to others around them.

7. You Are In An Unfamiliar Setting

It is very normal to isolate occasionally, especially if you are in a new or unfamiliar setting. During these times, avoiding the overwhelm and difficulty of social interactions is understandable. Some level of self-isolation in a new and unfamiliar place is absolutely normal and likely inevitable, but finding new ways to make connections will be important moving forward.¹

8. You Are a Highly Sensitive Person

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) means you have an increased sensitivity to sensory experiences, such as social interactions and stimulating situations. If you identify with being an HSP, social interactions can likely be overwhelming or even stressful for you. This is okay.

For some, this can lead to social isolation due to wanting to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of being overstimulated.

9. You Have Low Self-Confidence

Having low self-confidence can lead someone to avoid social interactions due to having low confidence of how to engage with others socially, as well as affect one’s level of sensitivity and ability to adapt in social interactions.² In some cases, this can lead to self isolation in order to avoid the discomfort that comes from engaging with others in social settings.

10. You Are Experiencing Introvert Burnout

It can be difficult for those who are introverted to spend time in social situations, especially those that are unfamiliar. If you recently had to invest a great deal of social energy into interacting with others, such as completing a group project at work or traveling with a group, you may be experiencing introvert burnout.

Introvert burnout can leave people exhausted both mentally and physically. If you are isolating due to introvert burnout, it is likely short lived and will usually resolve itself in a few days or weeks.

What Does Self-Isolation Do to a Person?

Occasionally isolating yourself from others is not usually harmful, especially if you are prepared and have the support needed. Those who are more geared towards solo activities, introverted, or even solo living will be less affected by being isolated from others. Those who are more used to being with others socially will likely be more negatively affected by a sudden change of social isolation. If you are used to relying on others for your needs, such as getting rides to appointments, or benefiting from regular social interactions, you are likely to experience more of an impact from isolation.³

However, while occasional social isolation is likely fine, research has shown that there is a link between long periods of social isolation and health concerns such as cardiovascular problems and exacerbated mental health symptoms.⁴

How to Stop Isolating Yourself From Everyone

Occasional social isolation is fine. Therefore, if you are taking a break from others while healing from a recent breakup, for example, you are likely to be okay due to this experience being short lived. However, there may be times when you want to stop isolating yourself from others. Starting small, and keeping up with social and professional obligations will help avoid isolating from everyone.

Start Seeing a Therapist

Trying to ignore or push away unhappy feelings, such as depression or anxiety, can lead to isolation in order to avoid these feelings. Unfortunately, avoiding negative feelings will only make them worse.

Taking time to look at what you are avoiding is beneficial, and can help you develop self awareness into your history. Therapy will help you work through any unresolved traumas or negative feelings that are contributing to your desire to isolate. Therapy is a great tool to help someone to stop isolating.

Keep Up With Obligations

Even if you do not feel like engaging socially outside of work or school, it is important to keep up with your professional obligations. Do not call into work or skip class, as much as you feel like it. Keeping up with obligations will help prevent you from completely isolating from others.

Seek Out Relationships With Those You Feel Comfortable With

Even if social interaction feels daunting, it is important to maintain contact with those who support you. Having a small support group or even just a couple friends who you feel comfortable with can help prevent full isolation. Research shows that spending time with those who you feel connected to and supported by can have a positive effect on your mood and mental health.⁵

Do Things You Look Forward To

Feeling obligations or pressure to do social things can be stressful if you do not feel like being social. But if there are things that you look forward to, it can make it much easier to avoid social isolation.

Making the effort to go to a poetry reading at a coffee shop that you enjoy, for example, can feel much more exciting than going to a nightclub that will likely be overstimulating. Finding connections and looking for deeper meanings in life can help with isolation.¹

Start Small

Responding to texts or emails can feel like a lot to someone who is trying to avoid all social contact. But if you are trying to stop self-isolating, maintaining even small amounts of social contact can help. Start by responding to texts or online messages from others, just to let them know you are okay.

When to Seek Professional Support for Self-Isolation

Feeling some desire to isolate yourself from others sometimes is likely normal, especially if you are experiencing a difficult time emotionally or if you are more introverted. However, if you are feeling that you are unable to complete obligations such as attending medical appointments, or avoiding other things due to your isolation, therapy can help.You can find many therapists on an online therapist directory or online therapy platform.

If you are self-isolating because if mental health symptoms such as depression or anxiety, here are some treatment options to consider:

• Psychodynamic therapy: Because its goal is to help clients learn insight into their symptoms. psychodynamic therapy is often a great choice for people who have a tendency to cope by avoiding social interactions.
• Medications: For some people, getting on medication for depression helps greatly with their tendency to self-isolate. Some common medications include serotonin & norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), among others.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for depression is a great tool for learning how your thoughts affect your symptoms and behaviors, and for learning ways to reduce or stop these negative thoughts. Because of this, CBT is often helpful for those who are isolating.¹
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): For those who have experienced trauma and struggle with intense emotions, DBT for depression can be helpful for learning new skills to manage them.
• Exposure Therapy: For some with social anxiety, exposure therapy is a great technique to help decrease symptoms.⁶
• Interpersonal therapy (IPT): IPT is a therapy process where you can look at the relationship between your negative feelings and experiences and your interpersonal conflict.