What Does It Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

What Does It Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Bi-curious commonly refers to a person that identifies as heterosexual is experiencing feelings of curiosity about wanting to explore their sexuality towards the same sex. They are exploring their options and looking to figure out where they lie emotionally and physically on the sexuality spectrum.

Identifying as bi-curious is generally a transitional time that offers the opportunity to be mindful of the emotional and physical experiences of being with partners of the same and opposite gender, allowing them to tune into what feels satisfying and comfortable. They may decide that they are heterosexual or that they are bisexual, whichever the case, they are coming to terms with their authentic selves.

Bi-Curious Vs. Questioning

Bi-curious is sometimes confused with the “Q”, questioning sexuality, in LGBTQ, but these have two different meanings. Bi-curious refers to experiencing curiosity towards having sexual attraction for both genders, while questioning is more broad and refers to someone that might be wondering if they are asexual, queer, or transgender, amongst other possibilities.

Bi-Curious Vs. Bisexuality

Bi-curious and bisexual are similar in that they both involve having an attraction to the opposite and same gender. They are different in that someone that identifies as bisexual is confident that they are equally attracted to both genders and someone that is bi-curious is still working to better understand. Unfortunately, there is a stigma around the term bi-curious that impacts those that might be wondering if they identify with that term or if they are wanting to align with being bisexual.

How Do I Know If I’m Bi-Curious?

If you are exploring your sexuality and are wondering if you are interested in both genders, then you can identify as bi-curious whenever you feel comfortable doing so. Exploring your sexuality can be a process and it’s important to go at your own pace. This experience is unique to each individual. Someone that is bi-curious is more likely to be sexually fluid since they commonly start out by identifying as heterosexual and signs might begin to arise that suggest otherwise.

Below are signs that you might be bi-curious:

• You experience romantic attraction for more than one gender
• You experience physical attraction for more than one gender
• You feel a sense of belonging when hearing about others being fluid sexually with both genders
• You identify with characters in books, movies, shows, etc that identify as bisexual
• Your daydreams or fantasies aren’t gender specific
• You find yourself wondering what sex would be like with the same gender
• You’ve had sexual interactions in the past with someone of the same gender and felt a positive emotional and physical response
• You find yourself admiring both genders for their physical attributes

What Does Bi-Curiosity Look Like?

When you are ready, there are many ways to start opening yourself up to the possibility that you are bi-curious and it can look very different for each person. Go into this with a non judgemental approach and go at your own pace, comfort is key.

Below are common ways people actively explore as a bi-curious person:

Online Dating

Create online dating accounts and go in with an open mind to explore interacting romantically with both genders. Check in with yourself and your body and notice what interactions make you feel good, which ones you can’t stop thinking about, and what exactly about them is pulling you in.

Dating

If you feel comfortable, consider going on dates with people of the same gender. Let yourself explore how this feels for you and try to give it a couple of chances to make sure it wasn’t just that specific person that wasn’t right and not just their gender. Try imagining what it would be like to hold hands or to have a first kiss with them.

Consider Your Media Consumption

Start exploring different media platforms that have bisexual characters or participants and see how you feel about it. Notice how you feel about characters of the same sex and see if you can tell if there’s a difference in what you are attracted to, how you connect with them, or who you relate to more.

Connect to the LGBTQ+ Community

There are so many great LGBTQ+ community platforms and they’re only a Google search away. Look into support groups, meetups, or online groups. Look up different bi-curious and bisexual activists. Join different Pride events. Finding a community is so important and provides a place to feel safe and understood, and a place where you can be your authentic, vulnerable self.

