Attention-Seeking Behavior: Traits, Examples, & How to Stop

What Is Attention-Seeking Behavior?

Attention-seeking behaviors are typically extreme, unhealthy, and dramatic attempts to receive external validation, recognition, and attention. In some cases, this behavior indicates other mental health issues. Attention-seeking behaviors can ruin friendships and relationships because others may feel manipulated, even if the person seeking attention is unaware of their behavior.¹

There is a line between attention-seeking behavior and craving normal attention. Attention makes us feel understood, loved, and acknowledged by others. However, attention-seeking behaviors put others in uncomfortable situations because they may feel obligated to give attention rather than wanting to offer genuine attention without being provoked.

Attention-Seeking Behavior in Adults

Attention-seeking behaviors often speak to unmet needs and strong desires to ensure connection. However, it can feel stressful or confusing to others. When an adult engages in these behaviors, there is often an implicit message that sounds like, I need to make sure you see me. I need to trust that you’re really here for me.

Attention-seeking behavior in adults may look like:^2,3

• Causing panic in a meeting or even at the grocery store
• Seeking out conflict in a group
• Posting luxurious vacation photos on social media to see how many likes they can get
• Posting a fancy outfit to get others to compliment them
• Lying or exaggerating details in a story
• Seemingly seeking out compliments by putting themselves down
• Frequently interrupting others

Attention-Seeking Behavior in Children

Children seek attention for many reasons; they might feel uncomfortable about a situation, lonely, jealous, bored, or anxious. They may be positively or negatively reinforced for these behaviors, depending on the setting and context. It’s important to understand that children often use these behaviors to establish a sense of safety and control.

Attention-seeking behavior in children may look like:

• Asking for help doing something they can do and have done before
• Interrupting a parent on the phone
• Bothering or hurting a sibling
• Intentionally breaking a rule to get their parent’s attention
• Destroying toys or other items
• Ignoring others
• Refusing to engage in a specific task that they typically enjoy

Examples of Attention-Seeking Behavior

Attention-seeking behavior can take on many forms. Some may look for positive attention whenever possible, whereas others may enjoy stirring conflict or making a scene. Regardless, vying for attention can be damaging to relationships, disruptive, and problematic.

Here are nine examples of attention-seeking behavior:

1. Fishing for compliments: Looking for praise instead of being organically complimented is a red flag for attention-seeking behavior. This might occur when someone deliberately puts themselves down hoping others will correct them.
2. Exaggerating a story: Embellishing and over-dramatizing stories can indicate unhealthy desires for external validation and attention.
3. Purposefully being argumentative: Making a big scene allows the individual to regain lost attention and remain center stage.
4. Seeking sympathy: Receiving sympathy from others is not always a negative thing. When we lose a loved one, we often seek support from others. However, attention-seeking behavior involves purposeful actions or embellished stories, often to be seen as the victim in a situation. Attention seekers also gain sympathy by complaining about things large and small.
5. Pretending they can’t do something: People may pretend to have frivolous or extra needs because they want undivided attention.
6. Pretending to be able to do something no one else can: Some attention seekers may pretend to have special abilities and skills to receive praise from others.
7. Taking photos for the sole purpose of posting on social media: Posting photos or statuses for others to view and praise often indicates attention-seeking behavior, especially when someone frequently goes out of their way or exaggerates their posts.
8. Constantly taking over the conversation: Diverting a story to talk about oneself is a clear sign of attention-seeking behavior.
9. Being opportunistic at the expense of others: Similar to seeking sympathy, being opportunistic diverts attention away from another person. For instance, an attention seeker overshadows a person sharing a negative experience by offering a worse story.

Is Attention-Seeking Behavior a Sign of a Mental Health Condition?

Everyone engages in some attention-seeking behavior, and it is not always indicative of a mental health condition. However, it can coincide with certain disorders, including cluster B personality disorders or disruptive, impulsive control, and conduct disorders. When this is the case, the attention-seeking behaviors are chronic and more severe in nature. They affect overall functioning.

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder characterized by difficulties with emotional regulation, emotional intimacy, and self-image. People with BPD struggle with poor impulse control and may lash out at others to secure attention. They may oscillate between “loving” someone and “hating” someone, and these feelings can change both quickly and unexpectedly.

Common signs of BPD include:

• Impulsive and reckless behavior
• Having an unstable sense of self
• Pattern of chaotic and intense relationships
• Strong fears of abandonment
• Severe mood swings
• Self-injurous behavior (cutting, disordered eating, suicidal ideation)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and limited empathy for others. People with NPD value a sense of power and control, and they may degrade or manipulate other people to maintain this status quo. It is subsequently challenging for them to enjoy fulfilling relationships.

Common signs of NPD include:

• Taking advantage of others to benefit themselves
• Frequently lying or exaggerating their successes
• Getting jealous when others are doing well
• Controlling people to ensure they have their own needs met
• Lashing out or “losing control” if things do not go their way
• Avoiding personal accountability when making mistakes

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Histrionic personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by intense, unstable emotions and themes of dramatic behavior. This dramatic behavior may come across as seductive, intense, or overly emotional expressive. People with this condition depend on others to validate them, and they have a strong need to be noticed, cared for, and praised.

