Low Self-Esteem: Signs, Causes, & How to Cope

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

A person with low self-esteem will conceptualize and talk to themselves negatively and critically. They may have low self-confidence in their abilities and hyperfocus on their flaws and inadequacies. Many also believe they are unlovable, a burden, or fundamentally lacking as a person. This poor self-esteem can manifest in various ways and interfere with everyday life.

14 Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem and self-worth can affect every aspect of life, including relationships, work performance, and overall well-being. Ultimately, lacking confidence can result in long-term impacts, leaving many hopeless about their futures. Telltale signs of low self-esteem often include self-doubt, people-pleasing tendencies, and self-sabotaging behavior.

Below are 14 signs of low self-esteem:

1. Negative Self-Perception

Low self-esteem may stem from thoughts of being unloved, unworthy, and incompetent. Individuals may minimize their attributes, often associating positive outcomes with external factors or luck rather than internal capabilities. For example, they may diminish their performance in school or work due to feelings of incompetence. Some individuals may stay in abusive relationships because of this self-doubt and poor self-image.

2. Depression

Low self-esteem often contributes to low mood, hopelessness, sadness, or even pervasive feelings of emptiness. People may feel deserving of these emotions and powerless to change their experiences. Because of these negative self-beliefs, low self-esteem can be a contributing factor to developing depression.

3. Lack of Control

Someone with little to no self-esteem intensely doubts their ability to perform tasks successfully and influence their lives. This internal doubt can leave them feeling like they lack control over their choices, relationships, and future, leading to fears of failure. Many may feel incapable of taking action to prove their negative internal beliefs as false.

4. Comparisons to Others

Comparing ourselves to others can often trigger a shame spiral that negatively impacts our self-esteem. The problem is that we can always find something that convinces us of inadequacy. You may feel like someone will always have a better house, job, relationship, or appearance than you, no matter how hard you try to be the best.

5. Anxiety

Those with low self-confidence do not believe in their abilities, and many may forecast worst-case scenarios before approaching a situation. This behavior is called catastrophizing and can contribute to an anxiety disorder.

6. Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is when we question our decisions, values, and opinions, leaving us second-guessing ourselves and deferring decision-making to others. Struggling with self-doubt can indicate underlying low self-esteem.

7. Issues With Criticism

A person with low self-esteem is already acutely aware of perceived flaws. Because of this, they may struggle with what they perceive as criticism. They may explode with anger or completely shut down.

8. Fear of Failure

Struggling with self-worth often inhibits the ability to succeed. For example, a person may perceive a minor mistake as a character flaw. They may avoid situations to avoid these negative feelings, providing the foundation for developing a pervasive fear of failure.

9. Hopelessness

People with low self-esteem and fragile self-image doubt their ability to control and influence their lives, leading to hopelessness. Many may believe they will always feel poorly because they cannot change their circumstances.

10. Inability to Set Boundaries

Many individuals with low self-esteem feel undeserving of respect. These beliefs can translate into their relationships, meaning they are less likely to advocate for themselves by setting boundaries around what they will tolerate from others.

11. People-Pleasing Tendencies

Overlooking yourself, your opinions, and your values fuels low self-esteem. You may revert to people-pleasing tendencies to obtain external validation and approval rather than finding internal worth. However, these behaviors cannot fill the void of self-loathing and doubt.

12. Isolation & Social Withdrawal

Being genuine and vulnerable with others can feel impossible because individuals may fear the possibility of criticism or rejection. Eventually, those with low self-esteem may avoid social settings and isolate from loved ones to prevent potential negative feelings.

13. Poor Health Choices

Low self-esteem can also manifest in how people take care of themselves. Many may struggle to see the value in regular exercise, nutritious food, and healthy sleep hygiene because they feel unworthy of such actions. For instance, they may stop making and attending doctor appointments and neglect personal hygiene. Over time, these choices have long-term health ramifications.

14. Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

People with low self-worth may sabotage a situation to avoid the sting of worst-case scenarios. Self-sabotaging may look like putting off an application until after the due date or pushing a partner away until they leave from frustration instead of rejection.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

What causes low self-esteem varies from person to person. However, research suggests early trauma, discrimination, and social media can contribute to a negative self-concept. People with low self-esteem may also struggle with chronic illness or face racial biases that affect how they view themselves and their abilities.

