Although masturbation is normal and a healthy form of sexual expression, it can be done in excess—at which point it becomes unhealthy and problematic. Stopping or cutting down on masturbating requires commitment. Speaking with a professional is always recommended if you are concerned that your masturbation habits have become compulsive or problematic.
When Does Masturbation Become a Problem?
Masturbation is a natural, healthy activity. Three to five times per week is regular, with daily also being common.1 When it becomes incessant to the point of compulsive thoughts and behavior, taking time away from other activities, impacting mental health, and becoming physically painful; there is a problem.
Although there is still debate as to whether masturbation addiction exists or not, numerous people worldwide struggle with similar issues. Masturbation may be problematic if:2
- Masturbating takes up a lot of your time and energy
- Your home, work, or personal life is suffering because of masturbation
- You might be late to meetings, cancel events, or leave social appointments early to masturbate
- You masturbate in public or in uncomfortable places because you can’t wait to get home
- You masturbate even when you don’t feel aroused, sexual, or “horny”
- When you feel negative emotions—such as anger, anxiety, stress, or sadness—your go-to response is to masturbate for comfort
- You feel guilty, distressed, or upset after masturbating
- You masturbate even if you don’t want to
- You find it difficult to stop thinking about masturbation
Any one of these symptoms can be problematic, but if you’re experiencing multiple issues, that’s a sign of a bigger problem.
Negative Impacts of Excessive Masturbation
Excessive masturbation may lead toward a host of issues, both personal and interpersonal, that cause physical, mental, and social distress. There is oftentimes a gradual progression toward excess, and many who find themselves struggling do want to stop. Masturbation to this extent is oftentimes coupled with other life issues or diagnosable mental health and/or addiction disorders.3
Excessive, compulsive, or chronic masturbation can cause the following negative impacts:
- Skin irritation
- Edema (swelling)
- Inability to connect with a sexual partner
- Social isolation
- Excessive viewing of pornographic content
- Failure to successfully complete important life tasks (e.g., parenting, working, going to school)
- Disinterest in activities once enjoyed
- Stress
- Lowered self-esteem
- Feelings of guilt or shame
- Depression, anxiety, and other mental health complications
- Potential to get infection or physically harmed from improper use and maintenance of sex toys
- Potential for legal issues if caught masturbating in public and other prohibited places
- Potential for masturbation addiction
Said impacts are not by any means all-inclusive and do vary by type and intensity by individual.
15 Tips for How to Stop Masturbating
Fortunately, there are many ways to control urges. Some may work better than others, but the most important factor is motivation to change. Oftentimes, the greater number of ways you go about working through the problem, the greater likelihood that the desired change will occur.
Here are 15 tips if you want to stop masturbating—while not comprehensive, it should give you some ideas for where to start:
1. Talk About It With Your Romantic Partner or Trusted Others
It can help to speak openly about a problem with masturbation with a romantic partner or someone else you trust. These individuals may provide emotional support while helping you track your progress. Although the topic is taboo in many cases and uncomfortable to talk about, it is likely that whoever you choose to talk to currently masturbates or has done so in the past. No longer feeling alone can be a relief in-and-of itself.
With romantic partners, it is important to be on the same page. Physical intimacy, whatever it looks like, is an important part of any relationship. Perhaps this is lacking in the relationship. In other cases, it may be an issue of performance anxiety or other negative thoughts and emotions. Whatever the case, addressing the root cause is often the first step to creating change. Whether individually or as couples, sex therapy can be helpful in moving forward.
2. Focus on Your Partner(s)
Intimacy is an important part of any romantic relationship. What that looks like varies wildly, but mutual exploration is healthy. Honestly discuss together, or among partners, what each of your preferences, desires, and needs are. Next, negotiate what works. From there, build upon the regular routine by doing more of what each of you enjoy and/or even trying new things. This is bonding, fun, healthy, and distracts from masturbation.
3. Limit Time Alone
Although masturbation is an activity that can be done in pairs or groups, it is oftentimes done in isolation. The more time alone, the more opportunities you have to masturbate. Limiting time alone limits these opportunities.
4. Stop Watching Porn
It is commonplace for masturbation to occur while watching pornography. The power of pornography is that it stimulates the pleasure pathway as one relishes in a mixture of fantasy and a naturally occurring euphoria.4 Though speaking openly about pornography is oftentimes considered taboo as well, recent statistics reveal a high demand for pornographic content, especially online.
Here are some recent statistics about porn viewing and addiction:5
- About 200,000 Americans are classified as “porn addicts”
- 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites
- 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography
- 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails
- One-third of porn viewers are women
Ways to stop watching porn may include putting blockers on explicit websites, intentionally avoiding them, and being online in public spaces where such behavior is prohibited. Increased viewing and participating in pornographic content, among other factors, may also place you at increased risk for porn addiction.
