Pent-Up Anger: Symptoms, Causes, & How to Cope

What Is Pent-Up Anger?

Pent-up anger is anger that has been suppressed or unexpressed over time, building up inside without being properly addressed. This type of anger often accumulates when someone consistently avoids or ignores their feelings, either because they believe it is wrong to express anger, fear confrontation, or are unaware of how to handle their emotions. Unlike immediate anger, which can be triggered and resolved at the moment, pent-up anger festers, potentially causing someone to explode unexpectedly or manifest in passive-aggressive behaviors, affecting their relationships and mental health.

Symptoms of Pent-Up Anger

Symptoms of pent-up anger can vary from person to person, but common signs include irritability, mood swings, and overreacting to minor irritations. Pent-up aggression and rage can negatively impact mental and physical health, sometimes contributing to increased anxiety, depression, headaches, muscle tension, or high blood pressure.

Common symptoms of pent-up anger include:

• Constantly feeling on edge
• Lashing out at others
• Becoming easily frustrated over little things
• Frequently criticizing loved ones or friends
• Feeling easily irritable
• Sleep disturbances
• Overuse of sarcasm or cynicism
• Being conflict avoidant
• Experiencing chronic muscle tension or headaches
• Being passive-aggressive when you interact with others
• Shutting down, avoiding people, or isolating yourself when upset
• Feeling bitter, jealous, or resentful of others
• Ignoring things that bother or upset you rather than addressing them

What Causes Pent-Up Anger?

Pent-up anger can develop for various reasons. It might start in childhood, especially if you grew up in a household where expressing anger led to punishment or ridicule. In such environments, you might have learned to suppress your feelings to avoid conflict or judgment. You may also have been taught that feeling angry makes you a bad person or is a sign of weakness, causing you to hide your emotions.

A fear of conflict or hurting others’ feelings can also lead to pent-up anger. You might choose to bottle up your emotions to avoid damaging a relationship or creating tension with others. Additionally, pent-up anger often builds up when you face ongoing stress or frustration that feels beyond your control, such as work pressures, challenging family dynamics, or unresolved personal issues. When these feelings aren’t acknowledged or processed, they can accumulate over time, leaving you feeling constantly irritated or “on edge.”

Impacts of Pent-Up Anger

Pent-up anger, when not addressed, can have far-reaching impacts on both emotional and physical well-being. It can affect how you think, feel, and behave, often disrupting daily life and creating tension in relationships. Over time, the ongoing stress of holding in anger can take a toll on your health, mood, and overall quality of life.

Here are some of the harmful impacts pent-up anger can have:

• Increased stress and anxiety: Holding onto anger can lead to constant stress and anxiety, as the body remains in a heightened state of alert, ready to react to perceived threats.
• Mood swings and irritability: People who bottle up anger often experience frequent mood swings and irritability, finding themselves reacting more intensely to minor frustrations.
• Relationship strain: Pent-up anger can manifest as passive-aggressive behavior, such as giving the silent treatment or making snide comments. Over time, these behaviors can create emotional distance and damage trust, making it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.¹
• Depression: When you suppress anger, it doesn’t just disappear; it often turns inward, leading to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or self-criticism. Instead of being expressed or released, the anger festers, contributing to a sense of helplessness or worthlessness that can deepen depression.
• Physical discomfort and health problems: Suppressed anger can lead to headaches, muscle tension, heart issues (like hypertension and increased heart attack risk), digestive problems, and a weakened immune system due to the constant release of stress hormones.^{1, 2, 3}
• Risk of outbursts: When anger is held in for too long, it can eventually explode in unexpected and potentially harmful ways, leading to intense arguments or even physical altercations.
• Avoidance or withdrawal: When you suppress anger, it can feel uncomfortable or even frightening to be around others, as you might worry about losing control or having your emotions come out unexpectedly. To cope, you may start avoiding social situations, distancing yourself from friends or loved ones, or emotionally withdrawing to prevent conflict or judgment.

How to Release Pent-Up Anger

You have the power to change how you handle your emotions.¹ By practicing specific skills and techniques, such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or cognitive restructuring, you can train your brain to respond to stress, frustration, and anger in healthier ways. This process helps you become more emotionally resilient, making it easier to manage your emotions and maintain a sense of calm, even in challenging situations.²

Here are eleven tips that can help you deal with pent-up anger:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

Start by recognizing and accepting that you are feeling angry. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment, which can help you better understand their source and prevent them from festering. Tracking where and how anger shows up in your body, such as muscle tension or a racing heart, can help you identify early signs of anger and address them before they escalate.

