Emotional Regulation: Skills to Help Regulate Your Emotions

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation describes how we manage and respond to our emotions. These feelings vary in depth and intensity, and sometimes they can be emotionally overwhelming or unmanageable.¹ Regulating your emotions is acknowledging and accepting yourself while reducing the chance of engaging in unhealthy behaviors.

Emotional regulation is a skill that must be taught and practiced. Most people already have strategies to regulate their emotions based on observations from others, previous experiences, or other environmental and cultural influences. Emotional regulation can come in many forms, and individuals should learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy skills.

Emotional Regulation Vs. Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to control and manage emotions effectively. Individuals are aware of their feelings, understand their triggers, and can respond healthily and adaptively. People with good emotional regulation skills can typically remain calm in stressful situations, recover quickly from negative emotions, and maintain stable mental well-being.

Conversely, emotional dysregulation refers to a deficit in this ability to regulate emotions. Individuals have difficulties managing and controlling intense feelings, often leading to impulsive behavior, mood swings, emotional meltdowns, and relationship problems. Various factors can cause emotional dysregulation, such as trauma, mental health disorders, or neurodevelopmental conditions. Therapy techniques focusing on emotion regulation skills and strategies can help individuals manage their emotions more effectively.

Why Is Emotion Regulation Important?

Emotional regulation is essential because we face difficult situations daily in school, work, relationships, parenting, and unexpected events. Change is constant in life, as is also the case with emotions.

Regulating your emotions can provide immediate relief and positively impact long-term relationships, mental health, and well-being. Conversely, emotional dysregulation can negatively affect the ability to interact with others, daily functioning, and symptoms of mental health conditions.

According to research, poor emotional regulation can indicate various psychopathologies, including personality disorders, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder.²

Awareness and understanding will help you filter what emotions may need regulating. However, controlling every emotion is unhealthy, impossible, and time-consuming. Emotional regulation means managing the feelings that adversely impact our daily lives, relationships, social functioning, or self-esteem.

Benefits of emotional regulation include:³

• Improved social functioning
• Healthy coping skills
• Professional and academic success
• Better decision-making skills
• Decreased symptoms of depression
• Decreased stress and anxiety
• Decreased risk of burnout

Emotional Regulation Skills Examples

Several emotional regulation activities and skills can help individuals effectively manage their emotions. One example is practicing mindfulness, which involves bringing awareness to the present moment and observing thoughts and feelings without judgment. Other practical activities include journaling, self-care, seeking social support, and engaging in relaxing and positive hobbies. Explore strategies that work best for you when managing emotions effectively.

Below are examples of emotional regulation skills:

Healthy Emotional Regulation Skills

Healthy emotional regulation coping skills are essential for positively and constructively responding to emotions. These techniques can aid in navigating situations that trigger distress or discomfort.

Healthy emotional regulation can include:

• Self-awareness: Self-awareness involves recognizing and understanding personal emotions, triggers, and behavioral patterns. Through self-awareness, individuals can gain insight into how their emotions influence their thoughts and actions, leading to more intentional and adaptive responses.
• Mindful awareness: Mindful awareness is another important skill that involves being fully present and nonjudgmentally aware of thoughts, emotions, and sensations in the present moment. This practice can help individuals observe and acknowledge their feelings without becoming overwhelmed or reactive, allowing for a more balanced and thoughtful response.
• Cognitive reframing: Cognitive reframing is a skill that involves challenging and changing negative or distorted thought patterns. Reframing thoughts allows individuals to choose constructive perspectives more positively or realistically.
• Self-compassion: Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially during challenging emotional experiences. People can cultivate a supportive and caring inner dialogue to aid emotional regulation and resilience.
• Adaptability: Adaptability refers to adjusting and responding flexibly to changing circumstances and emotions. Developing this skill allows individuals to navigate and regulate their emotions in various situations, promoting emotional well-being and effectiveness.
• Social support: Social support plays a crucial role in emotional regulation. Having a network of trusted individuals with whom to share emotions, seek guidance, and receive support can provide comfort, perspective, and validation, helping individuals regulate their emotions more effectively.
• Self-soothing: Self-soothing techniques involve engaging in activities that promote relaxation, comfort, and self-care. These exercises may include breathwork, calming music, or engaging in hobbies that bring joy. Self-soothing techniques provide individuals with strategies to calm and regulate their emotions when feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

