How to Find a Family Therapist

What Is Family Therapy?

Family therapy is when some or all members of the family unit are involved in the therapeutic setting. Family therapy can look different depending on the approach. Some therapists will have all members together in the same room for each session, while others might have people break off into individual or smaller groups to allow more freedom for exploration.

In general, many different types of therapists provide family therapy. Licensed clinical social workers, licensed professional counselors, and licensed mental health professionals are common credentials, among others. Look for someone who specializes in family dynamics and has training in family systems and family therapy.

What to Expect at a Family Therapist Session

Depending on the therapist’s background and approach, family therapy might look different in each setting. But in general, family therapy should be a welcome and judgment free environment with the goal of healing and developing awareness for all members involved.

During family therapy sessions, all family members can expect opportunities to improve self awareness, improve communication, and learn new coping skills to better handle patterns of disagreements. Some therapists have set timeframes for family therapy, such as a 10 session program. Other therapists might be more client directed and the duration will depend on how the family is progressing.

Who Benefits From Family Therapist Visits?

Almost anyone in the family can benefit from family therapy, from the children to even extended adults in the family. The benefit that one can get from family therapy is often determined by their involvement in, or whether they are affected by, the ongoing conflict or situation.

The most common reasons and situations that bring families to therapy involve ongoing conflict, changes in family dynamics such as divorce, crises or other stressors. “Family therapists tend to be more interested in the maintenance and/or solving of problems rather than in trying to identify a single cause.”¹

Some common reasons families seek a family therapist include:

• Ongoing conflict: Family therapy is common when there is ongoing unresolved conflict within the family. As family therapy is less about blaming someone for the conflict, and more about identifying the role that each person plays, this can be a great opportunity to improve communication and learn coping skills to decrease conflict.
• Coping with severe mental illness or disability: A family therapist can help a family cope if one family member has a severe mental illness that is difficult to manage. In these instances, the family therapy will be based on educating the family members about the diagnosis, as well as helping them learn how to best support each other. “When an individual is affected, the stigma of being mentally ill is not restricted to the individual alone, but to family members/caregivers also.”¹
• Coping with addiction: A family therapist can help families cope when one family member has an addiction, whether the family member with the addiction seeks treatment or not. Because addition can often affect all members of the family unit, family therapy is a great way to help during this time.
• Supporting a family member: Families who want to support a member who has recently come out as trans or LGBTQ can benefit from family therapy to learn how to be more understanding and affirming. Family therapy can also be used to confront any biases they might hold to prevent them from causing harm to the family member who just came out.
• Changes in family dynamic: When families are going through a change such as marriage, divorce or separation, family therapy can be beneficial to help the children and other members of the family learn how to manage these stressful changes. This is only beneficial if all adults in the family are on board with moving forward in a healthy way. Family therapy should never be forced on children, or used if there is any abuse or dysfunction going on.
• Recent death in the family: If a family has recently experienced a death, family therapy can be beneficial to help all members of the family learn how to process and explore their grief.
• Recent behavior changes: If a child in the family recently experienced behavior changes, such as getting in trouble at school, family therapy can help the family explore and process this. Family therapy will help each person learn the ways that they can help the situation, rather than assigning blame. Because mental health issues in adolescents are a major public health issue, finding ways to reduce and support them is crucial for families as well as communities.²

How to Find a Family Therapist

There are many ways to find a family therapist who is a good fit for your family’s personalities and needs. From word of mouth, faith communities, to asking other providers, there are many ways to find someone.

Places to find a therapist for your family might include:

Primary Care Doctor

Many people start with their primary care doctor when looking for a referral to a family therapist. Many physicians, especially family doctors and pediatricians, have referrals to provide families who are looking for one.

Feel free to ask during your next visit, or even to call and see if they have any referrals available to give you.

Religious Community

Many families who belong to a faith or religion wish to seek a family therapist who understands their faith. If you belong to a synagogue, church, or other religious community, you can ask the pastor, minister, rabbi, or others for recommendations.

While some people wish to receive pastoral counseling from a religious leader such as a pastor, keep in mind that this is often different from receiving therapy from a licensed mental health clinician.

Online Therapist Directory

An online therapist directory is a great way to look for a therapist for your family. With an online search, you can look for a therapist who specializes in whatever you are looking for. For example, you can look for someone who is skilled in mediation, grief, or has an understanding of issues sensitive to LGBTQ or BIPOC individuals and families.

Your Insurance Company

If you have insurance, a great place to start looking for a therapist could be your insurance company. Call and ask to speak to someone who can provide referrals based on therapists who are in network with your insurance.

Keep in mind that many insurance companies do not pay for family therapy. In these cases, it might be beneficial to ask them who they recommend, then call the therapists to ask what their rate is.

Word of Mouth

Asking friends and family is a great way to find a great referral that meets your family’s needs. Because things like therapy are becoming much less stigmatized than they were in previous generations, more people are open about their experiences with therapy.

Ask friends or extended family if they have any recommendations for therapists who worked great for them. This can help point you in the right direction.

How Much Does a Family Therapist Cost?

