How to Help Someone With Anxiety

Here are 22 ways to help someone with anxiety:

1. Learn About Different Types of Anxiety

Since anxiety disorders are so common, familiarizing yourself with the different types of anxiety, signs, and feelings can help you recognize when someone you care about is experiencing feelings of fear or anxiety.¹

Here are types of anxiety:

• Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): this is a persistent and excessive worry about a number of different things. Individuals dealing with generalized anxiety disorder may be overly preoccupied with concerns related to money, health, work, family, or other issues and have trouble managing these worries.
• Noise sensitivity anxiety: this is having anxiety symptoms triggered by certain noises, such as chewing, plastic bag crinkling, or repetitive sounds like clicking a pen.
• Social anxiety disorder: this is an intense fear or feeling of being judged or rejected in a social or performance setting. These individuals often avoid social situations, and when they can not be avoided, they experience intense, often paralyzing anxiety.¹
• Panic disorder: this is diagnosed in people who experience spontaneous panic attacks that seem to come from out of nowhere. These individuals are focused and fearful of recurring panic attacks.¹
• Phobias: many individuals have very specific phobias that cause strong, irrational fear-based responses to everyday events, such as elevators, bridges, driving, needles, animals, heights, etc. Individuals often feel powerless to stop the fear, even though it can have a negative impact on their daily life.¹

2. Learn to Recognize the Signs & Symptoms of Anxiety

As you’ve read, anxiety can look different for everyone; however, the signs and symptoms of anxiety can often be quite similar. Symptoms often vary from person to person, but can typically be broken into three distinct categories: physical symptoms, anxious thoughts, and anxious behaviors.⁵

Physical symptoms are:⁵

• Lightheadedness
• Feeling easily fatigued
• Diarrhea
• Nausea

Common thought patterns for individuals dealing with anxiety are persistent worry, focusing on the worst outcomes, and all-or-nothing thinking.⁵ Finally, anxious behaviors may be more noticeable, such as avoiding certain events or situations, seeking constant reassurance, irritability, and compulsive behaviors (like hand washing).

3. Validate Their Feelings

“People who struggle with anxiety and fears constantly stress about fearful or anxious thoughts. And these patterns are hard to change but not impossible. As a person helping them, you have to validate their feelings and let them understand that it’s okay not to be okay. It shows them that you are there with them without any judgments.” – Stefan Allen-Hickey, LMSW, Downtown Somatic Therapy

4. Help Them Reframe Their Anxious Thoughts

Often people with anxiety tend toward catastrophic thinking, making assumptions that the worst-case scenario will happen. It is always possible that the worst could happen; however, it’s also important to consider alternatives. What’s the best case scenario? What’s the likely scenario or the most realistic scenario?

It’s important for the anxious person to feel prepared for the possibility of the worst-case scenario, but it is not helpful to ruminate or become excessively preoccupied. Instead, help them discover their inner strengths and external resources that will help them deal with life’s curveballs.⁶

5. Use “Yes, Or, But” to Ground Them in Reality

“Most people who have anxiety are met with their well-intentioned loved ones telling them all the reasons they shouldn’t be anxious. While that is well meaning, it is invalidating to the very real emotions they are experiencing. Anxiety isn’t always realistic, it likes to play with extremes. Instead of trying to fix your friend’s anxiety over giving their presentation, try validating that their fear could very well happen, OR, they could deliver it 100% perfectly and have a standing ovation. But, the most likely scenario is somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. They’ll probably do a decent job, and might fumble a few words. Your friend will appreciate the more realistic view while also feeling heard in their emotions.” – Elizabeth Mateer, MS, MA, LMHCA, Director of Divergent Wellbeing

6. Offer Support & Compassion

If a friend or loved one is struggling with anxiety, often the best thing you can do is just let them know that you’re there for them. Emotional support can look like giving them a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or a simple hug. You might also assist them to find a therapist. If you’re not sure of the best way to help, be honest and encourage them to ask for what they need.

Being a friend who is available to listen and offer support without judgment or trying to fix things is often just what is needed when attempting to navigate difficult situations.

7. Have Codewords to Indicate a Need for Support

“If a close friend has anxiety, they may want your support when in an anxiety-inducing situation. Anxiety can impact executive functioning skills, which makes it more difficult to find the words to ask others for help. Codewords, especially words that you don’t usually use in conversation which stand out, are often an easier way to communicate quickly with others.

For example: if you are going to a crowded place with a friend who has anxiety or panic symptoms around large groups of people, you could establish a code word for the friend to use to indicate they need help getting to a quiet place for a break from the crowd.” – Emma Jennings, LMHC

8. Normalize Their Experience

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States, affecting 19% of the adult population. Nearly everyone experiences feelings of anxiety from time to time, but these feelings come in varying degrees and intensities. The important thing to remember is that anxiety is just a feeling and there are many tools and resources available to help manage these feelings and lessen their impact.

