Cybersex Addiction: What It Is, Symptoms, & How to Overcome

What Is Cybersex Addiction?

Cybersex addiction is a form of sexual and internet addiction that may also involve an addiction to porn and masturbation.  According to the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, “’Cybersex’ refers to the enormous amount of sexual and pornographic material on the internet and the anonymous way users can access this information.”

A cybersex addict is an internet user for whom the allure of cybersex has become uncontrollable.¹ As with anything that leads toward addiction, the more accessible and socially accepted it is, the greater the risk of becoming addicted. To put it into perspective, more than 5,824,699,200 hours of porn were watched on Pornhub in 2019 (equal to almost 665 centuries of consumed content).²

Although cybersex addiction, also referred to as internet sex addiction, isn’t currently a diagnosable condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it continues to gain attention.

Cybersex Addiction Statistics

Recent statistics specific to cybersex addiction are extremely limited, likely due to the fact that the condition is not formally recognized. The following numbers, however, do highlight a few concerning numbers:

• The estimated number of people who have a sexual addiction in the US alone is between 12 to 30 million³
• Internet porn statistics showed there are about 4.2 million pornographic websites, constituting 12% of the total websites⁴
• Pornographic web pages constitute 372 million hits and daily pornographic search engine hit 68 million searches or 25% of total search engine requests⁴
• Over 60% of cybersex addicts have not previously suffered from a history of sexually addictive behavior until they discovered the internet⁴
• 66% of internet-using 18-34 year-old men look at online pornography at least once a month ³
• 70% of internet pornographic traffic occurs during the 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. workday³
• 33% of men self-report that they are addicted to pornography³
• 2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic-related in some way³
•  75% addicts have admitted that they regularly post naked photos of themselves online ³
• 80% of women who have a husband or partner that has been diagnosed with a sexual addiction suffered from depression in a recent study ³
• 40% women say that they withdraw their emotional connections to a partner with a sexual addiction³
• 60% of women developed an eating disorder after discovering the actions of a partner with a sexual addiction ³

Although the precise number of individuals struggling with cybersex addiction is currently unknown, the abovementioned numbers indicate that numerous individuals in the US and globally engage in some cybersex activity. While not all these actions are harmful to self or others, many are and warrant attention.

Forms of Cybersex Addiction

Cybersex addiction can take many forms, including sexual interactions with a cam performer, engagement in fantasy chatrooms, and sexting.

Internet sex addiction can take the following forms:

Mutual Masturbation with Cam Performers

Similar to an adult arcade or viewing a performer through a glory hole (a wall or partition in which one views another engaging in an erotic demonstration), individuals may masturbate to a video performance online. Many websites offer this service for a nominal fee or even free.

Online Activity in Fantasy Chat Rooms

Fantasy chatrooms are an opportunity for interested individuals to explore their sexual fantasies and fetishes in a seemingly safe virtual environment with others who share similar interests. Because many fantasies may be considered taboo and are widely stigmatized, anonymous handles can serve as a seemingly safe means of engagement.

Masturbation to Erotic Stories or Images

Masturbation while reading erotic stories or viewing images is an even more common and can be a safer approach. Here, one need not engage with anyone else but can readily access stories or images, many of which are free, to satisfy their sexual desires. Masturbating several times a week or even daily is common; however, it becomes problematic when masturbation becomes excessive and leads toward physical, mental, and/or social consequences. If one cannot control the urge to masturbate, especially when undesired, this is indicative of a problem.

Sexting

“Sexting” is a term that combines the act of sexual engagement and texting (or communicating via some form of electronic communication involving text). This may be done via a free or pay-to-hire service or with a consenting partner. Sexting extends beyond casual flirting to sexually explicit pictures and messages. Though the act of sexting itself is not bad, it proves problematic when one is in a committed relationship and engages behind their partner’s back. It constitutes infidelity and has been associated with numerous relationship issues leading up to and beyond divorce.

Teledildonics

Teledildonics is a form of cybersex that requires the use of connected sex toys. Essentially, this takes the act of cybersex to the next level by providing opportunities to physically stimulate one another at a distance—replicating traditional physical touch as best as possible.

