How to Help Someone With Addiction: 12 Tips From a Therapist

Signs & Symptoms of Addiction

Learning the signs of addiction in a loved one can help you provide support throughout their recovery and treatment. Many people may internalize their symptoms, so education about less obvious manifestations is crucial.¹ Your gut may alert you that something is “off” about your loved one. Rather than wait and see, start a conversation about the possibility of treatment. Speaking up and being wrong is better than allowing addiction to gain a stronger hold on the person.

Common signs and symptoms of addiction include:¹

• Appearing intoxicated or under the influence more often
• Experiencing cognitive and memory complications
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Appearing unwell or tired
• Uncharacteristic mood changes
• Being lethargic or demonstrating less interest in things once enjoyed
• Struggling with social relationships at home, work, school, and elsewhere
• Distancing from loved ones and friends who may serve as sober support
• Stealing money or other valuable items to pay for their addiction
• Lying about their addiction
• Becoming agitated when confronted about the addiction
• Demonstrating withdrawal symptoms when not intoxicated
• Neglecting their appearance or hygiene

12 Tips on How to Help Someone With Addiction

Helping someone with an addiction is often a long and winding road. Recovery is a lifelong process, so consider what resources and support you need. Loving someone who is struggling with addiction comes with emotional distress, so remember to take care of yourself, too.

Here are 12 tips on how to help someone with addiction:

1. Educate Yourself About Addiction

When supporting a loved one with addiction, learn as much as possible about the problem before considering appropriate solutions. Educate yourself about common warning signs and risk factors for substance use. Seek credible resources when researching, because some sources may perpetuate myths and misconceptions about addiction.

2. Encourage Them to Seek Treatment

You can help your loved one by offering to set up their first appointment, providing transportation, or even sitting in on sessions. Of course, ensure they are comfortable with your involvement. Otherwise, simply encouraging them as they continue seeking independent treatment is beneficial.

3. Seek Therapy for Yourself

Scheduling your own therapy sessions is helpful when supporting someone struggling with addiction. There are often certain co-dependent familial or spousal dynamics created when supporting someone struggling with addiction, where family members or spouses become overly focused on their loved one’s needs. Through seeking your own therapy, you can refocus some energy on creating stable emotional patterns for yourself.

4. Avoid Enabling Their Behavior

When living with an addict, certain dynamics are created which may contribute to enabling their behaviors. It is important to become curious and aware of your own role in enabling addictive behaviors for your loved one. Every situation is unique, so these enabling behaviors can look different based on cultural expectations and familial roles.

5. Set Realistic Expectations About Recovery

Recovery can look different for each individual and family when seeking help for substance abuse. Setting realistic and attainable expectations for the recovery process can help build gratitude for actual progression, rather than becoming frustrated at un-met and unrealistic goals. The process of change sometimes includes lapses in behavior, which can be misconstrued for actual relapses if families are not prepared to expect this in the process of recovery.²

6. Provide Emotional Support

Try to offer genuine emotional support through your words and actions. For example, actively listen to your loved one when they share their struggles. You may not agree with everything they say, but recognize this is their reality and perception of their experience. Monitor your thoughts, judgments, and tone of voice to ensure you can remain supportive and understanding.

7. Check In With Them

Regularly checking in with someone struggling with addiction shows you care about their recovery and well-being. However, avoid pressuring them to discuss their addiction. A simple “How are you doing?” or, “Is there anything I can do to help?” can go a long way. Perhaps your loved one is not ready to change, but they know you will provide support when they are.

8. Remember to Take Care of Yourself, Too

You may feel selfish for focusing on yourself during this time, but your health should come first. You deserve happiness and health just like anyone else. Additionally, you can better support others, including your loved one struggling with addiction, when you are physically, emotionally, and mentally well.

Self-care looks different for everyone, but the intentions are the same. Such activities should be healthy and enjoyable. Consider revisiting old hobbies, treating yourself to a spa day, going for frequent walks, or simply spending the day relaxing.

