Repressed Anger: Signs, Causes, How to Cope

What Is Repressed Anger?

Repressed anger occurs when anger is pushed down or hidden unconsciously, rather than being recognized and expressed in a healthy way. Instead of allowing this emotion to be felt and released, it often gets buried deep inside without awareness. Anger is a universal emotion that everyone experiences, so when someone thinks, “I never get angry,” it’s not because anger isn’t present, but because it’s being repressed.¹

Why Would a Person Repress Their Anger?

Repressed anger can happen for many reasons. One of the most common reasons a person represses their anger is due to childhood trauma.²
If you experienced trauma early in life, you might not have had the tools or support to understand and process your emotions in a healthy way. Instead of feeling anger about what happened, you might have blamed yourself, believing you did something to deserve it.¹
This self-blame can cause you to repress your anger instead of expressing it openly.^3,4

Another reason you may repress your anger is if you grew up in a home where expressing your feelings—especially anger—wasn’t allowed. If this was the case, you might have learned to believe that anger is not a safe emotion. This belief can lead you to push those feelings down.^1,2,4
In some cases, growing up with an abusive parent or in a volatile environment can make you associate anger with fear, danger, or broken relationships, causing you to avoid it altogether.

Cultural norms also play a role in how you express anger. Many cultures have unwritten rules about who “should” be angry and how that anger should be shown. For example, girls are often taught that anger is “unfeminine” or unacceptable, discouraging them from showing it openly to avoid being seen as “difficult” or “unpleasant.”

12 Signs of Repressed Anger

Repressed anger can show up in ways you might not immediately recognize, affecting how you feel, think, and act. It might manifest physically, like tension in your muscles, headaches, or fatigue. Emotionally, you could feel irritable, anxious, or even numb. Behaviorally, it may lead to avoiding conflict, people-pleasing, or having sudden outbursts over minor issues. It can also affect your thoughts, making you overly critical of yourself or others.

Here are twelve signs of repressed anger:

1. Depression

A person who is repressing their anger is more likely to experience depression. When anger is bottled up, the anger tends to turn inward, which can lead to feelings of guilt, self-blame, or sadness, all of which are common in depression.  Over time, keeping all that anger inside can drain a person, leaving them feeling tired and low, without the energy for things that would normally lift their mood.

2. Irritability & Mood Swings

Despite a person’s best attempts to repress all of their anger, everyone has a limit. When a person has reached their anger suppression limit and then experiences something that is frustrating, their anger can boil over and look like an outsized irritable reaction. People having outsized reactions, which can even look like mood swings, may actually indicate that they have a lot of suppressed anger underneath these reactions.

3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

If a person learns that anger is bad, unacceptable, or leads to negative consequences like conflict or damaged relationships, they may struggle to share directly when something is bothering them. That means that a person may end up attempting to express their anger through passive-aggressive behavior, such as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or using the silent treatment.

4. Defensiveness or Projection

If someone is repressing their anger, it will be very difficult for them to admit when they are angry. This can lead to a person becoming defensive and denying they are feeling or acting angry. They may even accuse the other person of being angry in order to avoid acknowledging and taking responsibility for their own anger.

5. Constant Anxiety or Worry

Constant anxiety or worry can sometimes be a sign of repressed anger. When someone doesn’t address their anger, they often develop ways to avoid feeling that anger again. This might lead them to become overly cautious or start avoiding situations where those emotions might come up. Over time, this pattern can turn into ongoing anxiety or even an anxiety disorder.

6. Frequent Guilt & Shame

If someone feels that anger is an unacceptable emotion, they may emotionally substitute a more palatable emotion in its place – such as guilt.

Anger is often viewed as a “negative” or even “bad” emotion, which can make a person feel uncomfortable or afraid of how others might react if they express it. This discomfort can lead them to feel that they shouldn’t feel angry and instead shift to guilt, which feels safer and less confrontational. If a person is not able to continue to repress their anger, they may see it as a personal failing within themself, which can lead to feelings of shame and self-loathing.

7. Dissociation

Dissociation is a way people disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, or surroundings when emotions become overwhelming. For someone repressing anger, dissociation can become a coping mechanism to avoid confronting uncomfortable feelings. This detachment may feel like “spacing out” or feeling disconnected from reality. While dissociation temporarily shields a person from intense emotions, it can make it harder to process and resolve anger, creating ongoing emotional numbness and making it challenging to stay present in daily life and relationships.

8. Unexplained Physical Discomfort

Emotions impact both the mind and body, and when someone holds in anger, it can build up in the body. Since the body has a limited ability to store these suppressed feelings, it eventually signals that something is wrong. This often appears as unexplained physical discomfort, such as tight muscles, headaches, or stomach aches, which is the body’s way of pushing the person to face these unaddressed emotions.

