Authoritative parenting styles combine parental support, warmth, and responsiveness with firm limit-setting and boundaries. Parents remain open-minded when explaining rules to their children by leaving room for mutual discussion. This parenting method encourages positive child development, contributing to better self-esteem, academic performance, and mental health.
What Is Authoritative Parenting?
Authoritative parenting encourages a balance of parental love, guidance, and nurturing with discipline and structure. Authoritative parents tend to be supportive, responsive, and attentive to their children’s needs.1 They remain firm about rules but are open to hearing their children’s opinions and input. An authoritative parenting style is associated with emotional stability, healthy coping skills, and overall life satisfaction.
Characteristics of Authoritative Parents
Typically, authoritative parents are warm and loving toward children while providing firm household expectations and rules. Authoritative parenting focuses on teaching children autonomy and independence so they can develop into happy, self-reliant, and successful adults.
Characteristics of authoritative parents include:2,3
Parents Are Nurturing & Warm
Authoritative parents are known for their caring and comforting demeanor. They strive to provide their children with a necessary supportive and loving environment for emotional development. Nurturing and warmth help build a strong parent-child relationship, fostering trust, security, and confidence in the child.
Parents Remain Supportive & Encouraging
Support and encouragement are key components of authoritative parenting. These parents believe in their children’s capabilities, motivating children when needed. They offer reassurance and boost their children’s self-esteem, which contributes to healthy and resilient mindset development.
Open-Minded Communication
One of the hallmarks of authoritative parenting is open-minded communication. Authoritative parents actively listen to children, creating an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Healthy communication helps reinforce the message that their opinions matter and promotes the development of social skills.
Parents Set High but Realistic Standards
Authoritative parents set high expectations for their children’s behavior and academic performance. However, these expectations are grounded in reality and account for abilities and interests. When provided realistic goals, children better develop a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, ultimately fostering personal success.
Discipline Is Exampled & Enforced
Authoritative parents enforce rules and consequences consistently to teach their children the importance of accountability and responsibility. They also model appropriate behavior, setting healthy examples for their children. Balanced authoritative discipline helps children understand the value of rules while feeling respected and heard.
Parents Are Responsive to Children’s Needs
Authoritative parents are adept at recognizing and responding to their children’s emotional and physical needs. They establish a healthy balance between setting expectations and providing unconditional support. By adapting their parenting style accordingly, authoritative parents help raise confident, empathetic, and well-adjusted individuals.
Authoritative Parenting Examples
Authoritative parenting can be beneficial in various child-rearing scenarios. For instance, parents approach difficult situations, such as violence, drug use, or academics, by remaining calm and understanding of their children. However, they provide discipline and consequences when their children break the rules, offering children ample opportunities to learn from mistakes and develop a sense of responsibility.
Below are examples of authoritative parenting:
- Handling violence: An authoritative parent approaches aggression or violence by encouraging children to identify and regulate their emotions. The parent understands that their children do not fully understand their feelings, so they explain why aggression is an unacceptable response to anger. Then, the parent offers alternative reactions to frustration, such as empathy and compassion.
- Enforcing rules: Authoritative parenting focuses on establishing firm limits regarding child behavior. A parent may set a household rule stating that children are allowed 20 minutes of daily screen time. When a child refuses to follow this rule, the parent explains why the limit is in place, is open to hearing how their child feels, and offers an alternative activity. However, the parent sticks to the rule regardless.
- Approaching academic performance: An authoritative parent would address academic performance by identifying possible causes for poor grades. For instance, a child may potentially have a learning disability. In such cases, the parent may contact the school or a professional to discuss how to intervene.
- Dealing with substance use: How parents deal with alcohol consumption is another excellent example of authoritative parenting. A parent would first ask a child about suspected alcohol use and allow them to be truthful. The teen has the chance to talk about their experiences with peer pressure and struggles to say “No.” The parent would offer suggestions and support before choosing a fair punishment or providing the teen with a warning about consequences moving forward.
