• Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
  • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
Skip to content

Spiritual Abuse: Definition, Signs, & How to Heal

Published: March 22, 2022 Updated: March 17, 2023
Published: 03/22/2022 Updated: 03/17/2023
Headshot of Meagan Turner, MA, APC, NCC
Written by:

Meagan Turner

MA, APC, NCC
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Spiritual Abuse?Definition
  • Signs of Spiritual AbuseSigns
  • Religious Abuse In RelationshipsRelationships
  • Effects of Religious AbuseEffects
  • How to Heal From Spiritual AbuseHow to Heal
  • Final Thoughts On Spiritual ViolenceConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Spiritual Abuse InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Meagan Turner, MA, APC, NCC
Written by:

Meagan Turner

MA, APC, NCC
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD

Spiritual abuse involves coercion, control, or exploitation by another person in a spiritual context. It can come from a faith leader or a partner who uses spiritual or religious beliefs or doctrine to exert power over you. Spiritual abuse can involve verbal, emotional, and/or physical violence.

Would you like help recovering from abuse and trauma? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse, sometimes called religious abuse or spiritual violence, is hard to define. 1
People may have been spiritually abused for years without recognizing the abuse, or they’re simply not sure where the line between “abuse” and “not abuse” is particularly when it hasn’t been physical. On the most basic level, spiritual abuse uses faith, religion, or beliefs to exert control (e.g., a cult).

One example of control in religious abuse is with purity culture, where modesty and abstinence are revered as the gold standard for spiritual sexuality. Purity culture and similar issues, such as disclosing same-sex attraction or enduring domestic violence under the guise of following scriptural demands are all forms of spiritual abuse and can lead to developing religious trauma syndrome.

Signs of Spiritual Abuse

In practice, religious abuse can look like verbal, physical, or emotional violence. It is often personalized or individualized, such that the form of spiritual violence you experience may be different from others.

Thomas Plante, PhD., ABPP“Spiritual abuse typically involves those who have spiritual or religious capital or authority using their elite and privileged position to victimize and take advantage of others,” says Professor Thomas G. Plante, Ph.D., ABPP. “Examples might include clerics or pastors who suggest that congregants must give them lots of money in order to win God’s favor.”

Some signs of spiritual abuse are:2

  • Using your religion’s holy book to control your choices (e.g., whether or when to have children, how to allocate your finances, etc.)
  • Intimidation into conformity
  • Insulting other belief systems
  • Censorship from asking questions or disagreeing with the organization or leader>
  • Feeling isolated or rejected from your spiritual community
  • Public shaming or humiliation
  • Threat of spiritual consequences for not conforming
  • Sexual or physical abuse within a spiritual community

Religious Abuse In Relationships

In a romantic relationship, spiritual abuse may resemble signs of an abusive relationship with an added spiritual or religious component. You may find yourself in a pattern or cycle of abuse that feels difficult to leave, either due to your partner or the encouragement of your religious community to stay faithful to the commitment you’ve made to your partner.

When the abuse is not physical or sexual, it can be difficult to classify because emotional, mental, or religious abuse is harder to see. Spiritually abusive romantic relationships often involve the use of your religion’s holy book in order to justify the abuser’s actions or to keep you from speaking up or seeking help as a result of their abuse.

Examples of spiritual abuse in a relationship include: 3

  • Using scripture to justify physical, sexual or emotional abuse
  • Feeling ashamed about having different beliefs from your partner
  • Being forced to attend religious gatherings
  • Being punished for not adhering to strict gender roles in the relationship
  • Using scripture to demand sexual acts or favors
  • Sharing private matters publicly for the purpose of shaming or coercing you into submission

Spiritual Abuse In Parent-Child Relationships

When it comes to religious abuse in a parent-child relationship, signs will be similar to typically abusive parents but with a religious or spiritual component woven in. Parents often use religious holy books as moral guides for raising children, but some families use them more literally than others. Excessive physical punishment, guilt-tripping, or not allowing a child to question the parents’ religion can all fall under religious abuse.

Examples of spiritual abuse towards children by parents include:4

  • Encouraging single-minded thinking in children
  • Creating an “us vs them” mentality in children
  • Preventing children from learning about other faiths
  • Forcing children to participate in religious rituals
  • Blaming children for “sinful” behaviors as opposed to using appropriate discipline measures
  • Justifying use of excessive corporal punishment
  • Withholding proper medical care in favor of prayer alone
  • Not allowing children to express emotions in appropriate ways

Effects of Religious Abuse

All abuse leaves a lasting mark, even if you’re able to process and heal from it. Just like physical scars, spiritual abuse can leave emotional and mental scars, as well as a changed image of how you view God or another higher power, if you believe there is one at all.

Eight effects of religious abuse include:4

  • Developing depression
  • Developing complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Feeling lost without religion
  • Losing your faith
  • Experiencing inability to feel certain emotions
  • Feeling betrayed by God or others
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Feeling isolated from any community

How to Heal From Spiritual Abuse

Children have fewer options than adults to leave a spiritually abusive situation. Adults, however, can be aware of common abusive situations and pay attention to the words and actions of family members or faith communities in order to protect themselves and their families.

