Coping Skills For Kids: How to Help a Child Deal With Difficult Emotions

What Are Coping Skills for Kids?

Coping skills for kids are activities a child can do when experiencing distress that will support their mental health. Given that kids may experience various challenges on a daily basis — at home, in school, or within their peer groups — practicing a coping skill that resonates with them will allow them to feel much better.

When helping kids develop coping skills, the approach and types of skills will be different than for adults. Research shows that coping increases in complexity with age. This is why concrete coping mechanisms, such as distraction, can benefit kids, whereas adults thrive on complex skills like self-reliance and planful problem-solving.¹ Overall, coping skills are crucial regardless of age.

Types of Coping Skills for Kids

Coping strategies for kids fall under four broad categories: active, mindful, social, and creative. For example, a child who puts on music and dances is practicing an active coping skill since they’re letting their feelings out through physical activity. While all healthy coping skills for children have the same positive effect, a child may pick one over another based on what they’re comfortable with.

Age and temperament are also important factors that impact the effectiveness of coping skills. Kids and young adolescents do well with simpler skills, while old adolescents benefit from planning and seeking support. As for temperament, children who are generally agreeable and extroverted may benefit from social and physical coping skills, while those who are highly sensitive may find comfort in mindful and creative activities.²

Here are four types of coping skills to practice with a child:

Active

Active coping mechanisms for kids, as the term implies, are those that involve the use of their bodies. These skills are most useful during situations where a child feels tempted to act out in rage, such as kicking, throwing objects aggressively, and hurting someone. Instead of these destructive behaviors, the child can release their emotions in a safe and helpful way.

Physical activities that take their minds off a frustrating situation and promote the release of endorphins — “feel-good” brain chemicals that relieve stress — are wonderful options. For a child showing anger or aggression, see to it that they perform the activity in a safe and calm environment.

Examples of active coping skills for kids include:

• Put on some music and dance
• Going for a brisk walk outside
• Running in place
• Jump rope
• Ripping a piece of paper
• Jumping on a trampoline
• Wall push-ups

Mindful

Mindful coping skills take advantage of mindfulness for kids, which involves slowing down to focus one’s attention on the present moment. A 2021 systematic review article notes that 12 weeks of mindfulness helped reduce rumination and intrusive thoughts in fourth and fifth-grade students.³ Mindfulness strategies are particularly helpful for kids who get easily overwhelmed and triggered by their environment.

The best mindfulness activities, such as deep breathing for kids, can be performed no matter the place and time. Furthermore, they don’t necessarily require the use of physical objects, but they encourage the child to engage one or all of their five senses — see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.

Examples of mindful coping skills for kids include:

• The 54321 method
• Listening to a song they like
• Paying attention to their own heartbeat
• Taking slow deep breaths
• Progressive muscle relaxation
• Walking meditation
• STOP technique (Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, Proceed)

Social

Social coping skills, also called interpersonal coping skills, are activities that involve interacting with others. They’re very helpful for instances where adolescents (ages 10-19) may be dealing with feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Compared with children, adolescents tend to rely more on social resources to manage their problems, which makes social coping highly relevant.⁴

Activities that allow kids to engage with others are considered beneficial if they increase their emotional well-being and sense of belongingness. Some social coping skills may even provide opportunities for young people to excel academically and build their character.

Examples of social coping skills for kids include:

• Play a board game with friends or family members
• Talking to someone they trust
• Volunteering (community gardening, donating old or unused things, local animal shelter, etc.)
• Saying a kind word or offering encouragement to others
• Playing with a pet
• Saying no as a way of setting boundaries
• Joining a student club

Creative

Creative coping skills tap into a person’s creativity to deal with stress. Simple craft projects, such as forming shapes using play dough, allow kids to express their feelings without judgment. Other activities like puppetry allow them to “communicate” their story without people knowing if it’s real or not.⁵

Such skills are helpful for dealing with feelings of loss, isolation, and loneliness. For example, a child who’s grieving the loss of their pet can paint a picture of their pet and frame it, plant flowers, or write a poem that honors their memory. When choosing a creative coping skill, make sure that their art materials are safe for their age.

Examples of creative coping skills for kids include:

• Work on building a Lego city
• Play dough to make different shapes
• Puppet play to discuss difficult emotions
• Tree or flower planting
• Photography
• Drawing, painting, or writing a story or poem
• Playing a musical instrument

Cognitive

Cognitive coping refers to strategies where a child performs mental work to manage a stressful situation. While cognitive coping skills are commonly used by adults, kids in their late childhood years (9 to 12 years) can take advantage of them. These skills are based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a type of therapy where a person becomes aware of faulty thinking patterns. Whenever your child is experiencing anxiety, they can turn to any cognitive coping skill to feel in control and empowered.

