Bisexual Erasure: What It Is, Consequences, & How to Avoid It

What Is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality is just one of many sexual orientations that define a person. Bisexuality is when someone is attracted to two different genders– they can be any two genders under the gender umbrella. A bisexual person can experience sexual attraction to any gender, including trans, non-binary, or cisgender individuals.

What Is Bi Erasure?

Bi erasure, also called bisexual invisibility, is commonly used to describe the way that bisexual individuals are constantly having their relationships challenged. Sometimes people do this due to their own biphobia, and other times it is due to lack of understanding or awareness.

Sometimes people have a bias that people can not have romantic or sexual attraction towards more than one gender. This is called monosexism, as it is based on the belief that we can only be attracted to one gender at a time, with no overlap.

Some examples of bisexual erasure may include:

Calling Bisexuality a Phase

Bisexual people are often referred to as “in a phase” when they first start to date people of the same gender. This is based on the notion that the person is either using bisexuality as a “stepping stone” before fully coming out as gay, or they are just “experimenting” before settling down in a heterosexual relationship.

Assuming A Man & Woman Together Must Be Straight

It is impossible to determine someone’s sexuality just by looking at their current partner. This is because our sexuality is not always determined by who we are dating currently and sexuality is fluid.It is common to see two straight appearing people and assume that they are both cis and straight- but this is an assumption. Someone can be in a seemingly cis-hetero (straight) relationship and still identify as bisexual. Similarly, both individuals could be trans or gender diverse.

Claiming Bisexual Men Don’t Exist & They Are Instead Gay

Due to the additional stigmas that gay men face in our society, many people wrongly assume that all bisexual men must really be gay. In the past, gay men might have been forced to “hide” under the label of bisexual in order to appease homophobic families and communities. However, it is wrongly assumed that gay men adopt the bisexual identity to avoid the stigmas of homosexuality.¹

Asking Bisexual People to Prove their Bisexuality

It is a common experience for bisexual people to be asked inappropriate and personal questions about their sexual past and sexuality when others learn that they are bisexual. Being asked “well how do you know, you’ve never been with a man/woman” or other such questions can make bisexual people feel like they have to prove their sexuality to others.

Minimizing Bisexual People’s Relationships

It is a common stereotype that bisexual people are not able to maintain monogamous relationships without cheating. This is a harmful stereotype based on the notion that someone with one gender will eventually “miss” being with another gender and will eventually cheat. This can make bisexual people feel that their current relationship does not seem legitimate to others.

Causes of Bisexual Erasure

Our culture promotes the notion that gender and sexuality have to exist in a binary and anything other than man and woman, or gay and straight, often provokes discomfort among people who do not understand gender or sexuality outside of that lens. Due to this, bisexual erasure often happens as a way to “fill the gap” between this lack of understanding.

Society moves to eliminate any “gray area” of sexuality in order to group everyone into the two categories of gay and straight. This is not always done maliciously- often it is due to a lack of understanding or awareness.

Sexuality is on a Spectrum

Sexuality is on a spectrum, meaning it is much more fluid and difficult to define than thinking of it in binary terms. Therefore, sexual orientations are not always simply gay or straight, but frequently somewhere in between.

It can be helpful to think of the sexuality spectrum in relation to the Kinsey Scale, which was created to help define someone’s sexual and romantic orientation. The Kinsey Scale, also called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, shows us a more fluid definition of sexual orientation, rather than a binary assumption of being either gay or straight.²

Consequences of Bi Erasure

Bisexual erasure is a stigma, and it affects the mental and physical health for bisexual people. Due to these experiences, bisexual people have higher rates of anxiety or depression than their straight, lesbian or gay peers,³ and are less likely to come out to their practitioners due to fears that discrimination will affect the quality of their care.⁴

There is some argument that these biases and experiences of biphobia are leading to people choosing not to come out as Bi in order to avoid the stigmas and negative associations with this sexuality.

Bisexual and LGBTQ+ people are more likely to experience the following health outcomes:

• Sexually transmitted infections
• Obesity
• Disordered eating
• Using nicotine or other substances to cope
• Increased cardiovascular risk factors due to stress
• Less likely to receive needed healthcare preventative procedures

How to Deal With Someone Who is Biphobic

Dealing with someone who is biphobic is difficult, but luckily there are ways to work on being a good ally. Here are some tips for what an ally can do if they have to interact with someone who is biphobic at work, school, or in their social circle.

Strategies for dealing with biphobic people include:

• Promote a welcoming environment: Being mindful of inclusiveness of all sexualities will help promote a welcoming environment
• Watch what you say: Be mindful of wording or statements that may provoke biphobia, such as using binary language or reinforcing another’s binary biases.
• Challenge them: When a biphobic person makes an offensive statement, challenge their thinking. You never know, you might change their mind!
• Educate them: When a biphobic person makes an uneducated or biased statement, it is important for allies to educate them. This helps decrease the chance that the bisexual person themself has to do the work of educating.
• Provide outward support: Focus on providing support to people of all sexualities, so others will learn from example.

How to Stop Bi Erasure

Decreasing or even stopping bisexual erasure involves increased acceptance of bisexual people and their identities. It also involves having increased visibility of bisexuality in media and pop culture, as this helps to lead the discussion on acceptance in mainstream culture.

How to Support Someone Who is Bisexual

There are many ways that someone can be an ally to the bisexual community, whether you are a healthcare practitioner or a peer. Being an ally means to support members of the LGBTQ+ community and advocate for their inclusion and equality.

Tips for being an ally to someone who is bisexual:

• Correctly referring to the person as bisexual instead of using binary definitions such as straight or gay.
• Showing respect to their partner, no matter the gender
• Referring to someone as bisexual no matter their current partner’s gender
• Understanding that someone can be bisexual even if they have never dated the same gender
• Show your respect of their relationship by affirming its validity, no matter the current or past genders of their partners
• Be open to learning more, especially how bisexual people feel in relationships, and understanding that bisexuality is not just a phase
• Be open minded in conversations with others

When to Seek Professional Help

If you are feeling confused about your identity or are struggling with issues such as biphobia, it can be helpful to seek professional help to talk through some of the accompanying stressors. Consider finding an LGBTQ+ therapist as they will have beneficial knowledge to offer and be understanding of your experiences and identity. If you would prefer at-home rather than in-person sessions, there are many LGBTQ+ online therapy options available. You can start your search using an online therapist directory.

In My Experience

Just as all Queer people understand, the coming out process is never just a “one and done”, but instead happens over and over as you become more in touch with your sexuality and as you expand your social circle. For bisexuals, this can mean being on the receiving end of judgemental questions whenever you find a new doctor, therapist, or start a new job. It can quickly become exhausting to have to “come out”, especially if you are in a cis/het appearing relationship. Know that your experience is valid and you are entitled to your feelings.