Below are possible causes of low self-esteem:

• Childhood trauma: Children do not understand that childhood trauma is not their fault. Abuse can lay the foundation for believing they are undeserving of care and respect from others.
• Chronic pain or illness: Chronic illnesses impact both mental and physical health, leaving a person feeling helpless about their ability to improve their life. This lack of autonomy can lead to low self-esteem.
• Mental health conditions: A person with an underlying mental health condition may feel ostracized and judged by others for their differences. This marginalization can contribute to low self-esteem.
• Racism and discrimination: Discrimination leaves people feeling othered and targeted, eventually impacting their self-esteem, autonomy, and confidence.
• Relationship problems: Relationship problems, particularly toxic relationship dynamics, can lead to negative self-beliefs. A person may feel unworthy of healthy affection and reciprocation from a partner.
• Poor academic or work performance: Receiving direct feedback that highlights failures and mistakes seemingly provides tangible proof of inadequacy.
• Social media use: Research suggests that social media impacts self-esteem, leading to social comparison, feeling inadequate, or worries about how others perceive you.¹
• Setting unrealistic expectations: Impossibly high standards also contribute to low self-esteem. Individuals may beat themselves up when something doesn’t go according to plan, further reinforcing low self-esteem.²
• Receiving excessive criticism: Self-image issues and negative self-beliefs may also relate to criticism. Over time, individuals may think they fall short of an “ideal,” thus fueling beliefs of being “less than.”¹

Effects of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can have a multitude of effects on a person, ranging from mental health disorders, relationship problems, poor goal-setting, and neglected self-care. These behaviors disrupt functioning in nearly all areas of life.

Common effects of low self-esteem include:

• Anxiety disorders: “Worst-case scenario” thought patterns can contribute to the development or worsening of an anxiety disorder.
• Eating disorders: Low self-esteem can be a painful experience, and some people try to manage and control this pain with disordered eating or eating disorders.
• Substance use: A person may use substances to numb or dissociate themselves from the pain associated with low self-esteem.
• Increased stress: Life is hard enough already, but self-esteem issues can exacerbate feelings of stress and overwhelm.
• Perfectionism: Sometimes, people with low self-worth believe they can derive a semblance of worth by doing things perfectly and receiving the praise of others.
• Fear of rejection: People may have a disproportionate fear of rejection because they do not believe they can tolerate associated feelings.
• Neglecting self-care: Those who feel unworthy may struggle to maintain emotional, mental, and physical self-care.

How to Deal With Low Self-Esteem

Knowing you are not alone can help if you struggle with low self-esteem. Fortunately, those struggling with negative self-images can develop a more positive outlook through counseling, challenging negative self-talk, and acknowledging their strengths.

Below are helpful tips for boosting your self-esteem:³

• Consider how past experiences impact lack of self-worth: Understanding potential causes of low self-esteem is the first step toward making lasting changes. You can determine how to address these challenges and build your self-confidence.
• Think about your strengths, skills, and abilities: Think about your positive values and abilities to get out of a negative mindset. Writing down these traits can help forge and solidify a healthier self-image.
• Seek advice and reassurance from loved ones: Ask your loved ones what they admire about you when struggling to think of positive points. You may be surprised by the talents you have overlooked or diminished.
• Pretend you are talking to a family member or friend: Would you speak the same way to others as you do to yourself? You may realize how poorly you treat yourself when you think about saying negative things to people you love.
• Challenge negative self-talk: How you talk to yourself is as much a habit as brushing your teeth. Challenging negative self-talk is a helpful way to begin turning the tide on low self-esteem.
• Stop comparing yourself to others: Overcoming comparisons can be challenging if you do so automatically. However, slowing the process down and catching yourself in the moment can help you refocus on unique and beautiful aspects of your personality.
• Stay physically active: Exercise is an external action to reinforce the idea you deserve to be healthy.
• Work on being assertive: Advocating for yourself will help instill self-confidence, resiliency, and compassion. Everyone deserves respect and support–allow yourself to recognize and accept this as you make your needs known.
• Identify your triggers: Understanding what triggers your low self-esteem can help you set boundaries and offer yourself grace during difficult situations.
• Surround yourself with positive people: Low self-esteem thrives on negativity and seeing the worst in people and situations. Surrounding yourself with positive people can offer a new perspective on life.
• Accept compliments: Hearing a new narrative from others can help you challenge negative internal beliefs.
• Be patient with yourself: Self-esteem takes time to build and enforce. Focus on what you can do to improve now, knowing you are heading in the right direction.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking professional guidance when low self-esteem affects your life, relationships, school, work, and overall well-being.^4,5 A counselor or therapist can help you reflect on negative self-talk and how they connect with your feelings and behavior. Similarly, a therapist can help you consider positive alternatives to increase self-confidence and esteem. Using skills learned in therapy will go a long way in feeling better about yourself, facing stressors, and developing coping skills. Look for someone who is supportive and non-judgmental when choosing a therapist, counselor, or psychologist.