Due to the limitations in coverage for family therapy with most insurance companies, many people are curious about what family therapy will cost for them. Therapy can be intimidating due to the cost, especially with all of the unknowns and changes with mental health and insurance.

Each therapist will have different rates, but in general you can expect the cost of therapy to range anywhere from $100-250, depending on your area. You might be able to find someone who charges less, or you might come across therapists, especially those who are specialists in their field, who charge more.

Factors to Consider When Choosing a Family Therapist

Some factors to consider when choosing a family therapist include the therapist’s approaches, credentials, as well as their experience. Ultimately, feeling comfortable with them should be the first priority, but there are other essentials to look for in your search.

Experience Working With Families

Look for a therapist who has experience working with families, ideally someone who specializes in family dynamics. As not all therapists are skilled and knowledgeable about working with families, it will be most beneficial to seek out someone who has this particular skill set.

Proper Credentials

When looking for a therapist, make sure they have the proper licenses and credentials to allow them to practice therapy. Common family therapist licenses often include: LMFT, LPC, LCPS, LCSW, and PhD among others.

A therapist should be licensed by a licensing board, and will ideally have this information in their office or on their website. They should also be easily verifiable with a quick online search to verify their license.

Therapeutic Approach

There are different types of family therapy, and therapists often differ on their therapeutic approach based on their training, experience, and the family’s presenting concerns. While the most important factor in choosing a therapist is your comfort in working with them, there are different approaches to be aware of.

Therapeutic approaches to family therapy include:

• Strategic family therapy: Many therapists find benefits in using strategic family therapy, especially when working with adolescents showing behavioral or mental health struggles. This approach centers on the idea that the family is the strongest influence in the adolescent’s life, and therefore helping the family will help the children change their behaviors, too.²
• Family systems therapy: Family systems therapy is a form of therapy that works well when there are multiple people who live together. This could be people who are related such as a family, or people who reside together. It is based on the idea that each individual is contributing to the problem that the group has, so each individual has the ability to help improve the issue.³
• Narrative Family Therapy: Narrative therapy is based on the idea that each person’s narrative is important to the overall presenting issue. This technique uses individual strengths to help navigate conflicts and issues within the family.
• Structural Family Therapy: Structural family therapy aims to resolve conflict by looking at the family’s hierarchy, including each person’s role and how much power they have, and how that power contributes to the ongoing presenting issue. The therapist then helps the family rework and restructure the power differentials.
• Bowen’s Family Theory Therapy: This form of family therapy aims to help resolve conflict by improving communication between all members of the family, and helping each family member improve and change any harmful behavior patterns.⁴
• Multisystemic Therapy: This therapeutic approach is community based, and is aimed at improving the environments of teens or adolescents who are involved in the criminal justice system. Sometimes there is a team of therapists or other workers who work with the family to help improve the teen’s behaviors to avoid further legal involvement, prevent hospitalization, etc.

Personality Fit With Your Family

More than any technique, particular license, or cost of service, the personal fit between your family and the therapist is the most important determinant of success in therapy. Look for a therapist who you feel comfortable with, and who you trust.

Questions to Ask a Potential Family Therapist

When looking for a therapist who might be a good fit for your family, it is natural to have questions before you begin. Make a phone call and ask any questions you may have before scheduling your first appointment with a potential family therapist.

General questions to ask a new family therapist might include:

• How long have you been in practice?
• How long have you been specializing in providing family therapy?
• What is your philosophical approach to family counseling?
• What is your particular license/background?
• What are your fees for therapy?
• How long are sessions?
• How long should we expect to be in therapy? How many sessions are usually recommended?
• In your experience, does insurance usually reimburse for family therapy?
• What are your expectations for clients during therapy? Do you give homework or other tools to assist outside of sessions?

Talking to Your Family About Starting Family Therapy

How you approach the conversation with your family about starting family therapy is important. Saying the wrong thing can create friction and lead to complications.

Some ways to talk to your family about starting family therapy include:

• Reassure the family that this is everyone’s issue, not any one person’s fault
• Ask everyone to be involved in the search, if they are able and willing
• Allow children to voice concerns or opinions
• Discuss it in a positive way

Things to avoid when talking to your family about starting family therapy include:

• Blaming any one person for the issue
• Using it as punishment
• Discussing the financial aspect with children. This can make them feel guilty and powerless.

Preparing for the First Family Therapist Session

The best thing you can do to prepare for a first therapy session is to reassure your family that you are doing the right thing. Therapy can be intimidating, and many people understandably feel nervous before they begin. Validate this nervousness while recognizing that you are doing the right thing.

How to Determine If This Is the Best Family Therapist for Your Family

Determining if this therapist is the best fit for your family is a personal decision. Look for comfort and a judgment free environment, and pay attention to how you and your family feel around the person. If you feel judged in any way, or that the therapist is not comfortable with your family, this might be a sign that it is not a good fit.

In My Experience

In my experience of working with families, I find that family therapy is most beneficial when all members of the family- particularly the adults or heads of the family- are committed to change. If the people with the most control are not able to recognize their part in the issue, then family therapy can be more harmful for those vulnerable, often the children. This does not mean that the children are blameless, only that all members of the family need to be able to recognize the importance of self-awareness of their behavior.