Friendships can be an enriching part of our lives. Friends offer help during challenging and difficult times, provide a source of comfort and joy, and support us when we need them. Unfortunately, not all relationships are this healthy and mutually beneficial. Unfortunately, many of us have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with fake friends. In these cases, what may start as a seemingly reliable relationship can quickly shift into one not so sincere.
What Is a Fake Friend?
A fake friend may leave you feeling emotionally exhausted due to their inability to be genuine, keep your interests in mind, or respect you. In a healthy friendship, there is a sense of mutual positivity and reciprocated admiration. However, this is not the case with fake or toxic friends. When interacting with them, you may feel like you have to act or behave in a certain way to avoid harsh criticism. When it’s obvious that this person no longer has your best interests at heart, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
How to Know if Your Friend Is Fake: 15 Signs
The signs of a fake friendship may not look the same in every situation. Nevertheless, if you examine them closely, you’ll notice similar relationship patterns, qualities, and characteristics. Often, you’ll notice a lack of commitment on your “friend’s” part. They are frequently self-absorbed and more focused on their own personal feelings, rather than yours. Having this type of relationship can feel incredibly one-sided and hurtful.
Here are 15 signs of a fake friend:
1. They Don’t Support You
If a friend is never available for you when you need them, they’re probably not fully invested in your relationship. Rather than listening and offering emotional support, they may give you unenthusiastic affirmations or comments. Real friends will pay attention to your needs and provide encouragement.
2. They’re Overly Competitive With You
Friendships can sometimes include a healthy level of competition. However, you’ll know when the limit of this has been met. In fake friendships, competition is not good-natured or fun. Rather, it comes from a place of jealousy or their need to feel better than others.
3. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
Fake friends will often make backhanded compliments, quiet judgments, or disapproving looks in your direction. Sometimes, these behaviors are not outright or obvious. Still, they can leave you feeling betrayed and hurt.
4. They Turn Others Against You
A fake friend may act sweet and caring to your face, but gossip about you with others. This type of behavior is a form of relational aggression and is a distinct sign of a fake friendship.
5. They Always Need Attention
We all know someone who loves drama and being the center of attention. Friendships with a person like this may be conflictual, one-sided, and manipulative. Attention seeking behavior does not always look the same, but it is often an indicator of a fake friendship.
6. They Peer Pressure You
When a friend attempts to encourage or convince you to behave in a way that is not characteristic of you, this is known as peer pressure. Peer pressure can be direct or indirect, and can occur in any type of social situation.
7. They’re Narcissistic
Sometimes, self-obsessed and attention seeking behaviors can be indicative of an underlying Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Friendships with a narcissist can feel superficial, as your friend may act moody, hold grudges, be hypersensitive to criticism, or crave constant attention.
8. They’re Jealous of You
Jealousy in a friendship may stem from feelings of insecurity or fear. When left unaddressed, jealousy can lead to anger and resentment, inevitably causing irreparable damage to the friendship.
9. They Emotional Dump on You
Emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting that occurs when a person continues to share their thoughts, despite cues that it’s time to stop. When you find yourself constantly listening to someone behave in this way, you may grow frustrated and discouraged.
10. They’re Energy Vampires
Fake friends are like “energy vampires.” Their consistent negative attitudes, need for attention, and judgmental behaviors can leave you feeling both mentally and emotionally drained.
11. They Share Their Bad Moods
A fake friend doesn’t necessarily care about hurting the people around them. This may be evident in how they force their negativity onto others. For example, they may show up to a party in a bad mood, and take any opportunity to infect other guests with their toxicity.
12. They Hold Grudges
We all make mistakes, but a fake friend is going to struggle to acknowledge this. A true friend may be hurt by a mistake on your part, but will move on from it, because they love you. Fake friends will typically hold on to grudges for a long time, despite your attempts to apologize.
13. They’re Focused on Appearances
For some, the way a friendship looks on camera is more important than how it does in real life. If your “friend” is overly focused on making sure others know everything you’re doing together, this can be a sign of ingenuity. Pay attention to friendships when they begin to feel shallow and determine if they’re worth maintaining.
14. They Judge You
A friend should never be overly critical of you. If you notice that someone is constantly questioning your behaviors, ideas, or choices, you may be dealing with a fake friend. While some disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship, an obscene amount is never a good sign.
15. They Only Reach Out When They Need You
Frequently, a fake friend will only make an effort to contact you when they need something. If you struggle to find ways in which your relationship is benefiting you, it may be time to set some boundaries or move on.
How Therapy Can Help
Fake friendships can be emotionally damaging, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. As you begin to recognize the indicators of a fake friend, you may find that speaking with a therapist helps you understand how to address your relationship. You can learn how to set necessary boundaries and begin repairing any residual emotional damage of the friendship. An online therapist directory is a great tool to locate available clinicians near you, based on their specialties and insurance options.
Final Thoughts
Fake friendships can negatively impact anyone. Everyone deserves to surround themselves with people who love and respect them. Be wary of fake friends, try your best to avoid them when possible, and acknowledge when it’s appropriate to move on.
For Further Reading
- 10 Action Steps to Become a Good Friend– Science of People
Signs of a Fake Friend Infographics
