Comforting Words for Someone With Anxiety, According to a Therapist

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a mental health condition, also called Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). In this condition, someone experiences intense emotions that are driven by fear, worry, anticipation, embarrassment, or another emotion. Chances are that everyone will experience anxiety in their life as it is very common, as is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is important to note that you can experience anxious feelings without having the condition. There are also many common anxiety symptoms people experience.

Common symptoms of anxiety include:¹

• Feeling nervous
• Increased heart rate
• Fast breathing
• Light-headedness
• Feeling restless
• Feeling unable to concentrate
• Feeling worried
• Feeling stressed
• Irritability
• Fatigue
• Brain fog
• Intrusive thoughts

Why It Matters How You Speak About Anxiety

When we talk about anxiety or any other mental health condition, the language we use to describe it and the tone in which we talk about the topic can say a lot. It’s important that we’re mindful of not using blame-driven language or using certain tones that can trigger a feeling of shame, and knowing what not to say to someone with anxiety is just as important as knowing what to say

Anxiety is challenging enough, and being careful about how you talk about a condition a loved one has is important so we don’t do more harm than good. It is okay for you to have your thoughts and feelings about it. However, it is key to also understand from their perspective how harmful it can feel if anxiety is talked about in a way that minimizes or criticizes the lived experience. This can have really negative impacts and lead them to go into an anxiety attack, panic attack, or develop social anxiety and keep them isolated.²

Comforting Words for Someone With Anxiety

While some words may be more comforting than others, it’s important to remember who you are speaking to. People with anxiety are all comforted in different ways, and learning what may be more helpful for your loved one is important.

Here are eight things you should say to a person with anxiety:

1. “I’m Here for You”

This is helpful to hear because the one with anxiety feels less alone. They feel reassured that they can lean on you when they feel anxious, and being able to rely on this can be a huge relief.

2. “Do You Want Me to Stay & Keep You Company?”

This is good to ask because it makes it feel okay to need company. It can be hard to ask for what you need when you’re anxious and sometimes just the presence of someone can be really helpful. Spending time with someone, even in silence, can help coregulate them.

3. “Your Feelings Are Valid”

This is helpful because people who express anxiety often feel like their emotions are invalid, wrong, or crazy. They often will overthink their thoughts and start going in circles. Letting them know that what they feel is valid can be grounding and normalizing.

4. “This Feeling Will Pass”

This is a good reminder that feelings don’t stay forever. When someone is in the middle of an anxiety attack, it can feel like that feeling is going to stay forever. Hearing this is a gentle reminder that you won’t feel this way forever.

5. “Feelings Are Not Facts”

This is a helpful reminder to hear. When people are feeling anxious and have all their reasons why and are replaying all the worst-case scenarios, it can be hard for them to remember that it is not based in reality. Helping them remember that their feelings are just that, feelings, and not facts, helps them remember that they have more control than they do.

6. “It’s Ok To Feel This Way”

This is important to say, as it normalizes the feelings that come with anxiety. Many of these symptoms and even anxiety can be very stigmatized and it can be hard to feel like it is ok to feel however you feel. This helps us remember we are allowed to feel however we feel.

7. “You Are Not Alone”

In the midst of an anxiety attack, it can feel very isolating. Saying that your loved one is not alone is a great way to remind them that they have people who support them. It helps to make the experience less overwhelming.

8. “What Helps?/What Can I Do To Help?”

Asking these questions is important to hear from their point of view what would be helpful. It also gives them a chance to think about something else and lean on known sources of strength. This can be an empowering experience for the person with anxiety.

How To Help Someone With Anxiety

It can be hard to know how to help a loved one with anxiety, but there are a lot of things you can do. While we know there are some common phrases that can be helpful to hear in the moment, what they may need in other moments may differ. You can learn to recognize the signs of a panic attack and help them learn about what triggers them, and encouraging them to work with a therapist is always important.³

Tips for helping someone experiencing anxiety include:

• Listening to them: Active listening is powerful and can make their anxious self feel seen.
• Talk them through guided imagery: Guided imagery for anxiety is a great way to help ground someone who has anxiety and help them coregulate their emotions.
• Help them work through their fears: Helping them understand their fears and knowing what it may trigger is a good way to offer support.
• Use mindful awareness: You can also try mindfulness for anxiety to help them use breathing exercises and focus on the present to remind them they are safe.
• Share your own anxieties: Sharing your own struggles and how you cope can be both affirming and inspiring.

Where to Find Professional Help for Someone With Anxiety

Helping a loved one find professional help for anxiety can be really helpful for them though it can be challenging for you. There are many ways to access help and care for your loved one. You can search an online therapist directory or use online therapy options. You can look into peer online support groups and therapeutic support groups as well. This can be a less intimidating way to try sharing your experiences and can give loved ones a chance to connect with others who have loved ones with anxiety. You can help locate a therapist by looking up therapists who are in-network with your loved one’s insurance. Asking trusted loved ones and leaning on your own network can also be helpful to lean on and ask for resources.

In My Experience

In my experience, having a loved one with anxiety and knowing how to support them becomes easier over time. At first, it can be challenging for both to know where to start, but with trust, compassion, and grace, you can certainly live a full life with anxiety and as a caregiver for someone with anxiety. Anxiety is a tricky condition so making sure your loved one is connected with a therapist or a doctor to help with the management of anxiety is important. My advice is to always remember to take care of yourself and have open conversations about your boundaries as well. We must take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of others.