9. Help Them Focus on Things They Can Control

“Humans can’t control everything. But there are some aspects that they do have control over. Let the person know the things they can focus on. It helps them recognize their feelings in a much better way and their anxiety levels might reduce.” – Stefan Allen-Hickey, LMSW, Downtown Somatic Therapy

10. Listen to What They Need

Often after doing some research, we are filled with great ideas of how to help our friends and loved ones who are struggling with anxiety. Unfortunately, anxiety isn’t always one-size-fits-all. The most helpful approach is to listen and ask questions to help explore options, rather than jump in with solutions.

Helpful questions include:

• What would you find most helpful right now?
• Can you think of anything that would help this to feel more manageable?
• Are you interested in my opinion or some of my suggestions?

11. Provide Practical Help

“If your loved one tends to struggle with anxiety in certain situations or environments, consider offering practical assistance that can make it easier for them to manage those situations. For example, you might offer to accompany them when they have to attend a social event or go to the grocery store.” – Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP, Clinical Director of Absolute Awakenings

12. Express Concern

Dealing with anxiety may feel difficult and isolating. When you practice active listening, your friend or loved one will feel heard and valued. The first step of active listening is to pay attention and utilize non-verbal cues such as eye contact, nodding, and using open body language (turn toward the speaker with arms uncrossed) to convey that you’re interested.

Next, it’s important to use reflections. When reflecting, you will repeat back what someone has just said to you, but in your own words.³ This shows that you didn’t just hear the other person, but you’re trying to understand them. It’s also important to ask open-ended questions, or questions that encourage elaboration, rather than just a yes or no response.

The primary goal in active listening is to understand the speaker’s point of view, even if you don’t necessarily agree. Being on the receiving end of concern is not a replacement for therapy or mental health treatment, but it can improve well-being and have a positive emotional impact.

13. Create a Distraction

“This could involve going for a walk, playing a game together, or doing something else fun and enjoyable. Try to avoid enabling any unhealthy habits that the person may have developed in an attempt to cope with their anxiety; instead, focus on developing healthy coping strategies such as exercise and meditation. You don’t have to have all the answers or know how to solve their problems; just being there for them and providing a listening ear can make all the difference.” – Dr. Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, DO, MPH, FAAFP, FASAM

14. Establish a Supportive Routine

“Anxiety often causes people to feel overwhelmed or paralyzed, making it difficult to establish healthy habits or routines. Try to create a routine that your loved one can follow to help them feel more grounded and in control. This might include activities like mindfulness or breathing exercises, journaling, listening to music, or going on regular walks.” – Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP, Clinical Director of Absolute Awakenings

15. Encourage the Use of Grounding Exercises

The utilization of grounding exercises or techniques helps individuals with anxiety focus on something other than their ruminations, worries, or thoughts. These exercises “ground” them in the present moment by encouraging them to focus on something in their environment. Some exercises that can be helpful are the 333 rule and the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise.

To practice the five sense exercise, encourage them to:²

• Search for five things they can see
• Search for four things they can touch
• Listen for three things they can hear
• Search for two things they can smell
• Search for one thing they can taste

16. Identify Other Things That Can Help Alleviate Anxiety

There are anxiety treatment options without medication and other natural remedies that help promote feelings of calm, like drinking tea for anxiety. We know that several factors increase anxiety, so by decreasing exposure or eliminating them, anxiety levels can improve. In addition, there are also a variety of physiological interventions that have been shown to decrease anxiety.

Here are some tips to alleviate anxiety:

• Limit alcohol and caffeine (both can exacerbate anxiety)
• Meditate
• Get active
• Eat a balanced diet
• Sleep

17. Offer Resources

Even if your loved one has a list of resources, you can still do some research and find additional resources. There are countless books, apps, websites, social media groups, blogs, etc. that can provide a wealth of information and support.

Here are resources:

• Anxiety and Depression Association of America
• National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI)

18. Recognize Your Own Limits as a Helper

As a caring friend or loved one, your primary role is to offer support. Doing research online, reading books, and following therapists on social media can provide a wealth of knowledge; however, some people may need the additional support of a licensed therapist.

As a trusted family member or friend, you can help them explore the various therapists available and determine if they’re interested in talk therapy, medication support, self-support, or some combination of the three.

19. Take Care of Yourself

It’s important to remember that your goal is to help the person with anxiety, not fix them or solve all their problems. Helping someone through anxiety isn’t always easy and doesn’t typically have one direct path, which can feel a bit stressful and overwhelming for the caregiver.

Some important reminders are that by offering to help, you’re doing your best. It’s also important to model self-care, by tending to yourself when your own resources are starting to feel depleted.

20. Encourage Them to Seek Professional Support

When symptoms of anxiety feel out of control or unmanageable, it may be time to seek professional support. A medical professional can help review the types of treatment available. For individuals struggling with anxiety, it usually encompasses some combination of talk therapy, medication support, and self-care. A professional will also be able to rule out other mental health concerns that can have symptoms similar to anxiety.

