Displaced Anger: Definition, Impacts, & Ways to Cope

What Is Displaced Anger?

Displaced anger, also referred to as misplaced anger, is a type of anger that perpetuates negativity and starts a cycle of fights. In these cases, displacement is a defense mechanism used to self-soothe. Individuals who experience displaced anger tend to have low impulse control and high aggression. Due to poor coping skills and an inability to regulate emotions, they channel pent-up anger at individuals or situations that are unrelated to the source of their anger.¹

How Displaced Anger Affects Behavior

Those dealing with misplaced anger may be more prone to take their aggression out on children. This is because children require a level of patience and understanding far greater than that of adults. Children who experience displaced anger from caregivers can struggle with lifelong struggles as a result.

Displaced anger also has a ripple effect. For example, it could start with an aggressive man who directs his rage at his wife, who in turn directs her anger at her children, who in turn take it out on their peers. Once it is known and understood just how toxic this pattern can become, one can get one step closer to correcting this behavior before it becomes a bigger issue.²

How Displaced Anger Affects Relationships

Anger can be normal and healthy, but displaced anger kills intimacy and creates a wedge between partners. It eats away at the foundation of the relationship and makes one partner feel like an emotional punching bag. This could also occur as triggered displaced anger, which is when one person unintentionally says or does something that elicits the other person to project. Over time, these repeated behaviors lead to more conflict.³

What Causes Displaced Anger?

The root cause of displaced anger often relates to adverse childhood events that disrupted healthy development and emotional regulation. This could include physical or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, bullying, divorce/separation of parents, or being involved in/witnessing domestic violence. As a way to cope, children learn to minimize their own feelings to avoid dealing with them.

Over time, they learn to displace their anger and emotions either externally or internally. When this happens externally, we see misplaced anger from one person onto an undeserving other. Internally, individuals blame themselves for the situation and dysfunction when they don’t need to.⁴

5 Tips for Coping With Displaced Anger

While displaced anger can feel challenging in the moment, it is possible to approach these types of conflict from a kind and loving perspective, manage your anger, and learn how to process the anger appropriately.

Here are five tips for coping with displaced anger:

1. Disengage & Retract Yourself From the Situation

This may seem counterintuitive as we often tend to lean into and resolve conflict. But, disengaging from a situation when you are displacing anger on someone can mitigate heightened emotions and force you to consider the source.

2. Phone a Friend

If you’re having a hard time disengaging and the situation allows, give yourself some space and seek support from a friend or family member. Talking out the issue with someone else helps give perspective and can help you approach the situation differently when you return.

3. Self-Soothe

To keep from internalizing projected anger, focus on your actions and emotions and comfort yourself. This could include meditation, deep breathing, and allowing yourself to feel angry, upset, and hurt.

4. Re-Enter the Situation At a Later Time

Before coming back to the conflict, ensure that the time and space you had away was enough to address your displaced anger. When you are ready to discuss the situation again, approach things from the perspective of how that situation made you feel instead of using accusatory language like, “You did X, Y, Z.”

5. Talk to a Therapist

Sometimes, displaced anger can be hard to manage without learning the right tools for communication and coping mechanisms. Left as is, this can lead to individuals feeling anxious, depressed, and traumatized. Speaking with a therapist as a couple, individual, or family can help everyone feel better.⁵

When to Seek Professional Help

If you feel like your displaced anger is causing issues with your relationships, work life, or ability to function, it might be time to find the right therapist. Together, you will create a treatment plan and learn about other types of therapy for anger management to figure out what’s right for you. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anger management can be a good place to start as it effectively helps you to identify triggers and develop coping skills to manage them.

If you’re in a circle that can openly and safely discuss mental health resources, a great way to locate a therapist is by seeking a personal referral. Everyone is different so it shouldn’t be expected that one therapist would be the right one for everyone, but asking around is still effective. Requesting a referral from your physician is one option that offers an opportunity to collaborate with them when determining the right type of treatment. A holistic approach to any kind of therapy should also involve your physician or any specialists.

An online therapist directory is a great place to review providers based on your preferences and insurance. Researching clinician profiles online and selecting a few to contact for initial conversations is a good first step when choosing a therapist to work with. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation, giving people an opportunity to see if the relationship is a good fit.

Final Thoughts

Struggling with displaced anger can feel isolating, but remember that you are not alone. Talking to a therapist who specializes in this area of personal growth can make a big difference in how you feel. Together, you and your therapist will develop a plan to help you better regulate these difficult emotions.