Common signs of histrionic personality disorder include:

• Using manipulation to meet their needs
• Switching emotional states rapidly
• Wearing seductive or inappropriate clothing
• Acting overly sexual in benign or inappropriate situations
• Assuming they are closer to people than they actually are
• Being fixated on their physical appearance

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition associated with major depressive and hypomanic or manic episodes. When depressed, someone with bipolar disorder may be apathetic, fatigued, and disconnected from others. During a hypomanic or manic episode, their behavior often appears to be erratic, impulsive, and even dangerous. Others may naturally be worried about their well-being.

Common signs of bipolar disorder include:

• Alternating moods between mania and depression
• Talking excitedly or fast about different things (during a manic episode)
• Not sleeping or eating much (during a manic episode)
• Overspending, engaging in reckless sex, or other pleasurable activities (during a manic episode)
• Having suicidal thoughts or attempts
• Abusing drugs or alcohol

Other Causes of Attention-Seeking Behavior

Attention-seeking behavior and acting out happen for many reasons. Beyond mental health disorders, these behaviors can be attempts to fulfill unmet needs. Attention seekers usually have general fears about their relationships or insecurities, including feelings of jealousy.

Potential causes of attention-seeking behavior in adults include:⁴

• Low self-esteem
• Loneliness
• Anxiety
• Jealousy
• Fixation on drama
• Unresolved trauma
• ADHD

Potential causes of attention-seeking behavior in children include:

• An attempt to get their needs met
• A sign of experiencing neglect or abuse
• A history of developmental trauma
• A sign that one or both caregivers is emotionally unavailable
• A predisposition to anxiety, ADHD, or another mental health concern
• A significant transition in the home (such as the birth of a new baby)
• Developmental milestones (starting school)

How to Stop Attention-Seeking Behavior in Others

Navigating a situation where someone hogs the attention can be uncomfortable and awkward. To stop attention-seeking behavior, start by clearly communicating boundaries and offering healthy attention when appropriate. Tailor your approach based on the context and your relationship with the person, particularly when dealing with children who might be acting out. Start with our free worksheet to help you maintain healthy boundaries when dealing with attention-seeking behaviors.

Free Setting Healthy Boundaries Worksheet

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Around Attention-Seeking Behavior

Develop respectful relationships and maintain healthy boundaries when dealing with attention-seeking behaviors.

Download Free Worksheet

Here are some strategies on how to stop attention-seeking behavior:

Reframe Attention-Seeking to Connection-Seeking

It may be helpful to shift your perceptions of attention-seeking behavior as this bad, wrong thing. When people act out, they are seeking connection and comfort from others. They are trying to soothe themselves, and this may be the best way they know. Remembering this can help you have more compassion and empathy for the situation.

Avoid Giving Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement, even when it comes from a good place, can enable unwanted behaviors. Ultimately, you want people to learn how to balance reaching out for comfort while also soothing themselves. You also want to establish reasonable boundaries for how people should treat you. This, of course, is age and context-dependent. However, acting neutral or unfazed by attention-seeking behaviors can help reduce their intensity.

Encourage Them to Seek Therapy

Help the attention seeker understand how therapy can help address underlying issues contributing to their actions. They may be open to your feedback and improve their overall well-being.

Give Honest Communication

Be loving, compassionate, and nonjudgmental when explaining how the attention-seeking behavior impacts you and your relationship. Express your feelings openly and respectfully while allowing them to share their viewpoint.

Teach Them How to Calm Their Mind

Mindfulness can be an important component of building self-esteem, managing anxiety, and feeling more grounded. Over time, when practiced consistently, mindfulness can indirectly reduce the strong need to seek attention. It can also bring more internal peace. You can encourage others to engage in mindfulness practices like yoga, meditation, or taking a walk.

Set Expectations & Boundaries

Be clear and firm about your boundaries and expectations of your time and availability. Maintain these limits, especially if the person retaliates with more attention-seeking behavior. Boundaries protect your mental well-being, and they indicate what you will and will not tolerate. They set the stage for how you expect others to treat you- and this can limit problematic interpersonal behaviors.

How to Limit Your Attention-Seeking Behaviors

Seeking professional support may help start your healing process from attention-seeking behaviors, especially if you experience underlying personality disorders, anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma. Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor when general insecurities, anger, rage, and jealousy impact your life and relationships.

Talking to a therapist is a great way to cope when dealing with a loved one exhibiting attention-seeking behavior. Understanding where these actions come from and how to respond can help ensure your relationship does not deteriorate. Couples therapy or family therapy can allow everyone to be on the same page about moving forward. You can search an online therapist directory to find a therapist, or use an online therapy platform to assist you with these attention-seeking behaviors.