21. Without Judgment, Remind Them That Anxiety Is Only a Part of Them

It’s important to remind yourself and your loved one that the anxiety they’re experiencing is only a part of them. They are still the same person you have always known. More than likely, you still share hobbies or connections; those can serve as excellent distractions when levels of anxiety are high. It’s especially important for them to feel unconditional love and support.

22. Keep Lines of Communication Open

Anxiety can bring up a variety of thinking errors that can have a negative impact on relationships. In order to combat this, it’s important for friends and loved ones to keep the lines of communication open. Practicing honest, straightforward communication, and asking questions for clarification can clear up any confusion when anxiety muddles the waters.

What NOT to Do to Help Someone With Anxiety

Sometimes, regardless of how good your intentions are, some actions can do more harm than good. Words are very powerful, so it’s important when helping someone with anxiety to be thoughtful and attempt to understand what they are going through.

Do NOT do these things when looking for how to help someone with anxiety:

1. Don’t Pressure Them or Force Change

Unfortunately, anxiety doesn’t have a quick fix or an easy solution. Attempting to force change on a friend or loved one just won’t work.  What it will do, however, is cause a rift in your relationship. Instead of pressure, offer support, compassion, and love.

2. Don’t Act Like a Clinical Professional If You’re Not

You may have read books, blog posts, watched all of the videos on the internet about anxiety, but unless you’re a licensed professional, stick to offering support vs. counseling. Being able to draw the line at being a supportive and loving friend or family member will preserve your relationship in the long run.

3. Don’t Ask Them Too Many Questions

“It’s no wonder that you are curious how your friend or relative is feeling but you should not flood them with questions. A person going through such feelings is already having many thoughts running in her/his brain and they might feel uncomfortable answering your questions. So, if you really want to support them, put a break on asking any questions. Just let them be open when they feel they are ready.” – Stefan Allen-Hickey, LMSW, Downtown Somatic Therapy

4. Don’t Constantly Talk About Their Anxiety

When you’re with your friend or loved one or talking on the phone with them, avoid constantly bringing up their anxiety or asking them questions about it. This may cause them to feel uncomfortable or pressured into a discussion. Instead, let the conversation flow naturally. If your friend or loved one wants to talk about their anxiety, that’s OK.

Offer support through statements like:

• “How can I help you through that?”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “Please reach out if you need to talk.”

5. Don’t Tell Them Not to Cry

“If your loved one is crying in response to their anxiety, a more helpful response is to offer comfort and let them cry if needed. Crying can be a healthy way to express emotions, and it’s easier to process uncomfortable emotions and let them pass when we accept and express them. Avoiding or suppressing emotions can make them feel stronger over time, and make them feel more unmanageable.” – Emma Jennings, LMHC

6. Don’t Enable Their Anxiety

When someone feels anxious, they may start to avoid anxiety-inducing places or situations, such as preferring to order online vs. going to the store. As a caring friend or loved one, you may also start to modify your own behavior to “help” alleviate or avoid their worry. Unfortunately, when a person with anxiety continues to avoid a situation, the worry and fear grows.

For example, rather than enabling them by shopping for them, an alternate solution could be to go shopping together. This way, they are able to recognize that it’s possible to address the worry without negative repercussions.

7. Don’t Get Visibly Frustrated or Expect Them to Change Right Away

When you’ve invested time and attention in your loved one, it’s understandable to hope they embrace change and start getting better. Learning new strategies on how to deal with anxiety takes time, and your loved one may sometimes fall into old habits. This is a normal part of growth. Making a mistake or falling into an old pattern is an opportunity to learn and make changes for the future.

8. Don’t Blame Them For Feeling Anxious

We all know what it’s like to feel judged or blamed for something that is out of our control. Rather than take this approach with a friend or loved one, choose to offer them love and kindness. More than likely, they are already feeling upset and out of control and could benefit from support instead of blame. Take a deep breath and offer them a bit of compassion.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you notice a change in behavior or your friend or loved one’s anxiety starts to impact their ability to work, attend school, interact with friends, enjoy life as usual, or has an effect on their home life, it might be time to reach out for help from a professional.

It is often common for anxiety and depression to go hand in hand. As a result, it may be useful to monitor your loved one for signs and symptoms of suicidal ideation, such as isolation, moodiness, changes in habits or patterns, etc.

It’s important to find the right therapist. Sometimes the best way to start is to search the therapist candidates in your area through an online therapist directory. Getting support from a mental health professional will give them a safe place to talk openly about their experiences with anxiety, as well as provide them with tools to help them manage their worries.

Final Thoughts

Helping someone with anxiety is difficult but there are things you can do to help and professionals who can intervene. When you are able to focus on practicing compassion and listening to what your loved one needs, you can offer them the best support and assistance.