9. Separate the Disease From the Person

Some people may find it difficult to see their loved one as anything but an addict. Educating yourself about addiction and receiving your own therapy may provide support in separating your loved one’s behavior from who they are as a person. Learning to externalize the addiction can help both the person struggling with addiction and those around them to develop feelings of hope and compassion in the recovery process.

10. Set Healthy Boundaries

Addictive behavior is able to thrive in family systems where boundaries are either loose or enmeshed because there have been no healthy expectations set for one another’s needs. Through setting healthy boundaries, you can help shift the dynamics of your relationship. It can be difficult for some to find the line between compassionate and codependent behaviors. Working with a therapist familiar with addiction can help you understand how to set and enforce boundaries you feel comfortable with.

11. Leave Room for Slip Ups & Mistakes

Understanding that lapses are an expected part of the recovery process can help you and your loved one in dealing with the addiction. The stages of change utilized by motivational interviewing are sometimes used to help families dealing with addiction understand what to expect from the recovery process. Some people experience a sixth stage, relapse, indicating that lapses or relapses can be a normal part of the recovery process for some individuals.²

In this stage, people experience a recurrence of symptoms and learn to manage the consequences of those symptoms based on new skills learned in recovery. Some are able to effectively navigate without ever returning to addictive behaviors, whereas others may need several times in this stage to achieve sustained change.

12. Understand That Recovery Is Lifelong

Through getting help for addiction, individuals and their loved ones begin to understand the many unique paths recovery can take. Recovery may look different at one stage of your loved one’s life versus another, as it is normal and healthy for people to change over time. Some may find that total sobriety is effective for management of addiction, whereas others may find that moderation is effective. There is no one right way to recover from addiction. It is a lifelong process of changing the relationship to the substance.

What Not to Do When Helping Someone With Addiction

When someone is battling addiction, it can be tempting to want to force them into finding treatment before they’re ready and motivated to make change. You should avoid using superior or accusatory language when talking to a loved one about their addiction.

Here are things not to do when helping someone with an addiction:

• Don’t look down on them: Placing yourself in a position of moral superiority over your loved one only reinforces unhealthy dynamics. Stick to your own boundaries, while also learning to respect their needs.
• Don’t force them into treatment: It is painful to watch a loved one battling addiction, but it is also their choice to seek treatment. It is also their choice to determine which type of treatment is right for their unique needs.
• Don’t overlook the underlying problems: Addiction is not created in a vacuum. There are likely systemic issues which need to be addressed to resolve addictive behaviors.
• Don’t accuse them of not trying: It can be easy to fall into the trap of assuming your loved one is not trying hard enough in battling addiction. Seeking your own support through friends or therapy can help you process your feelings of anger and resentment, rather than accusing your loved one of not trying.
• Don’t give up when times are tough: It can be easy to lose hope in a family battling addiction, but it is often the hardest moments which are the biggest opportunities to lean on one another for support.

What If Someone Doesn’t Want Help With Addiction?

Addiction is a highly complicated condition. Resistance to accept help is likely, especially at first. Someone with addiction may come up with numerous reasons why they do not need help or are ready for help. You need to roll with the punches if you really want to help your loved one.

Remember, the addiction is not about you, even if your loved one blames you for their behavior. Acknowledge the situation for what it is and realize you cannot force anyone to change. You can continue providing support, addressing your own struggles, and following through on boundaries if your loved one resists treatment. Sometimes, modeling healthy habits and seeking therapy for yourself sets a positive example–perhaps one that finally initiates their desire to recover.

Final Thoughts

Addiction is not created in a vacuum and its effects often spread into the family system. Addiction can occur as a result of familial and cultural systems which have not been equipped to effectively handle environmental stressors. The individual with addiction is part of a larger familial and cultural system which can play a supportive part in their recovery process. If intergenerational trauma, lack of healthy boundaries, or ineffective communication patterns have been a part of your family’s history, learning new ways of coping can help you and your loved one to recover. Although previous dynamics may have contributed to addictive behavior, you can play an important role in shifting your loved one and family’s recovery from addiction.