Do Affirmations Work? Answers From a Therapist

Do Affirmations Work?

Affirmations are positive sayings, usually said daily, that can shift negative self-talk. Our internal self-talk is important, and speaking to ourselves negatively can impact how we function daily. Affirmations are used to increase positive self-talk and can also encourage you to discover areas that may need additional healing or attention.

Some research shows that when we believe our self-image is threatened, we are motivated to restore our concept of being perceived as “adequate or good”.¹ Affirmations are one way to manage these threats and build up self-esteem.

How to Choose an Affirmation

Affirmations can be done anywhere at any time and can focus on a variety of topics. The most important aspect of choosing an affirmation is that it addresses your unique struggle and resonates with you. It doesn’t need to use only positive language but can be stated to acknowledge your situation’s struggles and strengths.

Things to keep in mind when choosing an affirmation include:

• Avoid toxic positivity: Your affirmation shouldn’t ignore that your life (or the world) is challenging. Dismissing this reality will feel inauthentic. You can both acknowledge difficulties while shifting your mindset to focus on a positive piece you can control.
• Acknowledge hardships: It’s normal for us to have stress, and pushing it away won’t make it go away. Acknowledge challenges but also look at successes you’ve accomplished.
• Ask yourself what you truly need: Oftentimes, we focus on a surface-level need, but telling yourself positive affirmations on a surface-level belief might not feel authentic. Ask yourself what you seek from the affirmation to ensure it resonates with you.
• Make it meaningful: What works for your friend won’t necessarily work for you. Make your affirmation meaningful. If you have doubts about it, you’ll have difficulty speaking it as truth.
• Start small: It might feel overwhelming to add in an affirmation practice. If it doesn’t feel “right” for you, you won’t be able to put it into practice. Start with something small that feels achievable.

Affirmations to Avoid

Avoid using negative affirmations or words like should or could, as these aren’t in the present tense and sound more like guilt beating. Don’t put affirmations over your negative core beliefs. If you truly feel you aren’t worthy of love or success, you won’t be able to use an affirmation to change that.

How to Use Affirmations

Once you’ve decided on an affirmation, you can integrate this into a daily routine. Making a habit of using your affirmation will make it more effective. If you’ve spent a lot of time telling yourself you’re stupid, saying “I accept myself when I mess up” once won’t make much of a difference. Affirmations need to be practiced consistently to really make a difference.

Here are seven tips on how to use affirmations:

1. Use the Present Tense

Saying or writing your affirmation in the present tense tells your brain that they’re already true and happening right now. This will help your brain accept it as truth at this moment. When we use the present tense during affirmations, we also activate other areas of our brain focused on the future and promote behavioral changes.²

2. Practice Every Day

Using affirmations daily will strengthen them and allow you to access them in times of stress. They also activate your brain’s reward system, decreasing stress and increasing overall well-being.^{2, 3} Daily practice and repetition will help motivate you, reinforce positive beliefs, and cultivate resilience in challenging times.

Some ways to practice affirmations daily include:

• Use the same set of affirmations for around a month
• Repeat each affirmation around ten times
• Schedule a daily time  to practice
• Practice in a quiet space
• Minimize distractions
• Be patient
• Practice consistently

3. Use Visualization

Visualization is a powerful practice that promotes well-being and increases positive emotions. Visualizing your affirmations can also be beneficial, especially if saying them out loud or writing them down feels uncomfortable.⁴ You can practice visualizing your affirmation along with a place that is calming to you or visualize how you want to feel when your affirmation feels like absolute truth.

4. Make It Personal

To get the most out of your affirmation, it needs to fit your needs and feel authentic. Affirmations surround us everywhere; it might feel easier to use one you saw on a website or a t-shirt! You can absolutely use an affirmation you got from elsewhere as long as it feels genuine to you. Trying to talk yourself into an affirmation you don’t believe in won’t be helpful.

5. Observe Your Thoughts

As you speak, write, or visualize your affirmation, notice what thoughts come up. Try not to assign these thoughts as “good” or “bad” but acknowledge them instead. What other sensations do you feel as you practice your affirmation? This is all information and cues from your body on what’s resonating or perhaps what needs more attention. Continue to notice any patterns that come up as you continue this practice.

6. Be Realistic

Affirmations work best when they are realistic or focus on something specific. If it doesn’t feel believable to you or sounds like toxic positivity, it won’t feel comfortable to use it as an affirmation. The science behind affirmations shows that we don’t need to try and be perfect but that they need to align with our values to feel achievable.¹

7. Notice How You Feel

We can assume that affirmations are meant to make us feel better. However, when we replace negative self-talk with positive, we may feel a different shift in our emotions. This is another opportunity to lean in and pay attention to what our emotions and thoughts are trying to teach us. You may need to change the affirmation or simply acknowledge the sensations coming up.

Attaching Action to Affirmations

Affirmations can be the first step to integrating positive self-talk, but they must also be attached to action. Positive thinking alone doesn’t create change. The thinking must be aligned with action. The affirmation can be the stepping stone for motivation for change to happen.

For example, if you tell yourself, “I am capable of managing my anxiety today”, that affirmation wasn’t the actual behavioral change. However, that affirmation, coupled with a grounding technique, can lead you to practice the grounding technique to manage your anxiety consistently.

Examples of Positive Affirmations

Affirmations should be personalized to your unique needs to feel achievable and authentic. Creating affirmations that align with your values, goals, and beliefs will be more impactful on your journey to create change in your life. If you are emotionally connected to your affirmations, you’ll be empowered to utilize them and take action.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations:

• I am strong and capable
• I am enough
• I am worthy of love
• I am deserving of kindness
• I accept my mistakes as learning opportunities
• I am capable of achieving my goals
• I am in control of my thoughts
• I am at peace with myself
• I am confident
• I am grateful for the support from my loved ones
• I am capable of overcoming stress or challenges in my life

When to Seek Professional Support

If affirmations aren’t enough and you find yourself struggling with anxiety or depression, it may be time to talk with a therapist and identify any underlying concerns that need to be addressed. You can use an online therapist directory to find a therapist that you feel connected to and easily access therapy from your home using an online therapy platform.

In My Experience

It is important to understand that affirmations can be meaningful for some but can feel like toxic positivity if misused. Affirmations should not be used to dismiss trauma or to try and change your core beliefs. Instead, affirmations can be incorporated into a self-care routine to begin practicing self-love, work on changing unhelpful thoughts, or identify areas we tend to criticize. Affirmations are not one size fits all and may not work for everyone.