Attention-Seeking Behavior: What It Is, Examples, & How to Stop

What Is Attention-Seeking Behavior?

Attention-seeking behaviors are typically extreme, unhealthy, and dramatic attempts to receive external validation, recognition, and attention. In some cases, this behavior indicates other mental health issues. Attention-seeking behaviors can ruin friendships and relationships because others may feel manipulated, even if the person seeking attention is unaware of their behavior.¹

There is a line between attention-seeking behavior and craving normal attention. Attention makes us feel understood, loved, and acknowledged by others. However, attention-seeking behaviors put others in uncomfortable situations because they may feel obligated to give attention rather than wanting to offer genuine attention without being provoked.

Attention-seeking behavior in adults and children may look like:^2,3

• Causing panic in a meeting or even at the grocery store
• Seeking out conflict in a group
• Posting luxurious vacation photos on social media to see how many likes they can get
• Posting a fancy outfit to get others to compliment them
• Asking for help doing something they can do and have done before
• Interrupting a parent on the phone

Examples of Attention-Seeking Behavior

Attention-seeking behavior can take on many forms. Some may look for positive attention whenever possible, whereas others may enjoy stirring conflict or making a scene. Regardless, vying for attention can be damaging to relationships, disruptive, and problematic.

Here are nine examples of attention-seeking behavior:

1. Fishing for compliments: Looking for praise instead of being organically complimented is a red flag for attention-seeking behavior.
2. Exaggerating a story: Embellishing and over-dramatizing stories can indicate unhealthy desires for external validation and attention.
3. Purposefully being argumentative: Making a big scene allows the individual to regain lost attention and remain center stage.
4. Seeking sympathy: Receiving sympathy from others is not always a negative thing. When we lose a loved one, we often seek support from others. However, attention-seeking behavior involves purposeful actions or embellished stories, often to be seen as the victim in a situation. Attention seekers also gain sympathy by complaining about things large and small.
5. Pretending they can’t do something: People may pretend to have frivolous or extra needs because they want undivided attention.
6. Pretending to be able to do something no one else can: Some attention seekers may pretend to have special abilities and skills to receive praise from others.
7. Taking photos for the sole purpose of posting on social media: Posting photos or statuses for others to view and praise often indicates attention-seeking behavior, especially when someone frequently goes out of their way or exaggerates their posts.
8. Constantly taking over the conversation: Diverting a story to talk about oneself is a clear sign of attention-seeking behavior.
9. Being opportunistic at the expense of others: Similar to seeking sympathy, being opportunistic diverts attention away from another person. For instance, an attention seeker overshadows a person sharing a negative experience by offering a worse story.

Causes of Attention-Seeking Behavior

Attention-seeking behavior and acting out happen for many reasons. These behaviors can be symptoms of a mental health condition or attempts to fulfill unmet needs. Attention seekers usually have general fears about their relationships or insecurities, including feelings of jealousy.

Potential causes of attention-seeking behavior in adults include:⁴

• Low self-esteem
• Histrionic personality disorder
• Narcissistic personality disorder
• Borderline personality disorder
• Loneliness
• Anxiety
• Jealousy
• Fixation on drama
• Unresolved trauma
• ADHD
• Bipolar disorder

How to Stop Attention-Seeking Behavior in Others

Navigating a situation where someone hogs the attention can be uncomfortable and awkward. Communicating boundaries and offering healthy attention can be helpful, depending on the context and how well you know the person—especially with children acting out.

Talking to a therapist is a great way to cope when dealing with a loved one exhibiting attention-seeking behavior. Understanding where these actions come from and how to respond can help ensure your relationship does not deteriorate. Couples therapy or family therapy can allow everyone to be on the same page about moving forward. You can search an online therapist directory to find a therapist to assist you with these attention-seeking behaviors.

Here are six strategies on how to stop attention-seeking behavior:

1. Reframe attention seeking to connection seeking: Remember, many attention-seeking behaviors may be cries for comfort and security. You may feel less annoyed by the behavior and more compassion for the individual acting out.
2. Avoid giving positive reinforcement: Do not reinforce attention-seeking behavior by feeding and giving into the charade.
3. Encourage them to seek therapy: Help the attention seeker understand how therapy can help address underlying issues contributing to their actions. They may be open to your feedback and improve their overall well-being.
4. Give honest communication: Be loving, compassionate, and nonjudgmental when explaining how the attention-seeking behavior impacts you and your relationship. Express your feelings openly and respectfully while allowing them to share their viewpoint.
5. Teach them how to calm their mind: Yoga or guided meditation can help the attention seeker delve into the underlying causes behind their behavior.
6. Set expectations and boundaries: Be clear and firm about your boundaries and expectations of your time and availability. Maintain these limits, especially if the person retaliates with more attention-seeking behavior.

How to Limit Your Attention-Seeking Behaviors

Seeking professional support may help start your healing process from attention-seeking behaviors, especially if you experience underlying personality disorders, anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma. Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor when general insecurities, anger, rage, and jealousy impact your life and relationships.

Final Thoughts

Needing attention from time to time is typical for everyone, but going out of your way to get attention and placing your loved ones, friends, or coworkers in uncomfortable situations for your benefit is a red flag. Attention-seeking behavior can be a sign of a more serious disorder, so keep that in mind the next time you experience or witness these behaviors.