Alternate & Virtual Reality Sex

Alternate and virtual reality sex allow users to create a unique avatar and live out an imagined sex life. Though these platforms were originally designed as a healthy means to explore one’s “ideal life,” recent programming has provided opportunities for individuals to engage with computer programs or others at a distance to fulfil their sexual fantasies.

Cybersex Addiction Symptoms

Like other addictions, cybersex addiction begins subtly and progresses into an all-consuming condition. Unlike with alcohol and other substance use addictions that may ultimately prove fatal, cybersex addiction impacts individuals differently. Depending on the duration, extent, and type of engagement—along with other environmental conditions (i.e., being involved in a romantic relationship)—symptoms vary.

Experiencing one symptom alone is enough to indicate a problem, although more symptoms experienced with greater intensity are increasingly indicative of a cybersex addiction.

Here are some symptoms of cybersex addiction:⁵

• Behaviors having a serious negative impact on the person’s physical and mental wellbeing
• Effects on their social life (e.g., sufferers may choose to stay at home in pursuit of online sexual activities rather than socialize with friends and family)
• Effects on their financial wellbeing because they’re not turning up for work or are spending excessive amounts of money accessing pornography, chat rooms, or webcams
• An obsession with online sexual activities
• An inability to stop behaviors despite the negative consequences
• Internet infidelity
• Behaviors that become more frequent, extreme, and/or risky
• Sufferers experience feelings of shame, guilt, and remorse, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and in serious cases, thoughts of suicide
• Difficulty forming relationships with people in real life
• Intimacy issues
• Relationships may start to suffer or even completely break down
• Preoccupation with using the internet to find online sexual partners
• Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies that typically wouldn’t happen offline
• Hiding online interactions from loved ones
• Using cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification as opposed to being intimate with a real-life partner

Impacts of Cybersex Addiction

Impacts of cybersex addiction can prove substantial, especially if left untreated. It’s important to look beyond oneself toward others who may be directly or indirectly impacted. Especially when in committed relationships, cybersex—even when enacted with virtual programs—may be considered an act of infidelity, which is oftentimes regarded as the ultimate offense.
Further, one should consider that some exotic performers may be unwilling participants, involved in sex trafficking, and/or be dealing with their own host of diagnosable mental health and/or addiction disorders.

Here are the potential impacts of cybersex addiction:

1. Intimacy Issues

When sexual engagement becomes more animalistic than emotionally connected, which is what commonly happens with cybersex addiction, intimacy becomes compromised. Outside of sexual acts, the romantic relationship is empty—devoid of any true emotional connection, which is imperative for healthy relationships.

These issues may either be the cause or result of cybersex addiction; one may be seeking out cybersex due to intimacy issues or may develop intimacy issues after becoming involved in cybersex. Either way, it is likely that there are core fundamental concerns in regard to beliefs and values around intimacy. This minimizes the likelihood of attaining and maintaining meaningful, healthy relationships.

2. Work Is Compromised

Given the all-consuming nature of addiction, all facets of one’s being—physical, cognitive/emotional, behavioral, and environmental—become compromised. Work is no exception. For those struggling with a cybersex addiction, it’s common to continue engaging in this activity while at work—or at the very least—thinking about it to a point that productivity is compromised.

Even if work devices are restricted, individuals may use personal devices to readily access content during work hours, which may result in sexting, masturbating in private spaces on breaks (e.g., the washroom), and perhaps even soliciting the involvement of co-workers. Ultimately, this may lead toward one being reprimanded, fired, and/or facing legal consequences.

3. Relationship Issues

Beyond romantic relationships, friends and family may also be impacted. Again, when the addiction becomes all-consuming, most of one’s focus is on cybersex—most everything else, including friends and family, become an afterthought.

Children of a parent or guardian addicted to cybersex may suffer from them not being present and/or continually fighting with their spouse or partner in front of them, potentially leading toward divorce. Common friends may be forgotten altogether.

4. Contributing to Forced Sex & Human Trafficking

Although many individuals participating in cybersex are consenting, not all are. Plus, any pornographic content involving minors is automatically non-consenting. With the majority of porn accessible online, pornography featuring an overseas trafficking survivor is just a search away.⁶ Even those who would never intend to participate in actions that harm a minor or involve human trafficking, sometimes do and aren’t necessarily aware.