Stigmas Bi-Curious People Face

When a person that does not align with cisgender or straight and identifies as bi-curious, it is no secret that there is a stigma that goes along with it and that they are faced with prejudice. Not only do bi people receive backlash from cisgender straight people, they also receive it from others in the LGBTQ+ community. Research has shown that people who do not identify as bi-curious or bisexual are concerned with a bi-person’s ability to commit in a relationship and remain faithful. Non bi folks often report thinking that bisexuality is a phase and queer folks have reported thinking that being bi-curious is a rejection or denial of being gay or lesbian.¹

Below are common stigmas and misconceptions bi-curious people deal with:

• Others view bi-curious sexuality as untrue or not real. It is a common belief that being bi-curious is a phase and they will “grow out of it.”
• People who are bi-curious just don’t know what they want. People often think that bi-curious people are confused or insecure due to their lack of commitment.
• Lesbians and gays have an issue with bi-curious identities. Queer people have reported feeling slighted by bi folks and believe that they are rejecting the gay and lesbian identities.
• People that are bi-curious are promiscuous. Unfortunately it is often voiced that bi folks are hypersexual or sleep around.
• That bi-curious people aren’t able to commit in relationships or that they will engage in infidelity due to them being sexually attracted to both genders.

Taking Care of Your Mental Health if You’re Bi-Curious

Since people that are bi-curious or bisexual are stepping out of the binary, out of the traditional norm that society finds comfortable, there is an increased stigma around it. Research has shown that the bi community is at an increased risk for self harm and suicide compared to heterosexuals and homosexuals.²

There is also an aspect of constantly having to justify or explain one’s sexuality when in a relationship with either gender due to the misconception that they are straight or gay. If a person doesn’t have a supportive community or available resources, then their mental health can be at an even greater risk.

Do I Have to Label My Sexuality?

At no point should anyone feel like they have to label their sexuality. This is a choice. This choice can be scary and also liberating and it is up to each person to decide when, how and where they express or label themselves. Coming out to others as bi-curious or bisexual allows you to no longer feel the need to hide your interests and who you are attracted to. It allows you to explore both genders openly. Hiding your sexual identity can be exhausting and cause a lot of anxiety.

You might not want to label your sexuality if you are still exploring how you want to label it. Take your time and explore what feels right for you. You also might not want to label yourself if you aren’t in a safe environment to do so.

Being Bi-Curious in a Relationship

Whether you are in a monogamous relationship with a partner of the same sex or opposite sex, you can still identify as bi-curious. As shared above, there are many ways to explore your sexuality that don’t involve any sexual or physical interactions with the same sex.

If you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, explore their thoughts on being bi-curious. Consider opening up to them about your experiences and having an open discussion about it. Do research together. This doesn’t mean you have to sexually act on the curiosity, it does however, give you both clarity and insight into who you are as a person.

How to Support a Bi-Curious Person

Some ways you can support a bi-curious person include:³

• Be an Ally: Attend LGBTQ+ events, advocate for equity, and set boundaries with and provide education to others around you that are perpetuating bias and prejudice
• Keep an Open Mind: Be curious and ask questions. Check in with your body language, tone of voice and intrinsic biases.
• Research More About Bi-Curiosity: Do your research! Not only can this help you better understand and support your loved one, it also shows that you care.
• Show Respect for Their Identifying Language: Respect their identity and their labels they identify with. Use the words they use and get clarity if you aren’t sure how they want to be addressed or the specific language they are comfortable with.
• Recognize Your Own Biases: Do your own work. Be open to them giving you feedback if they are feeling any judgment or criticism and practice receiving that feedback with a growth mindset.
• Help Them Find Resources: Help them build a supportive community. Connect them with groups, events, and other services as needed. Remind them that they aren’t alone.

Can Therapy Help?

If you are struggling with questioning their sexuality, feeling alone with your confusion, or just want someone to run thoughts and ideas by, consider reaching out to a professional for support. You can find an LGBTQ+ therapist that can help provide guidance on this journey of self discovery so that you don’t have to do it alone. Not only can a therapist help provide clarity, they can help guide you through coming out to your loved ones if you choose to. If you have limited options within your community you can explore online LGBTQ+ therapy.

In My Experience

In my experience, exploring your sexuality can be so freeing and rewarding. It allows us to show up as our authentic selves which then opens us up creating a community of like minded people. Deepening our connections and support. Being bi-curious is a natural process that one can go through in order to discover and meet their sexual needs and interests. It is a transitional step to be taken at your own pace and comfort level. Listen to your body and honor it. We live in a world where so many things are out of our control, and our sexuality doesn’t have to be.