How to Express Your Emotions & Feelings

The Importance of Expressing Feelings

Learning to express your feelings and emotions can make them easier to understand and reduce their intensity. Research has shown that discussing and labeling your feelings, especially negative ones, can decrease their intensity.¹

Expressing feelings can help prevent them from getting worse. For example, for people with pent-up anger or unexpressed emotions, or those who experience emotional constipation, talking about them can help release some of these feelings.

Challenges People Have When Expressing Emotions

One common challenge is alexithymia, a difficulty identifying and expressing emotions. For those affected, practice and social support can help improve emotional expression.

Furthermore, other conditions that can make it difficult to express emotions include cognitive difficulties or brain injuries, or neurodivergences such as autism. For these individuals, practice may help for some, but everyone is different.

Overcoming Challenges to Expressing Emotions

Some strategies for overcoming barriers people have when it comes to expressing their emotions include starting slow by gradually opening up, as well as seeking support from trusted individuals such as friends or family.

Professional counseling, which can help improve self-awareness of feelings, as well as improve ways to communicate and express them, is a great resource for overcoming challenges to expressing feelings and emotions.

Developing Emotional Intelligence

Developing emotional intelligence can aid in recognizing and expressing feelings. Emotional intelligence refers to one’s ability to understand, recognize, and articulate their feelings.  Research shows that developing emotional intelligence can reduce some of the emotional burdens that negative or stressful emotions can have on individuals.²

Some suggestions for developing emotional intelligence include working on active listening skills, showing empathy towards yourself and others, and reflecting on personal emotional responses.

Benefits of Expressing Emotions

There are various benefits of expressing emotions, including improved mental health, improved physical health, and enhanced relationships from learning how to communicate with others.²

Expressing feelings can lead to deeper connections with others and a better understanding of oneself. By learning more about ourselves and how to express ourselves, we can improve our emotional regulation.²

How to Identify Your Emotions

When learning how to identify your emotions, it is essential to first be able to identify and understand your own emotions. Once you are able to improve this aspect of communication, you will then be better able to express your emotions to others.

Some ways to learn how to recognize and name your emotions include:

• Mindfulness practices: Because mindfulness helps to bring the focus into the present, it can help someone name and recognize their emotions.
• Journaling: Journaling for mental health helps develop skills to help people recognize their emotions.³ In fact, researchers have found that writing about your feelings is actually better for those who struggle to talk about or identify their feelings.⁴ However, if it feels uncomfortable to write about it, do not force it, as writing about stressful events can be difficult for those who struggle to express emotions, it is important to proceed slowly.⁵
• Emotion charts: An emotion chart is a chart that shows a list of feelings. You can get them with words, pictures, or even colors that represent different emotions. These help people of all ages and abilities learn words for different feelings, helping them learn how to express their emotions.
• Listen to others: Pay attention to the ways that others talk about their feelings, as this can help give you tips and insight into your own.
• Work on self-awareness: Learning more about yourself, such as your pet peeves, what makes you happy, and even what things make you jealous or uncomfortable, can help you learn to identify emotions.
• Read about them: Reading about emotions and how they manifest can help raise self awareness of them, as well as help to normalize their existence.
• Give yourself time: It is important to go at your own pace, which may mean starting slowly when learning to identify and talk about your emotions. Forcing yourself to talk about a negative emotion when you are not used to it can be stressful and counterproductive.⁵

How to Express Your Feelings

Learning how to articulate emotions in a clear and constructive manner can help you express your feelings. Using “I” statements, avoiding blame, and being specific about what you feel and why are all ways to start.

Here are 9 tips for expressing your emotions:

1. Practice Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else may feel in a given situation. Learning how to be more empathetic towards others helps someone better express their own emotions by helping you feel more connected to yourself and others.

2. Choose the Right Time & Place

It is important to find a comfortable and private setting for important conversations. Trying to talk about your feelings in a place that is overstimulating or uncomfortable can feel stressful and make it difficult to articulate your thoughts. Choosing the right time and place can help someone express their emotions by making them feel comfortable and safe doing so.

3. Practice With a Partner or Friend

Often, our close friends and family can tell when we are upset before we can. If someone says “you seem upset,” go with it and allow yourself to talk. It is okay to say something like “I am upset, but I am struggling to express it.” You never know how willing loved ones are to help until you ask for support.

4. Get Creative

The expressive arts are a great tool for learning to express yourself.  “Art therapy can help people express themselves more freely, improve their mental health, and improve interpersonal relationships.”⁶

5. Get Curious

Allow yourself to explore deeper, and to get curious about yourself and who you are. Are you someone who gets upset easily? Do you feel comfortable expressing anger but maybe shameful expressing sadness? Getting curious about yourself and what emotions and feelings you are comfortable—and not comfortable—expressing can help you learn to express emotions better.

6. Look at What the Blocks Might Be

Is it embarrassment? Self consciousness? Do you feel judged by your friend or partner? It is always best to avoid blaming others, but it is okay to acknowledge when there are certain situations that affect your comfort level talking about your emotions.

7. Get Specific

Saying “I am angry” is a great start, but try to see if you can begin the process of talking about why you are angry. There is no right or wrong answer, as you are allowed to feel however you feel!

8. Start With the Easy Ones

For many, expressing feelings such as excitement, happiness, or joy are easier than expressing other emotions. If these are easier for you, start with these! It will start to get easier as you practice talking about your feelings and emotions.

9. Start with “I”

When talking about emotions, it is best to use the first person. Talk about how you feel, rather than assigning blame or saying that someone made you feel that way. It is okay to acknowledge feelings around others’ behavior however, as long as you keep the focus on your own feelings. Start by talking about the situation or environment, such as saying “when my coworker did not do their share of the project, I…”

Treatment Options for Expressing Emotions

Therapy is a great tool for helping people develop self-awareness of their feelings, and can help someone learn to identify and express their emotions better. Acceptance and commitment therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy and emotion-focused coping are some options for those wanting to learn to better express their emotions.

Therapy options for learning to express emotions include:

• Emotion-focused coping: Emotion-focused coping is a technique where clients learn skills to help manage distressing emotions. This technique can help someone who struggles to express their feelings by helping to develop self-awareness and working to decrease negative feelings.
• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): DBT helps to teach clients how to better self-regulate when faced with difficult feelings or distressing situations.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): By helping clients learn how their thoughts and behavior affect each other, CBT can help clients develop self-awareness to express emotions.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Through ACT people learn that negative or stressful emotions are inevitable, and thus unavoidable, clients can be empowered to learn how to manage negative feelings when they come up instead of working to avoid them.
• Compassion-focused Therapy:  Compassion-focused therapy incorporates self-compassion into treatment and assists clients with ways to treat themselves and others with greater amounts of kindness to help improve mental health.

When to Seek Professional Help for Difficulty Expressing Emotions

You may want to find a therapist if you find it consistently difficult to identify, understand, or communicate your emotions, especially if it  impacts your relationships, work, or mental health. People with conditions like alexithymia or those who feel emotionally overwhelmed, disconnected, or “shut down” may benefit from therapy.

If you’re unsure where to start, therapist directories can help you find professionals who specialize in emotional expression and communication and are licensed in your area, or you might consider one of the various online therapy platforms to find and work with therapists virtually.