What Does It Mean to Be Sexually Fluid?

What Is the Meaning of Sexual Fluidity?

Sexuality is a challenging concept to define. Throughout your lifetime, there could be many opportunities to change or expand your sexual life based on your current situation, experiences, or fantasies. Such changes in sexuality are called sexual fluidity.

Mass media often defines sexual orientation or identity as one (but only one) of the following: heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, and pansexual. Of course, this is not the whole story. Some individuals add other identities, including demisexual, sapiosexual, lithosexual, and many others.¹

Sexual fluidity involves many aspects of sexuality, including:

• Sexual orientation: who you’re attracted to and want to have relationships with. Sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and asexual. In a broad sense, people who are attracted to a different gender (for example, women who are attracted to men or men who are attracted to women) often call themselves straight or heterosexual.² People may experience changes in who they are attracted to, who they choose to have sex with, and which labels they use to describe their sexual orientation.
• Sexual behavior: activities (solitary, between two people, or in a group) that induce sexual arousal. Sexual behavior can often begin before puberty, but puberty brings a greater interest in sex and a broader range of sexual exploration than seen in childhood. Interest and scope are some components under the umbrella concept of sexual fluidity.

History of Sexual Fluidity

The term sexual fluidity comes from the research of psychologist and professor Dr. Lisa Diamond, who drew attention to the concept in her 2009 book,  Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.⁴ Gender and sexuality studies is a diverse field that has opened up many conversations about gender and sexual identities. Many of these questions look for social norms and connections between gender and sexuality.

Often at birth (or even earlier), children are assigned a gender and are socialized to conform to specific gender roles based on their biological sex.⁶ Given the recent explosion and cottage industry of “gender reveal parties,” we know this is a big deal for many families. When babies are born, they are assigned a gender based on their biology, which sexual organs, chromosomes, or DNA can define. Scholars generally regard gender as a social construct, meaning it doesn’t exist naturally but is created by cultural and societal norms. More accurately, we should say that sex is assigned at birth. Boy babies are assigned male at birth (AMAB); girl babies are assigned female at birth (AFAB). Intersex is a label for babies born with sex characteristics that do not fit the typical definitions for male or female babies.⁶

Some of these ideas are now viewed as outdated. We welcome an approach to gender fluidity and identity that is neither non-binary nor permanent.

How Do I Know If I’m Sexually Fluid?

If you are wondering if you are sexually fluid, you are already beginning to ask the right questions. You are the best person to ask questions to help you identify or define yourself sexually. As people experience the world and learn more about themselves, their views, beliefs, and feelings may change. Sexual fluidity reflects one possible change over time, a change that fits into the greater diversity of sexuality. We can all hold space for this diversity by letting go of misconceptions about the stability of sexual orientation over a lifespan and staying open to the possibility of change.³

Some things you might consider if you are exploring your sexuality:

• Are you attracted to different people now than at another time in your life?
• Do you want to use different words about your sexuality?
• Are you interested in different sexual behaviors? Do you want to try something new?
• Have you only had romantic or sexual relationships with another gender and are open to the possibility of a relationship with someone of the same gender?
• Have you met new people and discovered new attractions?
• Have you learned a new sexual label that better fits your experience?
• Did you learn something in a sex ed class or program, from a friend, on social media, or at your doctor’s office that intrigued you?

Signs you may be sexually fluid include:

• You are experiencing changes in who you find yourself attracted to.
• You make changes in your sexuality or identity labels.
• You are making changes in your sexual behavior and preferences.
• You are intrigued by other people’s sexual lives and stories and wonder what it would be like to try.
• You feel a nonexclusive attraction to different genders.
• Your sexual attraction, behavior, and identity aren’t consistent.

Sexual Fluidity & Adolescence

Adolescence is often viewed as a period of sexual fluidity through exploration and questioning. Adolescence can be a tumultuous time for kids becoming more comfortable with their gender and sexuality or making changes. Questioning sexuality often happens during the teen years as identity forms, but it can occur at any age.

Sexual Fluidity & Other Sexuality Terms

The language used to describe sexuality and gender is constantly evolving and can sometimes be confusing if you are not familiar with all of the terminology. Definitions and identifications of our identity are very personal and sometimes do not conform to the current language. It is important, however, to understand how all of these terms relate to and interact with one another.

Sexual Fluidity Vs. Sexual Identity

There are many categories of sexual identity in addition to “gay” and “straight”; an individual may use one or more of the conventional labels, or you may have your designations. These commonly used words include gay, straight, heterosexual, homosexual, and many others. Still, the list goes beyond that, based on your life experiences. Being sexually fluid means that a person can cycle through one or more sexual identities throughout their life.

