How to Find & Choose the Right Therapist for Your Child

How Do I Know When It’s Time to Find a Therapist for My Child?

Every child encounters challenges in school and within their relationships. Difficult emotions that arise, such as anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, and embarrassment, may require support. Negative events, such as cyberbullying, the death of a loved one, and childhood emotional neglect, will necessitate therapy.¹

Just because you don’t see your kid having behavioral problems doesn’t mean they don’t need therapy. Be on the lookout for signs that your child is struggling, such as increased moodiness, self-destructive behaviors, self-isolation, decreased confidence, and any changes in their behavior.

Signs that your child may need to see a therapist include:

• They have sudden bursts of anger or meltdowns that are developmentally inappropriate
• Decreased school performance (poor feedback from their teachers, misbehaving, consistently low grades)
• Physical symptoms, such as stomach aches, headaches, racing heart, and feeling sick with no medical explanation
• Changes in their eating and sleeping patterns
• Being overly clingy
• Talking about death excessively or making comments about suicide
• Hair pulling, skin picking, fighting in school, refusing to do homework, and other self-destructive behaviors

Who Can Provide Therapy for a Child?

Since every child is different, the type of professional that best suits them depends on their age, mental health needs, and personal preferences. Counselors, clinical social workers, clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychopharmacologists are some of your options. Note that these professionals vary in their training and the intervention they provide. Be sure to do your research first before hiring one.

Individuals who can provide therapy for a child include:

Counselors

Mental health counselors or licensed professional counselors (LPCs) are specially trained to support individuals, groups, and families with their emotional and behavioral problems. Some examples of the conditions they help manage include children struggling with anxiety, grief and loss, and depression. Families with kids who are deeply affected by divorce or parents remarrying can seek the expertise of a counselor.

Clinical Social Workers

Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs) hold a master’s degree in social work, which gives them the authority to diagnose and treat mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in children, and other problems kids may be experiencing in their environment. With that, social workers see to it that they consider the child’s environment when planning their treatment.

Clinical Psychologists

Clinical psychologists are licensed to diagnose (by performing psychological tests) and treat disorders, including children with bipolar disorder and children dealing with depression. Furthermore, they can provide counseling services in schools with kids with learning disabilities or who are experiencing gifted kid burnout.²

Child psychologists, in particular, have a deep understanding of their needs and the behavioral conditions that commonly affect kids. However, if your child has a medical condition that interferes with their sleep or causes physical pain, a psychologist can also be involved in their treatment plan. Some therapies they offer include art therapy for children, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).

Psychiatrists & Psychopharmacologists

Psychiatrists are licensed medical doctors who receive additional training in behavioral science. They diagnose and treat a wide range of conditions, including eating disorders in children and problems related to or caused by trauma. Depending on the child’s situation, they may recommend cognitive behavioral therapy, family therapy, medications, or even combining different therapies.

Note that psychopharmacologists are also psychiatrists, although psychopharmacologists differ in that they specialize in psychotropic medications as treatment. These medications are used for conditions like childhood attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, and obsessive-compulsive disorder(OCD) in children.

Types of Therapy for Children

Whether a child is dealing with big emotions or is struggling with trauma, a therapist uses different techniques to cope healthily and achieve other positive outcomes. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of talk therapy, aims to help kids manage their emotions and improve their problem-solving skills.³

Some common treatments for children include:

• Play Therapy: Besides being an essential part of a child’s development, play therapy can serve as treatment for preschool and school-age kids dealing with socialization problems, speech disorders, or those who’ve witnessed domestic violence. Unlike regular play, play therapy is supervised by the therapist to get the child to express their feelings with the use of toys (e.g., Lego blocks and puzzles).⁴
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): As a type of talk therapy, CBT geared towards children allows your child to figure out how their thoughts and feelings affect their behaviors using the cognitive triangle. CBT doesn’t cure conditions like ADHD and autism, but it will help them learn to deal with self-defeating thoughts.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Kids who often deal with strong emotions will benefit from DBT for kids, which combines mindfulness and CBT. DBT aims to reduce emotional instability, which can then prevent destructive behaviors.⁵
• Group Therapy: In group therapy, kids get an opportunity to meet other children who may be experiencing similar challenges. Interacting with those of the same age will help them feel less overwhelmed, plus they can offer support to others as well.
• Family therapy: Family therapy is another form of talk therapy that aims to improve the environment at home by helping family members learn to solve their problems. It can help with conflicts and poor communication between children and their parents, as well as issues between siblings.⁶
• Parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT): PCIT is an evidence-based approach for kids ages 2-7 years old with destructive behavior problems, including those who are diagnosed with autism and have survived trauma. Some of the goals of PCIT include improving caregiver-child relationships and increasing child compliance while reducing destructive behaviors.⁷
• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): Besides EFT being used for couples therapy, EFT can be used for young and older children with attachment issues — for example, a child who’s extremely clingy, doesn’t fear strangers, or tends to bully other kids.⁸
• Exposure therapy: Exposure therapy is a type of CBT that helps a child overcome anxiety by repeatedly exposing them to stimuli that trigger their anxiety in a safe environment until they’re no longer affected by them. Exposure therapy is done in a planned, structured manner.

How to Find a Therapist for Your Child

Parents and caregivers can find information about therapy by asking around. Friends who’ve sought counseling for their child might share their first-hand experiences. Searching online is also a convenient way to find therapists who take your health insurance. To get started, use an online therapist directory or online therapy platform.

