Knowing what to say to a loved one in certain situations can always be tricky. You may say one thing with a certain meaning, and your loved one could interpret it in the opposite way. Sometimes, saying the wrong thing is unavoidable, but a lot of times, we can be more mindful of what to say to a loved one with anxiety.
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What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a mental health condition where a person experiences intense emotions that are driven by fear, worry, anticipation, embarrassment, or another emotion. Chances are that everyone will experience anxiety in their life, as it is very common. It is important to note that you can experience symptoms of anxiety without having the disorder.
Common symptoms of anxiety include:1
- Feeling nervous
- Increased heart rate
- Fast breathing
- Light-headedness
- Feeling restless
- Feeling unable to concentrate
- Feeling worried
- Feeling stressed
- Irritability
- Fatigue
- Brain fog
- Intrusive thoughts
Why It Matters How You Speak About Anxiety
When we talk about anxiety, the language we use to describe it and the tone in which we talk about the topic can say a lot. It’s important that we’re mindful of not using blame-driven language or using certain tones that can trigger a feeling of shame. Knowing what not to say to someone with anxiety is just as important as knowing what to say
Being careful about how you talk about a condition a loved one has is important so we don’t do more harm than good. It is okay for you to have your thoughts and feelings about it. However, it is key to also understand from their perspective how harmful it can feel if anxiety is talked about in a way that minimizes or criticizes the lived experience. This can have really negative impacts and lead a person with anxiety to have an anxiety attack, panic attack, or develop social anxiety and keep themselves isolated.2
Comforting Words for Someone With Anxiety
While some words may be more comforting than others, it’s important to remember who you are speaking to. People with anxiety are comforted in different ways, and it’s important to learn what may be more helpful for your loved one.
Here are eight things you should say to a person with anxiety:
1. “I’m Here for You”
This is helpful to hear because the one with anxiety feels less alone. They feel reassured that they can lean on you when they feel anxious, and being able to rely on this can be a huge relief.
2. “Do You Want Me to Stay & Keep You Company?”
This is good to ask because it makes it feel okay to need company. It can be hard to ask for what you need when you’re anxious, and sometimes, the presence of someone can be really helpful. Spending time with someone, even in silence, can help coregulate them.
3. “Your Feelings Are Valid”
This is a positive message for someone with anxiety because they often feel like their emotions are invalid, wrong, or crazy. They often will overthink their thoughts and start going in circles. Letting them know that what they feel is valid can be grounding and normalizing.
4. “This Feeling Will Pass”
This is a good reminder that feelings don’t stay forever. When someone is in the middle of an anxiety attack, it can feel like that feeling is going to stay forever. Hearing this is a gentle reminder that you won’t feel this way forever.
5. “Feelings Are Not Facts”
This is a helpful reminder to hear. When people are feeling anxious and have all their reasons why and are replaying all the worst-case scenarios, it can be hard for them to remember that it is not based on reality. Helping them remember that their feelings are just that, feelings and not facts helps them remember that they have more control than they do.
6. “It’s OK to Feel This Way”
This is important to say, as it normalizes the feelings that come with anxiety. Anxiety can be very stigmatized, and it can be hard to feel like it is ok to feel however you feel. This helps us remember we are allowed to feel however we feel.
7. “You Are Not Alone”
In the midst of an anxiety attack, it can feel very isolating. Saying that your loved one is not alone is a great way to remind them that they have people who support them. It helps to make the experience less overwhelming.
8. “What Helps?/What Can I Do To Help?”
Asking these questions is important to hear from their point of view what would be helpful. It also gives them a chance to think about something else and lean on known sources of strength. This can be an empowering experience for the person with anxiety.
Options For Anxiety Treatment
Talk Therapy – Get help from a licensed therapist. Betterhelp offers online therapy starting at $65 per week. Free Assessment
Psychiatry for Anxiety – Looking for anxiety treatment that prioritizes you? Talkiatry can help. Find an in-network psychiatrist you can see online. Get started with our short assessment. Visit Talkiatry
How To Help Someone With Anxiety
It can be hard to know how to help a loved one with anxiety, but there are a lot of things you can do. While we know there are some common phrases that can be helpful to hear at the moment, what they may need in other moments may differ. You can learn to recognize the signs of a panic attack and help them learn their anxiety triggers, and encouraging them to work with a therapist is always important.3
Tips for helping someone experiencing anxiety include:
- Listening to them: Active listening is powerful and can make their anxious self feel seen.
- Talk them through guided imagery: Guided imagery for anxiety is a great way to help ground someone who has anxiety and help them coregulate their emotions.
- Help them work through their fears: Helping them understand their fears and knowing what it may trigger is a good way to offer support.
- Use mindful awareness: You can also try mindfulness for anxiety to help them use breathing exercises and focus on the present to remind them they are safe.
- Share your own anxieties: Sharing your own struggles and how you cope can be both affirming and inspiring.
Where to Find Professional Help for Someone With Anxiety
Aiding a loved one to find professional help for anxiety can be really helpful for them, though it can be challenging for you. There are many ways to access help and care for your loved one. You can find a therapist who specializes in anxiety treatment by looking up therapists in-network with your loved one’s insurance. Alternatively, you can search an online therapist directory or use an online therapy service.
You can also look into therapeutic groups, which can be a less intimidating way to try sharing your experiences and can give loved ones a chance to connect with others who have loved ones with anxiety. Group therapy and support groups are available online or in person.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
Talk Therapy
Online-Therapy.com – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. Online-Therapy.com provides 45 minutes weekly video sessions and unlimited text messaging with your therapist for only $64/week. Get Started
Virtual Psychiatry
Hims / Hers If you’re living with anxiety or depression, finding the right medication match may make all the difference. Connect with a licensed healthcare provider in just 12 – 48 hours. Explore FDA-approved treatment options and get free shipping, if prescribed. No insurance required. Get Started
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In My Experience
Online Anxiety Test
A few questions from Talkiatry can help you understand your symptoms and give you a recommendation for what to do next.
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Comforting Words for Someone With Anxiety, According to a Therapist Infographics