Authoritative Parenting Vs. Other Parenting Styles
Psychologist Diana Baumrind introduced three parenting styles in the mid-1960s–authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive–before uninvolved parenting was later presented by researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin in the 1980s.2 Baumrind’s parenting styles focused on distinguishing between parental levels of demandingness and responsiveness.2
Demandingness refers to how parents enforce rules and maintain mature expectations for their children. Responsiveness describes how accepting parents are of their children’s emotional state and needs. Each parenting style varies on how much they emphasize these two dimensions.
Authoritative Parenting Vs. Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting involves high demandingness and low responsiveness.3 Authoritarian parents tend to have strict rules and expectations for their children but lack the warmth of authoritative parents. Rather than explaining the rationale for rules, which conveys love and respect, authoritarian parents demand obedience without explanation. This parenting style often contributes to poor self-esteem and low confidence in children.4
Authoritative Parenting Vs. Permissive Parenting
While authoritative and permissive parents are loving and nurturing, their styles differ significantly in boundary setting. Authoritative parents set realistic expectations for their children, exerting appropriate control to maintain these standards while remaining responsive. On the other hand, permissive parents often indulge their children, avoiding confrontation and enforcing rules. This freedom-laden approach frequently leaves children without discipline, contributing to self-control and responsibility issues.
Authoritative Parenting Vs. Uninvolved Parenting
The opposite of authoritative parenting is uninvolved parenting. Uninvolved parents are unresponsive, neglectful, and fail to set or enforce rules. Their lack of involvement can lead to children feeling ignored and uncared for. On the other hand, authoritative parents understand and attend to their children’s needs. By doing so, they foster an environment of love and respect.
Effects of Authoritative Parenting on Children
The effects of authoritative parenting are positive and favorable, and children of authoritative parents tend to be happy, friendly, cooperative, and motivated. These children excel in academics, self-confidence, and communication. However, as with any parenting approach, there may be downsides to this parenting style. Authoritative parenting requires dedication, patience, and time that some parents may be unable to provide for various reasons.
Positive Effects of Authoritative Parenting
Research shows that the parental warmth and understanding associated with authoritative parenting prove beneficial for childhood development and growth. Children are more likely to prosper and achieve future career success in adulthood. They also demonstrate higher levels of creativity, self-confidence, and motivation.
Positive effects of authoritative parenting may include:
- Improved communication skills: The open communication style associated with authoritative parenting contributes to the development of positive communication skills in children.5
- Better academic performance: Research suggests that children of authoritative parents perform better in school because parents are more involved in their schooling and encourage achievement and independence, fostering further success.6
- Higher self-esteem: Studies show that children of authoritative parents tend to exhibit higher self-esteem and confidence than those raised by neglectful or authoritarian parents.7
- Improved mental health: Authoritative parenting styles positively impact child emotional well-being and are linked to lower rates of depression in children.8
- Decreased child delinquency: Because of parental support, open communication, and understanding, authoritative parenting can possibly protect against adolescent smoking and drinking.5
- Increased creativity: Due to their high responsiveness and warmth, authoritative parents foster a sense of creativity and exploration in their children.7
- Increased self-motivation: Adolescents of authoritative parents are more likely to be motivated by internal factors rather than external rewards.9
Negative Effects of Authoritative Parenting
While there are no specific drawbacks to an authoritative parenting style, there is no “one size fits all” way to parent. Every parent needs to consider their child’s needs and personality when determining the best parenting method. For example, experts recommend that parents of autistic children take a flexible approach, possibly utilizing a combination of permissive and authoritarian parenting practices.10
Additionally, some parents cannot utilize an authoritative parenting style. Single parents may be unable to maintain authoritative communication and collaboration due to surmounting household chores, child-rearing responsibilities, and life stress. Some studies show that African-American and Hispanic children may benefit more from authoritarian parenting techniques, suggesting that authoritative parenting may not translate across cultures.11
How to Be an Authoritative Parent
You can adopt an authoritative parenting style by expressing positive feelings, setting firm limits, explaining rules, practicing patience, and using fair punishment. This transition may be challenging, so offer yourself grace as you implement healthy and positive changes in your family dynamics.
Below are nine tips for developing an authoritative parenting style:
1. Express Love & Warmth
Open communication is an essential component of an authoritative parenting style. Expressing positive feelings toward your children makes them feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Express your love to your children and affirm their positive qualities, such as creativity, kindness, or motivation.