Sexual Fluidity Vs. Gender Fluidity

While sexual fluidity and gender fluidity are often interchangeable, sex and gender are different. Sexual orientation is the emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to other people. An individual’s sexual orientation is independent of their gender identity. Gender identity is the innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither–how individuals perceive you and how you identify yourself.⁶

Your gender identity can be the same or different from the sex you are assigned at birth. A person’s sexual identity can fluctuate over your lifespan, while gender identity may remain static; the reverse is also possible. In a third scenario, both can be fluid over your life. Gender-fluid people are individuals whose gender varies over time.

Sexual Fluidity Vs. Bisexual

Are people who identify as bisexual also sexually fluid? Like any other question about sexuality, your identity is personal and individual. Some people identify as both bisexual and sexually fluid, and others do not. Sexual fluidity is distinct from bisexuality. Sexual fluidity may be experienced by people with any sexual orientation identity, including people who identify as bisexual, lesbian, gay, or heterosexual. You can identify as both sexually fluid and bisexual. Bisexuality doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, but it’s typically recognized as an attraction to two groups: people of your gender and people of other genders.

Recent research from the American Psychological Association shows that bisexual people may comprise the largest single group in the LGBTQ+ community for both women and men. Even though the word bisexual has been around for a long time, it is still a very misunderstood element of sexuality. Some of the misunderstandings are generated from the very individual view of sexuality. Some people who identify as bisexual might only feel attracted to people of two genders. Others might develop an attraction to people of multiple genders.

Sexual Fluidity Vs. Pansexuality

Is sexual fluidity the same as pansexual? The Merriam -Webster dictionary defines pansexual individuals as “characterized by a sexual or romantic attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.”⁸ Individuals who identify as pansexual may also identify as one gender or on a genderqueer continuum, as discussed above. On the surface, sexual fluidity might seem pretty similar to bisexuality and pansexuality. Remember, though, bisexuality and pansexuality are considered sexual orientations, and sexual fluidity is not. Pansexuality means you might experience attraction to any person, regardless of gender.

In other words, you could be attracted to people of all genders. You can be both sexually fluid and bisexual or pansexual. For example, people who identify as sexually fluid and pansexual might occasionally feel sexual attraction to people of one gender, then more attracted to different genders at another time. Another example might be Individuals who identify as sexually fluid and bisexual might temporarily feel more attracted to one gender over another, but this may not alter their overall attraction to people of other genders. It is important to note that if you identify as pansexual does not mean that you feel attracted to everyone, just as a heterosexual male does not feel an attraction to every female.

How to Put Sexual Fluidity into Practice

There is no one way to practice sexuality fluidity. Like all elements of sexuality, it might look different from one person to the next. Sexually fluid people might notice attraction shows up in a range of ways. There is also a difference in the type of attraction a person might experience. For example, sexual attraction is a desire for sexual contact. In contrast, romantic attraction involves the desire for a deeper connection and relationship.

People might act differently on varying types of attraction. You might enjoy a specific kind of sex with one individual who identifies with one sexual orientation but have different kinds of sex with individuals who identify with another sexual orientation. Alternatively, you might develop romantic attachments with people of one gender and pursue physical relationships with people of other genders.

Tips for Living Well As a Sexually Fluid Person

Your sexuality is yours, and yours alone to define. Despite expectations of others or pressure from social media, you shouldn’t try to control who you are sexually attracted to. It’s OK to be sexually fluid. Trying out new or unfamiliar partners, behaviors, or labels is OK.

Regardless of personal definitions, sexual fluidity is an experience shared by many people and cultures. Furthermore, it does not imply any negative emotional or mental health concerns for individuals who experience it. For many, sexual fluidity is just one of the many unique ways people experience their sexuality over their lifetime.

Here are some ways you can become comfortable with your sexual fluidity:

• Don’t worry about labels
• Describe attractions in a way that feels right to you
• Change the identity labels you give yourself
• If it’s safe, be open with yourself and others
• Embrace your sexual behaviors
• Allow yourself the chance to explore
• Try to release yourself from judgments or myths that surround your sexuality
• Communicate with your partner

How to Talk to Your Loved Ones About Sexual Fluidity

Whether you’re revealing your sexuality or gender identity to others in your life, it can be scary. You may fear they won’t understand or will reject you. Your sexuality is your own. You have the right to be private or you may decide to come out about your sexuality and share it, depending on your needs and preferences.

Final Thoughts

If you are struggling with your sexuality or are questioning your sexual labels, it is encouraged to explore your behavior and seek the support of an affirming therapist or trusted friend/loved one. Although sexual exploration can occur at any age, adults are often better equipped to explore and understand their sexual identities more fully. Asking yourself questions, talking to supportive people, and exploring online resources are just a few steps to help you explore your sexuality.