Examples of cognitive coping skills for kids include:

• Positive self-talk (encouraging words or mantras)
• Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones
• Writing gratitude notes and placing them in a “gratitude jar”
• Circle of control activities, which lets them focus on what they can control
• Acting opposite to their negative emotion
• Brainstorming possible solutions to a problem

Why Are Coping Skills for Kids So Important?

Just like adults, children face stressful situations. When they can properly handle negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, loss, fear, and embarrassment, their outlook on life improves. Although every child benefits from coping mechanisms, these mechanisms become even more valuable for those struggling with a physical condition or a mental health condition, such as ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, PTSD, or an eating disorder.

Children that practice coping skills have:

• Increased resilience⁶
• Lower risk of depression⁷
• Lower risk of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms⁸
• Decreased symptoms of anxiety⁹
• Increased academic success⁹
• Increased ability to handle stress, reducing the likelihood of toxic stress¹⁰
• Lower risk of physical health problems due to an altered immune response¹¹

When Should Coping Skills Be Used?

Any time a child needs help facing a challenging situation, whether it’s expected or not, coping skills come in handy. It helps to be aware of situations that may trigger stress, such as schoolwork, peer pressures, family issues, changes in their bodies, an illness, and social media. Unfortunately, kids may not recognize their own stress, so parents should pay attention to warning signs.

Signs of distress that indicate a child may need to use a coping skill include:

• Frequent stomachaches unrelated to food or illness
• Sleeping less or sleeping more than usual
• Nightmares
• Decreased appetite or binge eating
• Bedwetting
• Isolating themselves from peers
• Skipping classes and school-related activities
• Regressive behaviors, such as temper tantrums, potty accidents, using baby talk

How To Teach Coping Skills to a Kid

Some parents feel tempted to “rescue” their child whenever they experience a challenge. Unless kids really need your help, stepping in too soon can hold them back from becoming resilient. It encourages dependency, which prevents growth. When teaching a coping skill, keep in mind that forcing it is also counterproductive because it limits their creativity and motivation to practice the skill.

Here are some ways to successfully teach coping skills to a kid:

• Make it fun: Given that children learn through play, don’t hesitate to try different methods, such as hand puppets and role-playing. You can ask what they like and use that as an opportunity to show them a coping skill.
• Model the skill: Remember that kids learn and copy behaviors from adults. Whether it’s a simple skill like deep breathing or something more complex like cognitive restructuring, make sure to explain why and how it works and demonstrate it.
• Introduce a coping skill when they are calm: The best time to teach them how to cope is when they’re relaxed because they’re likely to pay attention — not when they’re upset or having a tantrum. Negative emotions reduce their ability to process information.
• Allow them to practice different skills: This allows you and your child to identify which skill resonates the most with them. Note that just because they don’t like a coping skill when they try it for the first time doesn’t mean it’s not the right one.
• Use memorable visuals: Visuals are great tools for teaching kids anything. If they have trouble understanding how a coping skill works — for example, deep breathing — you can show them a picture of a shape (rainbow, box, or star) that they can trace while breathing in and out.
• Help them recognize when they feel stressed: Kids who are stressed express it in different ways. Showing them how stress feels in their body, such as sweaty palms, headaches, and breathing harder and faster, helps them recognize it and practice a coping skill.
• Use positive reinforcement: Compliment or praise your child for using a coping skill. When we recognize their efforts in calming themselves down, it increases their motivation to repeat this good behavior.

When to Seek Professional Support

There may be instances in which coping strategies for kids don’t help. If they continue to struggle — for instance, their anxiety doesn’t go away or worsens — reach out to their pediatrician or a mental health professional for a thorough evaluation. A professional will explore possible underlying conditions that need treatment. You may also want to consider finding a therapist for your child. Nowadays, parents have easy access to an online therapist directory or online therapy platform to get the help they need.

In My Experience

In my experience, children tend to have varying levels of interest and engagement when taught coping skills. I tend to frame a coping skill as a strategy each person can use to help calm themselves down or lift themselves up depending on the stressful emotion they are experiencing.

Moreover, I try to simplify things for children by letting them know that they can use the same coping skill for a variety of different emotions. For example, if they are feeling angry, they can take some deep breaths to calm down. Similarly, if they are feeling sad, they can also take some deep breaths to help clear their mind and begin the process of reducing their sadness.

I like using different teaching methods depending on the child’s personality. This allows me to convey the same message in multiple different ways to reinforce the coping skills that are best suited for their unique needs.