2. Start Journaling

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide a powerful outlet for releasing pent-up anger. Journaling helps you put your emotions into perspective, making it easier to regulate and understand them. As you write, try to explore why you might be suppressing your anger and how these feelings impact your well-being. This self-reflection can help you gain insights into why you are angry and develop strategies to express your anger constructively.⁴

3. Find a Physical Outlet

Engage in physical activities like running, swimming, weightlifting, or dancing to release tension and frustration. Exercise naturally boosts endorphins, the body’s mood-enhancing chemicals, which can reduce anger and anxiety. Physical activity also provides a healthy way to channel your energy and helps prevent anger from building up. The sense of accomplishment from completing a workout can leave you feeling more empowered and less overwhelmed by anger.

4. Challenge the Way You Think About Anger

Identify any negative beliefs you have about anger, such as thinking it makes you a “bad person” or is a sign of weakness. Replace these with more realistic, positive thoughts. For example, instead of telling yourself, “I should never feel angry,” recognize that anger is a natural emotion and that expressing it healthily is a sign of strength, not weakness. Cognitive restructuring can help you view anger as a signal that something needs to be addressed rather than something to be avoided.

5. Communicate How You’re Feeling

Practice healthy, assertive communication to express your anger constructively. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel upset when…” to explain your feelings without placing blame. Active listening, empathy, and respectful discussion can help resolve conflicts and prevent anger from building up over time. Establishing clear boundaries and addressing issues as they arise can create a more open and supportive environment, reducing the need for suppressed anger.^{1, 2, 5, 6}

Here are tips for communicating anger and frustration in healthy ways:

• Establish and enforce boundaries for yourself and others
• Use “I” statements, active listening, and empathy to manage interpersonal problems
• Examine the source of what may be causing the conflict
• Link feelings that relate to the conflict
• Identify the advantages of forgiveness and the disadvantages of holding on to anger
• Identify how the impact of the problem contributes to the conflict
• Work toward bringing finding common ground or a resolution to the conflict

6. Avoid Distracting Yourself or Dissociating

When dealing with pent-up anger, it’s important not to distract yourself or dissociate from your feelings. Distractions like excessive screen time, substance use, or overworking might temporarily numb your emotions, but they don’t address the root causes of your anger. Similarly, dissociating—mentally disconnecting from your emotions or reality—can prevent you from processing and releasing built-up anger. Instead, focus on facing your anger directly by acknowledging and understanding it, which will help you work through it in a healthier way. Engaging with your emotions, rather than avoiding them, can promote healing and emotional growth over time.

7. Practice Relaxation Techniques

Techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense and relax different muscle groups, can help calm your body and mind. Regular relaxation exercises reduce overall tension and help you gain perspective, allowing your anger to subside more naturally. Incorporating these practices into your daily routine can promote long-term emotional regulation and well-being.^{1, 3}

8. Start a Mindfulness Routine

Developing a routine that includes mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises or guided meditation, can help you stay calm and in control of your emotions. Mindfulness allows you to observe your anger without judgment, helping you understand its root causes and reducing the intensity of your feelings over time. Regularly incorporating these practices into your daily routine promotes emotional resilience, making it easier to respond more thoughtfully to challenging situations. Mindfulness apps can provide structured guidance and support, making it easier to integrate these practices into your daily routine.^{1, 7}

9. Set Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries with others can help protect your emotional well-being and prevent anger from building up. Clearly communicate your limits and expectations to those around you, and be consistent in enforcing them. Setting boundaries helps you feel more in control of your environment and reduces the likelihood of situations that could trigger suppressed anger.

10. Reach Out to a Loved One

Talking to someone you trust can provide emotional support and validation, which can help release pent-up anger. Sharing your feelings with a supportive friend or family member can help you process your emotions, gain new perspectives, and feel less alone in your struggles. When reaching out, be clear about the kind of support you need, whether it’s just listening or offering advice.³

11. Talk to a Therapist

Professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you understand and manage anger. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your anger, identify unhealthy patterns, and develop coping strategies to express your emotions more constructively. Therapy provides a safe space to process deeply held frustrations, build emotional skills, and create a plan to handle anger in healthier ways.¹

How to Find Professional Support

Everyone has experienced situational surges of anger. However, if your pent-up anger is intense, frequent, or expressed inappropriately, you should seek professional help. Internalized anger can be especially problematic when other mental health or substance abuse disorders are present, as these can increase negative outcomes.⁴

To find professional support, consider using an online therapist directory, where you can search for licensed professionals based on your specific needs, such as anger management, anxiety, or trauma. Alternatively, online therapy services offer convenient and flexible options for connecting with a therapist from the comfort of your home. Additionally, some apps, like Sanvello or 7 Cups, provide access to group therapy sessions, coaching, and peer support, allowing you to explore different formats of professional help.