Humans are social creatures. Whether you prefer one or two close friends or work well with a close-knit group, we need friends to laugh with us, cry with us, and experience all that life has to offer. If you’re shy or feeling disengaged, however, it can be hard to make lasting relationships.
Here are 15 books about friendships that can help you find loving platonic relationships in your life or help you continue to foster the ones you already have:
1. Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close
The challenge for adult friendships isn’t always making them, it’s keeping them. Moving away, dealing with different life circumstances, and massive life changes can all play a part in friends eventually drifting apart. Podcast hosts Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman have both been through the wringer, but here they share how they showed up for each other through it all.
2. Friendship in the Age of Loneliness: An Optimist’s Guide to Connection
If the last few years have left you feeling isolated and lonely, you’re not alone. Everyone learned just how important friendships are during the pandemic, but that doesn’t always make it easier to find and maintain new friendships. This practical, compassionate guide encourages readers to focus on their friendships as a balm to life’s problems with actionable prompts, ideas, and rituals to create a fulfilling social life.
3. We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends
Billy Baker faced the same problem millions of Americans, especially men, have dealt with. In the mix of family life and career-seeking, he had laid aside many of his close friendships and compromised his mental health in doing so. After learning just how hard loneliness impacts the average American for a story he was writing, he set out to radically change the way he thought and acted about friendship. The result is a heartwarming and hilarious memoir of over-40 frat parties, organized treasure hunts, and more. Baker provides a trailblazing groundwork that is as freeing as it is fulfilling.
4. The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults
This book was written specifically for parents of “socially awkward” teens: Those who may have ADHD, autism, or struggle with societal expectations. It outlines, clear, concrete plans of action to help parents teach their children how to navigate friendships, social situations, and more.
5. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”
The drive for perfection—in work, life, and friendships—is a powerful one. But perfectionism is exactly what’s keeping us from connecting with each other, Brene Brown writes. Vulnerability is what makes us human. It’s how we better understand ourselves and those around us.
That doesn’t make it any less terrifying. Being vulnerable is always a scary task, but a necessary one for creating meaningful, valuable friendships in your life and avoiding fake friends.
6. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
If you couldn’t get enough of Brene Brown (or maybe you need a little bit more help on the whole “being vulnerable” thing), then Daring Greatly is a compassionate call to open your heart and be honest about the things that scare you. Being vulnerable is not a weakness, despite societal expectations. Having the courage to open up more is at the root of all meaningful relationships, including friendships.
7. Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health & Happiness
We are connected more than ever on social media, but that doesn’t mean we are more engaged. In the digital age, we have to learn how to foster meaningful relationships and resist the urge to pull away from friendships that are unsatisfying.
Close friendships correlate to better mental health and happier lives, meaning it’s well worth the effort of cultivating them, author Shasta Nelson argues. This compassionate guide tackles the common issues that face modern friendships and how to overcome them.
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8. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder
This autism-specific guide was written to help those with autism better understand the social cues neurotypicals take for granted, while still celebrating neurodiversity. While focused broadly on a variety of life situations, including work and relationships, this book still provides helpful advice on communicating with others and opening up to the circumstances that invite friendship.
9. Here to Make Friends: How to Make Friends as an Adult: Advice to Help You Expand Your Social Circle, Nurture Meaningful Relationships, and Build a Healthier, Happier Social Life
If you struggle to get past small talk, can’t get out of your own head, or have trouble connecting with others, then this book is for you. Licensed therapist Hope Kelaher offers real advice and practical solutions for adult friendships, including friend-date ideas and tips for moving beyond small talk.
10. How to be a Best Friend Forever: Making and Keeping Lifetime Relationships
Making friendships as an adult is difficult, especially as we move on from our school life and childhood buddies, and experience loneliness as a young adult. But meaningful, caring friendships are possible. They are also extremely important.
Dr. John Townsend offers advice, tips, and stories from his own friendships to encourage readers to put in the time to maintain a true friendship.
11. That Sounds Fun: The Joys of Being an Amateur, the Power of Falling in Love, and Why You Need a Hobby
Though this book focuses on having hobbies and opening yourself to new and exciting opportunities, it is often exactly those situations that create space for friendships to naturally grow.
Seeking fun, Annie F. Downs says, is one way to positively enrich our lives and give us something to do beyond just slogging through a busy workweek. And who knows, you may make a friend at that painting class or dance club.
12. Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World
Due to the internet, social media, and “grind” culture, the world today is both highly connected and deeply isolating. However, research says that friendship and relationships are the most important indicators of happiness. That means forming authentic, meaningful connections has a direct impact on your well-being. In Find Your People, you will learn how to break down emotional walls, understand how conflict can strengthen your relationships, and identify the types of relationships you need more of. Best-selling author Jennie Allen uses insights from history, science, and even religion to help readers master the art of meaningful friendship.
13. Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends
Platonic by Marisa G. Franco, PhD focuses on the science of attachment, unpacking the issues that arise when society values romantic love and the expense of platonic love. Franco says that creating meaningful connections requires concerted effort; however, to make and keep friends you also need to understand your attachment style: secure, anxious, or avoidant. From start to finish, Platonic lays out a research-based road map for readers to build strong, lasting friendships. Become your happiest self with Franco’s Platonic.
14. Girl Talk: What Science Can Tell Us About Female Friendship
Science reporter Jacqueline Mroz wrote Girl Talk about the special, distinctive nature of female friendship and how it has shaped our culture at large. Mroz takes a scientific angle to explore and analyze the mysterious world of women. She digs into things like the evolution of friendship, alliances, friend “break ups,” and the chemical reactions going on in our brains when we make friends. Mroz also describes how, without friendship, women actually tend to develop more medical issues and challenges, similar to the health risks related with smoking.
15. You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult
Part memoir, part self-help, You Will Find Your People by author Lane Moore is an honest portrait of the messy, joyful truth of meaningful adult friendships. Moore combines personal anecdotes with advice and information on attachment styles. She also offers readers an array of specific tools to create boundaries and communicate more openly and honestly. Ultimately, this book is a guide to heal from broken friendships, improve the quality of your current friendships, and fearlessly pursue and ask for what you want from your friends.
When to See a Therapist
If you struggle with feeling isolated, lonely, or can’t seem to connect with others, some of these books may help. You may also want to see a therapist that can help you identify these behaviors and find ways to move past them. They might also help you determine if your friends aren’t healthy for you, or even if you yourself are being a toxic friend. Get started by finding a therapist in your area today.