5. Change Up the Routine
Although masturbation can be spontaneous, it often occurs at specific times of the day. These may include when you wake up, take a shower, come home from school or work, before bed, or whenever else has become routine. If this is true, it may help to do something different. If a long hot shower is one of these times, try taking a quick, cold shower. If the time is first thing in the morning, get out of bed with the alarm and begin with whatever comes next in the routine—perhaps a healthy breakfast. If it is prior to bed, try something else relaxing like listening to soothing music with your eyes closed.
6. Limit Accessibility to Sex Toys
Sex toys can be triggering. Seeing them is a reminder of a “better” time you could be having. Such temptation can increasingly lead toward a relapse to old behavior, so removing them is yet another way to limit your reminders.
7. Meditate
Meditation is an extremely powerful activity and has numerous evidence-based benefits. Its ability to nurture the mind-body-spirit pathway is profound, and it can prove helpful with stopping masturbation as well. Focusing on something positive such as a mantra or happy thought while taking intentionally deep breaths can redirect your thoughts. During this time, urges may subside. Once done, it becomes easier to focus on something else.
8. Utilize Unstimulating Visualizations
Masturbation is oftentimes done while visualizing something that heightens arousal. Rather than focus on something stimulating, consider something that does the opposite. For example, instead of thinking about someone you find to be attractive, visualize someone or something that is opposite of your preference. Whatever the visualization, the important thing is that it be something that distracts from, rather than incites, a desire to masturbate.
9. Implement Healthy Distractions
Healthy distractions can be anything: Reading a book, writing a journal entry, playing a board game, gardening, and so on are all healthy activities that engage you on multiple levels. Even less healthy activities such as streaming media or playing video games are perfectly fine in moderation. Socially, this may involve going out with friends, making a phonecall, sending a thoughtful text, or anything else positively involving others. The key here is not replacing one undesired behavior (masturbation) with another.
10. Exercise
Exercise, like meditation, is a multipurpose activity. Notably known for its physical health benefits, exercise also improves mental health. The release of endorphins reduces pain and tension while producing a calming effect. Dopamine is also released, which elevates your mood. An additional social benefit can be having your friends present. Whether in the presence of others or not, exercise can help distract and release tension from urges to masturbate. Over time, you may also feel and look better, which boosts self-concept. Win-win-win!
If going to the gym or traditional exercise feel uncomfortable, that is okay. Exercise may be kept simple by taking walks, cleaning the house, tending to the lawn, taking stairs instead of elevators, and in so many other ways you may not normally consider. If you are in motion, the activity counts. Keep moving.
11. Set Goals & Mark Progress
Like anything else, quitting outright can—at first—be seemingly impossible. Begin by cutting down the number of times per day incrementally. This may be done daily or weekly, but the intention is for the behavior to decrease to the desired goal in a timely fashion. Setting practical SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely) goals can help here.
As progress occurs, confidence will be built. And yes, it does become easier with time. Setbacks are likely and can be discouraging; however, you are the only you who can ultimately get yourself back on track.
12. Look Toward Religion
For those practicing various religions, there are different thoughts regarding masturbation. It may be considered appropriate, frowned upon, or strictly forbidden. If this is applicable, it may help to reflect upon masturbation in respect to your religion. This may be done alone, with support from others, or even by speaking with a trusted religious leader. If religion is what is leading toward feelings of shame among other challenges, speaking with a mental health professional is recommended if possible. Culturally competent professionals can help you work through any distress within the context of your religion. This is mentally and spiritually healthy.
13. Wear Extra Clothes at Night
Although wearing extra clothes at night may be uncomfortable or require some fenagling of the thermostat, it provides an additional protective layer. Sleeping nude or in minimal attire increases accessibility. More layers of clothing provide additional time to work through urges.
14. Work on Anything Else That Needs Work
While focusing on decreasing or stopping masturbating, it helps to work on anything else that needs work. Diverting your attention toward other areas of need lessens the focus on masturbation while leading toward overall life improvements. This may include going to school or interviewing for a new job. Or it may be something social—enhancing quality relationships with others. All of us have something we would like to improve. Whatever that is, build a healthy goal around it and proceed accordingly.
15. Speak With a Professional
With most any issue, speaking with a professional in that specific domain is best. In this case, speaking with a counselor or addiction specialist is a great start. Licensed professional therapists are bound by HIPAA to protect confidentiality (with certain limits) and have worked with others who have similar issues. They have the knowledge, experience, and tools to help you work through the problem. It is likely that there are internalized challenges with negative thoughts and emotions such as anxiety, depression, and shame. These are natural and can be helped.
Given that many individuals struggling with addiction have dually diagnosed mental health disorders, a comprehensive treatment plan entails working on both (or as many as present). Failure to do this does increase the likelihood of negative effects from one condition impacting the other. In the event of cross addiction, excessive masturbation may be substituting substance use or another problematic behavior. Correcting this from the root cause while maintaining intentional and consistent efforts increase the likelihood of long-term success.
Final Thoughts
Although struggles with masturbation can stir up a lot of negative thoughts and emotions, you are not alone. The best thing to do is take action as soon as possible. If you feel that anything in this article pertains to you or a loved one, seek the appropriate help while trying some of the suggestions provided in this article.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