2. Set Firm Limits
Authoritative parenting encourages children’s independence but also sets limits and boundaries. These rules are reasonable and in the best interest of the child. Consider what age-appropriate limits you would like for your children. Make a list and keep it in an area accessible to the whole family, and remain consistent in enforcing these rules. Children may react negatively at first, but staying firm and unwavering in your approach will prove beneficial in the long run.
3. Explain Your Rules & Expectations to Your Children
Explaining your rules and expectations conveys respect and helps children understand your rationale. A short and simple explanation is sufficient for young children, but older children and teens may need more in-depth answers. You can also offer your child opportunities to ask questions and share their feelings. However, do not bend your rules because your child dislikes them.
4. Practice Patience
It can be hard to remain patient when your children push your buttons. It is okay to feel frustrated with your children. Still, remember to cope with this irritation instead of taking it out on your child. Giving yourself a “time-out” when you are angry is one helpful way to calm down. Doing so also models self-care for your child.
5. Use Punishment Fairly & Consistently
When children break the rules, authoritative parents hold them accountable for their actions. Punishments are fair and aim to teach children. For example, a child who uses a bad word after being warned may lose their television privileges for the night. Your chosen punishment will depend on what the child does, their age, and their maturity level.
6. Remember to Praise Your Child
Praise is a powerful tool in authoritative parenting, helping children understand and appreciate the value of their actions and achievements. Recognize their efforts, not just the outcome, and let them know when they have done something well. Regular, genuine praise can help boost their self-esteem, reinforce positive behavior, and motivate them to strive for success.
7. Set Aside Time for One-On-One
Spending quality one-on-one time with your child has multiple benefits. It shows them you value their company and enjoy spending time with them, strengthening the parent-child bond. Regular, individual time with each child can help you better understand their thoughts, feelings, and unique perspectives. Use these times to engage in activities they enjoy and as opportunities to model good behavior.
8. Encourage Independence & Self-Discipline
Authoritative parents promote autonomy by encouraging independence and self-discipline. They guide their children to think independently and make their own decisions while ensuring a safe framework for children to explore and learn. Encouraging independence fosters confidence and self-reliance, and self-discipline teaches your child the value of rules and consequences. These skills are crucial to becoming successful, well-rounded adults.
9. Focus on Building the Parent-Child Relationship
The parent-child relationship forms the cornerstone of authoritative parenting. Strive to foster a deep, meaningful bond with your child based on mutual respect and understanding. Be responsive to your child’s emotional needs, express love and affection regularly, and maintain open lines of communication. Building a healthy relationship with your child can increase their trust in you, reinforce their confidence, and improve overall emotional and social development.
Is Authoritative Parenting Right for My Family?
The best parenting style often depends on your family’s needs and dynamics. Authoritative parenting combines high responsiveness with the right amount of parental control. It focuses on nurturing an open, respectful relationship between the parent and the child, balanced with clear boundaries and expectations. This approach can help children feel secure, competent, and confident in navigating their world.
However, every family is unique, and the effectiveness of this style depends on several factors, such as cultural values, child temperament, and familial beliefs and resources. Therefore, while authoritative parenting is considered beneficial in a general sense, the “best” style for your family successfully addresses your child’s needs while respecting the values and circumstances of your family.
When to Seek Professional Help
Many therapists, psychologists, social workers, and counselors specialize in working with families and parents. No matter the approach you pursue, therapy can help you improve your parenting skills. An online therapist directory allows you to narrow your search for a therapist by specialty, budget, experience, or in-person and online therapy options.
Individual therapy allows you to meet one-on-one with a therapist who can help you identify areas of improvement and teach you new skills. Family therapy with your partner and/or children may also be beneficial in determining how you can work on communication problems. These therapists can provide direct feedback and an opportunity to practice.
Final Thoughts
Authoritative parenting is a positive approach that involves warmth, open communication, consistent rules, and non-punitive punishment. If you want to adopt an authoritative parenting style, seeing a therapist specializing in this area may be beneficial.