Unhealthy Emotional Regulation Skills

Unhealthy emotional regulation techniques can negatively affect mental and emotional well-being. Poor emotional regulation techniques can perpetuate a cycle of unresolved emotions and maladaptive coping mechanisms. Recognizing these patterns and seeking healthier alternatives is essential when developing positive emotional regulation.

Examples of unhealthy emotional regulation skills include:

• Avoidance: Avoidance involves intentionally avoiding or ignoring emotions or situations that trigger uncomfortable feelings. This behavior can result in unresolved emotional issues and hinder personal growth and problem-solving.
• Substance use: Some individuals use drugs or alcohol to numb or escape difficult emotions. This coping skill is harmful in the long term because misusing substances can lead to addiction and further complications in life.
• Self-harming behaviors: Self-harm, like cutting or burning oneself, can be an unhealthy attempt to regulate emotions or gain a sense of control. These behaviors can cause physical harm and require professional intervention.
• Binge or restrictive eating: Individuals may use disordered eating, such as binge eating or extreme dieting, to cope with or suppress emotions, often leading to negative physical and emotional consequences.
• Aggressive behavior towards self or others: Aggressive behavior can be a maladaptive attempt to express or regulate emotions. Outward or internal aggression can cause harm, strained relationships, and conflicts.
• Frequent emotional detachment or suppression: Consistently repressing or disconnecting from emotions is another example of poor emotional regulation. Doing so can prevent healthy emotional processing and hinder authentic connections with others.

Tips for How to Regulate Your Emotions as an Adult

Developing emotional regulation skills to navigate life challenges is essential in adulthood. Incorporating these practices into your daily life helps you enhance emotional well-being, improve relationships, and navigate the ups and downs of adulthood with greater resilience and satisfaction. Remember, learning to regulate your emotions is a skill that takes time and practice, so be patient and kind as you develop these skills.

Below are 11 tips for learning how to control your emotions:

1. Allow Your Emotions to Exist Without Judgment

You create space to explore and understand your emotions by acknowledging and accepting them without judgment. This practice helps you skillfully respond to feelings rather than reacting impulsively or suppressing them. Emotional acceptance promotes self-compassion and healthy emotional regulation. Remember, all emotions are valid and can teach you something–give yourself permission to experience them fully with kindness.

2. Explore How You Feel

Various factors can impact how we feel and our emotions. Self-checks can help you recognize how tiredness, hunger, or irritability can influence your ability to regulate emotions. Take note of your responses to stress, anxiety, or natural body cues (i.e., sleepiness) to determine how to react, both presently and in the future.

3. Name Your Emotions

Naming is an effective way to master your emotions. You gain self-understanding when you can clearly identify and label your feelings. Try to use specific words to describe your emotions, such as “frustrated,” “excited,” or “anxious.” Naming your emotions allows you to step back and evaluate how to address the circumstance.

4. Accept Your Emotions

Acceptance is another crucial aspect of learning to control your emotions in the moment. Avoid judging or criticizing yourself for feeling a certain way. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without trying to suppress or ignore them. Remind yourself that every emotion is a natural human experience.

Acceptance does not mean you must agree with or like the emotions you experience. Instead, you acknowledge and validate them to respond compassionately and balanced.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness is an invaluable skill for emotional self-regulation. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment with non-judgmental awareness. When you practice mindfulness, you cultivate an ability to observe your emotions without becoming overwhelmed.

6. Identify Your Triggers

Pay attention to situations or events that consistently elicit strong emotional responses. Identifying your triggers helps you anticipate and prepare for emotionally challenging situations. You also gain opportunities to develop appropriate coping strategies to regulate. Understanding your triggers is the first step in effectively managing your emotional responses, whether by taking a deep breath, engaging in self-care, or seeking support.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding when experiencing difficult emotions. Remember that everyone has challenging moments, and you are not alone. Offer yourself the same support and compassion you would provide a friend. Feeling a range of emotions is normal, and self-compassion helps you navigate life through a positive lens.

8. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Challenging negative self-talk is essential in emotional self-regulation. Challenge negative or self-critical inner dialogues with more realistic and compassionate statements. Reframe your thoughts from hurtful to positive or neutral.

By changing your perspective, you can positively influence your emotions and reactions. Practice self-awareness to catch and consciously replace negative self-talk with kinder and more constructive thoughts.

9. Take a Break Before Responding

Taking a break before responding can be an effective strategy in controlling your emotions in the moment. When facing intense emotions, give yourself some space and time to cool down. Take a step back from the situation to gain perspective and avoid impulsive reactions.

For example, engage in calming activities like deep breathing or relaxation techniques.

10. Start an Exercise Routine

Engaging in regular physical activity releases endorphins, which can improve mood and help alleviate stress. Choose and implement an exercise you enjoy into your routine. This activity can be as simple as walking, practicing yoga, or engaging in team sports. Along with physical benefits, exercise provides a healthy outlet to help you manage stress and regulate emotions effectively.

11. Seek Professional Guidance

Seeking professional guidance can be highly beneficial if you struggle with emotional regulation skills. A trained mental health professional can provide valuable insights and strategies to help you enhance your emotional regulation abilities. They can guide you through evidence-based therapies like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), emotional regulation therapy (ERT), compassion-focused therapy, or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).

Tips for Teaching Children Emotional Regulation

Children experience similar emotions to adults, like anger, frustration, exhaustion, and excitement. However, they often lack the ability and knowledge to understand and regulate these feelings. Parents or caregivers can teach tips for dealing with emotions through verbal explanation, modeling, or assisting.

Below are ways to teach children emotional regulation skills:

• Model healthy regulation skills: Model healthy emotional regulation skills by managing your own emotions through breathwork or calmly and constructively expressing your feelings.
• Use positive praise and reinforcement: Use positive praise and reinforcement when children exhibit good emotional regulation skills. Celebrate remaining calm or expressing their emotions to encourage them to continue healthy habits.
• Openly discuss emotions: Openly discuss emotions with children, encourage them to talk about their feelings, and validate their experiences. Doing so further supports the development of productive emotional regulation skills.
• Teach them to pause before reacting: Show your child how to reflect on their actions by encouraging them to take a breath, count to ten, or step away from a situation. These actions can help them control their impulses and responses.
• Offer them words for expressing emotions: Teach your child appropriate and accurate words for their emotions, such as happy, sad, angry, or frustrated. Providing a vast vocabulary can help them better understand and communicate their feelings.
• Teach them about the consequences of their actions: Help them understand their actions impact both themselves and others. Encourage them to make positive choices that align with their emotions and values.
• Leave space for problem-solving: Children seek more independence and opportunities to problem-solve as they age. Offer them space to learn by providing a supportive and safe environment for self-exploration and expression.⁴
• Validate their emotions: Do not dismiss their reactions to experiences. Help your child understand emotional responses to situations are okay–they are not wrong for reacting. The focus should be on healthily regulating these feelings.
• Consider their age: Consider developmental age and maturity when teaching your child emotional regulation. As children age, they become more aware of emotions and what society reinforces as appropriate behavior. Gender, societal, and cultural norms can also impact emotional regulation skills.⁵ Awareness of these factors can help you determine the best techniques to model and teach.

Final Thoughts

Developing emotional regulation skills is a lifelong journey but is crucial for well-being and healthy relationships. Individuals can enhance their ability to regulate emotions effectively by practicing self-awareness, utilizing coping strategies, seeking support, and focusing on growth. Everyone experiences life differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. Therefore, finding personalized strategies and techniques that resonate with you is pivotal. With dedication and practice, emotional regulation can become a valuable tool for navigating life’s challenges and cultivating emotional balance and resilience.