Best Books on Codependency

Codependency does not have a scientific method of diagnosis, which can make it difficult to understand and deal with. Codependent people rely on others to help soothe and control their own emotions, which can lead to unhealthy boundaries and a lack of self-care. These books offer several ways to deal with and identify codependent behaviors within relationships, families, and lifestyles. 

Here are 19 books on codependency to help you navigate through difficult issues codependency can cause:

Best General Books on Codependency

If you’re looking for a general place to start, these books can help you better understand codependency and how to manage it.

1. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Melody Beattie’s straightforward but inspirational book on breaking free from codependent habits has become a staple for millions affected by codependency. It includes personal stories, exercises, and self-tests to help you better understand your emotions surrounding your actions and find freedom to move forward.

2. Codependent No More Workbook

If you enjoyed Beattie’s previous book by the same name or want a deeper experience with Beattie’s work, then you’ll appreciate this workbook. With guided journal prompts, self-tests, and exercises, this workbook encourages readers to establish healthy boundaries with themselves and their friends while detaching from unhealthy thoughts and behaviors.

3. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

Identify codependent relationships, behaviors, thought patterns, and how to break them in this thorough overview of codependency. Pia Mellody’s book outlines common adult symptoms and where they come from, providing the framework for healing and moving forward.

Mellody’s work is rooted in the childhood trauma experience, making her book a good fit for those with difficult childhoods or dysfunctional family experiences.

4. Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You

If you’re struggling with feelings of shame, depression, and codependency, perhaps as a result of the pandemic, then give Darlene Lancer’s book a read. In it, she outlines how shame and codependency are intertwined and fuel each other, making it difficult to address one without the other. If we feel ashamed of ourselves, unconfident, or otherwise are hiding damaging behaviors, we can turn to codependent behaviors to attempt to deal with those feelings. Lancer encourages you to dive deep into why you act the way you do and provides a path forward.

5. Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own (For Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Addicts)

Do you value others’ opinions over your own? Do you struggle to set and keep boundaries? If so, you may be codependent. Learn how to manage codependent tendencies with Karen Casey’s Codependence and the Power of Detachment. She explains that this kind of unhealthy thinking can have negative effects on your and your family. In her book, Casey shares her personal experiences with Al Anon and codependency, guiding readers through some of the best ways to detach from people-pleasing and nurture more positive relationships with your loved ones.

6. The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today’s Generation

Author Melody Beattie introduced the term “codependency” in her book, Codependent No More. Now, in The New Codependency, Beattie clears up misconceptions and provides a new generation with a roadmap to setting boundaries and practicing self-care. She explores the difference between things like narcissism and self-love, enabling and nurturing, and controlling and setting boundaries. She explains that codependency is not an illness; instead, it’s a series of behaviors that can be unlearned (like caretaking, controlling, manipulating, denying, and repressing).

7. You’re Not Crazy–You’re Codependent

Written by Jeanette Elisabeth Menter, You’re Not Crazy–You’re Codependent is all about creating the life you want — the life you were meant to have. Menter states that if you or someone you loved has been affected by addiction, abuse, trauma, or toxic shaming, there is a pretty good chance that you have also been impacted by codependence. She provides helpful information and methods for working through it, referencing the usefulness of relying on a higher power to lessen anxiety, guilt, depression, and perfectionism.

8. The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

The Codependency Recovery Plan presents a five-step guide to achieving independence and improved well-being. It also offers a detailed, easy-to-follow pathway to gain new perspective, set boundaries, communicate more effectively, mend relationships, and raise self-esteem. Author Krystal Mazzola guides readers on effective ways to become more self-reliant, honor themselves and their needs, set appropriate limits, and nurture healthier connections built on intimacy and respect.

Books for Codependent Relationships

It can be very easy to rely heavily on a partner for emotional support, but these behaviors can be damaging if not done within healthy boundaries. Here are a few books on navigating codependent personal relationships.

9. Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

Do you find yourself people-pleasing to the point of avoiding your own self-care or mental health? Do you often wrap yourself up in your partner’s problems, working around the clock to help them to the detriment of yourself? Then you might struggle with codependency, and this book is for you. Learn healthy detachment behaviors, understand how to care for your own needs, and more with this concise and accessible read.

10. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

Establishing healthy boundaries is important in any setting, but it’s crucial in personal relationships with loved ones, spouses, or partners. Author and therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab outlines exactly what healthy boundaries look like and how you can apply them to every aspect of your life, including in your relationships.

11. Women Who Love Too Much

For those who believe a loving partner will solve all their problems, only to be pulled into a damaging relationship that they keep hoping will change if they just “love harder,” it can be very easy to end up in a codependent situation. While this book focuses on why women often find themselves in these situations, marriage therapist Robin Norwood’s advice and insight prove invaluable for anyone who believes any bad relationship can be saved by just “trying harder.”

12. Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

Roughly 47 million Americans claim to have an anxious attachment style and exhibit codependency. This can make relationships more difficult and emotionally draining. According to the research shared in Anxiously Attached, anxious types are more prone to exhibit insecurity, jealousy, and codependence. Fortunately, this book by Jessica Baum guides readers through a thorough description of attachment styles and how to build a core of inner strength and self-love. Her signature Self-full® Method has helped all sorts of people create boundaries and discover more secure, interdependent relationships.

Books for Codependent Parents

Whether you deal with a codependent parent or find yourself engaging in similar behaviors yourself, these books illustrate what codependency in parents looks like and how to break the cycle.

13. Codependent Mother: Codependency Cycle Recovery for a Daughter. No more Toxic Emotional Abuse in Family Relationships. A Guide to Cure Afflictions and Healing your Self-Esteem

A mother-daughter relationship can be a source of joy and comfort, but damaging behaviors and emotional abuse can leave lasting damage. Psychologist Dana Jackson takes a compassionate look at codependent mother-daughter relationships, where they originate, the ripple effects children feel later in life, and how to find healing.

14. The Co-Dependent Parent: Free Yourself by Freeing Your Child

If you grew up in a heavily-codependent home, chances are high you’ll mimic those same behaviors with your own children, whether subconsciously or not. You may be overly controlling without realizing it or struggle to let your child grow and learn from their mistakes. Becnel’s book allows parents to identify damaging behaviors and help their children learn self-respect and integrity.

15. Raising Empowered Children: The Codependent Perfectionist’s Guide to Parenting

Therapist and recovering codependent Alana Carvalho outlines common parent issues like helicopter parenting, role modeling, and natural consequences to provide a framework for parents to raise children that are empowered and encouraged to find their own way in the world.

If you struggle with perfectionism as a parent and feel pressured to raise “good kids,” then this book is for you.

16. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration

Author Karen C.L. Anderson gives her readers this message of hope: your codependent, narcissistic mother does not have to change in order for you to find the happiness, joy, and peace you deserve. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters is all about learning to emotionally detach from your problematic, toxic mother without feeling guilt. Anderson, inspired by her own experience, helps readers create the life they want based on their own values, desires, needs, and preferences.

If you read this book, you will learn to redefine your difficult relationship with your mother. Specific topics, written through a lens of compassion and, at times, humor, include why the mother-daughter relationship can be so toxic, how to heal “mother wounds,” and the art of making and holding boundaries.

Books for Children of Codependent Parents

On the other spectrum, perfectionist tendencies created by strict or overbearing parents, often struggling with codependency themselves, can wreck a child’s self-esteem and lead them to their own damaging perfectionist tendencies later in life. If that sounds like you, here are a few reads.

17. Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child

Tuning in to your inner child—who you are without the stress and pressures of adult life—and finding what you truly need is a profound way of healing for many. For those who grew up in perfectionist or otherwise dysfunctional households, chances are high they became an adult too quickly or sacrificed their wants and goals for the sake of their family members. Dr. Paul encourages readers to reconnect with their inner child to provide love and healing with personal stories, exercises, and more.

18. Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection

This book is especially good for those who grew up in alcoholic households, were victims of violence as children, or dealt with other acutely stressful situations, where codependent behaviors can run rampant.

O’Gorman and Diaz outline how key early trauma impacts adult decision-making, and provide the framework concept of self-parenting to aid those recovering from traumatic childhoods.

19. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

If you felt unsafe in your home as a child, faced threats and abuse, verbal or otherwise, and often felt like nothing you did was ever good enough, then this book is for you.

Dr. Susan Forward helps readers find freedom from toxic parents in this self-help guide designed specifically for those who dealt with hurtful parents and are still feeling the effects today.