Some ways to find a therapist for your child include:

• Consult a directory of therapists
• Talk to friends you know who have worked with therapists
• Check out your local support groups
• Ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor
• Reach out to your health insurance company and ask for recommendations

Factors to Consider When Choosing a Therapist For Your Child

An important aspect of knowing how to find a child therapist is looking at key factors like the therapist’s location, their track record, and whether their personality makes your child feel at ease. More importantly, consider your child’s opinion and readiness about going to therapy.

Here are a few factors to consider when choosing a therapist for your teen:

• Experience working with children: A therapist with several years of experience may be more desirable, especially if they’ve dealt with various issues affecting kids. Moreover, note that the therapist’s age (someone in their 30s versus their 60s) doesn’t determine their performance.
• Location: Unless you opt for online therapy — which is more accessible, convenient, and likely appeals to an introverted child — consider the therapist’s location. In addition, find out their availability and whether they can see your child in an emergency.
• Therapeutic approaches: A therapist’s area of expertise will give you insight into the types of treatments they offer. During your search, you might find that a variety of mental health professionals are able to treat the same condition, but not all of them can prescribe medication.
• Personal qualities: Important traits that enable a therapist to be effective in their work include being a good listener, open-minded, flexible, and tolerant toward others’ differences.

What Questions Should You Ask a Therapist for Your Child?

Asking specific questions will help you find a candidate with knowledge and expertise. Plan your questions ahead of time. To know a therapist better, inquire about their background, assessment and treatment process, their familiarity with your child’s condition, your involvement as a parent or caregiver, and how they track progress.

Examples of questions to ask a therapist for your child include:

• How much experience do you have?
• What types of mental health issues in children and teens have you handled?
• What type of therapy do you think is better suited for my child, and why?
• How involved will I be in my child’s treatment?
• Considering your treatment of choice, what will a typical therapy session look like?
• How do you manage difficult or uncooperative behaviors during therapy sessions?
• How will you measure my child’s progress?
• How long will my child’s therapy take?
• What is your rate? Do you accept insurance?

How to Approach the Conversation of Therapy With Your Child

Some kids tend to think that there’s something wrong with them or that therapy is punishment for unacceptable behavior. Therefore, it’s important for parents to avoid portraying therapy as an “additional problem” to the one the child is already experiencing. If you’re having mixed emotions about therapy for your child, they will notice this and may feel hesitant as well.

The best time to bring up the topic of therapy is when they’re calm. If they ask why they’re going to therapy, tell them the things you’re noticing — e.g., changes in their mood and behavior — or the difficult event that happened recently. Present therapy as an opportunity to achieve personal growth and to meet other children (in the case of group therapy).

How to Involve Your Child in the Process

One of the best ways to increase a child’s willingness to go to therapy is by allowing them to decide which therapist they like. After doing your research, show them different options. Take time to explain each therapist on your list — what they do and other information you currently have about them.

Let your child know that part of the vetting process is actually meeting with the therapist to get the feel of their approach. If you have an older child or teen who’s interested in group therapy, give them the option of researching support groups online.

How Involved Should You Be as a Parent?

Parent involvement doesn’t mean you must be around during each therapy session. Depending on your child’s age, the problem at hand, and what the therapist recommends — you can continue to observe improvements in your child’s behavior outside therapy sessions and ask them, including the therapist, how they’re doing.

Your child’s therapist might also ask to have separate sessions with you to discuss their condition and offer helpful tips to support the child better. These sessions are called “collateral sessions.”

What To Expect From the First Session with Your Child’s Therapist

Every child is unique, so it is best to be flexible in terms of your expectations for your child’s therapy experience. The first session usually involves taking the child’s history, noting their symptoms, asking more questions about the therapist’s approach, and setting goals for the child depending on their needs.

For parents with younger kids, a therapist meets with the parent first to discuss the child’s issues and developmental history. If you’re receiving family therapy, the therapist will meet all of you at once to observe how everyone interacts with each other before meeting each member individually. Meanwhile, an older teen may speak with the therapist alone to discuss their problems.

How to Know if the Therapist Is Right for Your Child

Considering the confidentiality between your child and their therapist, some parents may struggle to determine whether they’ve found a good therapist. Simply asking your child how they like their therapist can already give you an idea. In addition, note for changes in their symptoms. Has their mood changed since therapy? Are they responding to challenges healthily this time?

Signs that the therapist is right for your child include:

• Your child looks forward to seeing the therapist
• They start behaving differently — e.g., no longer isolating themselves, handling their emotions more positively, and implementing coping strategies learned during therapy
• The therapist is responsive to your messages regarding updates about your child
• They’re flexible in modifying their approach when things aren’t working.
• They’re aware of cultural differences and beliefs and asks you to tell them more if they’re unsure.

In My Experience

Discovering and selecting the right therapist for your child often comes down to two things: research and persistence. Be willing to put in the time and effort to call around to different therapists or therapy organizations in your area. Read through therapist profiles to see if their style, approach, and expertise resonate with you and your child.

Once your child begins therapy, communicate with them about their comfort level and fit with the therapist. Sometimes it takes time to establish a solid therapeutic relationship between a therapist and a child.

However, if both you and your child feel like the current therapist is not a good fit, then you are always welcome to transition to someone new. It can sometimes be helpful to share with the new therapist what worked or didn’t work with the previous therapist to help start things off on a positive note.