Understanding Why Anger Is a Secondary Emotion

What Are Primary Vs. Secondary Emotions?

A primary emotion is an initial response or “instinctive” emotional reaction. In contrast, a secondary emotion is what is experienced after time is given to process the experience that triggered the primary emotion.¹

Primary emotions are characterized by:²

• Distinct facial expressions
• Universal antecedents (e.g., seeing a snake in the grass)
• Physiological responses
• Involve automatic processing
• Do not involve logistical processing

Secondary emotions are characterized by:

• More intensity
• An underlying motive to protect
• They might push people away
• They tend to require less vulnerability
• They often involve some level of logistical processing

Is Anger a Secondary Emotion?

Anger is believed to be a secondary emotion often designed to be protective after crossing a boundary. Anger as a response can be functional or dysfunctional depending on the nature and level of reactivity associated with anger when elicited by a particular event.

Anger & Gender

Research has found that men and women process and express anger differently. Many studies conducted on anger and gender have historically been done through the lens of a gender binary and do not include information on trans or gender-fluid individuals. One study found that men were more likely than women to repress their anger and have higher anger control levels.³ Another study found that women reported experiencing a higher level of intensity related to anger during interpersonal conflict and were more likely to initiate conflict than men.⁴

It has been historically believed that men are more prone to anger, however, research findings appear to be more nuanced than producing a concrete answer to this query regarding the gender binary. It seems that men may be more likely to repress their emotions and have difficulty identifying and communicating their emotional experiences than women, making it difficult to assess the true nature of their emotional experiences. Other research has postulated that men may feel safer in expressing anger rather than fear, for example, because it is a less vulnerable emotion.

What Primary Emotion Is Behind Anger?

Anger will likely mask more vulnerable primary emotions, such as shame, fear, or guilt.⁵ In the context of relationships, one study found that domestic violence often occurred because anger was used to mask the more vulnerable primary emotions an individual experienced. Emotion-focused therapy is one form of therapy, for example, that helps couples and individuals identify the difference between their primary and secondary emotions in relationship conflict.

Why Is it Important to Know Anger Is a Secondary Emotion?

It is important for people to know anger is a secondary emotion to deepen self-understanding and increase emotional awareness. A person who does not have a high level of emotional awareness will often feel isolated and disconnected from themselves and others.  Deepening understanding and exploring one’s emotional world ultimately leads to better mental health and relationship outcomes.

How to Identify the Primary Emotion Driving Anger

Exercising self-awareness and curiosity is a helpful way to work on increasing the ability to identify primary emotions driving anger. When experiencing anger, this means a person takes time to slow down and check in with themselves, as well as being curious about their emotional response before acting on it. In doing this, a person who struggles with “anger issues” will likely become less reactive over time. It is important to remember this process does not mean that the experience of anger is invalid, however, the way a person responds to their anger makes a big difference in the health of their relationships as well as their sense of self-control.

Here are six strategies to help you identify the primary emotion that is driving your anger:

• Practice mindfulness: Research has found mindfulness exercises to strengthen the mind/body connection and help people feel more connected to themselves. This can be as easy as sitting for five minutes daily and working on breathing exercises or meditation for anger.
• Do a daily check-in: Even just taking five minutes a day to do a “self-check-in” can be very helpful. Ask yourself, “How am I doing today? What emotions am I feeling?” And be curious about why you might feel the way you are on a given day. You could also do this formally by writing your daily check-in in a journal.
• Talk with a therapist: Making a list of your emotional experiences throughout the week and then processing them in therapy more deeply with your therapist will likely be a helpful way to increase your ability to identify primary emotions.
• Know your triggers: Being aware of situations likely to trigger secondary emotional responses will help you deepen self-understanding and get more comfortable experiencing the primary emotions that come up in these situations. For example, if talking with your mom on the phone tends to make you angry, be aware of this trigger and curious about why talking to your mom on the phone makes you angry.
• Increase distress tolerance: Secondary emotions are often used to mask or escape the discomfort of primary emotions. Increasing your ability to tolerate discomfort through distress tolerance skills is a helpful way to become more comfortable with experiencing primary emotions. One common distress tolerance strategy used in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is to hold an ice cube for two minutes and work on breathing through the discomfort that the sensation causes.
• Reward yourself: On a very basic level, we are more likely to engage in activities when rewarded for them. If you notice yourself doing a better job of engaging intentionally in emotional processing, do something rewarding for yourself and your nervous system, like taking a bath or going out for ice cream. This will help pair a generally uncomfortable experience with something positive and might reduce the discomfort of engaging in emotional processing over time.

When to Seek Professional Support

Someone should consider seeking professional help to address their anger if they’ve noticed patterns of anger causing consistent and significant impairment to mental health or in their relationships with others. An online therapist directory or online therapy platform is a good choice for finding a therapist specializing in anger management treatment.

Here are some therapy options to explore for anger management issues:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT for anger helps individuals identify thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to their experience of anger.
• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): DBT helps learn distress tolerance strategies and explore emotional experiences associated with anger more deeply.
• Family Therapy: In the context of family relationship dynamics, family therapy is used to help address how anger shows up in a family unit and what might be underlying that experience.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic therapy can help individuals explore their psychological and emotional landscape more deeply to make sense of their emotional experiences and the profound meaning behind their anger.
• Attachment Therapy: Attachment therapy or relationship-based therapy might help an individual understand their attachment strategies and the role anger has played in their relationships.
• Emotion-Focused Therapy: Emotion Focused Therapy for couples can help individuals identify and make sense of their emotional experiences within relationships.
• Internal Family Systems Therapy: Internal Family Systems Therapy or IFS can help individuals identify “parts” within themselves wherein anger might play a role in managing feelings of being unsafe or protecting an individual from uncomfortable primary emotions.

In My Experience

In my experience, I have seen that anger is often a very misunderstood emotion. Because of the toxic positivity that can exist in our culture, many people have learned to repress and fear their anger rather than seeing it as a tool that can tell us when our boundaries have been violated. A person can learn how to respond to anger healthily rather than react to or repress anger in therapy. I believe counseling can be an extremely useful tool for anyone hoping to improve their mental health, deepen understanding, and have healthier relationships if the therapeutic relationship is strong and the therapist helps facilitate meaningful exploration around emotional experiences that have historically caused problems for people.