People can experience low self-esteem as a longstanding issue since childhood or as something new following a difficult experience. While the cause and source vary, it’s important to understand some of the reasons why low self-esteem surfaces and know that there are coping tools available to you. You can also seek out support from a therapist to achieve a more positive self-perception.
Causes of Low Self Esteem
Research suggests that social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.) can have a negative impact on self-esteem, leading to social comparison, feeling as though you don’t “measure up,” or worry about how your peers perceive you.1 Another factor is that you may try to hold yourself to impossibly high standards. Then, when something doesn’t go exactly according to plan, your unmet standards reinforce low self-esteem.2
Negative beliefs people hold about themselves may also be tied to early life experiences where they learned through criticism, observation, or the media that something about them wasn’t “ideal” and therefore had less value. Similarly, feeling as though you don’t meet others’ expectations can lead to low self-esteem.
Systemic racism and discrimination of any kind also contribute to low self-esteem. Similarly, going through a major life change, such as a new diagnosis of a chronic illness or disability, can radically change someone’s self-esteem, especially if it’s hard for them to identify or cope with new changes.1 It’s also possible that early trauma (e.g., abuse or neglect) can lead to low self esteem.
6 Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-worth and self-esteem can affect your work and school performance as well as your relationships. There are several telltale signs that can be helpful to recognize, including depression, anxiety, and negative self-perception.
Six signs of low self esteem are:3
- Depression: Self-esteem is often affected by depression; similarly, depression can contribute to low self-esteem. Characteristics of depression include low mood, hopelessness, low energy, fatigue, increased or decreased sleeping patterns, decreased focus and concentration, decreased interest in usual activities, withdrawing from social interactions, feelings of isolation or loneliness, and more.
- Anxiety: Low self-esteem may be associated with worrying about new opportunities or not trying new things for fear of embarrassment or failure. Anxiety may also present as rumination over errors and mistakes, further increasing feelings of shame. As a result, people with low self-esteem often restrict themselves from reaching their full potential.
- Eating disorders: When low self-esteem involves someone not feeling good about their body, they may start to reduce or increase the amount of food they consume.
- Negative self-perception and self-talk: Low self-esteem involves thoughts of being unloved, unworthy, and incompetent. The individual may minimize their attributes, skills, and abilities and associate positive outcomes with external factors or luck rather than internal capabilities. They may reduce their participation or performance in school or work due to feelings of incompetence. Another sign might be that they engage in toxic or abusive relationships.
- Anti-social behavior: A person with low self-esteem may end up withdrawing from school, leisure, and social activities and possibly engage in risky behaviour (e.g., substance use, unprotected sex, etc.) due to feelings of inadequacy, limited assertiveness skills, and unhealthy boundaries in relationships.
- Deterioration of physical and emotional well-being: Ultimately, the cumulative effect of low self-esteem can lead to a severe negative effect on an individual’s physical and mental health.
10 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem
If you’re impacted by low self-esteem, it might help to know that you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are strategies that people can use to develop a more positive self-perception, including counseling, challenging negative self-talk, and working to change your personal narrative.
Here are ten ways to boost your self-esteem:6
- Consider how your past experiences impact your self-perception: Understanding what potential factors may have led you to have low self-esteem is the first step toward making lasting changes in favor of a more positive self-perception
- Think about your strengths, skills, and abilities: To get out of a negative mindset, consider what you appreciate and value about yourself
- Write down all the things you like about yourself: Writing down the traits that you love about yourself (even the most seemingly unimportant ones) can help forge and solidify a positive pathway in your mind
- Ask someone you trust what they like and appreciate about you: If you find it extremely difficult to think of positive points, ask your family and friends what they like about you and use their feedback as a springboard
- Pretend that you are talking to a family member or friend: When you turn things around and think about saying negative things to people you love, it can make you realize that you wouldn’t talk to other people like that, so why do it to yourself
- Challenge negative self-talk: Along the same lines, it’s important not to prolong or tolerate negative self-talk
- Reflect on your past achievements and accomplishments: Do you have memories or mementos that remind you of your accomplishments? Are there things you’re working toward that you feel fulfilled by? Keep these aspects at the forefront of your mind whenever you feel like you’ve failed or aren’t good enough.
- Seek out counseling or therapy: When self-doubt becomes too strong, it may be time to explore counseling or therapy to learn how to adopt a different outlook and develop skills for challenging negative self-talk
- Join a support group: One of the best ways to make a shift is to connect with others going through similar challenges. This gives people a sense of belonging and connection.
- Keep working on changing your personal narrative: Raising your self-esteem will take time. The goal is to start and keep working on it, one day at a time.
When to Get Professional Help for Feelings of Low Self Esteem
If you find that low self-esteem is affecting major areas of your life, including relationships, school, work, overall health and well-being, then it may be time to get professional help.4,5 A counselor or therapist can help you reflect on negative self-talk or thoughts about yourself and how they connect with your feelings and behavior.
Similarly, a therapist can help you consider alternative, positive thoughts and self-talk to increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. Research suggests that with practice, you may become more self-aware, engaged in school, work, and social activities, and develop a renewed interest for many areas of your life that you previously turned away from.4
Using skills learned in therapy will go a long way towards helping you to feel better about yourself, feel more in control in the face of stressors, develop stronger coping skills, request and receive support from others, and see the beneficial impact that positive self-esteem can have on your life.
Who Should I Consult for Help in Raising My Self-Esteem?
When it comes to find a therapist or mental health professional to help with self-esteem, look for someone who is supportive and non-judgmental. They should be able to help you problem-solve and identify your strengths as well as manage self-esteem. Similarly, explore group counseling if you feel you could benefit from hearing about others’ experiences.
Cost of Therapy
Cost of therapy varies depending on whether you’re accessing support from a social service agency, a private fee-based practitioner, or a sliding scale service from your employer’s affiliated provider. A typical range can be anywhere from $60 to $200 per session. Ask your therapist or counselor if they offer a free brief consultation before you begin paid services.
How to Support a Loved One With Low Self Esteem
If you’re trying to support someone with low self-esteem, acknowledge how they feel without pushing them toward a more positive self-image. It’s already hard for the person to believe their value, so taking smaller steps (such as telling them you will support them unconditionally throughout their journey) can help the person slowly start to recognize their worth.4
Avoid minimizing their pain and suffering and be sure not to dismiss what they’re going through.7 Overwhelming them with compliments may only make them feel uneasy or uncomfortable. The goal is for the person to eventually discover and focus on the aspects about themselves that they admire and value.7 Be there for them on their good and bad days to show them they can count on you regardless of the circumstances.7
Consider asking them for help with a project or task that showcases their skills and abilities.8 You might also express concern and suggest that your loved one consider therapy or group counseling if they’re open to it.
Final Thoughts on Overcoming Low Self Esteem
If you’re dealing with low self-esteem, please know that you’re not alone. You can learn how to love and accept yourself (and speak kindly to yourself) just the way you are. If you’re struggling, reach out to a family member, friend, or therapist for help and support. Remind yourself that change doesn’t happen overnight; however, things will get better with time.