Unexplained physical discomfort that can be a sign of repressed anger include:

• Tension in the body
• Sleep problems
• Digestive issues
• Fatigue or low energy
• Teeth grinding (bruxism)
• Headaches

9. Substance Abuse, Overeating, or Self-Harm

Substance abuse and overeating can be signs that someone is trying to cope with feelings they find hard to handle, like anger they’re trying to hold back. These behaviors can act as distractions from difficult emotions. Other ways people might push down their anger include self-harm or actions that hurt their relationships.

10. People-Pleasing or Peacemaking Behavior

Anger plays a crucial role in letting us know when something feels wrong or unfair. When someone avoids and suppresses their anger, they ignore the inner signals urging them to stand up for their needs. This can lead to constantly smoothing over conflicts—even when it’s important to address them—struggling to set healthy boundaries and prioritizing others’ happiness to sidestep any feelings of anger. Over time, this can create a pattern of people-pleasing that limits self-advocacy and personal growth.

11. Distraction or Overworking

Since anger is a normal part of life, it’s almost impossible to avoid it all the time. When this happens, sometimes people will turn to distractions instead of dealing with their anger directly. Using work, household tasks, hobbies, social media, and TV consumption are all distraction tactics that a person can use to avoid dealing with the anger they are attempting to suppress.

12. Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be a way for someone to repress anger before it even surfaces. By doing things perfectly, they try to avoid the frustration of mistakes or the disappointment of negative feedback. However, perfectionism often backfires, intensifying anger in the long run. When they inevitably fall short of perfection, they not only feel the original anger but also direct frustration at themselves for failing to meet impossible standards.

Negative Effects of Repressed Anger

When anger is repressed, it doesn’t simply disappear; it lingers beneath the surface, potentially impacting emotional and physical well-being over time.^1,3

Some of the harmful effects of repressed anger include:^1,2,3

• High blood pressure
• Chronic stress
• Heart problems
• Insomnia
• Higher risk for chronic illnesses
• Lowered self-esteem
• Anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions
• Higher risk for addictions
• Impulsivity and self-destructive behaviors
• Less open and honest communication
• Poorer relationships
• Difficulty concentrating
• Impaired work performance
• Numbness or apathy

Free Anger Management Worksheets

This collection of worksheets provides practical tools and strategies for managing your anger. Find the one you need, or download all of them here.

Complete Workbook Download

Nervous System Regulation Download

Identifying Anger Triggers Download

Exploring Hidden Emotions Download

Challenging Unhelpful Thinking Download

Setting Healthy Boundaries Download

STOP Before Responding Download

Practicing Gratitude Download

How to Release Repressed Anger

Holding in anger over time can take a toll on both your mind and body. Learning to recognize and work through these bottled-up feelings can bring a real sense of relief and improve your overall well-being.

Here are some strategies for dealing with repressed anger:

Acknowledge That Anger Is a Universal Emotion

Acknowledging that anger is a universal emotion forces you to recognize that, even if you consciously believe you never get angry, the emotion is still a natural part of your experience. By accepting that everyone feels anger, you challenge the belief that you are somehow exempt from it, which can uncover hidden or repressed anger you haven’t been aware of.

Be Curious About What Your Anger Is Trying to Tell You

Like other emotions, anger is usually a reaction to something that is happening in yourself or in your life, and is often an indicator that there is a problem you need to address. In this way, anger can provide you with important data about what’s happening inside, what you want, what you need, and what you care about. Instead of seeing anger as something to avoid or control, you can view it as a signal urging you to look deeper into your feelings, boundaries, or unmet needs. By asking yourself what your anger is trying to tell you, you open up to discovering solutions that promote your well-being.

Track Anger in Your Body

Repressed anger often shows up in subtle ways that you might not immediately recognize as anger. Becoming more aware of your body’s signals can help you identify these hidden signs. Research shows that emotions, including anger, are stored in the body, often surfacing first as physical sensations like tightness, tension, or restlessness.⁵
In stressful situations, try to “tune in” to your body and pay attention to any sensations or changes you notice. By noticing these responses, you can uncover buried anger that you may not have realized you were carrying.

Some of the more common ways that anger shows up in the body include:

• Chest tightness
• Muscle soreness
• Fatigue
• Increased heartbeat
• Upset stomach
• Dizziness
• Headache or migraine
• Weak limbs
• Increased blood pressure
• Muscle tension

Start Journaling

Journaling is a powerful tool for becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings, especially for those who tend to repress emotions like anger. It can help you notice patterns in your emotions and understand your triggers. Research shows that journaling can also improve overall well-being and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, which are often linked to repressed anger.^3,6

To build a consistent journaling habit, try to write at the same time each day and focus on expressing your emotions. Some people find prompts helpful to get started, while others prefer to write freely. Whichever method you choose, avoid overthinking—just let your thoughts flow onto the page. There are also many different journaling apps that make developing a journaling routine easier.

