Codependency does not have a scientific method of diagnosis, which can make it difficult to understand and deal with. Codependent people rely on others to help soothe and control their own emotions, which can lead to unhealthy boundaries and a lack of self-care. These books offer several ways to deal with and identify codependent behaviors within relationships, families, and lifestyles.
Here are 13 books on codependency to help you navigate through difficult issues codependency can cause:
Best General Books on Codependency
If you’re looking for a general place to start, these books can help you better understand codependency and how to manage it.
1. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, by Melody Beattie
Melody Beattie’s straightforward but inspirational book on breaking free from codependent habits has become a staple for millions affected by codependency. It includes personal stories, exercises, and self-tests to help you better understand your emotions surrounding your actions and find freedom to move forward.
2. Codependent No More Workbook, by Melody Beattie
If you enjoyed Beattie’s previous book by the same name or want a deeper experience with Beattie’s work, then you’ll appreciate this workbook. With guided journal prompts, self-tests, and exercises, this workbook encourages readers to establish healthy boundaries with themselves and their friends while detaching from unhealthy thoughts and behaviors.
3. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives, by Pia Mellody
Identify codependent relationships, behaviors, thought patterns, and how to break them in this thorough overview of codependency. Pia Mellody’s book outlines common adult symptoms and where they come from, providing the framework for healing and moving forward.
Mellody’s work is rooted in the childhood trauma experience, making her book a good fit for those with difficult childhoods or dysfunctional family experiences.
4. Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You, by Darlene Lancer
If you’re struggling with feelings of shame, depression, and codependency, perhaps as a result of the pandemic, then give Darlene Lancer’s book a read. In it, she outlines how shame and codependency are intertwined and fuel each other, making it difficult to address one without the other. If we feel ashamed of ourselves, unconfident, or otherwise are hiding damaging behaviors, we can turn to codependent behaviors to attempt to deal with those feelings. Lancer encourages you to dive deep into why you act the way you do and provides a path forward.
Books for Codependent Relationships
It can be very easy to rely heavily on a partner for emotional support, but these behaviors can be damaging if not done within healthy boundaries. Here are a few books on navigating codependent personal relationships.
5. Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More, by Leah Clarke
Do you find yourself people-pleasing to the point of avoiding your own self-care or mental health? Do you often wrap yourself up in your partner’s problems, working around the clock to help them to the detriment of yourself? Then you might struggle with codependency, and this book is for you. Learn healthy detachment behaviors, understand how to care for your own needs, and more with this concise and accessible read.
6. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Establishing healthy boundaries is important in any setting, but it’s crucial in personal relationships with loved ones, spouses, or partners. Author and therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab outlines exactly what healthy boundaries look like and how you can apply them to every aspect of your life, including in your relationships.
7. Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood
For those who believe a loving partner will solve all their problems, only to be pulled into a damaging relationship that they keep hoping will change if they just “love harder,” it can be very easy to end up in a codependent situation. While this book focuses on why women often find themselves in these situations, marriage therapist Robin Norwood’s advice and insight prove invaluable for anyone who believes any bad relationship can be saved by just “trying harder.”
Books for Codependent Parents
Whether you deal with a codependent parent or find yourself engaging in similar behaviors yourself, these books illustrate what codependency in parents looks like and how to break the cycle.
8. Codependent Mother: Codependency Cycle Recovery for a Daughter. No more Toxic Emotional Abuse in Family Relationships. A Guide to Cure Afflictions and Healing your Self-Esteem, by Dana Jackson and Ross Covert
A mother-daughter relationship can be a source of joy and comfort, but damaging behaviors and emotional abuse can leave lasting damage. Psychologist Dana Jackson takes a compassionate look at codependent mother-daughter relationships, where they originate, the ripple effects children feel later in life, and how to find healing.
9. The Co-Dependent Parent: Free Yourself by Freeing Your Child, by Barbara Cottman Becnel
If you grew up in a heavily-codependent home, chances are high you’ll mimic those same behaviors with your own children, whether subconsciously or not. You may be overly controlling without realizing it or struggle to let your child grow and learn from their mistakes. Becnel’s book allows parents to identify damaging behaviors and help their children learn self-respect and integrity.
10. Raising Empowered Children: The Codependent Perfectionist’s Guide to Parenting, by Alana Carvalho
Therapist and recovering codependent Alana Carvalho outlines common parent issues like helicopter parenting, role modeling, and natural consequences to provide a framework for parents to raise children that are empowered and encouraged to find their own way in the world.
If you struggle with perfectionism as a parent and feel pressured to raise “good kids,” then this book is for you.
Books for Children of Codependent Parents
On the other spectrum, perfectionist tendencies created by strict or overbearing parents, often struggling with codependency themselves, can wreck a child’s self-esteem and lead them to their own damaging perfectionist tendencies later in life. If that sounds like you, here are a few reads.
11. Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child, by Margaret Paul
Tuning in to your inner child—who you are without the stress and pressures of adult life—and finding what you truly need is a profound way of healing for many. For those who grew up in perfectionist or otherwise dysfunctional households, chances are high they became an adult too quickly or sacrificed their wants and goals for the sake of their family members. Dr. Paul encourages readers to reconnect with their inner child to provide love and healing with personal stories, exercises, and more.
12. Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection, by Philip Diaz & Patricia O’Gorman
This book is especially good for those who grew up in alcoholic households, were victims of violence as children, or dealt with other acutely stressful situations, where codependent behaviors can run rampant.
O’Gorman and Diaz outline how key early trauma impacts adult decision-making, and provide the framework concept of self-parenting to aid those recovering from traumatic childhoods.
13. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life, by Susan Forward
If you felt unsafe in your home as a child, faced threats and abuse, verbal or otherwise, and often felt like nothing you did was ever good enough, then this book is for you.
Dr. Susan Forward helps readers find freedom from toxic parents in this self-help guide designed specifically for those who dealt with hurtful parents and are still feeling the effects today.
For Further Reading
- Best Books on People Pleasing
- Best Books on Communication
- Ready to work on yourself? Find a convenient therapy option with the best online counseling providers.
- Considering couples counseling? Check out this in-depth review of ReGain couples counseling.