How to Overcome Cybersex Addiction

Overcoming cybersex addiction is difficult but possible. Given that pornographic content is accessible 24/7 via most electronic devices with internet access, recovery efforts should be intentional and consistent. Although masturbating and watching porn are normal behaviors, the extent to which one engages with a cybersex addiction is problematic. The more effort one makes to abstain by limiting accessibility, the greater the likelihood of recovery.

Here are ways to overcome cybersex addiction:

1. Get an Accountability Partner

Accountability partners could include friends, family, co-workers, support group members, or anyone else willing to help you on the road to recovery. Finding and securing an accountability partner ensures that you’re not alone on the road to recovery. The key here is being honest with others.

When struggling with urges, lapse, or relapse, it’s important to own up to it. From there, the accountability partner may provide useful emotional support, a place to vent, healthy distractions, and resources to help keep you on track.

2. Install Filtering/Monitoring Software On Devices

The more that something unhealthy is around us, especially while attempting to recover, the more likely we are to give in to temptation. Pornographic content is readily available on most electronic devices 24/7, essentially making it one of the most accessible forms of addiction.

Installing filtering/monitoring software on devices limits accessibility by not only blocking the sites themselves but any additional content that might entice one to slip up (e.g., emails, text messages, advertisements, etc.). In the spirit of “out of mind, out of site,” such software can help substantially.

3. Cancel Memberships/Clear Devices That Contain Material That Enables Their Addiction

Again, the further removed the trigger, the better. For those who have memberships to pornographic content or an extensive browser history of such material, it helps to cancel memberships and remove anything that may lead to relapse.

With more serious addictions, it may help to even go as far as changing one’s email address associated with past accounts and resetting the device’s hard drive. This is a serious but important step for anyone intending to take recovery seriously.

4. Remember Who You’re Quitting For

As with any addiction, recovery is optimized when the intention is intrinsically motivated. That is, one wants to quit for oneself. But this is not always the case, especially at first. If cybersex addiction has created problems with romantic partners, family, children, friends, co-workers, and others, remember them.

If there is no current relationship, there probably was at some point. Consider the many ways in which these relationships might rekindle or be improved by recovering. As the relationships improve, there is often more incentive to continue abstaining.

5. Consider Participating in a Support Group

Because cybersex addiction is a growing problem, numerous people from all over struggle with similar issues. Accordingly, support groups have been devised with the intent of providing much-needed support for this condition.

Common group strategies are like other 12-step approaches commonly used to assist those struggling with alcohol and other problematic drug use.¹ Having similar lived experiences, group members benefit from shared stories, coping skills, resources, and holding one another accountable.

6. Seek Professional Help

The most comprehensive manner in which one can address cybersex or any other addiction is by fully engaging in professional help. Whether seeking treatment in a residential/inpatient, intensive outpatient (IOP), or outpatient setting, licensed professionals are trained to deal with associated challenges and are equipped with evidence-based strategies to help you recover.

When to Get Professional Cybersex Addiction Treatment

The sooner the intervention, the greater the likelihood of a successful recovery. If you begin noticing the negative impact of any form of cybersex addiction, consider finding a therapist as soon as possible. The benefits of professional help are plentiful, as trained professionals are equipped to help people process the complexities of the condition while supporting them to abstain and engage in healthier alternatives.
Beyond the behavioral component of cybersex addiction, professionals help address everything else (e.g., maladaptive beliefs and values, thoughts, emotions, etc.) to facilitate the type of holistic effort required for optimal recovery.

Those who struggle with other diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health and addictive disorders, co-occurring conditions, or cross-addiction are at increased risk of developing cybersex addiction.¹ Accordingly, professionals tend to each of these. For additional information specific to finding a therapist, explore an online therapist directory.

Final Thoughts

Cybersex addiction recovery is difficult, but it is possible. It is important to know that you are not alone. If you find yourself struggling to quit and are experiencing negative emotions or internalized shame, it’s a sign that you need help, which is readily available. The road to recovery begins now.