Seeking help within your faith community could be a good place to start if you’re in a religiously abusive romantic relationship; however, it could also be helpful to seek assistance outside of your faith, depending on whether they hold similar views as your abuser.

Attending therapy, faith-based counseling in particular, is a good way to begin your healing process as you leave a spiritually abusive situation. A therapist can listen without judgement and help you sort out your feelings and regain emotional and physical stability. A faith-based counselor can incorporate or leave out a faith based approach, depending on your preference. Explore an online online therapist directory to find a therapist who fits your needs.

Final Thoughts On Spiritual Violence

While religious abuse is difficult to define, live through, and overcome, it is possible. There are trained therapists who will help you escape the abuse and live a full and happy life. Recovering from religious abuse and redefining yourself is hard work, but it is rewarding.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Talkiatry – Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week. Free Assessment

Trauma & Abuse Newsletter

A free newsletter for those impacted by trauma or abuse. Get encouragement, helpful tips, and the latest information. Sign Up

Mindfulness

Mindfulness.com – Change your life by practicing mindfulness. In a few minutes a day, you can start developing mindfulness and meditation skills. Free Trial

Guided Psychedelic Journeys

Innerwell – Ketamine is a prescription medication that clinicians can prescribe off-label to treat trauma, depression, anxiety, and OCD. Innerwell pairs ketamine with support from licensed psychotherapists. Find out if you’re a good candidate: Take Online Assessment 

Choosing Therapy Directory 

You can search for therapists by specialty, experience, insurance, or price, and location. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Talkiatry, Innerwell, and Mindfulness.com

For Further Reading

  • Journey Free
  • Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP)
  • Spiritual Abuse Resources (SAR)
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free number: (1-800-799-SAFE)

Spiritual Abuse Infographics

What Is Spiritual Abuse? Signs of Spiritual Abuse Religious Abuse in RelationshipsReligious Abuse in Parent-Child Relationships

4 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Lisa Oakley. (2019). Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures. SPCK Publishing.

  • Davis, M., & Jonson-Reid, M. (2020). The Dual Use of Religious- Faith in Intimate Partner Abuse Perpetration: Perspectives of Latino Men in a Parish-based Intervention Program. Social Work & Christianity, 47(4), 71–95. https://doi.org/10.34043/SWC.V47I3.109

  • Bottoms, B. L., Goodman, G. S., Tolou-Shams, M., Diviak, K. R., & Shaver, P. R. (2015). Religion-Related Child Maltreatment: A Profile of Cases Encountered by Legal and Social Service Agencies. Behavioral Sciences & the Law, 33(4), 561–579. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-45233-008

  • Swindle, P.J. (2017).  A Twisting of the Sacred: The Lived Experience of Religious Abuse. [Unpublished doctoral dissertation]. The University of North Carolina at Greensboro. https://libres.uncg.edu/ir/uncg/f/Swindle_uncg_0154D_12186.pdf

Recent Articles

Verbal Abuse_ Definition_ Signs_ Examples_ _ What to Do
Verbal Abuse: Definition, Signs, Examples, & What to Do
Verbal abuse occurs when someone hurts someone with spoken or unspoken words. It can be used in many ways...
';
Emotionally Abusive Parents_ X Signs _ How to Cope
Emotionally Abusive Parents: 11 Signs & What to Do
Unfortunately, the wounds from parental emotional abuse are invisible. Whereas children who are physically neglected or abused might draw...
';
Financial Abuse in Marriage
Financial Abuse in Marriage: 9 Signs, Tactics & How to Deal
Financial abuse in marriage is when one partner exerts financial control over the other. It may involve fostering financial...
';
The Grey Rock Method
The Grey Rock Method: Techniques & How to Use It
The Grey Rock Method is a metaphor for a style of communication and behavior used when you are trying...
';
large-FT What is Hoovering
What Is Hoovering? 10 Signs & Why Narcissists Do It
Hoovering is a manipulation tactic used to lure victims back into toxic relationship cycles. It’s a form of emotional...
';
16 Signs Youre In an Abusive Friendship and How to Respond
16 Signs You’re In an Abusive Friendship & How to Respond
People think of abusive relationships as only romantic ones, but abuse can also happen in friendships. Their abuse is...
';
Headshot of Meagan Turner, MA, APC, NCC
Written by:

Meagan Turner

MA, APC, NCC
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Spiritual Abuse?Definition
  • Signs of Spiritual AbuseSigns
  • Religious Abuse In RelationshipsRelationships
  • Effects of Religious AbuseEffects
  • How to Heal From Spiritual AbuseHow to Heal
  • Final Thoughts On Spiritual ViolenceConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Spiritual Abuse InfographicsInfographics
If you are in need of immediate medical help:
Medical
Emergency
911
Suicide Hotline
800-273-8255
See more Crisis Hotlines
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us
  • Careers
  • Editorial Policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Service
  • No Surprises Act
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
988
Click For More Crisis Hotlines
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
811
See more Crisis Hotlines
here
logo
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.
This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify.
Choosing Therapy Logo
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit Cookie Settings to provide controlled consent. Cookie settings ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

We use cookies to facilitate website functionality. Also, we use third-party cookies to track your website behavior and target advertising. These cookies are stored in your browser only with your consent, and you have the choice of opting out.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non Necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Save & Accept