People with pent-up anger are typically responding to underlying feelings of unworthiness or resentment, resulting in destructive behaviors. If their emotions explode, it’s often because it seems like there is no other way to release them. Fortunately, if you’re dealing with pent-up anger, you can cope effectively by talking to a therapist, increasing awareness, enhancing assertiveness skills, and practicing relaxation techniques.
Causes of Pent-Up Anger
Typically, pent-up anger, also called repressed anger, can be triggered by external factors like getting mad at a specific person or situation, or internal factors like ruminating on a complicated problem or hurtful memory. For many individuals, it may stem from learned behaviors and habits, miscommunication, or an underlying mental health issue.
People with pent-up anger may suppress this emotion for several reasons:
- Fear that their anger will get out of control and harm others
- Trying to adhere to moral values
- Assuming their feelings will be dismissed
- Fear of being scolded
- Not wanting to cause conflict in relationships
Suppressing anger may temporarily keep it at bay, but eventually, it will likely become destructive to the person withholding it and those around them.1
How Can Pent-Up Anger Affect Your Physical & Mental Health?
During prolonged and frequent occurrences of anger, specific parts of the nervous system become highly activated. Subsequently, your blood pressure and heart rate increase, staying elevated for long periods of time. The strain on your body can create a variety of health problems, like cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and a weakened immune system.1,2,3
Suppressed anger can also lead to chronic stress, depression, and anxiety.1 While anger itself is not considered a disorder, it is a prominent symptom in numerous psychiatric conditions such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), trauma- and stressor-related disorders, impulse disorders, personality disorders, and more.4 Research shows that when anger is present in these psychological conditions, there is a higher severity of symptoms, as well as an unfavorable response to treatment.5
5 Ways to Cope With Pent-Up Anger
We all possess the remarkable capability to train our brains to become more emotionally balanced.1 As such, there are effective methods and skills to support yourself and express and manage anger in a positive way. This strategy involves talking to a therapist, creating anger awareness, learning and using assertiveness and conflict-resolution skills, engaging in calming activities, and enhancing positive supports.2
Here are constructive ways to better cope with your pent-up anger:
1. Talk to a Therapist
Talking to a mental health clinician and entering individual therapy is an effective approach to addressing anger issues. Individual counseling provides one-on-one attention, allowing the therapist to access your distinctive anger response. Moreover, this sets the stage to create a validating environment in which to process your thoughts, feelings, and bottled-up frustrations.1
Engaging directly with a counselor also opens the door to developing a collaborative and supportive relationship. Doing so will make the therapeutic process more effective. You will likely be encouraged to identify triggers, as well as faulty thoughts and core beliefs that sustain your tendency to suppress anger. With a variety of interventions, your counselor can help you develop functional behavioral responses.1
2. Anger Awareness Through Writing
Writing or journaling can be used as a tool to express when you are struggling to identify your emotions. It can also help you put things into perspective and regulate any uncomfortable feelings.6 When journaling about your suppressed anger, try to understand what’s happening in your mind, and why you may be burying angry emotions in the first place.
3. Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution Skills
Increasing respectful communication with healthy assertiveness and conflict resolution will allow you to verbalize your feelings in a controlled and constructive manner.1,2,7,8 Conversely, stuffing your anger down can cause interpersonal conflicts, increased resentful feelings, self-harming behaviors, passive-aggressive responses, explosive reactions, and more.
Here are some tips to effectively communicate and resolve conflicts related to anger:
- Address and communicate your emotions as they arise in a direct, respectful way
- Establish and enforce boundaries for yourself and others
- Use “I” statements, active listening, and empathy to manage interpersonal problems
- Examine the source of what may be causing the conflict
- Link feelings that may be related to the conflict
- Identify the advantages of forgiveness and the disadvantages of holding on to anger
- Identify how the impact of the problem contributes to the conflict
- Decide whether to resolve the conflict
- Work toward bringing a finding common ground or a resolution to the conflict
4. Relaxation Practices
Different relaxation exercises will calm your senses, giving you time and perspective to allow your angry feelings to subside.3 You can regularly practice relaxation techniques, not only to decrease your anger, but also to promote long-term physical and emotional benefits.1
Use the following techniques when you feel pent-up anger building:
- Deep breathing: As you focus on breathing deeply and slowly, your heart rate slows down and your body relaxes. Deep breathing shifts your attention, helps you clear your mind, and allows you move past anger without neglecting it.3
- Mindfulness and meditation: Grounds you in the moment as you gain control of your emotions.1,9 It also enables you to recognize negative thought processes associated with your pent-up anger, sit with your emotions, and change your relationship to these thoughts while not reacting.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: In this self-soothing exercise, you slowly tense and then relax each muscle in your body. With practice, it can give you an instantaneous feeling of calm. Your awareness also heightens, allowing you to identify when you are tense.3
5. Enhancing Social Support
Research shows that people who have a supportive network can better deal with their challenges, like pent-up anger. Supportive connections are also an integral part of managing your struggles in the long-term.3 When looking for support, be specific about what you need, and give feedback or show appreciation when appropriate.
You can find social support in the following places or ways:
- Self-help groups
- Personal relationships
- Spiritual or religious affiliations
- Coworkers
- Local community organizations or non-profit agencies
When to Get Professional Help For Pent-Up Anger
Everyone has experienced situational surges of anger, but if your pent-up anger is intense, frequent, and/or expressed inappropriately, you should seek professional help. In addition to being harmful to you, pent-up anger is physically and emotionally detrimental for those closest to you.3 It can become especially problematic when it co-occurs with other mental disorders or substance abuse issues, increasing the risk for negative consequences.4
Who Should I Consult For Dealing With Pent-Up Anger?
Consider working with a professional based on the areas of your life that are most affected. If you are having marital difficulties, consult with a marriage and family therapist. If your personal life is the primary concern, a social worker or licensed professional counselor may be most suitable.1
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an efficient intervention for individuals with anger issues.1,3,8,10 Whether online or in-person, it is best to work with a CBT-trained professional to help you reframe certain anger-triggering events, develop a renewed perspective, and respond in healthier ways.
Another option is group therapy, a practical form of treatment that is often affordable and effective. A group program is aimed at teaching anger coping skills, reducing possible aggressive behaviors, strengthening self-control over thoughts and actions, and providing support and feedback from other members.3,10
How to Find a Therapist
If you are considering counseling, you can begin your search in an online directory like Choosing Therapy. This resource allows you to filter your preferences and specific needs to choose a therapist who is the right fit for you.
Once in counseling, a motivated individual can usually attain favorable outcomes within 8-12 weeks. Moreover, the effects of therapy seem to have a long-lasting impact on the person being treated.1,3
The cost of treatment may range from $50 to $150 per session without health insurance. However, if you have behavioral health coverage through your insurance provider, the out-of-pocket costs per session may be much lower.
Final Thoughts on Dealing With Pent-Up Anger
Remember that anger is a valid emotion, but if you find yourself struggling with pent-up anger, you are not alone. You can work through these feelings in constructive ways by seeking help from a therapist or reaching out to a trusted friend or family member. Doing so can dramatically improve your overall well-being and help you relate to those closest to you in a healthier way.
