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15 Signs of a Fake Friend

Published: August 10, 2022
Published: 08/10/2022
Tricia Johnson_LCSW_Headshot
Written by:

Tricia Johnson

LCSW
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • What Is a Fake Friend?Definition
  • How to Know if Your Friend Is Fake: 15 Signs15 Signs
  • How Therapy Can HelpHow Therapy Can Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Signs of a Fake Friend InfographicsInfographics
Tricia Johnson_LCSW_Headshot
Written by:

Tricia Johnson

LCSW
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP

Friendships can be an enriching part of our lives. Friends offer help during challenging and difficult times, provide a source of comfort and joy, and support us when we need them. Unfortunately, not all relationships are this healthy and mutually beneficial. Unfortunately, many of us have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with fake friends. In these cases, what may start as a seemingly reliable relationship can quickly shift into one not so sincere.

Dealing with a fake friend can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

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What Is a Fake Friend?

A fake friend may leave you feeling emotionally exhausted due to their inability to be genuine, keep your interests in mind, or respect you. In a healthy friendship, there is a sense of mutual positivity and reciprocated admiration. However, this is not the case with fake or toxic friends. When interacting with them, you may feel like you have to act or behave in a certain way to avoid harsh criticism. When it’s obvious that this person no longer has your best interests at heart, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.

How to Know if Your Friend Is Fake: 15 Signs

The signs of a fake friendship may not look the same in every situation. Nevertheless, if you examine them closely, you’ll notice similar relationship patterns, qualities, and characteristics. Often, you’ll notice a lack of commitment on your “friend’s” part. They are frequently self-absorbed and more focused on their own personal feelings, rather than yours. Having this type of relationship can feel incredibly one-sided and hurtful.

Here are 15 signs of a fake friend:

1. They Don’t Support You

If a friend is never available for you when you need them, they’re probably not fully invested in your relationship. Rather than listening and offering emotional support, they may give you unenthusiastic affirmations or comments. Real friends will pay attention to your needs and provide encouragement.

2. They’re Overly Competitive With You

Friendships can sometimes include a healthy level of competition. However, you’ll know when the limit of this has been met. In fake friendships, competition is not good-natured or fun. Rather, it comes from a place of jealousy or their need to feel better than others.

3. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

Fake friends will often make backhanded compliments, quiet judgments, or disapproving looks in your direction.  Sometimes, these behaviors are not outright or obvious. Still, they can leave you feeling betrayed and hurt.

4. They Turn Others Against You

A fake friend may act sweet and caring to your face, but gossip about you with others. This type of behavior is a form of relational aggression and is a distinct sign of a fake friendship.

5. They Always Need Attention

We all know someone who loves drama and being the center of attention. Friendships with a person like this may be conflictual, one-sided, and manipulative. Attention seeking behavior does not always look the same, but it is often an indicator of a fake friendship.

6. They Peer Pressure You

When a friend attempts to encourage or convince you to behave in a way that is not characteristic of you, this is known as peer pressure. Peer pressure can be direct or indirect, and can occur in any type of social situation.

7. They’re Narcissistic

Sometimes, self-obsessed and attention seeking behaviors can be indicative of an underlying Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Friendships with a narcissist can feel superficial, as your friend may act moody, hold grudges, be hypersensitive to criticism, or crave constant attention.

8. They’re Jealous of You

Jealousy in a friendship may stem from feelings of insecurity or fear. When left unaddressed, jealousy can lead to anger and resentment, inevitably causing irreparable damage to the friendship.

9. They Emotional Dump on You

Emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting that occurs when a person continues to share their thoughts, despite cues that it’s time to stop. When you find yourself constantly listening to someone behave in this way, you may grow frustrated and discouraged.

10. They’re Energy Vampires

Fake friends are like “energy vampires.” Their consistent negative attitudes, need for attention, and judgmental behaviors can leave you feeling both mentally and emotionally drained.

11. They Share Their Bad Moods

A fake friend doesn’t necessarily care about hurting the people around them. This may be evident in how they force their negativity onto others. For example, they may show up to a party in a bad mood, and take any opportunity to infect other guests with their toxicity.

12. They Hold Grudges

We all make mistakes, but a fake friend is going to struggle to acknowledge this. A true friend may be hurt by a mistake on your part, but will move on from it, because they love you. Fake friends will typically hold on to grudges for a long time, despite your attempts to apologize.

13. They’re Focused on Appearances

For some, the way a friendship looks on camera is more important than how it does in real life. If your “friend” is overly focused on making sure others know everything you’re doing together, this can be a sign of ingenuity. Pay attention to when they become shallow and determine whether or not you should end the friendship.

14. They Judge You

A friend should never be overly critical of you. If you notice that someone is constantly questioning your behaviors, ideas, or choices, you may be dealing with a fake friend. While some disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship, an obscene amount is never a good sign.

15. They Only Reach Out When They Need You

Frequently, a fake friend will only make an effort to contact you when they need something. If you struggle to find ways in which your relationship is benefiting you, it may be time to set some boundaries or move on.

How Therapy Can Help

Fake friendships can be emotionally damaging, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time.  As you begin to recognize the indicators of a fake friend, you may find that speaking with a therapist helps you understand how to address your relationship. You can learn how to set necessary boundaries and begin repairing any residual emotional damage of the friendship. An online therapist directory is a great tool to locate available clinicians near you, based on their specialties and insurance options.

Final Thoughts

Fake friendships can negatively impact anyone. Everyone deserves to surround themselves with people who love and respect them. Be wary of fake friends, try your best to avoid them when possible, and acknowledge when it’s appropriate to move on.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists, who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

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For Further Reading

  • 10 Action Steps to Become a Good Friend– Science of People

Signs of a Fake Friend Infographics

What Is a Fake Friend? How to Know if Your Friend Is Fake How Therapy Can Help

1 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Mayo Clinic (2017, Nov 18) Narcissistic personality disorder. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662

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Tricia Johnson_LCSW_Headshot
Written by:

Tricia Johnson

LCSW
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • What Is a Fake Friend?Definition
  • How to Know if Your Friend Is Fake: 15 Signs15 Signs
  • How Therapy Can HelpHow Therapy Can Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Signs of a Fake Friend InfographicsInfographics
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