Social awkwardness isn’t a mental health condition and there’s no diagnosis for it; rather it’s the sum of feelings you may have when in social settings. Not understanding social cues can be a reason for feeling socially awkward, however, it’s possible to understand these cues so you can feel more like you fit in.
What Does It Mean to Be Socially Awkward?
Being socially awkward is not a mental health issue itself, but it’s indicative of those who have trouble understanding societal social norms. Sometimes it presents as having difficulty with clear communication. Other times, it can present as acting out in a way that’s outside societal expectation. Essentially, it’s a sign of limited social skills that can leave everyone feeling uncomfortable.
Signs of Social Awkwardness
Potential signs of social awkwardness include physical symptoms, like hyperventilation and a fast heart beat, as well as more internal indicators, like loneliness and social anxiety.
Here are eleven signs that you’re socially awkward:
- Having social anxiety
- Finding social situations difficult to navigate
- Failure to meet others’ social expectations and social norms
- Feelings of loneliness
- Being less intuitive around social graces
- Crossing boundaries and unknowingly violating personal space
- Feeling stage fright when you have to talk to others
- Physical symptoms such as muscle aches
- Cold sweats and feeling flushed
- Fast heart beat
- Hyperventilation
Awkwardness, Anxiety, & Introversion
Oftentimes, the terms awkwardness, social anxiety and introversion are used interchangeably. And although these concepts might share certain features, they can vary as well. People who consider themselves to be awkward may feel uncomfortable and nervous in social interactions causing them to avoid having to socialize. Conversely, introverts may also experience a level of anxiety navigating social situations, but they withdraw to regain social energy.1,2
Because social awkwardness, introversion and social anxiety may often occur on a continuum, a high level of each (or a combination) can progress into something more complicated. In any case, when there’s an overwhelming anxiety about being negatively evaluated causing someone to isolate and interrupt different life domains then social anxiety may be at play.1,2
Social Anxiety Disorder Vs. Social Awkwardness
Everyone experiences awkwardness and nervousness from time to time, and while it’s not a diagnosable mental health condition, it could be a sign of something else. Social awkwardness is common in those who have social anxiety disorder.
Those with social anxiety disorder know and recognize social cues, so they will experience anxiety because of their fear of messing up in public. This can lead to a lot of embarrassment. And social anxiety differs from general shyness, which share a discomfort with many social situations but shyness typically doesn’t disrupt a person’s ability to enjoy life.
Is It Bad to Be Socially Awkward?
Social awkwardness isn’t necessarily always bad, especially if it doesn’t interfere with your daily life and functioning. That said, if you are dealing with social awkwardness and feeling bad because you’re constantly dealing with rejection or consistently isolated as a result, it may be helpful to seek professional help.
Potential benefits of being socially awkward include:3,4,5
- More engaged with strangers
- Motivation to stay active
- Propels creativity to finding community online
Does Social Awkwardness Serve a Purpose?
Social awkwardness and introversion frequently carry negative connotations. Nevertheless, some researchers and experts contend that awkwardness and introversion, when looked at in depth, can be viewed more as a valuable quality instead of a shortcoming. Researchers posit that introversion may be considered an asset, particularly in the workplace. For example, introverts can be more insightful, good listeners, and better-decision makers than their extroverted colleagues.6
Psychologist Ty Tashiro states in his book Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome states that being awkward can be a unique attribute that is often associated with a higher intellect. He further notes that awkward individuals are more inclined to have a stronger focus and are better at following routines and adhering to rules.7
How to Not Be Socially Awkward
It is possible to live a full and meaningful life while dealing with social awkwardness. It’s even possible to cope with and, in some cases, reduce social awkwardness. This may require practice in mindfulness, social situations, and even time spent with a therapist.
Here are 14 tips for how to be less socially awkward:
- Practice social interactions: It can help to role play and practice conversations so you know how to communicate and navigate a social exchange
- Face it head on: Don’t try to run or avoid it; rather, try to recognize it and take steps to prevent it or address it in the moment
- Find the source of your shame: Reflect on your past—were you bullied? Were you scorned by a teacher or parents? Identifying the source of shame can help you understand why you feel awkward in social settings.
- Examine your perfectionistic tendencies: You don’t need to be perfect, just be yourself. Aligning your actions with your true self can make you more approachable and easier to be around.
- Be a good listener and show interest: Be fully present (without distractions like looking at your phone) and listen to understand. Don’t shy away from asking questions and providing proper feedback.
- Stop identifying as “socially awkward”: The more you tell yourself something, the more likely you’re to become it. Instead, use the power of your thoughts to be the person you want to be. But, if you really think you’re awkward, think about embracing it.
- Learn to read body language: Learn to recognize certain gestures, facial expressions, or non-verbal cues so you can relate to someone’s sentiment and respond accordingly.
- Have some engaging questions ready: A good way to take the focus off of yourself is to formulate open-ended questions that elicit a person to engage with you and carry on a conversation with ease.
- Don’t violate people’s personal space: When it relates to personal space, be mindful about what’s appropriate and what’s not, depending on the setting and type of relationship (like whether or not to offer a hug or handshake).
- Stay present in social scenarios: Try mindfulness tricks to help you stay grounded, present, and focused on what is happening around you.
- Remember it happens to everyone: Remember, you’re not alone and everyone feels awkward from time to time.
- Allow yourself to feel embarrassment: Dealing with embarrassment is part of the human experience, and learning to cope will give you strength and drive to address what you can.
- Bring along a friend: Bringing a friend to social gatherings can help you comfortably practice and troubleshoot any issues you may be dealing with.
- Talk to a therapist: Talking to a therapist is another way to learn skills that may help you deal with underlying issues.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy is a great way to learn how to deal with social awkwardness, especially if you’re feeling anxious or depressed about your experiences. It teaches you how to cope in uncomfortable situations and uncover issues that may be contributing to the awkwardness in the first place, such as social anxiety.
If you think you might be ready for therapy, you can start by searching an online therapist directory. Reading reviews and looking at clinician bios to understand the scope of their practice can give you an idea of whether their experience suits your situation. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to help you decide if they’re a good fit.
Final Thoughts
Being socially awkward can happen to anyone. Are we all a little bit awkward at one point or another? Yes! Fortunately, there are ways to overcome or better manage social awkwardness. It can help to learn more about why you feel this way in the first place and understand what’s going on around you during moments of discomfort. Talking with a therapist is a great first step to feeling better in social situations.
For Further Reading
Socially Awkward Infographics