Find a Physical Outlet for Your Anger

Repressed anger often builds up in the body, manifesting as tension, restlessness, or even physical pain. Finding a physical outlet for this stored energy can help release the pent-up anger that has been held inside. Activities like exercise, dancing, or even simple movement can help discharge this built-up tension before it turns into deeper emotional or physical symptoms.

Some physical outlets that can help with repressed anger include:

• Sports
• Doing pushups or sit-ups
• Lifting weights
• Cardiovascular workouts like running, biking, or jogging

Practice Assertive Communication

When anger is repressed, it often shows up indirectly through passive-aggressive comments or people-pleasing behavior, which makes it hard to address the real issues. Practicing assertive communication is a healthy way to express anger directly, without letting it build up or damage relationships. Assertiveness allows you to state why you’re angry and what you need from others in a respectful, straightforward way.

Here are some steps to shift from passive-aggressive to assertive communication:

• Pause and identify your feelings: Take a moment to tune into what you’re feeling. Label your emotions (e.g., “I feel angry” or “I feel frustrated”) without judging them. Recognizing your feelings helps you stay aware and in control when expressing yourself.
• Use “I” statements: Using “I-statements” can help you express anger constructively, keeping the focus on your own feelings rather than blaming others. This reduces defensiveness and opens the door to resolving issues. For example, saying, “I feel frustrated when I am interrupted, and I would like to finish my thought before hearing feedback,” shares your experience without creating conflict.⁷
• Stay calm and direct: Communicate in a calm, steady tone, and clearly state what you need. For example, “I feel unheard when my ideas are overlooked, and I’d appreciate it if we could discuss them together.” This approach reinforces your message without escalating tension.

Avoid Distracting Yourself or Dissociating

People who repress anger often turn to dissociating or distractions like alcohol, food, video games, or shopping to avoid facing their true feelings. While these activities might provide temporary relief, they prevent you from processing and understanding your anger. Instead of escaping, commit to fully experiencing your emotions, even when they are uncomfortable. By reducing these avoidance tactics, you build confidence in your ability to face and cope with difficult emotions. As you grow more comfortable with acknowledging and processing your anger, it loses its power over you, and the urge to repress it diminishes.

Explore Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps release repressed anger by encouraging you to become fully aware of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations in the present moment. By paying attention without judgment, mindfulness allows you to recognize and acknowledge anger that you may have been suppressing or ignoring. This awareness creates space for you to process these feelings rather than pushing them down, reducing the build-up of unexpressed emotions.⁸

Many believe they need to commit to a perfect mindfulness practice, but mindfulness can be practiced in many ways that don’t interrupt your routine. Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided meditations, breathing exercises, and mindfulness practices that you can do anytime, whether you have a few minutes in the morning or during a break at work.

When To Seek Professional Help

Once you identify that you struggle with repressed anger, reaching out for professional support from a counselor can help you unpack this complex emotion, learn healthier ways to cope, and become more confident in your ability to express anger in ways that aren’t destructive. It’s important to remember that you may benefit from counseling, even if you don’t “need” it. Don’t wait until things get really bad before seeking help for your anger. Doing so may be detrimental to your physical and mental health, and finding support early can often prevent these negative impacts.

To find a therapist for help with repressed anger, you can start by exploring therapist directories such as Grow Therapy, where you can filter by specialty, location, insurance, and other preferences. Online therapy services like BetterHelp or Talkspace provide convenient access to licensed therapists, often with options for video, phone, or chat sessions.

Treatment for Repressed Anger

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all method for treating repressed anger. Your unique circumstances, past treatment history, co-occurring issues, and personal preferences all play a role in your treatment plan. Additionally, you may benefit from a combination of approaches.

Therapy for repressed anger may include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): When negative thought patterns contribute to repressed anger, CBT helps by teaching skills to identify and change these thoughts and develop healthier ways of coping.
• Psychodynamic therapy: For those looking to explore how unconscious emotions or past experiences influence their current behavior, psychodynamic therapy helps uncover and process repressed anger.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): For individuals dealing with repressed anger related to childhood trauma, EMDR can help process and release deeply held emotions.
• Couples or family therapy: When anger is affecting personal or family relationships, couples counseling or family therapy can help people learn more effective ways of communicating and repairing damaged relationships.